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THIS IS ALL WRONG!
THE ONLY WAY IT COULD BE ANY WRONGER
IS IF I PAID THEM TO GET IT THIS WRONG AND THEY BOTCHED IT UP!
THERE'S A DVD PLAYER IN THE LIVING ROOM!
FUNNY, THAT...
GIVEN AS THIS MOVIE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SET IN THE SEVENTIES!
I TOOK CARE OF IT, ALSO GOT RID OF THE CDs AND THE LAPTOP.
BLOODY IDIOTS!
LIGHT?
SORRY, NO.
WHAT'D YOU SAY TO ME?
YOUR GRANDFATHER DIED OF LUNG CANCER.
IT TOOK YOU 6 MONTHS TO QUIT.
YOU TOLD ME UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WAS I TO LET YOU SMOKE
NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BEGGED OR BRIBED.
I WAS JUST KIDDING, MATE.
SORRY, CAN'T DO IT.
I'LL GIVE YOU $12,000.
UH-UH.
***.
THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR SIGNING ON TO THIS HILLBILLY CIRCUS.
COULD HAVE BEEN DIRECTING A MUSIC VIDEO IN PARIS RIGHT NOW
FOR ONE OF THOSE HOMOSEXUAL CROONER BANDS,
YOU KNOW, INSTEP OR BACKDOOR BOYS OR WHATEVER.
BUT NO--I HAVE TO CHOOSE MY ART.
SO I REALLY WANT TO GET IN CLOSE ON NATASHA'S NIPPLES,
SO STICK THE A/C ON THEM, MAKE SURE THEY REALLY POP, OK?
CLASSY.
RIGHT.
OH, AND YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW,
BUT THE LOVELY NATASHA CAN BE A BIT OF A--
HANDFUL.
I WAS GONNA SAY PAIN IN THE ***,
BUT OK. SO LET'S KEEP HER HAPPY.
RIGHT.
BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
IT'S GONNA BE A BIG NIGHT.
IT'S AN IMPORTANT SCENE...
SO EVERYTHING HAS TO GO PERFECTLY.
RELAX. IT'S THE FIRST DAY. PACE YOURSELF, MAN. IT'S GONNA BE FUN.
YEAH. YOUR IDEA OF FUN IS MY PERSONAL HELL.
RIGHT. SEND NATASHA TO MY TRAILER. IT'S TIME FOR
"THE CRAZY DIVA ACTRESS TELLS THE DIRECTOR HER THOUGHTS ON THE SCENE
SO WE CAN PRETEND HER OPINION ACTUALLY MATTERS" TALK.
NATASHA'S NOT HERE YET.
YOU'RE TELLING ME SHOOTING STARTS IN ONE HOUR,
AND OUR LEAD ACTRESS--
AT THE AIRPORT BEING PICKED UP BY PHIL THE P.A.
NO, SHE ISN'T.
YES, SHE IS.
NO. I FIRED PHIL THE P.A. THIS AFTERNOON.
WHY WOULD YOU FIRE PHIL THE P.A.?
BECAUSE PHIL THE P.A. GETS ALL HUFFY WHEN PEOPLE THROW CELL PHONES AT HIS HEAD
FOR BUYING THE WRONG KIND OF BATTERIES.
YOU THREW A CELL PHONE AT HIS HEAD?
THAT'S NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS...
THAT OUR DECIDEDLY DIFFICULT LEAD ACTRESS
IS, AS WE SPEAK, SITTING ON AN AIRPORT CURB
WAITIN' FOR NO ONE!
AND SHOOTING STARTS IN 57 MINUTES!
I'LL GET HER.
GO!
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
ISN'T THE PAPER ON THAT DUE ON MONDAY?
SHUT UP.
OH, WOW. PAGE 109...
YOU'D BETTER GET CRACKING.
OH, MY GOD. WILL YOU PLEASE GO AWAY?
SORRY.
SO...WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR?
IF I TELL YOU, WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?
I THINK IT SUCKS.
HUH.
OH, WHAT, JUST BECAUSE
EVERY QUASI-BOHEMIAN HIPSTER WITH PRETENSIONS OF LITERARY GREATNESS
WORSHIPS AT THE ALTAR OF KEROUAC, THAT MEANS I SHOULD, TOO?
NO.
IT'S JUST BORING. AND IT MEANDERS.
AND THERE'S NO STORY. IT'S JUST ONE LONG RUN-ON SENTENCE.
IT'S ALL MACHO POSTURING AND MISOGYNY.
HMM.
EXCUSE ME?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
YES, YOU DID. YOU SAID HMM.
DID I?
YES, YOU DID. IN A VERY LOADED WAY, I MIGHT ADD.
WELL, IT'S NOTHING. I JUST...I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU.
AND WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
NOTHING. CHILL.
JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE A BOOK
MEANS I'M DEFICIENT IN SOME WAY?
NO, NO. I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOUR OPINION WAS INTERESTING.
LOOK, I DON'T NEED YOU TO PATRONIZE ME.
OH, MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?
I'M NOT ANGRY!
YES, YOU ARE.
NO. I'M ANGRY AT NO ONE.
I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE ANGRY AT SOMEONE.
