Funny or die presents

For the first time in history one of our films is gonna be seen outside the Quad County area. Nobody in this room is dying. What about me? - Not even you, bro. - Awesome. - Relax. - Relax. Relax!...

Just kill him! (Groaning) I'm trying. All right, here we go. (Both screaming) (Screams) You know what's wrong with this country? It's you. Simply put, I am better than you. It's the deer. They're in...

Look at me now. Look. My career as a cop is over. And I guess the hand modeling is a big question mark now too. There are other bars in this world to drink in. Thinking about buying a house and having...

Paco, paco. (Laughing) Oh, my goodness. Thank you. You're making me blush. This is so embarrassing. (Giggling) You don't want any part of the stink I got hidin' in this front butthole, kid. Okay,...

I'm not gonna have sex with a woman with a baby in her vagina. Why do you think this is so weird? What if your water broke and it gets all over my wiener? Or that baby could grab my dick. Give me your...

A man in a ski mask is coming out of the bank. I'm free! What is a sound? And I'm not talking about the sound of Hosana's voice. You just declared war! I wanna say thank you for not killing me. And...

Brick Novax is detective filthy Larry Gallivan in Unforeseen Collision. We are in the space of infinity. Space of infinity! Anything is possible! I must warn you, I have salt and pepper pubes. What's...

Eat my ass, you fucking ass-eater! Go fuck yourself, you fuckless fuck bag! Swallow my balls Where you going, tough guy? - Can you hear us, punk? - Hey! - Jennie, what happened? - I found the cure for...

It's hard for me to have a sense of humor about things. Consumer advocate! You can't handle Miguel Olivantes. And I really had my heart set on a 14-inch penis. It was gonna be a surprise for my...

Look at these dopes. Spit on them, Jay. Go ahead. I'm sorry your mom got bit by a bird and now she's dead and we're stuck living in this house together, okay? That's not the way I pictured it going....