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[theme music]
You know what the whole trouble with you is, Charlie Brown?
No! And I don't want to know.
Leave me alone.
The whole trouble with you is you won't listen
to what the whole trouble with you is.
You need me to point out your faults, Charlie Brown.
It's for your own good!
Besides, I can do it for you better than anyone else.
My system is unique.
What's so unique about it?
I've put all your faults on slides
so we can project them on a screen.
Oh, good grief!
[jazz music]
Fortunately, those dog food commercials
don't come on too often.
[humming]
Okay, turn out the lights.
Now, this afternoon, Charlie Brown
we're going to be looking at slides
which deal with your many personality faults.
Some of them are quite shocking. Take this one for instance.
Ahh!
Easy, easy. This is only the beginning.
What's wrong with you?
Other dogs jump up and down
when their masters come home from school.
poing poing poing
That's the most sarcastic jumping up and down
I've ever seen.
What an experience!
Lucy is showing me slides of all my faults.
What are you doing sitting out here?
Intermission.
What we're viewing today, Charlie Brown
are slides of your inherited faults.
In other words, these are faults
over which you had no real control.
These take about an hour to show.
If it's any consolation to you
you rank about average in inherited faults.
I stand consoled.
[instrumental music]
bam
Today we're really going to get down to business, Charlie Brown.
These slides show your biggest and most damaging faults.
Ahh! Turn it off! I can't stand it any longer.
I can't stand it!
I've never gone through anything like that in my life.
I never knew I had so many faults.
I've never felt so completely miserable.
Wait until you get my bill.
[theme music]
[theme music]
[snoring]
[mellow music]
Here's a letter for you, Charlie Brown.
It looks like a bill.
Don't tell me.
"Lucy Van Pelt for services rendered."
One hundred and forty three dollars!
Did you send me this bill for $143?
Yes, this is my bill.
You're upset, aren't you?
Well, I can understand why receiving such a bill
would upset you.
I should have itemized it.
It cost me $10 to rent the slide projector.
It cost me another $33 to have the slides made up.
'That totals $43.'
The $100 is for my personal fee.
'So all in all, you owe me $143.'
And I still have the same faults.
I helped you a lot. I pointed out all your faults.
I proved to you that psychiatry is an exact science.
An exact science?
Yes. You owe me exactly $143.
[comical music]
If you are a physician, and one of your patients
refused to pay his bill, what would you do?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe, you could threaten to beat him up.
I wonder if that would be ethical?
[babbling]
Ahh!
Then again, I sometimes feel like I'm--
Five cents? Hah. That's a laugh.
What did he mean by that?
Don't pay any attention to him.
Go on with your problem.
[theme music]