I JUST SAID YOU WERE ANGRY.
WELL, I'M NOT.
IS IT A GUY?
IS--IS IT A GUY? ARE YOU ANGRY AT A GUY?
OH, RIGHT.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT ALWAYS IS, ISN'T IT?
I DON'T LIKE YOU, THEREFORE, IT MUST BE
BECAUSE SOME GUY BROKE MY HEART.
IT JUST CAN'T BE BECAUSE YOU'RE OBJECTIONAL IN ANY WAY.
REALLY? YOU DON'T LIKE ME?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK,
SO CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME?
WOW.
WHOEVER THIS GUY WAS, HE REALLY MUST HAVE DONE A NUMBER ON YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT, EDDIE? YOU'VE NOW CROSSED--
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
AHEM. HELL'S KITCHEN.
YEAH, WE DO DELIVERIES.
YEAH, WELL, YEAH...
THAT'S, UH... THAT'S A PRETTY BIG ORDER. LET ME CHECK.
ALL RIGHT.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
AUDREY.
HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME?
WELL, I'M PSYCHOTIC.
YOU'RE LATE.
YEAH, I KNOW. LOOK... I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA MAKE IT.
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO. PACEY, YOU CANNOT BAIL OUT ON ME!
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN DAYS--LIKE ACTUAL DAYS.
PLUS, WE HAVE THIS MONSTER BASH TO ATTEND THIS EVENING,
AND THE FESTIVITIES HAVE ALREADY BEGUN OVER HERE,
SO YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR PRONTO,
AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOUR LAME EXCUSES.
I GOTTA STUDY.
NO, PACEY, YOU GOTTA BE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND TONIGHT.
I'M BEGINNING TO FORGET WHAT SEX IS LIKE.
I MAY BE FORCED TO *** A STRANGER TO REMEMBER.
OK, LOOK,
TOMORROW NIGHT...
I PROMISE YOU AN ALL-NIGHT WITTER-LIDDELL *** FEST
OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.
PLUS...I'LL DO THAT THING THAT YOU LIKE...
YOU KNOW, WITH THE, UH...
WITH THE THING?
YES. THE THING.
DEAL.
BUT YOU KNOW, THIS STUPID SERIES 17 THING--
7.
WHATEVER.
IT BETTER BE OVER WITH SOON,
BECAUSE MATURE, RESPONSIBLE PACEY...
HE'S KIND OF A BIG, FAT DRAG.
DULY NOTED.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLVED.
GO BE STUDIOUS AND BORING, MY LOVE.
AND YOU GO BE DEBAUCHEROUS AND SILLY,
AND I WILL TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING.
I LOVE YOU.
YEAH, YEAH.
HEY, YOU GUYS?
I THINK I'M GONNA GO HOME.
WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE?
YOU CAN'T GO HOME! TONIGHT IS ONLY LIKE
THE BIGGEST AND BEST PARTY OF THE YEAR.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE! YOU CAN'T NOT COME!
JACK, BACK ME UP ON THIS.
EH. YOU KNOW...
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
WELL, I'M SAYING, YOU KNOW,
I'M A LITTLE TIRED
AND KATE AND LEOPOLD'S ON CABLE TONIGHT.
REALLY?
KATE AND LEOPOLD?
YEAH. HUGH JACKMAN'S A HOTTIE.
NO! NO, YOU GUYS,
I WORKED REALLY HARD ALL WEEK LONG.
I HAVE EARNED THIS NIGHT OF DEBAUCHERY AND HEDONISM.
I WANNA GET DRUNK AT A PARTY, I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH A STRANGER,
AND IT'S ALL FOR NAUGHT IF YOU GUYS AREN'T THERE TO WITNESS IT
AND MAKE FUN OF ME IN THE MORNING.
OK!
REALLY? AUDREY?
I'M IN. I'M IN.
YAY!
OK, ALL RIGHT. LET'S MAKE A PACT.
TONIGHT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN.
WE ARE GOING TO DANCE ON TABLE TOPS.
WE ARE GOING TO SCREAM "WHOO HOO."
IN SHORT, WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999.
NOW, COME ON...
WHOO-HOO!
WHOO-HOO!
WHOO.
NATASHA.
NONSENSE.
I TOTALLY DON'T MIND SITTING HERE WAITING FOR AN HOUR.
MY *** IS NOT THE LEAST BIT NUMB.
(EXHALES)
SO...
LISTEN...
I NEED EVIAN WATER AND ALTOIDS.
I GOT 'EM. GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
SO...BIG SCENE TONIGHT, HUH?
YOU NERVOUS?
NO. SEE, UH...
THAT OTHER ACTOR...
HE'S NOT REALLY GONNA STRANGLE ME, DAWSON.
IT'S... IT'S JUST PRETEND.
ARE YOU...DRINKING?
YOU'RE SMART.
DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD--
I'M FINE. STOP OFF IF YOU SEE A FLORIST.
I WANT TO GET TODD SOME LILIES.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ONE ON THE WAY.
RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE! PULL OVER.
WE'RE REALLY LATE--
YOU WANNA GET ME MAD?
'CAUSE IF I SHOW UP ON SET MAD...
