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[ Coughs ]
Don't scratch it. You'll make it worse.
Sorry, Doctor.
This cream will help you. Betamethasone.
Apply it to your eczema twice a day.
-Are you sure it's eczema? -Yes.
Never had it before.
You said you were moving house.
I moved a couple of days ago.
Right, well, moving house is very stressful,
and the stress will have triggered a reaction.
[ Coughs ]
-You're coughing a lot. -Just got rid of a cold.
Right. Any other problems?
I've lost my cat.
That's not a medical problem, is it?
-Hmm. I'm very tired. -Right.
-I can't sleep without him. -All right, come on.
He's called Tom-Tom.
You know, I wonder if he's been kidnapped.
You read about people stealing cats for scientific experiments.
-I don't. -[ Tapping ]
Pauline, what are you doing?
Putting up my certificate.
What is it, dear?
I'm a qualified phlebotomist.
Well done. Oh, that is good.
Have you any idea what a phlebotomist is?
No, but if you can get a certificate for being one,
it must be important.
I'm in charge of the blood in this surgery.
Anyone needs to give a sample, it'll be me
sticking in the needle and sucking out the plasma.
Oh, why don't you tell me all about it
while we have a cup of tea?
There's no need. She's already told you about it.
[ Coughs ]
That doesn't sound like the end of a cold to me.
Got some lozenges somewhere.
[ Coughs ]
Are you a smoker?
Not really. I don't inhale.
Then you won't miss it so much when you give it up,
will you, Mrs. Averill?
Put those in there.
Don't have many pleasures left in life.
You won't have much life left unless you stop being so stupid.
Thank you.
What about that tea now?
Oh, I actually finished 10 minutes ago.
[ Sighs ]
I'll go home, then.
And have a smoke on me own.
[ Coughs ]
[ Meows ]
-Hi, Martin. Come in. -Thank you.
I thought we'd eat outside.
Really?
Don't you want to?
No, no, no. If you do...
Would you like some wine?
No, thank you. I don't drink.
Really, not even on special occasions?
Is this a special occasion?
LOUISA: Well, maybe "special" is the wrong word,
but it's not exactly something we do every day, is it?
Well, I certainly can't remember the last time
I ate a meal in someone's back garden.
It's not that unusual, Martin.
People have barbecues all the time.
Oh, I see.
Hot dogs and hamburgers. That what we're having?
No.
MAN: Down here a bit.
Uh, you've got new neighbors?
LOUISA: Yes. Do you know Mrs. Averill?
Uh, yes, yes. She was in my surgery today.
Really? Well, she used to live there.
But her husband died a couple of months ago,
and she couldn't bear to stay without him.
So she sold it to this family from London,
and she's bought a smaller place now up by the, uh...
...up by the -- the whatsit.
I'll just go and fetch the starters.
-Can help you with anything? -No, it's fine. I can manage.
Did you see the dolphins this afternoon?
There was two of them, just outside the harbor.
I've been busy with patients all day.
Oh, that's a pity.
So, you didn't see them, then?
No.
Louisa.
Yeah?
You look very...
...busy.
Thank you.
[ Knock on door ]
Not expecting anyone, are you?
No. Only you.
I'll get rid of them.
Louise. Hello.
It's "Louisa," actually.
That's what I said.
-Sorry, you're... -Anthony.
And Terri.
We just moved in next door.
Of course. And it's Sam, isn't it?
And you start at my school tomorrow, don't you?
You looking forward to that?
ANTHONY: Thought we'd just say hi.
-TERRI: Hi. -Hi.
ANTHONY: And ask a huge favor.
Our kitchen's full of boxes,
and they're piled on top of each other.
And we're just desperate to open this bottle of wine.
But we can't find a corkscrew.
So we wondered if we could borrow yours.
Please?
Sure. Yes, come in.
ANTHONY: Seven-hour journey certainly works up a thirst.
Hey, could you pick that up, take it outside, put in a bin?
You can have it later, Sam.
Oh, two and a half hours on the M4, three hours on the M5.
That's before we'd even got to Taunton.
Oh, dear, how awful.
Martin, these are the people
that have moved in to Mrs. Averill's.
Anthony, Terri, and Sam, this is Martin,
Dr. Martin Ellingham, the local GP.
Yes.
Uh, can I grab this? Absolutely gasping.
You can only just see the harbor from here.
Aren't we lucky, Sam? We can see the sea!
