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Thereís only 2 things that human beings are ever saying ñ
ìpleaseî and ìthank youî.
Thatís all human beings ever say.
The only thing is,
jackal-speaking people have learned to say ìpleaseî in a suicidal way.
Think about that for a moment. What else are human beings ever saying except,
ìPlease,
youíre behaving in a way that isnít meeting my needsî
or ìmy needs are not getting met by something else.
Would you please do this to meet my needs?î
We need to know how to say that well -
to survive in the world.
When our needs are not getting met, we need to know how to say ìPleaseî
in a way that makes it enjoyable for people to give it to us.
All right, this morning we learned how to do that.
Just learn how to say what you were feeling and needing
and make a clear request.
Make sure that no words come out of your mouth
that imply wrongness on the part of other people
Do everything you can to promote in people the trust
that when you make a request, it is a request and not a demand.
And that increases the likelihood that people will enjoy giving to you.
So we studied that this morning.
Now, the other half of the process is how to receive from other people ñ
whatís alive in them
and what they are needing to make life wonderful
and how to receive that without hearing any criticism or demand ñ
just to hear whatís alive in them.
And we need to learn how to do this even when these other people
are saying ìpleaseî in this strange way that weíve been educated to say ìpleaseî.
You know, you were all speaking perfect giraffe for about a year.
See, so what Iím teaching you now is not a second language. Itís really your first language.
Iím bringing you back
to life, to nature, to your first language.
So, now the other half. How do we respond to a jackalís ìpleaseî
when a jackal is expressing the ìpleaseî this way?
îThe problem with you is that you are tooÖî
See? Thatís ìpleaseî.
That persons in pain.
That person has a need that isnít getting met.
And isnít it sad that they only know that way ask for it?
Isnít that tragic for this person?
To be saying ìpleaseî in a way that almost guarantees youíre not gonna get what you want,
or if you do, itís gonna be motivated by fear, guilt, or shame, and youíre gonna pay for it.
How sad to be educated that way.
Now, of course, it would be even sadder
if when the person says ìpleaseî that way, you donít hear the ìpleaseî.
You hear a criticism.
And thatís when we have war.
Somebody in pain does their best to express it.
Person on the other end hears a criticism.
So, let me tell you what the person that you were working on this morning ñ
all of the messages that I heard you relate ñ that what you predict they might say back ñ
here is what I hear the persong saying ñ
I heard the person youíre speaking with saying this back to you ñ
ìIím in pain.
I have a need that isnít getting met.î
Thatís what the person was saying in the message that you wrote down.
ìIím in pain because a need of mine isnít getting met.î
Now hear that.
Put on giraffe ears
and say this back to the person.
ìAre you feeling?î
and guess what that person is feeling when they say what they did.
ìBecause you are needingî
And guess what their need is.
So, Iím asking you to go back to the message that you predicted you might get back.
Iím wanting you to imagine the person actually says this to you.
And, now if you have giraffe ears on, here will be your reaction.
ìAre you feeling?î
guess their feeling.
ìBecause you are needing.î
Guess their need.
With giraffe ears, all you can hear
are feelings and needs.
You can hear no criticism.