COME ON. WE'RE GONNA HIT SOME CLUBS.
YOU'RE COMIN' WITH. LET'S GO.
I CAN'T DO IT, MAN. I GOTTA STUDY.
SORRY. DID I SAY THAT LIKE IT WAS A QUESTION?
WHAT?
WE'RE GONNA HIT SOME CLUBS. YOU'RE COMIN' WITH. LET'S GO.
NO. I'M SERIOUS. I REALLY GOTTA STUDY.
DO YOU SEE THOSE GUYS?
DO YOU NOTICE THAT NOT ONE OF THEM
WORKS OUT HERE WITH YOU GRUNTS?
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE YOUR BOSSES.
NOT YOUR CO-WORKERS, NOT YOUR COLLEAGUES.
THEY HOLD THE FUTURE OF YOUR CAREER IN THEIR HANDS,
SO THINK HARD, PACEY, BEFORE YOU SAY NO.
WELL, I SHOULD CALL MY GIRLFRIEND.
THAT'S ADORABLE. DO IT LATER.
GRAB YOUR COAT. LET'S GO.
READY, GENTLEMEN.
Natasha: OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT ALL THE LIGHTS!
HOW MUCH DID YOU ACTUALLY DRINK?
OH, DONALD. DON'T BE SUCH A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.
I ONLY HAD A LITTLE NIP.
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME DONALD?
WELL, I THINK WE CAN BOTH AGREE DAWSON'S A STUPID NAME.
PLUS, YOU LOOK LIKE A DONALD. OR IF YOU PREFER--RONALD.
TODD!
WELCOME TO BOSTON! YOU'RE RADIANT, DARLING!
YOU'RE LATE!
DONALD GOT LOST.
THEY'RE LOVELY.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE SCENE?
GOT IT ALL UP HERE!
GREAT. WE'RE RUNNING A WEE BIT BEHIND SCHEDULE,
SO WHY DON'T YOU POP OFF TO WARDROBE?
SURE!
WRONG WAY, LOVE.
RIGHT.
WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH HER?
SHE'S TIRED.
WELL, GET HER TO WARDROBE AND GET HER SOME COFFEE!
RIGHT.
STOP PAWING AT ME, BUSY HANDS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY LET THOSE HANDS TOUCH ME NAKED!
THANK GOD NOBODY HERE KNOWS I ACTUALLY DATED YOU!
NATASHA, LISTEN--
SO HOW'S THAT OLD FRIEND YOU DUMPED ME FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?
DIDN'T QUITE CATCH HER NAME. WAIT, IT IS A GIRL, ISN'T IT?
SHE'S FINE.
DON'T TELL ME SHE DUMPED YOU ALREADY.
THAT IS...SO SAD.
NATASHA, LISTEN,
I'M SORRY... ABOUT WHAT I DID TO YOU.
I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU HATE ME.
I DON'T HATE YOU. I PITY YOU.
WELL, LET ME HELP YOU. HOW 'BOUT I GET YOU COFFEE
OR A BAGEL OR SOMETHING?
YOU WANNA HELP ME? YOU WANNA HELP ME.
THAT IS SO SWEET!
OK...I'LL TELL YOU HOW YOU CAN HELP ME.
GO TO HELL, DAWSON!
(SOBBING) NO!
PLEASE, SOMEBODY, HELP ME!
NO! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! NO!
(CHOKING) AARRRHHH...
HA HA HA HA HA!
I'M GONNA PEE IN MY PANTS!
Todd: AND CUT!
I--I'M SORRY, TODD.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, LOVE. GO AGAIN.
THIS TIME, REMEMBER...
TERROR.
UH-HUH.
NO! NO!
PLEASE... SOMEBODY HELP ME!
SOMEBODY HELP ME--
WHOA--
OW, MY ***!
AND...CUT.
(NATASHA LAUGHING)
NO...NO, PLEASE!
NO! NO. GOD--
Actor: OW!
Natasha: OH!
OH, I GOT YOU IN THE WHOO-HOO!
TODD!
I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!
CUT.
IS SHE DRUNK?
NO.
DAWSON?
MAYBE A LITTLE.
I MUST ADMIT, I AM IMPRESSED, WITTER.
WITH WHAT, EXACTLY?
FULLY 3 HOT WOMEN TRIED TO HIT ON YOU IN THAT LAST CLUB,
AND YOU TURNED DOWN EVERY ONE.
I DON'T THINK I COULD BE THAT FAITHFUL TO ANY GIRL.
I DON'T CARE HOW HOT SHE IS.
YOU'RE A BETTER MAN THAN I.
YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT I THINK THAT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WAS A GUY.
YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR THING.
(AUDREY LAUGHING)
OK, SO...WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING AGAIN?
HOUSE PARTY.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
AND...WHERE EXACTLY IS THAT?
YOU DON'T KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW.
WELL, IT'S SOMEWHERE IN BOSTON.
OH, YEAH. YEAH, THAT HELPS.
NICE!
OH, YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, I JUST REMEMBERED!
IT'S DOWN ON WAVERLY ROAD NEXT TO THAT GIANT SUPERMARKET
THAT HAS THE FREE AISLE!