I'm senior lecturer in the Department of Applied Psychology
at the University of North Cornwall.
-Right. -Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Yeah, it sounds pretty grand, but, uh, well,
it's certainly is a bit of a step up from my last job,
a research fellow at the University of Brentford.
But, I mean, it's "publish or die"
in the world of academia.
So I won't be resting on my laurels just yet.
Hmm, very sensible.
Yeah. You're not from around here, are you, Martin?
-No. -No. London?
-Yes. -Mm.
What brings you to Cornwall?
I have to see Louisa.
TERRI: I managed to find some sheets and duvets,
but there's no way we're gonna unpack all the boxes tonight.
Don't suppose we could use some of your plates?
That's fine. Plates, glasses. Help yourself.
What if we got some food and brought it back here?
-Here? -Well, our house is a mess.
Couldn't we join you on the terrace?
You could.
Louisa thinks we should all eat together.
-Fish and chips okay? -Ah, yes.
Sounds like a great idea. What do you fancy, Sam?
I'm not hungry.
TERRI: He's never hungry these days.
Do you think we should give him some alfalfa?
Hey, don't do that. You're gonna burn yourself.
Oh, he'll be fine. Um, how about some scampi?
I said I'm not hungry!
I'll get you a sausage. Terri?
Sea bass. Or haddock.
You've just broken my bowl.
Aren't you gonna say something?
Oh, oh, we don't like to draw attention
to the consequence of Sam's actions,
not unless there's some sort of development potential.
Mainstream parenting's not really our thing.
But my bowl's in lots of pieces.
Well, I'll buy you a new one.
Or I could stick it back together.
I'm worried that we're sort of making this
a child-centric moment.
"Child-centric"?
Yeah, we're focusing too much on what he's just done.
Oh, I'll fetch the food.
TERRI: May.
No. April.
Half-term, anyway.
Mrs. Averill was doing her B&B back then.
We just fell in love with Portwenn.
And when we heard Mr. Averill had popped his clogs,
we couldn't believe our luck.
Being such a small village, I expect you knew him pretty well?
No, I only met him once. To confirm that he was dead.
He was.
[ Coughs ]
Is the old lady alive?
Mrs. Averill? Yeah, she's fine.
She's evil.
And she smelled like she'd pissed herself.
-I'll be off, then. -What do you mean?
Um, I've got to do that thing that I mentioned.
-What thing? -Uh, didn't I mention it?
Uh, anyway, I'll see myself out.
-You're not going, are you? -Uh, yes, I am.
Oh, that's a shame. I thought we could have a bit of a chat.
You know, I find you absolutely fascinating.
Chip?
No, thank you.
Are you coming out?
Hello?
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, I know. If you're ill, you're ill.
Give me a ring when you're feeling better,
and we'll fix you a new appointment.
Okay. Bye.
-Hello. -Hello.
Anthony Oakwood. Just moved into the cottage up on the hill.
That you bought off Mrs. Averill for £220,000.
Mr. Huntley, the estate agent, was celebrating in the pub.
Yeah, he bought everyone a drink.
Right.
Can I see the doctor? This week, if possible.
You can see him right now.
Oh, don't have waiting lists in Cornwall?
Normally, yes, but Mr. Hill just cancelled.
Oh, lucky me.
PAULINE: If you say so.
Martin, good day. How you doing?
Next patient.
Come through.
ANTHONY: Sorry you had to leave so early last night.
We had a very good time.
Well, until Louisa got one of her migraines.
She doesn't get migraines.
Really? Well, she did last night.
What's your problem?
Um, I've come to register.
-Are you ill? -No, fit as a fiddle,
but I'll just be too busy to do this when term starts.
At Bude Polytechnic?
University of North Cornwall.
A very exciting psychology department there.
You ever spoken to any of my colleagues there?
No.
You ever spoken to a psychologist?
What about?
Interesting story.
About a year ago,
I was supposed to be writing an article for "U.K. Psychologist,"
but I was blocked.
I went out to dinner with some friends.
A bloke there didn't say a word all night, just sat there
watching us joking, laughing, getting pissed.
Turns out this bloke was a very successful lawyer.
A very successful lawyer with Asperger's syndrome.
You know what Asperger's is, right?
Yes, of course I do.
Bad communication skills, no sense of humor,
doesn't make friends.
Can you fill in this form, please,
starting with your full name and date of birth?
The bloke gave me an idea for my article.
