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[pause]
>> Hello everyone. First I'd like to announce Smily Beast a.k.a. Andrew for winning the
anime series
contest that was posted in one of my previous videos. He won because he was the first person
to correctly
post all the names of the anime characters I selected. For those of you that also participated
in the contest
I'd like to say thank you. Now I'm just saying this but for one of my future contest
when I get some money together.
[Cough]
Poor College student.
[cough]
I was thinking of giving away a free Claymore Blu-Ray disk set or possibly one of those
collectable
artbooks by the author wouldn't that be cool. Uhh I tried to get this parody out before
2011 but some
unexpected bussiness came up. Uhh for those of you that wanted an Abridge Series no can
do because
there is already one out and I won't provide the username so your going to have find them
yourself. This is
probably the most longest parody I ever made, extended upload time is awesome. Umm I came
a long way
since uhh Claymore Parody one with my crappy newbie skills. I can now use pitch sh shift
because of
Audacity. If anyone is still interested in voice acting your always free to contact me
on my pro or via pm. I
probably won't be makinh another one of these videos till next year if the demand isn't
great enough and also
if I don't get banned.
[nevous laugh]
Enteractive Transcript is now avaiable for Claymore Parody 5 and will be availalbe for
other parodies that
were created, so feel free to download them when they appear. A mystery link, download
link will be
available as well and it's kinda big but you'll like what's inside and no it does not contain
a virus. And finally I
like to thank Andrew, Julie and Iceboydre for taking the time out of their lives to
help put this parody
together. Enough out of me, on with Claymore Parody 5.
[Screen turns black]
[Prologue]
>> Deneve: The editor is having a hard time choosing which intro song she wants to use.
Should we help her?
>> Helen: Sure, I'd love to help! Let's see what songs I got here on my iPod Nano.
[picture of iPod Nano with titles of songs]
>> Helen: Oh this one looks good.
[plays Milkshakes song]
>> Singer: My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and thier like it's better than...
>> Deneve: Helen are you serious!?
>> Helen: Oops wrong one, how about this one?
[picture of iPod Nano with titles of songs]
[Wendy's *** song plays]
>> Wendy: Ms. Flanders was a health nut she cooked food a WOK. Mr. Harris was her boyfriend
and he had a great big COCKadoodle doodle the rooster just won't quit...
>> Deneve: Hell no!
>> Rigardo: Excuse me ladies but obviously this is the best song to use.
[picture of iPod Nano with titles of songs]
[Animal song plays]
>> Nine Inch Nails: Help me get away from myself I want to bleep you like an animal.
[record screech]
>> Miria: Enough with this no sense!
[CM5 Opening starts Starstruck Remix]
[Introduction of parody characters]
[Opening of CMP 5 ends]
[This scene involves Galatea & Clare, where Clare gets her feet crushed by Dauf.]
>> Clare: YOU SON OF A RHINO ***! My friggin leg!!
Sweet Jesus who is that?
>> Galatea: Well hello there Mr. Hide but Clare is not your Dr. Jeckle.
>> Dauf: [BELCH!]
>> Oh my god the pain make it stop!
>> Galatea: YOUKI MANIPLULATION ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!
[Falling noise]
>> Clare: Aaaaahh! omph.
>> Galatea: Oh my, your small enough to ***!
>> Clare: Um thank you... Hey! Go *** yourself!
[This is where a VA a.k.a. voice actor announces the appearance of Riful.]
>> VA's Line:
Just when you thought you had met all the sadistic characters possible in this anime,
along comes Riful of the west! Let's give her hand ladies and gentlemen.
[Riful's image]
[inserts clapping noises and cat whistles]
>> Fangirl: Smexy smexy Riful
>> Fanboy: Oh yeah that's my wifu right there
>> Fangirl: Oh we love you Riful
>> Riful: Eeny meeny miny moe catch, a claymore by her toe if she hollers let me go,
gently stab her to and fro! Hehe!
>> Jean: No! Please stop with the stabbing! This is not the correct procedure for an acupuncture!
[OWW!]
>> Riful: Oh I'm sorry, I lied about being a professional!
[This scene involves the Witch's Maw where Clare confronts the half awakened Jean.]
>> Clare: Oh geez now ya see this is exactly why I'm against genetic testing.
>> Jean: Nectar I want delicious nectar!
>> Clare: Uh oh her insect side is kicking in.
>> Jean: Before I die I want to taste the delicious nectar of a flower!
>> Clare: Damn Jean! Now is not the time to be thinking of flowers & Nectar!
[pause]
>> Jean: But it's a metaphor for.
[AHHHHH!!!]
[Clare reverts Jean's half-awakened form.]
[Cut to new scene where Jean is human again.]