COOL. LET'S GO. I'M COLD!
AUDREY, WHAT'S A FREE AISLE?
THE AISLE WITH THE LITTLE PLASTIC BINS
FILLED WITH THE FOOD THAT YOU CAN SNACK ON WHILE YOU SHOP.
NO. THOSE ARE BULK BINS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT THE FOOD IN LITTLE PLASTIC BAGGIES
AND THEN PAY FOR IT.
REALLY?
HEY, WHO'S UP FOR GOING TO THAT STRIP CLUB IN WALTHAM?
OH, MY GOD.
OK, AUDREY, I TRIED TO CALL YOU FROM WO--
DON'T TOUCH ME.
CAN WE JUST DISCUSS THIS CALMLY, PLEASE?
WHAT DISCUSS? THERE'S NOTHING TO DISCUSS.
YOU LIED.
I DIDN'T LIE.
I WAS STUDYING, AND THEN THIS WORK THING JUST CAME UP.
SINCE WHEN DOES A BUNCH OF JERKS IN SUITS
STUFFING DOLLARS DOWN A G-STRING COUNT AS WORK?
YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT THESE MEN INVITED ME
TO COME OUT WITH THEM. I COULDN'T SAY NO.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE, PACEY.
YOU'RE LIKE SOME SMARMY STOCKBROKER GUY.
ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOUR STUPID JOB.
BECAUSE...
I DON'T WANNA LIVE OFF MAC AND CHEESE AND RAMEN NOODLES
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, AND THAT'S HOW IT WILL BE FOR ME
IF I DON'T BUST MY *** AND PLAY BY THEIR RULES.
I WISH THAT I COULD CONTINUE IGNORING REALITY, BUT I CAN'T,
BECAUSE WE DON'T ALL LIVE IN AUDREY LAND.
RIGHT.
AND I'M JUST SOME DUMB, RICH AIRHEAD WHO DOESN'T GET IT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
THEN I'M SORRY...OK?
I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT THIS JOB IS IMPORTANT TO ME,
AND I LIKE IT AND I'M GOOD AT IT,
AND HONESTLY, I WISH YOU COULD BE A LITTLE BIT MORE UNDERSTANDING.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
AND I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN, PACEY.
COME ON, YOU GUYS. LET'S GO.
AUDREY, COME ON!
DON'T FOLLOW ME!
SHAKE IT OFF, MAN.
BIG DELIVERY, HUH?
A LOTTA FOOD.
SO...HOW'S ON THE ROAD?
FINE.
WHAT PAGE ARE YOU ON?
CAN WE NOT TALK? DO YOU MIND?
ALL RIGHT.
BUT I THINK I FIGURED OUT WHY YOU HATE IT SO MUCH.
JOY.
YEAH, I WAS THINKING,
HOW COULD ANYBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND HATE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BOOK?
AND THEN I REALIZED...
IT'S BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU NERVOUS.
REALLY?
YEAH. YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO DON'T FOLLOW THE DOMINANT PATH.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO KINDA JUST LIVE ON THEIR IMPULSES,
AND THAT MAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
BORING PEOPLE? PEOPLE WHO DON'T FOLLOW THEIR IMPULSES?
I DIDN'T SAY BORING, JUST, UH...
SAFE.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
EXCEPT FOR THE WAY PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT BOOKS
OR MOVIES OR MUSIC. IT SAYS A LOT.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW I FOLLOW PLENTY OF MY IMPULSES.
IN FACT, THIS SUMMER ON A WHIM, WITH ALMOST NO MONEY TO MY NAME,
I BOUGHT A TICKET TO PARIS.
REALLY? YOU WENT TO PARIS. HOW WAS IT?
WELL, NO, I--
THE POINT IS IS THAT I COULD HAVE GONE.
SO YOU DIDN'T GO.
NO. BUT THE POINT IS I COULD HAVE.
OH. AND HERE I THOUGHT LIFE WAS ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DO,
NOT THE THINGS YOU COULD HAVE DONE. THAT'S MY MISTAKE.
HO. WHERE YOU GOING?
UH, BACK TO WORK. THAT'S ALL OF IT.
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE COMIN' WITH ME.
NO, I'M NOT.
HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET ALL THE FOOD OUT OF THIS CAR?
WENDY CAN GO WITH YOU.
NO. WENDY IS IN THE BAR
COVERING FOR ME, WHICH YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO DO.
SORRY. LET'S GO.
Audrey: I MEAN, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT HE LIED,
BUT THE FACT THAT HE WOULD RATHER HANG OUT WITH THOSE GUYS
THAN WITH ME, I MEAN...
OH, MY GOD. I AM SORRY, YOU GUYS.
DO I KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS?
NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE.
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
SORRY! I FORGOT ABOUT OUR PACT.
WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN.
IT'S FINE.
(EXHALES)
IT'S JUST...
YOU KNOW.
YOU USED TO MAKE FUN OF GUYS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
HE NEVER WANTS TO HAVE SEX ANYMORE.
WE'RE LITERALLY DOWN TO 3 TIMES A WEEK.
OH, GOSH, UM,
I NEED A BEER.
BE RIGHT BACK.
OK.
