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Hey, guys, it's, uh, been a while, since I made my last video.
I was thinking today about feeding.
A lot of you know me as, uh, a chubby chaser.
Maybe I've given off, at some point in time, the impression that I'm a Feeder,
um, and that I'd like to be with a Gainer,
but it's just that I don't wanna' be with a Loser, if that makes any sense.
A lot of people tell me,
"Oh, I need to lose," ya' know,
"20 pounds," or, "I need to lose 50 pounds,"
or something like that, I'm like,
"Well, actually, you really don't need to lose any weight.
What would really be better for you is if you lost," let's say,
"20 pounds of fat, but you gained 20 pounds of muscle.
You'd look more attractive. You'd have more energy,
and you'd still be just as big,
so I'd be just as happy if you ever laid on top of me,"
because it would make me all giggly, and everything like that,
'cuz I love when somebody lays on top of me,
'cuz I feel like a kid, (laughs), like, I feel so happy,
but I also got really sad, because I started to think about the notion of feeding,
and I had a dream of myself.
I was in my late 30's, and I had this big, chubby boyfriend,
and he had this big belly, and he was asking me to feed him,
and he was obviously very sick,
like, he had, I don't know, just,
medical problems that were related to his obesity,
and he was asking me to feed him,
and then I realized, like,
if I was going to feed him anymore, he was going to die.
He kept telling me, "Feed me. Feed me,"
and I got really sad,
because, a while ago, I had thought about inviting, uh,
Fernando and Miguel over to my house,
and I was thinking, like, make this big meal,
ya' know and stuff like that, just like,
I go and see in their videos that they have on Facebook,
and then I realized that I could never do that,
because I would never want to contribute to the death of someone I love,
like, when I was with my ex, Jeff,
I would feed him a lot,
a lot more than I would normally cook
if I lived by myself,
and I don't mean
like I would make double,
like, I would make for myself what I would make for him.
No, like, I would cook a lot more,
and I used to cook a lot more, at that time, (sighs)
much more than I do now,
but I never fed him bad food.
The food that I fed him was always fresh.
It was always void, if not very low,
in sodium, had no trans fats,
practically zero preservatives,
no, um, hydrogenated oils, or, ya' know, any of that bad stuff.
That it was just like fresh, natural food,
with, like, low in carbohydrates, high in protein, low in fat,
and, uh, ya' know, leafy green vegetables, complex carbs, ya' know, like,
um, Omega-3 oils, like stuff like that, like,
ya' know, fish, stuff that's good for you,
uh, lots of broccoli, uh, mushrooms, uh, etcetera, um,
but I honestly could say, like, it would
hurt me terribly, if I actually did something
to feed somebody, like, bad, like, greasy food,
like, ya' know, stuffing a sausage link, ya' know,
down somebody's mouth just to seem them eat it,
and I really don't want people to think of me like that,
that I'm that kind of person.
I remember one time, I was out with uh,
Jeff before we were — before we became boyfriends,
and he saw me hug, uh, one of my friends, uh,
who came down from Chicago,
and I didn't know that he was gonna' be there.
and he became really upset, because he was, ya' know, he was really big,
and Jeff started to think «Oh my God, am I with a Chaser?»
'cuz Jeff didn't really wanna' think of himself as a Chub.
He just wanted to think of himself as an average guy.
Well, what he didn't know
is that when my friend came to visit me when I was in Illinois,
I didn't make him fattening food.
I made him a plain steak
that I had trimmed off all the fat.
I made it with potassium salt, rather than sodium salt and pepper,
and I had make that, like, red leaf cabbage,
and I smeared fat free, uh, cream cheese on it,
and I made, like, another appetizer, I think, like, I made a salad with
Italian dressing, but I made my own dressing,
so that it wouldn't have any preservatives, like,
rather than buy it at the store, I just made it myself.
I just, like, I almost started to cry,
when I thought about Feeding.
I'm saying there's anything bad, like, if you're a Feeder,
like, that's what you're into,
but I felt like
I had, like, come out of the closet to myself
when I just realized that just now,
that I could never feed someone like that. Like, I could never be a Feeder.
It's just an interesting part of my sexuality that I just discovered. Captions by Taric Alani taric25.livejournal.com
Captions by Taric Alani taric25.livejournal.com