>> Clare: YAY! Congrats your human again! What did that metaphor mean by the way?
>> Jean: Lesbian Sex.
>> Clare: Lesbeh bwhouh..
Say what!?
>> Jean:
[chicken noises]
>> Clare: What in the world?
[Jeans face is a vibrator]
[cut scene]
[This scene involves the episode in the Witch's Maw where Clare, Jean and Galatea fight Dauf.]
>> Galatea: Removing Cancerous tumor in three, two, one!
>> Jean: Aaaaaahh!
[Jean's performs her corkscrew attack]
>> Dauf: AAAGH?
>> Jean: HAAAAA!
[Huge hole in Dauf's body]
>> Dauf: Throat cancer sucks!
[cut scene]
[In between scene]
[show crossover picture of Guts and Clare]
>> Clare: Get out of my way Guts! Your in the wrong Anime!
>> Guts: Quit trying to copy me you freak!
>> Clare: Who you calling a freak you...you baby killer!
>> Guts: Werewolf rip off!
>> Clare: You musclehead!
>> Guts: Veins for Brains!
>> Clare: You ***!
>> Guts: Oh yeah, well your face looks like a ***!
[cut to testing screen with noise]
>> Clare: Hey don't you call me a vajeyjey.
[fighting cats sound]
>> Guts: I call you whatever I want.
>> Clare: Don't you dare call me a vajeyjey!
>> Guts: Heh, the name suits you perfectly.
>>Clare: RAWR!
[Breaking Glass]
>> Guts: GRAWR!
>> Isley: Distraction Time!
[shows you spin me right round with Clare and Ophelia]
[In between scene]
[This scene involives Irene's great escap.]
>> Rafeala: No I do not have incestous feelings for my sister!
>> Irene: Pardon me? [In French]
>> Rafeala: Umm. Nevermind EAT MY SWORD!
>> Irene: Ahh but wait, you must first catch me.
>> Rafeala: LOL. uou'll crash to your death if you jump.
>> Irene: Drum roll please.
[drumroll]
[shows Irene flying away]
[This scene involves the episode in the Witch's Maw where Clare confronts a ripped apart Raquel.]
>> Random Yodel: [Ahh! Hahawhowee!]
>> Villagers: Hey is that goofy?
>> Villagers: THAT IS NOT GOOFY! Aww fiddle sticks.
>> Villager: Zombies.
>> Villagers:
[cat-whistle]
Well isn't she hot. Oh yeah I'd totally bone her.
>> Clare: Shut up guro freaks!
>> Raquel: meow meow meow.
>> Villager: Oh she tore up from the flow up!
>> Clare: OMG! what happened to you!?
>> Raquel: I
>> Clare: Yes, what happened?
>> Raquel: I.
>> Clare: You!?
>> Raquel: Me!?
>>Clare: Yes you!
>>Raquel: I,I,I,I.
[dying sound]
>> Clare: Oh wow that was helpful.
[cut scene]
[Rachel's cameo]
>>Rachel: This is Rachel and I'm the butch with spikes! Better respect if you wanna get
laid my ladies.
>>Undine: Yeah that's my cousin right there.
[In between scene]
>>Org Boss: We are the people of moley kingdom why have you come here mole in 1st command..
>> Rubel: I have good news your molevelancy.
>>Org Boss: Have you finally found the biggest mole in all of the universe!
>> Rubel: No its even better than that sir for I have found this!
[Shows Claymore Tunak Tunak Dansen]
[In between scene]
[This scene involves Ophelia]
>> Ophelia: Voldemor rockssss my sockssss.
>> Clare:
[Vomitting sound]
[throws up]
Oh god thats so disgusting its making me vomit blood!
>>Ophelia: I am the ulitmate pleasure maker because I GIVE THE BEST.
[pause]
>>Ophelia: Ooorrrgggaaasms!.
>>Clare: Whoa
[Flammer gag scene]
>> Yoma: Behold for I am the mighty PenorStickMan! the editor is an annoying *** who should
just die.
and all Claymore women belong only in my kitchen! GET IN MY KITCHEN ***!
>> Miria: Oh no he didn't.
[shows picture of Renee]
>> Renee: OH NO HE DIDAN'T!
>> Helen: Oh yes he did!
>> Clare: no more *** for you!
[Cuts off arms]
>> Yoma: No not Mr. Righty!
>> Miria: You should of thought of that before you flamed us.
He is yours Undine!
>>Undine: Looks like your gonna be taking my sweet swords in your back door tonight
baby.
>>Yoma:
[sounds like ***-do]
Erruuu?
[Television preview]
>>Announcer: Don't miss the late night showing of: 1 Guy 1 Undine and 2 swords. Ooolala.
>> Yoma:
[Glass breaking]
AHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!!
