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Well in the beginning I didn't really cut myself that much,
but every time I did it seemed to make me feel better.
I don't know why really, I guess it was a bit of a relief, so I kept doing it.
You know, the more upset I would get about my dad not being around or stuff at school,
the more I would do it, and then.. Pretty soon I was doing it almost every day.
I hid it from everyone, even my best friend Lucy.
One day when she pulled up her sleeves I saw her cuts, she didn't realise I'd seen them.
I knew she was stressed, but cutting herself? I never would've thought she'd do that.
I didn't say anything to anyone; I was worried Alyssa would be angry at me if I did.
Ah well, as a mother, you don't want to think your child is unhappy, but I knew something
wasn't right. She was becoming withdrawn and her behaviour
was going downhill, and her attitude was becoming so negative.
Anyway, it was around then that I noticed she had some marks on her fore arm, and I
knew that that was a real problem. I kept trying to talk to her about it and
she'd just come up with these little excuses, or she'd get really angry and just tell me
to back off. And then I'd get really really frustrated
and then out of desperation one day I just came out with it, I said have you been cutting
yourself? Is that why you've got these scars on your arms?
Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I think she was ashamed that I knew.
Mum was so good to talk to, she didn't make me feel stupid she just sat and listened.
Once mum knew I felt I could tell Lucy. And it turned out she already knew.
I was so surprised. A few days later mum booked me in to see a
counsellor. I didn't really want to go at first, but I
thought I would give it a try, partly just to get her off my back but I also knew I needed
to get some help. When Alyssa first came to see me she was pretty
uncomfortable, but that's not unusual. Talking about what's going on with someone
you don't know can feel a bit strange at first, but after a while she would begin to say more,
ask more questions, and I guess become a bit curious about how things could be different
for her, how she could actually give up cutting. Knowing that our sessions were confidential
also helped her to open up. But, because self-harm was involved we did
have a discussion early on about ensuring Alyssa stayed safe, and if I was concerned
that she was at risk of serious harm then, she knew that I would need to talk to someone
about it in order to keep her safe. Alyssa's cuts weren't deep and didn't require
medical attention, but I needed to know that she was looking after them and knew what to
do. It took me a few sessions to actually start
telling her stuff, but she wasn't shocked or surprised when I started talking about
my cutting, in fact she asked me lots of questions about it.
She gave me some ideas of what else might help, like writing down my thoughts when I
was feeling stressed, or even just getting out of the house makes a difference.
And now that I've told my mum, just talking to her really helps.
I found these sites which talk about how to help a friend who was self-harming. It's not
just about telling her to stop, it's more about being there to listen when she gets
stressed, and making sure just, to do normal stuff together.
I've really seen Alyssa change over the last few months, and I'm beginning to understand
more about how it all works. Why Alyssa gets stressed and what makes her cut.
I think the big thing for me though is how I can help her. If she feels overwhelmed,
I just try to do things with her, even simple things like go to the movies, you know go
for walks. I mean Alyssa's got a long way to go, but
she's on the right track and I'm really proud of her. She knows that she can't do it on
her own, but she's working really hard at it and that takes courage.
I'm really hopeful about her future now. Alyssa is much more aware of her thinking,
and the impact this has on her feelings and behaviour
She's trying to reframe things in a more realistic or positive way.
She's been cutting less, although that hasn't been our main focus; our focus has been on
helping her learn new ways to deal with stress. Feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness and
shame are hard for anyone to get a handle on,
but she's begun to express some of this using words, rather than relying on her cutting
herself. Knowing that she can ask for help when she
needs it is a really important thing that she's learnt.
When we hang out, we just like doing ordinary things and putting the other stuff aside for
a while. We also have this deal that if I'm worried
about her, I can talk to her mum. It's a bit weird not to be cutting, I mean
sometimes it's really hard, but the more I manage without doing it, the better I feel.
And my scars, they are a part of me, and when I look at them, they remind me of how far
I've come.
Young people who deliberately hurt themselves don't necessarily want to die, but it can
become a way in which they cope with distress, or overwhelming negative feelings, thoughts,
or memories. Some stresses that might trigger self-harm
include difficulties with family or close friends, school or work problems, depression,
alcohol and drug use, grief, trauma or abuse. People who self-harm don't need to work it
out alone. Finding someone to talk to, a local doctor,
counsellor, headspace or eheadspace or a confidential helpline is a great place to start.
Self-harm might be a way to cope for a while, but in time it is important to learn to manage
difficult feelings, and cope with stress in much healthier ways.
If someone is thinking about suicide they need to get help straight away. A local hospital
knows how to help.