CAN I GET A BEER?
THANK YOU.
OH! OH, MY GOD! LOOK WHAT I DID!
THAT'S OK. IT WAS MY FAULT.
OH, NO, JEEZ, YOU DON'T EVEN--
YOU'RE--YOU DON'T EVEN DRINK,
AND I'M SURE IT'S COLD AND SMELLY
AND I'M TOUCHING YOU, AND I'M GONNA STOP.
HI.
OK. YOU CAUGHT ME.
I'M DRUNK.
YEP, I'M A DRUNKARD,
ESCAPING REALITY. THAT'S ME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS A PARTY,
AND AT PARTIES, PEOPLE DRINK,
AND MAYBE THAT BOTHERS YOU,
MAYBE YOU THINK IT'S WEAK,
BUT YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO A PARTY
WHERE THERE'S GONNA BE DRUNK PEOPLE,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN AT A PARTY.
THERE'S DRINKING. IT'S JUST A PARTY FACT.
YOU THINK I'M THE LAMEST, MOST SQUARE PERSON ON THE EARTH, DON'T YOU?
NO! NO, NOT AT ALL. I'M SURE YOU'RE, LIKE...
TONS OF FUN.
I'M GONNA GO.
IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE A PHONE, YOU KNOW?
IT'S RIGHT HERE IN MY PURSE WITH ME AT ALL TIMES,
BUT HAS HE EVEN TRIED TO CALL ME? NO.
Jack: OH, MY GOD! UH...AHEM.
YEAH. UH--
YEAH. YEAH.
HEY.
HEY.
I'M SO RELIEVED TO SEE A FAMILIAR FACE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? MY GOD...
I MEAN, NOT THAT I'M NOT GLAD TO SEE YOU.
I THINK IT'S COOL THAT YOU SHOWED UP, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT--
SEEING AS I TEACH WHAT'S GENERALLY CONSIDERED TO BE
A COOL, NON-STODGY TOPIC,
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, A STUDENT SEES FIT TO EXTEND AN INVITATION.
USUALLY IN JEST, I'M SURE. NEVER THINKING I'D ACTUALLY SHOW UP.
HEY, AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE, WHY DON'T WE GET A BEER?
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
COOL.
ARE WE DELIVERING THE FOOD TO A MOVIE SET BY ANY CHANCE?
YEAH. IT'S SOME SLASHER MOVIE, I THINK.
GREAT.
(COINS CLATTER)
(GIGGLING)
YEAH!
WHOA!
I WANNA GO NEXT.
NICE.
NOW YOU GOTTA DRINK.
OK, OK, OK.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
OOH! IT'S ME, IT'S ME!
HELLO!
YEAH, WHOA--
WILL YOU JUST HOLD ON A SECOND, PLEASE?
(EXHALES)
DEEP CLEANSING BREATHS.
PACEY...
I--NO. I JUST--
LET ME JUST SAY THIS.
I WANNA LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM...SO RICH,
I AM SUCH... A DUMB...
RICH AIRHEAD
THAT I AM ENTIRELY CAPABLE
OF DOING THIS!
Jen: OH, MY GOD!
HA HA HA! YOU JUST TOTALLY DROWNED YOUR PHONE!
I TOTALLY DROWNED IT!
HEY...(LAUGHING)
SLOW DOWN.
AUDREY, SERIOUSLY.
OK.
WHOSE TURN IS IT?
(DROPPING COINS)
Audrey: DID YOU DO THAT?
YOU THINK THEY CAN FIX THAT? HA HA HA!
WANNA GO NOW?
NO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO BE PAID FIRST.
FINE.
EXCUSE ME.
HI. WE BROUGHT THE FOOD.
OH, AWESOME! I'M STARVING.
ACTUALLY, I WAS WONDERING...
WHERE DO WE GET PAID?
OH, TALK TO DAWSON. HE IS... RIGHT...
OVER THERE.
GREAT.
HEY.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.
OH, I'M JUST SURPRISED IS ALL.
I WAS... DELIVERING SOME FOOD,
AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HERE UNTIL WE GOT HERE.
BELIEVE ME, HAD I KNOWN, I WOULDN'T HAVE--
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
IT'S OK.
I WASN'T EXACTLY APOLOGIZING.
NO, WHY WOULD YOU?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Natasha: DAWSON, WHAT ARE WE DOING?
GRAB A BITE QUICK. I NEED YOU IN MAKEUP FOR THE NEXT SHOT.
HELLO, LOVE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HI, TODD.
UH, NATASHA, HAVE YOU MET DAWSON'S FRIEND-- JOEY, ISN'T IT?
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS HER, ISN'T IT?
NATASHA--
YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO BRING HER HERE TONIGHT,
THE GIRL YOU DUMPED ME FOR AFTER I GAVE YOU THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE?
CAN WE--
I'M JUST QUOTING YOU, DAWSON.
SORRY...YOU EMBARRASSED?
'CAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS DAWSON LEERY,
WHAT WITH HIS CHIVALROUS NATURE AND OH-SO-QUIET DIGNITY.S
SEE, DAWSON'S THE KINDA GUY WHO'LL WALK A GIRL HOME, YOU KNOW,
HELP HER OVER A RAIN PUDDLE?