Can people with Asperger's have normal careers?
Answer -- yes.
Title -- "You Don't Have to Be Mad to Work Here."
The thing is, Martin, I think that there's a book in this.
Now, I'm always on the lookout for people with Asperger's
doing difficult jobs, doing them very well.
Marie Curie showed symptoms. So did Thomas Jefferson.
So I'm not saying you're in bad company.
I beg your pardon?
I mean, I can't be sure about you
until we've had a proper conversation.
Full name and date of birth.
Don't you want to talk to me?
I want your full name and date of birth on that form.
Tell you what.
I shall fill this in outside,
and then we'll have a little chin-wag
when you're less stressed.
I don't have little "chin-wags," Mr. Oakwood.
It's Dr. Oakwood. Um, I do have a PhD in psychology.
Oh, we're both doctors.
But only one of us has a waiting room full of patients.
-Is he always like that? -PAULINE: Like what?
Rude, off-hand, dismissive. Is he always like that?
-[ Door opens ] -Like what?
-Uh, Miss Glasson rang. -And?
There's a pupil at school she's not happy about.
-Can you go and see him? -Why? What happened?
Let me see.
She didn't say.
Find out.
Miss Chubbard.
-Oh, Martin! -Hello.
Martin, look here.
DOC MARTIN: You've scratched your truck.
No. Someone else has scratched my truck.
Or you probably drove too close to the hedge.
Oh, don't be ridiculous. I-I've been keyed.
If you say so. I have a sick child to see.
-Oh, don't let me stop you. -I won't.
LOUISA: He collapsed in the dinner queue,
and he felt very hot.
[ Beep ]
Mm, he's still very hot.
What about the rash? Is it measles?
Oh, my God.
There really is nothing to worry about.
Then why did you call the doctor?
-The boy passed out. -"The boy" has got a name.
Elliot passed out, Mr. Clyde, then I saw he had this rash
-on his face. -Oh, my God!
DOC MARTIN: It's nothing to get excited about.
Well, I'm sorry if we're making a fuss.
I was worried it might be measles.
It's not measles. It's slapped cheek.
Someone hit my son?
I hope you found the boy who did this.
It wasn't a boy.
He was hit by a girl?
He wasn't hit by a girl or a boy.
But if someone slapped his cheeks...
You're not accusing me?
Erythema infectiosum.
And what's that supposed to mean?
That is the name of the infection
from which your child is suffering.
-It's very common. -Common?
No, no. He's not saying that you're common, Mr. Clyde.
Slapped cheek syndrome is very easy to catch
and pass on through the air or saliva.
Now what are you saying? Someone spat at Elliot?
Spitting's a possibility, yes,
or somebody might have kissed him or licked him.
What kind of school are you running here?
I'm sure nothing inappropriate's occurred.
Oh, you're sure, are you?
Well, I'm sure that every week my little boy comes home
with another cold or head lice
or he's throwing up all over the bed.
Can we take him away now, Miss Glasson?
I think that's a very good idea.
-All right, come on. -Come on.
JOAN: My truck's just outside. Don't you want to take a look?
Well, of course I do.
It's just I'm... tucked up at the moment.
"Tucked up"?
It's an expression we use in the business.
Means I'm dealing with something else and can't be reassigned.
What exactly are you dealing with?
[ Sighs ]
I wish I could tell you, Mrs. Norton,
but it might infringe the human rights of the suspect.
Well, what about my human rights?
I've got a damaged vehicle.
I promise you, as soon I can,
I will be right there to report the crime.
And catch the criminal?
That could happen.
Did you get home okay last night?
Yes, I did.
And you slept well, did you?
You didn't lie there, feeling guilty?
What do you mean?
LOUISA: Sam.
-What are you doing? -Nothing.
Why aren't you wearing uniform?
Dad said I didn't have to if I didn't want to.
I'm afraid he's wrong. You know where your lesson's gonna be?
-Yeah. -Well, off you go, then.
Thanks for looking at Elliot.
I thought we might have had a measles epidemic on our hands.
There's not much chance of that.
Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR.
There's only two or three mothers left in the village
who haven't seen reason.
Maybe they're scared.
Nothing to be scared of.
Well, there's autism.
No, there isn't.
Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor.
He was nearly 2, perfectly healthy.
They gave him the jab, and he changed overnight.
Just shut down completely.
Oh, because of the MMR vaccine?
That's what she thinks.
