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We're going to show you how to make a grilled cheese sandwich
using healthy ingredients that actually taste good
Start w/ 2 slices of organic, gluten-free bread from a local bakery
Add a slice of dairy-fee Veggie Cheese
low-fat feta crumbles, just for fun. It will still be healthy.
Lightly brush the bread with light olive oil
Or hey, go heavy!
next, we're going to add some flavor.
But first, I'm gonna take a quick break and enjoy some cool refreshing Mountain Shocker
Thanks sponsors!
Since we're not using cheese, we'll add some of this Milk Protein Concentrate
See how nicely it grates?
It's made of all kinds of things I can't pronounce and wouldn't be allowed to discharge into a public waterway
But oh man, does it taste so good!
Put a small amount in your Earl of Sandwich & get ready for the yum
Before we move on we've got to add another layer
Bratwurst, bacon or pepperoni increase the protein.
Pick one for fun, two for giggles, or all three for maximum taste
Carefully drain the meat from the grease. And place it on your sandwich.
You know, why wouldn't you (do that)?
[singing] oh so greasy!
Now go ahead and drown this layer in buttermilk ranch or bleu cheese dressing
and add a good amount of salt
Add your third and final slice of bread and oil that too
In our case, with buttery popcorn topping
Tenderize it so it doesn't get too tough when you cook it.
Now you're almost ready to cook it up, but first, we've got to make the batter. Let's do that!
Get crack-a-lacking with 3 farm-fresh eggs
Which have to be healthy, since, come on, they're eggs!
beat them like they owe you money.
Add some Cajun, Italian or taco seasoning
It really doesn't matter (what you use.)
Throw in a dash of Mountain Shocker just to keep it oh so sweet
Tenderize a forty-sack of cheese crackers for use in the breading
Now coat your disaster thoroughly in cracker wreckage
You may have to pour the crumbs on top for an ideal coating
but come on, it's totally worth it
Licking the batter at this point will only make you sick but it does taste so good!
so maybe think about doing it but don't actually do it
Unless you want to make a viral video about how sick you get
You might want to just bread your fingers and cook those up too
Oh! So tasty!
The fryer is what makes it so golden and delicious. You're going to love this!
Use peanut oil, palm oil, hydrogenated shortening, or if you prefer something more natural
Use several pounds of melted butter or a half gallon of beef tallow
fry it on a low heat since higher temperatures don't allow the natural oils to soak in properly
And like my doctors never said, the more salt the better!
this still technically includes healthy ingredients
At 2,400 calories, 150 grams of fat & 4,300 Mg of sodium
It's a days worth of food and a weeks worth of fat
Go to GlossyNews.com for the complete recipe and details
[professional foodie in a closed kitchen, do not attempt]
Okay, I'm going to actually try this
How does it taste?
Honestly it's not that bad. Let's try the bacon.
So greasy [greasy delicious!]
It actually, honestly, is delicious
It looks like fried chicken but that's the only meat we didn't put in it
[Groaning]
Ugh... Okay.