REAL GENTLEMAN.
THEN HE'LL SLEEP WITH HER, TELL HER SHE'S THE BEST HE EVER HAD,
AND BREAK UP WITH HER ANSWERING MACHINE.
SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'LL BE IN MY TRAILER IF YOU NEED ME.
I THINK MY FAVORITE IS THE ONE WHERE THEY LEGALIZE GAMBLING
AND MARGE GETS ADDICTED.
ALTHOUGH, THE ONE WHERE HOMER BECOMES A MONORAIL CONDUCTOR
IS AWESOME, TOO.
YEAH. MY FAVORITE IS WHEN SELMA...SHE MARRIES TROY McCLURE.
HA HA HA! A CLASSIC. CLASSIC.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I'M HAVING A CONVERSATION LIKE THIS
WITH MY PROFESSOR.
LAST YEAR, I DON'T EVEN THINK I KNEW WHO MY PROFESSORS WERE!
REALLY?
NAW, IT'S...
I WAS KINDA... MESSED UP.
ACADEMICALLY SPEAKING, ANYWAY.
WELL, I'M SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT.
I THINK YOUR WORK IS EXCELLENT.
I REALLY ENJOYED THAT LAST PAPER YOU WROTE.
AH, WELL--
IT WAS GREAT, JACK. IT WAS GREAT.
YOU HAVE A NATURAL GIFT FOR LOOKING BENEATH THE SURFACE
AND SEEING WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.
I DON'T FIND THAT IN A LOT OF STUDENTS. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.
THANKS. BUT... I REALLY, UH...
ENJOY YOUR CLASS.
THANKS. (CHUCKLES)
YOU KNOW, I MET MY WIFE AT A PARTY LIKE THIS WHEN I WAS IN GRAD SCHOOL.
SHE HAD PURPLE HAIR ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HER WAIST.
SEEMS LIKE A MILLION YEARS AGO.
SHE'S PREGNANT.
SHE JUST TOLD ME YESTERDAY.
SHE'S AT THIS CONFERENCE IN PHILADELPHIA.
I JUST COULDN'T SIT IN THAT APARTMENT BY MYSELF.
I'M JUST SO...
I DON'T KNOW.
EVERYTHING JUST... FEELS A LITTLE TOO REAL.
MAYBE THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE TONIGHT.
HEY, I'M SORRY. I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU ALL THIS.
NO, NO, IT--IT'S OK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T MIND.
I JUST FEEL RIDICULOUS BEING HERE.
WHAT? RIDICULOUS?
IT'S RIDICULOUS THAT YOU FEEL... RIDICULOUS.
(LAUGHING)
(BUSY SIGNAL)
ALL RIGHT. AM I GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE THAT CELL PHONE AWAY NOW?
LOOK, IT'S A BUMMER OF A SITUATION,
BUT THERE ARE NAKED GIRLS OVER THERE, PACEY,
GYRATING ON STAGE FOR OUR HARD-EARNED DOLLAR BILLS.
MANY OF THEM, PERHAPS, ARE SINGLE MOTHERS
OR STRUGGLING CO-EDS.
DON'T YOU WANNA HELP THEM EARN A LIVING?
SURE. BUT I JUST REALLY MESSED UP WITH MY GIRL--
I KNOW. I WAS THERE.
LOOK, CAN WE TALK FOR REAL FOR A MINUTE...
WITHOUT ALL THAT MACHO, COMPETITIVE CO-WORKER BANTER STUFF?
SURE.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S THE THING.
I CAN SEE YOU LOVE HER.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU PRACTICALLY SCREAMS,
"I AM AN IDIOT IN LOVE," AND I RECOGNIZE THAT
BECAUSE I WAS AN IDIOT IN LOVE ONCE, TOO.
AND I HURT HER, JUST LIKE YOU DID.
NO. WORSE THAN YOU DID.
AND AFTERWARDS, I SPENT A WHOLE NIGHT
JUST TRYING TO CALL HER, CRYING MY EYES OUT LIKE A BABY.
SHE WOULDN'T TAKE MY CALL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?
WHAT?
SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE, KNOCKED ON HER DOOR.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FLOWERS,
DIDN'T HOLD A BOOM BOX OVER MY HEAD.
IT WAS JUST ME AND HER.
AND I LOOKED AT HER, AND SHE LOOKED AT ME,
AND I DIDN'T NEED TO SAY ANYTHING
BECAUSE WE BOTH KNEW THAT I LOVED HER AND I WAS SORRY.
THAT'S WHY I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO SWEAT THIS.
IF YOU LOVE HER AND YOU'RE SORRY,
SHE'LL KNOW, MAN.
TCH.
RICH...
YOU ARE... FULL OF SUCH
UNBELIEVABLE CRAP!
COME ON, THAT WAS GOLD!
YOU CALL YOURSELF A SALESMAN SERIOUSLY?
FINE. BUT I AM RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING.
THERE'S NOTHING MORE YOU CAN DO NOW,
AND YOU BOTH NEED TIME TO COOL OFF, AND YOU'RE HERE,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SOME FUN, DON'T YA THINK?
YEAH, SURE.