>> Undine: Get back here you love muffin .
[shows a sexy beefed up Undine]
[Cut scene]
[Clare is crying]
>> Clare: I hate reminising about the past because my eyes always end up peeing on my
face!
>>Irene: I can finally be at peace knowing Clare is using my arm for good intentions.
[This Scene is too Sexy]
[Rated R]
>> Clare: [moans]
Oh yes mmm. Lightning speed fingers.
>>Irene: Nevermind.
[Inserts Ana whats her name spoof]
[Battle music from Revolutionary Utena]
>> Anastaia: I will Revolutionize zeh Worlds! Yes that's right folks. I the magnificent
cuuuurls Juri turned
myself into a Claymore! Now I shall find my Shiori looking partner and be queen of zombie
land! hohohoho.
[Rigardo's Scene]
>> Insect Man: Metamorphasis by Franz Kafka. One day, as I woke up from my restful sleep
I realized
that my.
>> Rigardo: Hey can it lizard brain! Its me time!
>> Insect Man: But Mr. Rigardo.
>> Rigardo: I SAID CAN IT! Why am I so delicious?
>> Insect Man: I have no idea ...what does this have to.
>> Rigardo: Because my blood taste like grape kool-aid! OOOOHH yeaahh!
[shows cool aid man]
[cut scene]
[In between scene]
[Shows various pictures of Renee blinking]
[Where da hood where da hood where da hood at]
[In between scene]
This is the ending scene for CMP 5 regarding Devene's lines.
Dialogue:
>> Helen: Hey Deneve what can I get for 10 dollars?
>> Deneve: How the heck should I know? Probably anything!
>>> Helen: Anything? I wanted to know because...
>> Deneve: Oh I have a bad feeling about this....
[plays Me So *** song]
[Credits roll]
[Songs Used:
Lady Gaga & Florida Starstruck Re101Mix
Milkshake by Kelis
Wendy's *** Song featured in South Park
I Want to Funk You Like an Animal by Nine Inch Nails
You Spin Me Round by Dead Or Alive
Where da Hood At by DMX
Tunak Tunak Tun by Daler Mehndi]
[Voice Actors and Actresses:
Ressey101
Andrew a.k.a. SmylingBeast
Julie a.k.a. DragonMaiden96
iceboydre
Characters:
Helen played as Helper 1
Deneve played as Helper 2
Rigardo played as Kool-Aid Advertiser
Insect Man played as Narrator
Miria played as Peacekeeper
Galatea played as ED user
Jean played as Butterfly/moth girl
Clare played as Rescuer
Ophelia played as Pleasure maker
Irene played as Escapee
Riful played as Torturist
Dauf played as Cancer patient
Rafeala played as Herself
Undine played as *** ***
Villagers played as Guro freaks
Raquel played as Spaz girl
Renee played as Hood girl
Rachel played as Spikey butch
Anastaia played as Juri
Isley played as Distractor
Rubel played as Mole commander
Org Boss played as Mole king
Yoma played as Youtube flammer
Guts played as Un-invited guest]
>> Rigardo: Stay tuned for previews after these outakes!
[Outakes: ]
[Still frames used for outakes]
>> Raphela: Here let me give you a hand.
>> Irene: Oh my! *use fanservice pic*
>> Clare: How embarassing, death by a vibrator!
>> Rachel: This is Rachel and I'm the butch with spikes! My hobbies are trolling the /u/
section on 4chan
and boasting about how big my *** is.
>> Irene: Heres a piece of trivia for you viewers Yoda is actually my great grandfather.
>> Raphela: So what does that make long john silver my long lost cousin or something?
>> Irene: I dare you to say that three times fast.
>> Raphela: long john silver my long lost cousin.
>> Irene: Oh my I didn't know he was your cousin
>> Raphela: [Arrghh]
>> Rigardo: Once you get a taste of these furry thighs you'll just want to die
>> This is the Preview for Claymore in 35 seconds regarding Devene's lines.
>> Helen: Oh Deneve!
[cries then blows nose]
We've lost our poor sisterin arms Miria!
>> Deneve: Helen, I think you've been reading to much Hayate Ex Blade manga again.
>> Helen: Hayate Ex what? Is that some sort of Doujin? Ooo. I'd love me some Doujinshi.
>> Deneve: Nevermind Helen. Anyways I kept telling Miria to stay away from those elephants!
Looks like
she got to friendly with one of them.
[Screaming elephant with a heart next to it]
>> Deneve: And to our humble viewers the next video will be titled Claymore in 35 seconds!
Be there or be an elephant!
>> Helen: Doujin Doujin Doujin Trojan! Doujin Doujin Doujin Trojan!
[repeats]
[Preview Ends