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Ryan: (Ryan laughing as cartoon type music plays in the background.)
Ryan: (Ryan laughing) No way! (Kristen enters) (cartoon type music continues to play in the background.)
Ryan: KB!
Kristen: Ryan!
Kristen: What are you doing here?
Kristen: I took away your key! Ryan: Doggie door.
Kristen: I have a corgie! Ryan: Yes. And I had to dislocate my shoulder to wedge myself. (laughing at something)
Ryan: He's hilarious!
Kristen: Ryan, we talked about this..remember, you have your own home
Kristen: and you have a wife and a daughter. Ryan: That's right, I do
Ryan: and they're out back, playing in your pool. Okay? Hey, when are we -
Ryan: going to do this whole Veronica Mars movie, huh? Kristen: I don't know.
Kristen: You got a couple a million dollars lying around? Ryan: What? Hey! I'm not the one
Ryan: with the When in Rome f*ck you money, alright? You know what? I bet we can find a couple of million in here! Ryan: Shall we take a peek? Hmm!
Ryan: (someone knocking) It's unlocked! Jason: Oh, good. She's up.
Kristen: Really? This is how we're starting our day now? Jason: You know, as a rule? I like to start every day with a hot blonde waiting for me in the parking lot. Kristen: No reenactments.
Kristen: And no catch-phrasing!
Kristen: And no smoldering!
Kristen: Alright, fine! Give me the line again. Jason: You know, as a rule, I like to start off every morning with a hot blonde waiting for me in the parking lot. Kristen: Me too!
Jason: I'm not blond! Kristen: Or hot! Happy? Jason: Quite.
Ryan: Gold! Ryan: Pure gold! America's sweethearts!
Jason: Bear claw? Kristen: Those are huge.
Jason: Never underestimate - Kristen: Please don't!
Jason: ...the size of my bear claws. Ryan: Never gets old! Jason: Did you ask her about the movie? Ryan: I did. She said we needed cash. Jason: Ahh.
Rico: Veronica, honey? Can I see you in the kitchen? Kristen: Rico?!
(drums)
Rico: Veronica, I thought I made it clear that I don't care for either of those boys.
Kristen: Rico, the show is over.
Kristen: We've been off the air for years now.
Kristen: Unless, you're talking about Ryan and Jason-
Kristen: in which case you have a point. Rico: Come here. Come here. Come here.
(Rico sighs)
Rico: I know. It doesn't look good now.
Rico: But it's never over until it's over.
Kristen: Are you tearing up?
Rico: You're becoming a woman right before my eyes.
Jason: Well, you gotta hand it to Rico. Eight years without breaking character. Ryan: Oh yeah.
Ryan: I hear that on Flashpoint he plays a SWAT commander-
Ryan: as Keith Mars playing the SWAT commander.
Jason: Wow.
Kristen: Rico, sit down.
Kristen: Please, Rico.
(Kristen pauses.) Please, Dad.
Kristen (inner monologue): Sure, they were idiots.
Kristen (inner monologue): But they were MY idiots. We'd been in the trenches together.
Kristen (inner monologue): We've been on UPN for Chrissakes.
Ryan: KB? Jason: Shh. It's her inner monologue. Ryan: Oh, right.
Kristen (inner monologue): Still, as I looked at them lined up on my couch,
Kristen (inner monologue): I couldn't help thinking:
Kristen (inner monologue): does the lack of diversity reflect badly on Kristen Bell, the actress?
Kristen: Maybe I should call Don Cheadle? See if he's free. Kristen: Okay, boys.
Kristen: We all want to make the movie. The question is: how?
Ryan: I think we should ask Rob.
Kristen: I don't know. He's been pretty useless on this front. Jason: No, I think Ryan's right. We should.
Jason: Rob will know what to do Kristen: Fine.
Kristen: Any suggestions, Rob?
Rob: Well, actually, I do have a few ideas. (cartoon music stops after Rob hits the button on the stereo.) Rob: I say we have the fans fund the movie.
Rob: We could offer all sorts of cool rewards to people who donate. Rob: Things like signed movie posters
Rob: or tickets to the premiere,
Rob: or even an associate producer credit! I mean, imagine the possibilities!
Kristen (inner monologue): I could record outgoing voicemail messages for fans who donate! I mean -
Kristen (inner monologue): yeah, they'd have to be tasteful -- I'm not the same girl who did Pooty Tang. And at 100 grand each -
Kristen (inner monologue): I'd only need to do 20!
Ryan (inner monologue): I give great backrubs.
Ryan (inner monologue): My front rubs aren't bad, either!
Jason (inner monologue): An associate producer credit. Does that mean some yahoo with a checkbook's gonna show up on set
Jason (inner monologue): and tell me I need to smile more?
Rico (inner monologue): Mars Investigations pens! Mars Investigations calendars! Get the name really out there!
Rico (inner monologue): Stop it Colantoni! You're an actor! Keith Mars is a fictional character,
Rico: a passing thought in Rob Thomas' head!
Rico (inner monologue): But... Rob is our friend!
Rico (inner monologue): You don't have any friends!
Rico (inner monologue:) Nobody likes you! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Rob (inner monologue): There's got to be some way to write Amanda Seyfried into the movie! Rob (inner monologue): I mean, there's dead dead, and there's TV dead!
(The Dandy Warhols - "We Used to Be Friends" plays)
Kristen: But seriously, Marshmallows.
Kristen: This is it.
Kristen: This is our chance to make the Veronica Mars movie happen. If we reach our fundraising goal-
Kristen: we'll shoot the movie this summer.
Rico: But when we hit the magic number-
Rico: don't stop donating.
Ryan: That extra cash will be our car chase and nudity fund.
Jason: There'll be brooding in more exotic and expensive locations.
Jason: In space, perhaps.
Kristen: So check out the cool as hell list of rewards -
Kristen: and donate now.
Kristen: In addition to making the Veronica Mars movie happen, you will also be a part of -
Kristen: the largest Kickstarter project of all time, in the entire universe.
Kristen: See you at the premiere party! (Initial subtitle transcript courtesy of Rob Kirker)