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mpgis 206
Okay, what the *** is the hold up here?
No, we don't have any baguettes, Saison Margeurite. I make it a rule to not sell anything I cannot
spell. I have rolls. R-O-O-L-S. Rolls. Would you like a roll?
Yes, I suppose yet again-
Cut!
Wait, what the ***? Who are- Oh my God, if this is Chris Hansen, seriously, I swear to
god, look, that girl told me she was eighteen! Wait, you know, what girl? You know- Anyway,
hi, hello, would you like some meat loaf?
Hey, Saison, that was great. This time, though, can you give me a little more-
Wait a minute, what? Saison, these cameras are for you?
Oui, Lunch Lady Belinda, I am now being filmed for an American reality television program.
Oh wow, look, they're making reality shows about French people now? What's it called,
put your oui oui in my poo poo?
No, no, no sweetheart this show is called Babes Having Babies. It's like 16 and Pregnant,
but we use hot chicks. And we only film them for the first two months of their pregnancy,
you know, before they get all fat and ***.
Oh, well you know, I've had a few miscarriages myself.
Yeah, I can *** tell.
Okay I'm sorry, but what the *** is the hold up over here?!
Oh hey, it's the famous Brittnay Matthews. I've heard a lot about you.
You, you have?
Yeah, you're Saison's best friend.
Her what?
Ok, guys, I want you to frame up here on Saison and her best friend, make sure you cut out
the freak in the background.
Oh Goddammit!
I'm sorry? Wait, what did you just refer to me as?
Brittnay, I hope it is ok, but I told the producers all about our friendship and they
say they want to put you on the how you say show!
Wait a minute, I'm gonna be on TV?
As long as you are, in fact, this girl's best friend.
Saison!
Brittnay!
C'mon, I saved you a seat at the center lunch table!
Oh! This is so how you say, exciting!
Oh I love it when you don't know words! Because it seems like you do, like you should really
know them, but you don't! It's so adorable. Some people find it unbearable, but not me!
Let's go bestie!
Nice. Maybe we can get them to make out later.
Dude, she's, uh, having a baby.
And I'm, uh, having a deadline, retard. Now shut the *** up and go get some b-roll of
kids walking in the quad with their backpacks on. Do it!
Have you ever thought about producing an expose on the secret lives of lunch ladies? I call
it "Meat Flaps."
Nope, not once, not ever, I just threw up in my mouth. Please stop talking to me, and
walk away.
Hi Lunch Lady Belinda! How's your afternoon going?!
Oh, you are a calm breeze in my fuckstorm of a life that I'm living. Thank god we're
having hot dogs today.
Oh Saison.
Hey Saison, didn't see you at lunch.
Cut, cut! Who the *** is this?
Oh, this is Shay Van Buren.
And who the *** is Shay Van Buren?
Some *** you don't want in your shot.
Hey, I'm not a ***.
Well, whoever you are, you're blocking my two-shot.
Saison, why are you hanging out with this ***?
Uh, because this *** is her best friend! No matter what you're about to say or prove!
Saison, I always thought I was your best friend.
Well, I have always had a special connection with Brittnay. We have such a witty how do
you say banter.
Ub! There it is again! That thing that she does that I love so much! Did you guys get
that on tape? Because we can do another take! It just makes me want to explode...with happiness!
Oh Brittnay, you are such a how do you say, crack up?
Ahhhh!!!!
You're so funny, he he.
Ok, then Brittnay, since you and Saison are such good friends, what's her favorite food?
Uhhhhhhhhhhh...French...fries.
Oh yes, delicious!
Ok, who's her favorite actor?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...French...Stewart?
Oh, oui! 3rd Rock from the how do you say Sun!
Fine...what's her favorite salad dressing.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Thousand island?
Absolutemente!
Alright, I've heard enough. Best friend number two, I'm going to need you to go stand next
to Best Friend number one.
Wait, what the ***?
Oh yay! Room for all friends.
Alright, and on the count of three, I want you all to kiss and then say, "We're having
a baby!" One, two-
We're having a baby!
Boom! That's goin' in the sizzle reel. Bam wham.
Well, friends, I have to be going to how you say French class.
Of course you do! Why wouldn't you be going to a class where you learn French even though
you're already French, you adorable little, I'll see ya later!
Man, is it just me or is every single girl in this school just incredibly attractive?
Yeah, I know what you mean, it's pretty much impossible to find an ugly one in the bunch.
Spoke too soon. Man I'm just barfing all day today.
Hey, maybe at some point, do you think we could make a spin off of my own series?
Well number two, what's your story?
I was born into a dynasty of high school socialites and was destined to popularity, but then my
rivalry with the local cheer squad stalled my rise to the throne of prom queen and ended
up with me ripping off the arms of one of my friends.
Who the *** would want to watch a show like that?
Oh, hey babe, what are we doing, banging our heads against the locker? I'm in!
Yeah, take that locker!
What the *** is wrong with you?
Some dark ***! So, what's your day been like?
I've just had to spend the entire day acting like I care about the biggest *** in the
world.
Wait, is this your way of breaking up with me? Cause this is harsh.
Not you, ***. Saison Margeurite! I have to be friends with her and Shay van Buren
if I want to be on TV.
Hey, trust me babe, after a while, it gets really easy to deny who you really are.
Now if you'll excuse me.