Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
This is a –
the question would be – that I would have asked would be something like,
“I would like you to ask me for help if you need it.”
>> Yes. And then the person responds…
>> “I’m afraid of becoming a burden”
>> There’s a pretty – it’s almost a giraffe response.
So how do you respond to this person?
“I’m afraid of becoming a burden.”
Now, if you are Jackal, you would say, “No, you wouldn’t be a burden.”
So, if you’re a Jackal, you will try to reassure.
See, jackals try to fix people in pain.
They try to give reassurance.
They try to make it better. They can’t stand pain.
They immediately make matters worse by trying to get rid of the pain.
In the book, “When bad things happen to good people”,
written by rabbi Harold Kushner,
he’s talking about very tragic time in his life when his oldest son is dying.
And he said, “What could be worse
than watching my son die?
What could be worse were the things that good people
were telling me to make me feel better
that made me feel worse.
And what could be even more horrible than that?
What they were doing, what they were saying that made me feel worse
were exactly the things I had been saying to other people for 20 years in my role as a rabbi.”
See, he had been responding by trying to make it better.
So, we don’t want to do that now.
This is an important message. “Well, I’m afraid that I’ll be a burden.”
So, put on a giraffe ears . What is this person’s feeling and needing when they say that?
>> Are you feeling...
>> ..afraid. They’ve already told you the feeling. That’s easy.
So you’re feeling afraid because why? Why are they afraid?
>> That you don’t trust my offer to help.
>> Now put than in a need.
You need some reassurance?
>> That I’ll really be there?
>>No. >> That I’ll really be there?
>>No.
“I need reassurance that you’re there, you’re doing it for you and not for me.”
>> Uh-Huh.
They want to be sure that if you’re giving, you’re giving out of selffulness, not selflessness.
>> Now, what about if you’re not 100% ?
>> Don’t do it.
I would suggest you heed Joseph Campbell’s advice when he,
having studies all the basic myths of the world and the basic religions, concludes that,
“If there’s one wise thing that seems present in all the basic religions, it’s this:
don’t do anything that isn’t play.”
Yes. “Don’t do anything that isn’t play.”
And it’ll be play if you’re meeting your own needs.
So don’t do things for other people.