ALL RIGHT!
SO LET'S GO SEE SOME STRIPPERS!
YOU LOOK HER IN THE EYES AND YOU'LL JUST KNOW?
YOU JUST KNOW. YOU LOOK AT HER...
YOU'RE REALLY CUTE, YOU KNOW THAT?
HA.
YES.
I'M ALSO...
VERY DUMB, THOUGH. AND DON'T FORGET RICH.
I DON'T MIND.
YOU'RE SWEET, I THINK.
WHA--
SORRY.
HEY, HEY!
YUP?
WHY DON'T WE GO FIND A PLACE
WHERE WE CAN BE ALONE?
OK. THAT SOUNDS FINE.
YEAH, UM... I THINK THEY'RE OK,
BUT I KINDA PREFER THE WHITE STRIPES.
(JASON LAUGHING, AUDREY WHOOPING)
AUDREY.
♪ AUDREY! ♪
HEY, AUDREY.
'SCUSE US.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE GOING TO THE BEDROOM.
DON'T YOU THINK SHE'S A LITTLE DRUNK?
DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?
HI. I'LL BE FINE.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HANG ON.
WAIT--WHOA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM. COME ON, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MUSIC.
I'M GONNA GO TALK TO MY FRIEND.
YOUR FRIEND'S FINE. SHE'S WITH MY FRIEND. HE'S A GOOD GUY.
WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY WAY?
JUST CHILL OUT. WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME HERE.
IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY WAY IN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS,
I WILL SEPARATE YOU FROM YOUR GENITALIA.
HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
THIS GUY WON'T LET ME THROUGH.
HIS FRIEND JUST TOOK AUDREY UP TO A BEDROOM,
AND SHE'S ABOUT TO PASS OUT.
OK.
THAT'S NOT WHAT'S HAPPENING. YOUR PSYCHO CHICK FRIEND HERE
IS JUST FREAKIN' OUT.
THEN IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM IF WE GO CHECK IT OUT, WILL IT?
COME ON. WE'RE GOING.
COME ON, LEAVE HER ALONE!
HEY, HEY, HEY, EASY!
GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF HERE?
OH, MY GOD. COME ON. COME ON.
COME ON.
COME ON. IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
WE NEED TO TALK.
OK.
I'VE JUST COME FROM NATASHA'S TRAILER.
YEAH.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY THIS.
YOU SCREWED UP, MATE. SHE WON'T COME OUT UNTIL YOU'RE GONE.
WHICH GIVES ME NO CHOICE BUT TO DO SOMETHING I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO,
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST ASSISTANT I'VE EVER HAD
AND THE ONLY ONE ON SET I ACTUALLY DON'T WANNA FIRE.
BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE FILM, IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
I UNDERSTAND.
LOOK, IT'S GOT ME SO UPSET,
I'M SMOKIN' AGAIN.
YOU SHOULDN'T.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'VE GOT A BIT OF TIME BEFORE THE NEXT SET-UP.
WHY DON'T YOU SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES, GATHER YOUR THINGS?
AND I WANT YOU TO KEEP IN TOUCH. MAYBE ON MY NEXT FILM--
YEAH, YEAH.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, MATE.
YOU CAN GO.
I THINK I'M GONNA STAY HERE TONIGHT.
YOU SURE?
YEAH.
OK.
HEY...
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING
LIKE A GLASS OF WATER MAYBE?
WILL YOU JUST GO?
AUDREY...
SERIOUSLY, JEN...
LEAVE.
I'LL CALL YOU IN THE MORNING.
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
YEAH, I WAS JUST...
UH...GONNA LEAVE
IN A MINUTE.
I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I WAS KIND OF MEAN TO YOU TONIGHT AT FIRST, HUH?
NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU KNOW...
WHAT HAPPENED TO AUDREY TONIGHT...
IT'S HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE...
MORE THAN ONCE,
AND...
TO WATCH IT... TO WATCH HER GO THROUGH IT WAS...
JUST WEIRD.
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT A MESS I AM.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A MESS.
WELL, THEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TONIGHT.
NO.
YOU KNOW...
JEN, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG TONIGHT.
AND WHATEVER MISTAKES YOU HAVE IN YOUR PAST, THEY'RE OVER,
AND THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY MADE YOU A MORE EMPATHETIC
AND MORE COMPASSIONATE PERSON,
AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A BAD THING.
WELL, THAT'S A VERY NICE SPIN,
EVEN IF IT'S NOT TRUE.
IT IS TRUE. YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO BELIEVE IT.
JOEY.
HI. I WAS SUPPOSED TO PAY YOU FOR THE FOOD.
I NEVER DID, SO...
(PAPER CRINKLES) HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
SO, LISTEN,
I...THINK I'M GOING BACK TO CALIFORNIA.
'CAUSE I DON'T REALLY WORK HERE ANYMORE.
I'M SORRY, DAWSON.
THINGS HAPPEN.
I SHOULD PROBABLY...
GO.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
SURE.
DO YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT BETWEEN US
IF I--IF WE HADN'T--
IF THINGS HAD BEEN DIFFERENT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, THAT'S THE THING WITH US.
