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Today, I am going to talk about the fear of love
and how to overcome such a fear
First, there is the surprise most people have when they realize
that love may cause fear, because
the impression we have is that everyone is always trying
to find that intense loving partnership,
to fall in love with and live that intense experience of passion between two people
it is true that people dream of that encounter
the encounter that is usually based on similarities
and this intensity, that causes so much fear, is a sign
an actual sign that a this individual made an actually good choice
of partner, has a good quality of relationship
but the unexpected causes fear,
and such a fear may manifest itself in serveral different ways
the person starts waking up much earlier, frightened, loses the apetite
sometimes eats just a bite and fees extremely full,
so much this person had to eat, it is a state o alert,
feeling the hear beating, and the heart never beats for love, but fear.
and this whole fear that is encountered in a romantic relashionship
is an unexpected suprise that may be perceived as being very threatning
and unfortunately, this feeling frequently ends up being too strong
and if people are not aware of it and the mechanisms available
to deal with it, one may lose this whole romantic experience
which is a dream very much longed for
a strong wish people have, to have a romantic relationship with quality
so love causes fear, specially when that romantic relationship is really good
that is, that partner we met is everything we always wished for
or have that feeling, that partner has everything we always hoped for.
fear of love has many ingredients
so these may be the main ingredients
the first feeling people have connected to love is the fear of suffering
because it is true that if one is very attached to another person,
the break up will definetely be muchy harder
and every strong relationship shows a possibility of a serious break up
and this break up may resemble those first birth feelings,
of being separated fromt he mother,
so, all these strong feelings that lead to that state of abandonment
and very very intense suffering, that one may be lost in this world
the second one is the fear of losing individuality
that is, we get so attached to the other person, that is seems that
our individuality is fading away and
we start merging into one another, so we would be losing individuality
which should be a much smaller fear if similarities are strong
because in the end, we would be losing our individuality but merging
with someone that is very similar to us, so indivuality is no so much at risk
now, when there are too many differences between partners
individuality is at a much lower risk, apparently,
because we would not actually merge with a person whose characteristics
fascinate and generate the encounter, so the effects, that is, those things that bother us
on the other person, because the higer the differences,
the higher th number of things that may creat that separation
so naturally, in relashionships between very different people, there are some
attraction factors and some repulsion factors
which creats a less balanced relationshio than the one in which similarities are higer
where attraction factors are higher, creating that higher threat to individuality
and there is a higher fear, the more unexpected one,
that is the fear of happiness, becasue the relationship feels so good that
it brings the sensation that will attract a tragedy
that a lightening bolt will fall over our heads
and the fear of happiness is part of people's use of words
this is too good to be true
I am so happy I could die
all these expressions indicate that if we are really well, that will not last
or to someone we care about.
see you on the next video.