Is she very stupid?
Look, it stands to reason that giving a child
three viruses at the same time
must increase their chance of some kind of reaction.
"It stands to reason"?
Martin, I have read about the studies
linking MMR to bowel disease.
Well, there was one so-called study, but that's been refuted
by people who actually know what they're talking about.
And the hysteria
that stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine
has actually caused an increase in cases of measles,
which is a horrible disease.
Thank you, Doctor.
BERT: We've got to concentrate on our brand image.
Now, when we get
to the Cash&Carry, with the mineral water,
then we slap the labels on it with the restaurant logo.
Now, that, you see, that is called "unified branding."
It reminds the customers where they're eating
so they want to come back again, eh?
You see, a quality logo will give you a quality venue.
Oh, no. How's that for quality, then?
What? Oh...
Bloody vandals.
MRS. AVERILL: So, is it going okay with the "phlebiology"?
Fine, thank you.
[ Coughs ] Oh, dear.
It's always worse when me throat's dry.
How about a cup of tea?
I'm fine, thank you.
Pauline...
Oh, I've still got me rash, Doctor.
Yes, of course you have.
I told you.
Come back in a week if the cream wasn't working.
A week.
-Who's the next patient? -Mr. Sanders!
DOC MARTIN: Mr. Sanders, come through.
BERT: As soon as I saw the damage,
I phoned the insurance people, and they told me
that you need to give me a "crime reference" or something.
Yeah, that's what I want.
BERT: Excuse me. I was here first.
Well, I was here yesterday.
I've got punters to feed, and the van's parked outside.
Sorry, but I can't do a thing until tomorrow.
Why?
Because.
You all right?
Of course I am. There's just a lot on my plate.
There's no time for this.
-He looks a bit twitchy to me. -No, I'm not.
You leave the premises. Now.
Sit there.
Mr. Sanders needs a fluoride and two EDTA.
I'll bet you a tenner this one's anemic.
Oh, don't.
Why are you still here?
Oh, well, I'll go outside, then.
For a smoke!
[ Coughs ]
That will be one gray and two pinks.
Oh, don't forget you've got your house call at Mrs. Friends'!
I know!
Enjoy your polynuclear aromatic hydrocarbons.
Just don't come running to me when you die.
Auntie Joan.
[ Car door opens ]
Oh, God. Look at my car!
Oh, dear. Been driving too near the hedge?
That's not funny. I'm gonna report this to PC Penhale.
I wouldn't bother.
Criminal damage is still a crime.
Hence the expression "criminal damage."
Well, I tried to get him interested in my truck.
But he refused to leave the station. Twice.
What do you mean, he refused?
Well, he was a bit odd.
-He is a bit odd. -More than usually odd.
No, honestly, Martin, I think you should take a look at him.
[ Knock on door ]
DOC MARTIN: Penhale!
[ Knocking continues ]
Penhale! Open the door.
How are you feeling today?
Fine, thanks, Doctor. Yourself?
I'm fine.
My car isn't. Somebody's vandalized it.
I'd love to help, but I'm up to my ears.
Rubbish. Come and have a look.
Here it is. All down the side.
You upset anyone recently?
What's the matter with you, Penhale?
I'll be all right. In a minute.
Do you have a problem leaving this building?
No. I just can't do it.
Has it happened before?
Well, bad days now and again. It's nothing to worry about.
I think having an agoraphobic policeman
is something to worry about.
I'm not agoraphobic.
Come outside, then.
You might have told me
when I was dealing with your narcolepsy
that you also suffer from agoraphobia.
I didn't want anyone to know.
Did you suffer from this before you got kicked in the head
-by the horse? -No.
You said your behavior changed, and that's why your wife left.
After she went is when I had my first funny turn.
I was down in Looe. Plainclothes surveillance.
I'd got eyeball on a suspect. Male, I.C. 1, 5'11".
But that's not important now.
Anyway, the suspect went across this bridge.
I was supposed to follow, but I couldn't.
I just couldn't get on the bridge.
I couldn't stay where I was.
Had to get back to the van,
lock all the doors, and wait till I stopped shaking.
Most days, I'm fine.
I don't think that's good enough.
God knows there isn't enough for you to do in this village.
But on the rare occasion --
like when somebody has their car vandalized, for instance --
it would be nice to think that we had a policeman
who could at least leave the police station
and go and deal with it.
You need to tell your superiors that you're not well enough
-to work here. -No. The job's all I got.
