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[Cupid] I hate this season.
[Eros] Oh look. Baby pictures.
[squeaky toy]
[baby's giggle]
Why are we here again?
[Eros] Recon darling.
It's good to see how the mortals perceive us.
Easy for you to say, they don't perceive you in diapers.
[Eros] True
but they don't even that realize I exist as something other than a nickname for you.
So who's better off?
♪ My name is Cupid and I'm here to say ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a fresh Valentine's day. ♪
[laughter]
Laugh it up.
I thought you were over the whole diaper thing anyway.
Screw the diapers, it's everything else.
Each year it turns into more and more of a circus.
So what, the circus is fun.
Valentine's day use to mean something.
And now it's just a night when husbands overpay for mediocre food as penance for ignoring their wives all year.
And what's worse is all
the single people, they go out to the restaurants and bars
determined to appear like they don't care about being alone,
when all they really want is to find someone they can go home and make a mistake with.
We haven't made a match on Valentine's day in over two centuries.
I know, isn't it great.
How is that great?
It's one of the few nights we can be virtually assured we won't have to work.
Hmmm. And as for all those mortals out there looking to find fleeting passion
[slap on behind]
I try and help as many as I can.
You're shameless.
You're taking this way to personally.
How can I not,
everywhere I look all I see is a perversion of what it is that you and I do.
I'm sick of people not ending up with who they deserve
on the one night when that's exactly what's supposed to happen.
Cupid...
I'm going to do something about it.
okay, calm down.
I'm going to create a true and lasting love.
Aren't you forgetting something Cyrano?
[Electronic ding]
I don't care, I'll freelance.
Do you really think that's a good idea?
What you don't think I can make a match without Zeus or Jupiter telling me who it should be?
Well, it hasn't always gone according to plan.
[Eros] Apollo and Daphne
Charles and Diana
Heidi and Spencer?
You know I was drunk when I tagged Heidi and Spencer.
Just saying.
You know what, forget it.
You just go down to earth and have your *** or whatever,
I don't need you for this.
Hey wait a minute.
Listen pampers,
[Eros] you want to go off and play Yenta, you be my guest.
but I've been doing this since before you were even conceived of.
so don't you dare judge the way I choose to spend my days off.
[knock at door]
[Achilles] Coming.
[Achilles] Cupid?
Hey Achilles
I'm sorry, to what do I owe the pleasure?
Well it's Valentine's day on earth.
I don't understand.
[Cupid] Well, I think it's shameful
that after everything you did for the world during the heroic age
that you never got to find your one true love.
And I think its time we fixed that.
So Zeus sent you?
Here, look at that.
[Achilles] Who's this?
That, my friend, is the love of your life.
You just don't know it yet.