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>> THIS COUNTRY WASN'T BUILT BY
ROBOTS, PEOPLE.
IT WAS BUILT BY HUMAN BEINGS
THAT HAD HEARTS AND BRAINS AND
PENISES AND VAGINAS.
BUT NOW WE'VE GOT THESE ROBOTS
THAT ARE STEALING OUR FACTORY
JOBS, AND WE ARE NOT GONNA STAND
FOR IT.
>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
>> SHUT THEM DOWN. THAT'S RIGHT.
TOMORROW, WE'RE GONNA GO PROTEST
AT THE FUNERAL OF ONE OF THESE
ROBOT SYMPATHIZERS, AND THEN, IN
THE AFTERNOON, WE'RE GONNA GO
PROTEST OUTSIDE AN APPLE STORE.
>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
NOW, PEOPLE, LET'S SETTLE DOWN
JUST A MINUTE, 'CAUSE THIS IS A
VERY SPECIAL DAY.
WE HAVE A NEWCOMER TO OUR
PRO-FLESH MOVEMENT RIGHT HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?
>> OH, UM...SAN DIEGO.
>> EW. SAN DIEGO.
AWFUL LOT OF BOTS THERE, RIGHT?
WERE YOU BORN AND RAISED THERE?
>> ACTUALLY, NO.
I WAS MANUFACTURED IN INDONESIA.
>> DID YOU SAY "MANUFACTURED"?
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
>> BORN.
LIKE THE -- LIKE THE REST OF
YOU, THROUGH A -- A HUMAN
UTERUS.
I WAS -- I WAS BORN.
>> BRETHREN, I THINK WE HAVE A
CIRCUIT-FILLED SINNER RIGHT HERE
AMONG US.
SHUT HIM DOWN.
>> KEEP ME ON.
[ PEOPLE GASP ]
[ Robot voice ] IT'S TIMES LIKE
THESE I WISH I REMAINED A TiVo.
>> DIEGO!
>> ♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪
>> DIEGO!
>> Kove: ROBOT S.A.M.'s COVER
WAS BLOWN, AND NOW HE'S BEEN
KIDNAPPED BY A GROUP OF TEXAN
ROBO-HATERS.
>> Alphonse: IN HINDSIGHT,
PROBABLY NOT THE BEST IDEA TO
SEND OUR LONE ROBOT IN TO
INFILTRATE AN ANTI-ROBOT HATE
GROUP.
>> Sam: WE'VE GOT TO MOVE FAST.
S.A.M.'s BATTERY ONLY LASTS
ABOUT 48 HOURS IN THE FIELD.
AFTER THAT, HE GOES INTO A
ROBO-COMA, A CONDITION ALSO
KNOWN AS "OFF."
>> Kove: WE NEED TO GET INTO
TEXAS UNDETECTED AND RESCUE
S.A.M.
>> WE COULD PRETEND TO BE A
MOVIE CREW SCOUTING LOCATIONS
ACROSS THE BORDER.
>> Trent: A FILM CREW?
[ SCOFFS ] NO.
FILM'S A DEAD MEDIUM.
I SAW A MOVIE ABOUT IT.
>> Kove: TRENT'S RIGHT.
NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE MOVIES.
NO.
WE ARE GOING TO POSE AS A
VIRAL-VIDEO CREW.
>> Alphonse: KOVE, WE'RE GONNA
NEED AN EXPERT.
>> Kove: NONSENSE.
I HAVE MY OWN YouTube CHANNEL,
AND I'VE RECEIVED A NUMBER OF
HITS, AND THIS IS HOW WE'RE
GOING TO RESCUE S.A.M.
>> LOOKS LIKE NTSF IS ABOUT TO
GO...VIRAL.
>> Trent: WAIT A SECOND.
DID YOU STEAL MY GLASSES?
I'D LEAVE THEM OUT IN GOOD FAITH
THAT NO ONE WILL TAKE THEM,
'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN INSIDE
POCKET.
DAMN.
>> Sam: SHE STOLE YOUR THING.
>> Alphonse: LET'S CHECK OUT
KOVE'S YouTube PAGE.
>> Kove: HEY, THIS IS KOVE,
UNBOXING THE NEW KAMCHUNG
GRAVITY 5C SMARTPHONE.