You can't do the job.
Yes, I can. I just need some help.
I suppose I could refer you to a therapist.
You'd have to stop work, though,
until you got a clean bill of health.
How long's that gonna take?
I don't know. Weeks, maybe months.
[ Sighs ]
[ Scraping ]
[ Tires screech ]
You nasty little boy.
You stay right there. Stay there!
Come back!
Come back!
WOMAN: ***!
DOC MARTIN: Come back!
Are you chasing Sam?
Yes!
That's a badger!
It was dead when I found it. Over there.
Why did you put it on a bonfire?
It's not a bonfire. It's a funeral pyre.
I thought it might be nice
to give Mr. Brock a traditional Hindu send-off.
You can't just burn a badger in your garden!
It a health hazard! Put it out!
I don't want to.
His spirit hasn't been released.
What's going on?
-They're burning a badger. -It absolutely stinks!
I don't feel very well.
You're not going anywhere.
I just caught your son vandalizing cars in the village,
having previously had a go at mine this morning.
Okay, when you say "vandalizing..."
Scraping a key along the side.
Oh, I wish he wouldn't do that.
-What, he's done it before? -Yeah, it's no big deal.
Well, excuse me if I sound a little "car-centric,"
but I think it is a big deal.
ANTHONY: Well, you have insurance, don't you?
That's not the point!
Your son is a delinquent,
and I want to know what you plan to do about it!
Well, in front of you, nothing. Go to bed, Sam.
Right, you'll be hearing from PC Penhale or a police officer.
There's no need to get the police involved.
I'll just have a quiet word with Sam and explain to him
that some people get a little bit precious
about their possessions.
Sorry, but I don't think that Martin's being "precious."
Sam needs to learn the difference
between right and wrong.
Oh, that's a little bit of a gray area, though, isn't it?
No, it isn't.
Of course it isn't. You are the boy's parents.
It's your duty to teach him what he can and can't do.
Absolutely, and I get the impression
that you just let Sam do whatever he wants.
Oh, well, I think it's our business
how we bring up Sam, isn't it, Miss Glasson?
No, no. Not when his behavior affects other people.
Yes, and if you can't do anything about it,
lets see what a magistrate and an ASBO can.
Oh, just stop it!
You've ruined the moment.
Ohh. [ Coughs ]
Unbelievable.
-Ohh! -[ Cat yelps ]
-All right? -Yes, thank you. I'm fine.
I hate cats.
Me too.
Mrs. Averill's cat. Doesn't know it's moved.
Nasty little thing.
Badgers, cats, dogs.
This village is like a petting zoo.
Oh, well, uh [sniffs] I need to change.
Yeah, me too. I stink.
Yes. Goodbye.
Oh, Marty. Marty, did you get to see Penha--
Oh, what on earth is that smell?
It's me.
-Have you trodden in something? -No, I haven't.
A madwoman doused a bonfire with a badger on it.
-A dead badger? -Yes.
Oh, must have escaped the culling. [ Chuckles ]
Now, then, where are my car keys?
Not that culling does any good. It just spreads it further.
I mean, which came first,
the badger with TB or the cow with TB?
And, I mean, what about horses and foxes?
I mean, they don't get it, but they spread it.
And --
Marty!
[ Sighs ]
Oh, God.
Are you going to put the kettle on?
PAULINE: Maybe later.
[ Coughs ]
Is the doctor free this morning?
No, afraid not.
Never mind.
I can wait.
[ Water running ]
DOC MARTIN: Morning.
Sorry to bother you so early, Marty,
but I need some more of my hormone-replacement tablets.
I'll write you a prescription.
-Would you like an espresso? -Oh, do you have any instant?
[ Chuckles ] I'd love an espresso.
Did you speak to Penhale?
Yes, I did. The man's a complete cupcake.
Meaning?
I'm sorry. I can't discuss my patients with you.
Well, isn't he agoraphobic?
Amongst other things, yes.
I'm going to speak to the district chief superintendent
and have him replaced.
-You're going to grass him up? -I'm not grassing him up.
The man's a public servant, and he's unfit for purpose.
Yes, yes, well, you're probably right.
I just wonder whether it wouldn't be kinder
to treat him rather than simply report him.
He has a phobia, as do many people, Marty.
But some of them carry on working.
No one seems to mind.
I've read the instructions, I've followed the instructions,
I applied the cream exactly as it said,
but has it made any difference?
