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The very early stages of when I was going through my depression and most notably my
anxieties was that it started becoming very difficult to actually figure out what was
wrong with me. For a long time, I had a high regard in my ability of being able to control
everything in my life. Being able to control my social life, my personal life, my work
life. And suddenly I was losing the ability to be able to do so, but I couldn't figure
out why. I used to over think and quickly found myself in a position where those thoughts
went from being about trivial ideas or trivial issues, to personal issues. And they quickly
very much became personal attacks on who I was and what I thought of myself. And those
early indications when my thoughts of confidence and strength were quickly dissipating,
I very much knew that something was wrong.
I would often wake up with incredibly intense cramps and a really, really tight chest.
I'd be perspirating all the time, and really struggle to actually get a hold of myself. I also felt
incredibly tired all the time. It was exhausting having to deal with not only what I thought
everyone else was thinking, but what my thoughts alone were protruding. It becomes incredibly
difficult to ever just stop. When you're in a state that I was going through, and physically
it started to take a real toll on me. Unfortunately when I needed to look for assistance, when
I needed to reach out, I was incredibly stubborn about it and felt that for a long time I could
deal with it by myself. It was only when I inevitably ended up running away and literally
running away from a job, that I felt like I really needed to reach out and get in touch
with somebody that would at least put me in the right path and help me explain what was
going on.
So the first steps I did, I got in touch with my GP who very quickly referred me, and I
went through the process of talking to someone which was incredible for me and suddenly realising
that you have that outlet and being able to have a conversation from a completely mutual
perspective allowed me to remove all the thoughts that these people were judging me or they
might be judging me because it didn't matter at all. It really wasn't an issue. And so
the ability to be able to talk to somebody then eventuate it into being able
to talk to everybody. I was able to tell my family and my friends, and for once, I didn't
feel restrained and I didn't feel weak about it. I thought okay, I've got something that
I need to deal with. I've got some assistance in being able to deal with it. I simply just
needed to take the right steps and there were elements such as communicating with others,
but physical exercise was a massive, massive thing for me. Everybody says that there's
nothing like going out for a run because immediately you feel so much better afterwards.
For me, physical exercise was wonderful. I was able to clear my head and get out. Other
things that I looked into doing was joining a football club and playing with a fresh bunch
of new guys, and have been part of that club for two years now and haven't looked back.
Getting out with a bunch of mates and the camaraderie, and this sudden ability to be
able to share your story with a whole bunch of tough, strong men is actually quite refreshing.
And on the other side of that spectrum was able to look into avenues such as yoga. And
the ability to be able to calm the mind and to experience what it's like just to be at
peace with yourself, even if it's for an hour at a time. That for me has been really influential
and beneficial in getting past this, and it will be and it will continue to be.
Where I am now compared to where I was two years ago is something that I'll probably
take pride in for the rest of my life. I recently had a friend come to me and tell me that they
were struggling a lot to be positive. That everything seemed to be taking quite a toll
on them, and the first thing I suggested was that they jump online and check out the resources
that were available to them, and then immediately follow up with their GP.