THEY NEVER ARE, ARE THEY?
NO.
I GUESS NOT.
I THINK...
IN A WAY, THAT...
IT'S GOOD, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, MAYBE IT'S THE ONLY WAY
THAT WE COULD FINALLY STAND ON OUR OWN.
YOU KNOW, TO... HURT EACH OTHER SO MUCH
THAT WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LET GO.
MAYBE OTHERWISE WE NEVER WOULD.
YEAH.
MAYBE.
I SHOULD GO.
ME, TOO.
Freeman: THAT ONE?
Jack: YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
SURE. THANKS FOR TAKING PITY
AND HANGING OUT WITH ME ALL NIGHT.
I WASN'T TAKING PITY ON YOU.
I KNOW. IT WAS JUST A JOKE.
OH.
HA HA.
I HAD FUN, THOUGH, TONIGHT.
YEAH, I DID, TOO.
AND I NEEDED IT.
I DON'T THINK I'VE FELT SO CONFUSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
HERE I AM, I'M A MARRIED MAN,
MY WIFE IS PREGNANT, AND, UH...
I'M SHOWING UP AT A PARTY JUST 'CAUSE I'M HOPING
TO RUN INTO, UH... A CERTAIN STUDENT.
I JUST SHOCKED YOU, DIDN'T I?
YOU'RE SHOCKED.
YEAH, YOU DID.
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN JUST, UM...
THINK ABOUT IT...
IF YOU WANT, AND...
I'LL, UH...
I'LL JUST KEEP TEACHING CLASS,
AND I'LL SEE YOU IN THE CLASS.
YEAH, UH...
I--I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
RIGHT.
OK.
I'LL SEE YOU.
OK.
BYE.
BYE.
OH, MY GOD.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
HI THERE.
HI.
SO...CAN WE TALK?
OK, WELL...
AH...(SIGHS)
CAN I JUST GIVE YOU A CALL IN THE MORNING?
AUDREY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY.
I MEAN, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT--
MAYBE...
MAYBE YOU CAN JUST COME INSIDE AND HOLD ME.
YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.
OK.
DAWSON, WAIT.
DON'T GO.
I, UH...
I GOT YOU YOUR JOB BACK.
SEE, I WAS, UH...
A BIT CRAZY BEFORE.
I, UM...
I SAW THAT GIRL, AND I FREAKED.
MAYBE PARTLY BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK...
AND, SEE, I WAS DRUNK BECAUSE...
I KNEW I WAS GOING TO SEE YOU TONIGHT.
AND I WAS AFRAID OF THAT...
BECAUSE... WELL, UH...
YOU REALLY HURT ME, DAWSON.
I MEAN REALLY.
I LIKED YOU A LOT,
AND THEN YOU BROKE UP WITH ME ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE--
I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY.
YEAH.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I GOT YOU YOUR JOB BACK.
OK...THEN WHY?
BECAUSE...
I SAW YOU OUT THERE TALKING TO HER.
I SAW YOUR FACE WHEN YOU WERE WATCHING HER LEAVE,
AND I REALIZED THAT...
SHE HURT YOU WAY MORE THAN YOU EVER HURT ME.
BUT YOU STILL HURT ME.
A LOT.
I KNOW.
I KNOW YOU KNOW.
COME ON. TODD SAYS IF YOU'RE NOT BACK ON SET IN 5 MINUTES,
YOU'RE FIRED AGAIN.
SO, UH, THAT GUY FROM THE MOVIE SET...
DAWSON?
YEAH.
SO, HE'S, UH...
HE'S NO ONE. HE'S JUST AN OLD FRIEND.
OH.
SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO PRY.
I JUST...
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
SURE.
WHY DO YOU LIKE THAT BOOK?
IT CAN'T JUST BE BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THEIR IMPULSES,
BECAUSE IT STILL HAS NO STORY, IT MEANDERS,
AND IT'S KIND OF MISOGYNISTIC.
YEAH. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT IS ALL THOSE THINGS.
BUT I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN...
THE FIRST TIME I READ IT, IT--IT BLEW MY MIND.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE THIS--THIS CELEBRATION
OF MADNESS
ABOUT PEOPLE WHO AREN'T AFRAID,
WHO TAKE CHANCES, PEOPLE WHO REALLY LIVE.
AND I GUESS THAT I'VE ALWAYS...
WANTED TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?
WHAT WAS THAT?
JUST FOLLOWING AN IMPULSE.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
I'M SORRY?
IT'S THAT GUY. FROM THE MOVIE SET.
YOU'RE ANGRY AT HIM, AND HE HURT YOU,
AND THAT'S HOW YOU CHOSE TO DEAL WITH IT.
OH, THANK YOU, DR. FREUD.
TELL ME I'M WRONG.
YOU'RE WRONG.
NO. NO, I'M NOT.
LOOK...I DON'T MIND YOU KISSING ME
IF IT'S BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KISS ME,
NOT FOR REVENGE OR TO HELP YOU FORGET SOMEONE ELSE.
WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU GUYS,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.
YOURSELF. JUST--JUST YOU.
LOOK, UH...
I'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME, OK?
I'M JUST GONNA...
GET MY COAT.