No, it hasn't made any difference at all,
and I thought he'd want to know.
Sorry? Who'd want to know what?
The doctor. He'd want to know the cream isn't working.
It hasn't been a week yet.
Oh, well, he'd still want to check on my progress.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Oh, and then there's Tom-Tom, my cat.
Still missing.
I've thought of putting up a poster,
-with a picture. -Right.
But I can't find my albums.
I haven't opened those boxes yet [coughs] from the move.
All that dust... [ Coughs ]
I couldn't sleep at all last night, tossing and turning.
The thing is, he'll ask if you've stopped smoking --
-I don't believe this. -What?
I've won £320.
[ Gasps, coughs ]
£320.
[ Coughing violently ]
What's that? Oh, ugh! Ugh!
What's going on?
Mrs. Averill's been coughing up blood.
Ohh.
Um...right.
Breathe in.
Out.
Could it be something bad?
It could be lung cancer.
Pauline.
Why are smokers always surprised when they're ill?
Why do they think they're gonna be the lucky ones
who live to be 100?
Did you think you'd make it to 70?
I'm 75.
80?
My mother smoked a pipe until she was 93.
And then she died?
No. She lost her pipe.
Pauline, I'm about to ask Mrs. Averill
to give me a sputum sample.
I need you to get it to Truro ASAP,
flagged up for immediate analysis.
Spit.
[ Coughs ]
-[ Knock on door ] -Yes?
Oh, it's you.
Hi back.
I've come to say...
it's not Sam's fault.
No. I blame the parents.
No, I mean, he hasn't actually done anything wrong.
Well, I can think of a number of car owners in the village
who would disagree with you.
This oppositional posturing
is just Sam's way of setting boundaries.
He's a robust refuser who's trying to communicate his needs
as he goes through a difficult transition phase.
It's important we all avoid unrealistic expectations.
There's nothing unrealistic
in expecting him not to scratch my car.
Anthony explains this much better than me.
-He's got lots of theories. -I bet he has.
Sam's at such a special stage in his development.
Please don't label him a criminal by telling the police.
You have told them, haven't you?
Are you Joe Pindale?
It's PC Joseph Penhale.
I'm Terri Oakwood.
Oh. I've heard about you.
And about my son, I suppose? That is so unfair.
He only scratches cars to get a reaction.
But if that reaction is just a knee-jerk condemnation,
you can hardly expect him to stop.
So, your son's the one who's been scratching the cars?
According to Dr. Ellingham.
Isn't that what Dr. Ellingham told you?
Someone else told me you've been burning badgers.
Can I have your son's full name and date of birth, please?
PAULINE: Do any of the scooters come in pink?
When you say "cherry red," how pink is that? Mm.
-Next patient, please. -Hang on a sec.
I'm gonna buy a scooter with my winnings.
Do you think pink is a good idea or is a bit too --
Mrs. Brown.
Doctor, have you got me test results yet?
Yes, they came an hour ago. I thought I'd keep them to myself.
-Really? -No. Of course not.
When they come in, I will call you.
-[ Door closes ] -Doctor.
I came on foot.
-Congratulations. -Have you got five minutes?
Yes, when I've seen Mrs. Brown and my other patients.
They won't mind.
Police business.
Okay?
I was just wondering if you told anyone at headquarters
about my problems?
Not yet.
And there's nothing I can do to change your mind
about me having to not work while I have the therapy?
I'm not trying to bribe you. That wouldn't help.
Would it?
What you doing?
I was just gonna ask Pauline --
There's no need to involve anyone else at this stage.
I didn't actually offer you money.
I don't have your patient notes. I was gonna get them.
Sorry.
It's just... this policing business.
[ Inhales deeply ] It's my life.
Did you ever think about a vocation for yourself, Doctor?
Yes. I wanted to be a doctor.
Where did it all go wrong, eh?
It didn't.
Well, not for you, maybe, but for me.
All I want right now is to be the best policeman in Portwenn.
You're the only policeman in Portwenn.
You're just saying that.
The question I have to ask is,
can you carry on doing your job whilst undergoing treatment?
Absolutely.
And you're aware of the effects of cognitive-behavior therapy?
I don't know what it is.
Right,
but you're still sure that you could carry out your duties
-whilst in the thick of it. -Yes.
Huh. Well, you're either very confident or stupid.
Well, we both know I'm not stupid. [ Chuckles ]
Thank you very much, sir.
