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[Music]
After several miscarriages, I was enjoying what I thought
was an uneventful pregnacy.
Things were just moving along.
When I had what was considered a normal prescreening test,
I got the results from that test and the doctor
said that I was at risk for something called Trisomy 18.
Its when the eightenth chromosome has a third copy
instead of just two copies.
When I first got the diagnosis, that I was at risk for
Trisomy 18, my obstetrician said that this was something
that was incompatible with life.
I had not even heard that terminology,
incompatible with life.
That most babies that have Trisomy 18
die in utero or shortly after birth.
And that those that do live to live birth generally have to be
institutionalized.
He's rolling through other statistics and other information
Its going through my mind
"incompatible with life? What does that mean?
Does that mean that she's already dead?
Will she only live for a period of time?
What do they consider life?"
These were questions I was going over and over again.
I was just looking for someone else to give me a
different perspective on this child I was carrying
because I knew that this baby was alive.
And I wanted to hear somebody talk about who she was
as a person and recognize that she was my baby
and not just a statistic.
I wanted to talk to a parish priest.
[Fr. Lee] Having had the experience with Nancy
and her pregnancy and Angela,
definately gave me the confirmation that in every
situation God will reveal himself and reveal himself
in a miraculous way in a beautiful way.
Doctors can give them all of the medical information
but I think they may be limited.
They may be just looking at the situation from a
physicial or a medical perspective.
I think what the parents really need is to speak to someone
who can address the broader reality.
[Nancy] It was an absolutely positive exerience.
And Father Lee Fangmeyer was amazing.
He was like a lifeline.
I felt like all we had heard the past few days was
really bad news.
Father Lee was so kind and so welcoming and very empathetic.
I look back on the situation with Angela and I see
mostly blessings and certainly lots of graces.
But I think I can't emphasize how big a role you played
in making that amazingly wonderful spiritual experience
for us when I didn't that was really possible
when we got the diagnosis.
[Fr. Lee] I think the first advice that I would
give to parents facing this kind of situation,
a difficult pregnancy, to say yes to the child
thats been given to them, to turn to our Lady
to pray. Why?
Because the announciation shows us, I think, the method
that they need to be aware of from that moment.
What was asked of Mary was simply to say yes
to the situation.
To say yes means to, like Mary, to accept what is present
in the moment with trust and love
that God has a plan and what we see with Mary
was faced with in her yes made Christ present
[The thing that was so important to me was to say that
most parents want for their children to go to heaven.
And that Angela, we had named my daughter Angela,
was going to go to heaven and even though
she wasn't going to have the life we had envisioned for her
We were going to be able to pass her from our hands
to God's hands.
I think its really important for anyone who is a member
of the clergy who understand how big a role they play
in talking, couseling, supporting, and praying with
a family who receives a poor prenatal diagnosis
I don't think you can ever underestimate how important
that role is.
[Fr. Lee] I would also say to the priest,
don't be crippled by the announcement of what's
quote unquote bad news because there is a reality
there that's greater than that from the very beginning.
You trust that God is present right now.
There's nothing where he's not going to be present.
He hasn't abandoned them.
And so you look at this situation with that
awareness that, asking God to reveal himself through
himself first and then to them.
Do you trust that they...
That God is using this for a reason
and the goodness, and light, and love of God
is going to be revealed.
Not to be afraid.
The first thing, to not be afraid or shrink from
or go back from this, but enter into the drama
of the situation with complete confidence that Christ
is going to reveal himself and he does have something
for them.
You have to have faith knowing that its nothing that is
so terrible in the world that he cannot overcome with his love.
[Nancy] What the clergy is asked to do is to reframe
the person's idea of what this pregnancy is going to be.
To help them to look at the child that they
were expecting and accept the child they are going to have
support them and let God take over from there
with those graces.
A priest, a deacon, anyone with that type of background
working with a family,
can help that family go from a completely devestating
experience to a very life enriching, life affirming
experience that over time grows to be the most valuable
information have ever received.
Produced by the Archdiocese of Washington