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Hi everyone welcome to You therapy, thanks for being here today
I'm going to tell you something that you probably don't want to hear
But when I learned this and when I try this with
Clients and all the research. I read has shown that when we do this we can
Kind of change our lives and feel a lot better and that thing that I'm going to ask you can to consider doing is
Feeling your bad feelings. We call them bad because we don't really want to feel them
But they're not actually bad because they are what make us human so I tend to divide feelings into five categories
mad sad glad afraid ashamed
So obviously we like the glad part
So we don't need to work on that so much usually but the mad sad afraid and ashamed
parts
are
feelings that
We just don't like to feel and when I say those feelings
They are on a continuum right so for instance mad can be just a tiny bit irritated all the way up to
You know rage blind rage right the same with sadness it can be just a little
You know kind of a lower
Feeling melancholy feeling all the way up to you know kind of suicidal-
Depression that is very difficult to crawl out of so when I say these main categories of feelings
I'm inclined to encompass these Continuum's
the reason that I'm going to talk about feelings these feelings is because when we
Do the normal
Thing that we do with feelings which is either shove them down
Or we judge them
Or take them, too
Seriously and feed them, right
So I actually there are a lot of things we can do
With feelings that can make us feel worse so the shoving down of feelings oftentimes clients will say gosh
I just feel numb all the time, or I I never feel this particular feeling or any
feelings some people tell me they feel sad all the time and
so these are problematic obviously because
Wouldn't you shove down our feelings and refuse to feel our feelings?
They come up in some other way some other way that we don't have control over so
We might just start
Crying uncontrollably, and we don't know why or where those tears came from
we may just lose it you know with with children with a friend with our lover and
It wasn't really brought on by anything that we can later point to as all that serious
But because we weren't attending to and respecting our main
human feelings they can come up and
Really cause us a lot of problems
So if you're willing to maybe even right now
You'll conjure up a feeling that has been sort of present for you
but that you may be avoiding that you may be judging and say you shouldn't feel and
See if you can just allow yourself right now to
experience
That uncomfortable feeling is it is there some sadness there that hasn't gotten any attention
Some anger there about something let's not pick something that's overwhelming and huge for this experiment
Let's choose something a little bit smaller and more manageable
Is there a little bit of worry anxiety there almost all of us deal with anxiety concerns?
Or some shame
That's been cropping up in some way, and we kind of shoving it down and not giving it some time and space so
Whatever it is that you're gonna allow yourself to feel right now. Let's just breathe into it and say I feel
Whatever the feeling is sad
Afraid
Shame
And it's okay, it's a normal feeling
Can you breathe into that feeling and allow it to be there notice what happens with curiosity
Do you notice that a story comes up around that feeling well he shouldn't ever she shouldn't have are they always are I never
let's keep the story out and
Return to the just the bare feeling itself
Feelings are always right?
So as you're feeling the feeling
Do you notice?
Where it is in your body?
Is there a tightening somewhere is there a
Not is there a heaviness is their
Butterfly are their butterflies
heat
Tingling whatever it is it's okay
Notice just kind of scan from the tip of your head all the way down and whatever feeling you chose
Notice if it's affecting you physically because feelings tend to do that
And when you find places where you may be feeling this feeling
Having as heat knots whatever. It is. Let's breathe some compassion in there
So if you're feeling worried in your belly
Upset stomach
See if you can kind of imagine breathing and kindness into that belly
And then breathing out
We're not trying to change the feeling we're not trying to make it go away
We're not trying to make it bigger by searching for other things that make us feel that feeling
We're just letting that bear feeling be there
So try again if you're willing to to breathe in to that feeling
And breathe out
So I would like you to consider reminding yourself as often as you need to
That feelings are right. They're human, and it is healthy to allow yourself to feel those feelings
But without making it bigger with a story or with other examples you know sometimes when people tell me
about
Anxiety or anger they start to add stuff on
Other times they were angry other times they were scared oh
And this is also another reason that this is a justified feeling or a terrible feeling
So those are things that we want to avoid doing
And then just come back to that bear feeling
And just allow it to be there
in our bodies in our minds
Consider whatever you think is something to just allow to pass like a cloud and
Then return to your breath into the feeling
And if you notice judgment coming up just label that judgment
Well there's judging I'm judging you know that's normal
Let that go
Return to the breath and the self-compassion
So if you have questions about why you might want to feel your bad
Feelings or about times that you've tried to work with this and what's happened for you
or
Additional information that you might want to have about dealing with thoughts that make dealings bigger
Please leave those in the comments. I would love to you know hear from you and
Thank you so much for watching today
Be well