Bye, Pauline.
DOC MARTIN: Mrs. Brown.
The lab in Truro e-mailed the results.
Hmm.
Mrs. Averill, come through, please.
-Take a seat. -[ Coughs ]
You tested positive for TB.
You have tuberculosis.
-Am I going to die? -Not from this, no.
I'm gonna send you to the chest clinic in Truro for an X-ray,
but because you're decrepit,
they'll probably want to keep you in for a couple of weeks.
I didn't think people got TB now.
It's still quite common in London.
And abroad. Have you traveled lately?
[ Gasps ]
I went to Delabole last week to see "Rocky Balboa."
[ Coughs ]
Is that where I caught it? In Delabole?
Uh, no. Incubation period's much longer than a week.
You must have got it somewhere else.
[ Coughs ]
When I'm in hospital...
Yes?
...will I be allowed to smoke?
[ Children talking indistinctly ]
You'd better keep an eye out for pupils with possible symptoms.
Would you like me to warn the parents?
Yeah, it wouldn't do any harm.
TB's pretty rare around here. Unless you're a cow.
You could have told me all this on the phone.
I was passing.
Right.
[ Children talking indistinctly ]
Um, I'd better teach this lot.
Well, I've a lot to do myself.
Can everyone settle down, please?
-Oh, Martin? -Yep?
How long does it take for a child to develop TB symptoms?
Why do you ask?
Well, we had to send Sam Oakwood home this morning.
He was coughing, and he looked really awful.
Hello?
TERRI: I'm in the kitchen.
Oh, hello.
That smells revolting.
I'm mixing some tulsi and mulethi
with vasaka and hanspadi.
It's for Sam.
Mm. Miss Glasson said he was ill. May I see him?
He's not too bad.
Didn't sleep very well. Said he was hot.
But you still sent him to school?
Pretending to be ill
is one of Sam's little triggers at the moment.
He's always looking for an emotional response.
Has your son been jabbed for TB?
Uh...
Have we let someone inject him full of poison?
Well, strangely, no.
Inoculations stop people
from getting dangerous infectious diseases.
That is not a fact that cannot be argued with.
He's just got a cough.
Mrs. Averill has tuberculosis.
She may have passed it on to your son.
[ Sam coughs ]
He hasn't seen her for months.
When we stayed here before,
they were never in the same room together.
Even so, I would like to examine your son.
-Sam, the doctor's here. -[ Coughs ]
Right, I'm just going to listen to your chest.
-[ Cat yelps ] -Geez!
TERRI: Mind Tom-Tom.
Is that Mrs. Averill's cat?
It's mine now.
It's very thin.
Well, we do put food out for it. It's just not very hungry.
Does the cat sleep with you?
Did it sleep with you when you stayed here before?
I see. You're perfectly happy your son should share his bed
with a scrawny, flea-bitten creature, are you?
Sit up.
I think it's up to Sam whom or what he befriends, don't you?
Breathe in.
Out.
And again.
Out.
Hmm. I don't understand you people.
Your son gets ill, and rather than take him to a doctor,
you brew up green soup.
ANTHONY: And what would you have done?
Tested him for TB.
Nonsense.
He's just attention-seeking.
I think your son contracted TB from Mrs. Averill's cat
that had probably infected her previously.
But how could a cat possibly catch TB?
From a badger. You found a badger in your garden.
It probably died from bovine TB.
I'm gonna take a sputum sample from your son,
-and that's for you. -A prescription.
No, it's a quote for the paintwork on my car.
Just because you're ill
doesn't mean you get away with criminal damage.
Spit in there. Go on.
How's Sam?
Marginally less irritating than his parents.
No one could be that irritating.
Has he got TB?
Yes, I'm pretty certain.
It's unusual to get it from a cat, though.
-A cat? -Mrs. Averill's cat.
-It will have to be put down. -Shame.
Mm. Yeah, the boy should make a full recovery from the TB.
I can't do anything about his disastrous upbringing, though.
I do feel sorry for Sam, having a mum and dad like that.
DOC MARTIN: Mm.
But maybe we're not being fair.
I mean, we're not parents, are we?
You'd make a lovely mother.
ANTHONY: Martin, quick!
Martin, quick.
Uh, Terri's tipped the tulsi over her leg.
-What? -The "green soup."
You know, it's boiling hot, and she scalded herself. Come on!
Come on.
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