[ SIGHS ]
UH...JUST A MINUTE.
>> Alphonse: KOVE HAS NO IDEA
HOW TO MAKE A VIDEO.
YeahImCaleb95 -- THE #1 VIDEO
CHANNEL ON THE INTERNET.
>> [ High-pitched voice ] HI,
EVERYONE!
IT'S ME -- YeahImCaleb95!
MY MOM'S TAKING ME TO THE ZOO
TODAY!
AAAAH!
I LOVE ELEPHANTS!
[ SCREECHING ]
OH, MY GOD! MONKEYS! TIGERS!
>> Alphonse: HE'S GOOD.
HE'S REAL GOOD.
AND HE'S JUST THE MAN WE NEED
FOR THE JOB.
IT'S QUITE THE SETUP YOU HAVE
HERE.
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT
MOST PEOPLE MADE VIRAL VIDEOS IN
THEIR HOMES.
>> [ Normal voice ] COMMON
MISCONCEPTION.
IT ALL TAKES PLACE HERE IN
SAN DIEGO, VIRAL CAPITAL OF THE
WORLD, AND I'M ITS SPIRITUAL
LEADER.
I TRY TO MAKE SURE EVERY VIDEO
WE PRODUCE IS SMART, CHALLENGING
AND ARTFUL.
THE LAST THING WE WANT TO DO IS
TALK DOWN TO OUR VIEWERS.
>> AND ACTION.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
OW! I BROKE MY HAND!
[ FARTS ]
AND I FARTED.
>> PERFECT. CUT.
[ BELL RINGS ]
>> Alphonse: BEAUTIFUL.
>> NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT JUST
HERE TO GIVE ME IN-PERSON LIKES.
WHAT ARE YOU REALLY AFTER?
>> Alphonse: I NEED YOUR HELP
MAKING A VIRAL VIDEO, AND IF I
DON'T GET IT, A GOOD FRIEND OF
SAN DIEGO IS GONNA DIE.
>> I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR
SAN DIEGO.
THE QUESTION IS, WILL YOU?
>> [ FARTS ]
OH! AND I FARTED AGAIN.
>> PROSUMER GRADE SHOTGUN MIC --
CHECK.
HD-CAPABLE OFF-BRAND WEB
CAMERA -- CHECK.
GENTLEMEN, LET'S LOCK AND LOAD.
>> Kove: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
I RAN THE NUMBERS, AND WE CANNOT
AFFORD TO SHOOT IN TEXAS.
PER DIEM ALONE WOULD KILL US.
SO WE'RE KEEPING THE PRODUCTION
RIGHT HERE IN SAN DIEGO.
>> Sam: WAIT.
THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS ENTIRE
MISSION WAS TO GO INTO TEXAS AND
RESCUE S.A.M., AND WE'RE RUNNING
OUT OF TIME.
HIS BATTERY LEVEL'S AT EXACTLY
50%.
>> Kove: SAM, LET'S NOT GET
CAUGHT UP IN SPECIFICS.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT
NOW IS TO CREATE A TIMELESS,
LASTING, UNIQUE VIRAL VIDEO, AND
DRIVE WHOLE NEW AUDIENCE TO MY
YouTube CHANNEL.
>> SO, UH, WHERE DO YOU PUT THE
BULLETS IN THIS THING?
>> Alphonse: 400,000 HITS
EASILY.
I'M READY. UPLOAD ME.
>> READY?
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOUNG ALPHONSE HERE THINKS THAT
HE'S READY TO UPLOAD A VIRAL
VIDEO.
COME. I HAVE MUCH TO TEACH YOU.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
FEEL THE INTERNET COURSE THROUGH
YOUR BODY.
BROADEN YOUR BAND.
>> Alphonse: [ GRUNTS ]
>> NOW...ANSWER THIS.
WHAT ARE THE FIVE ELEMENTS ALL
VIRAL VIDEOS MUST TAP INTO?
>> Alphonse: UH, CUTE ANIMALS,
UH, UH, PARODY, UM -- OH, COME
ON.
I KNOW THIS.
DAMN IT! I CAN'T DO IT!
>> HOT GIRLS AND/OR CELEBRITIES
WITHOUT MAKEUP.
YOU HAVE TO FOCUS, ALPHONSE.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
THAT IS WHY YOU #FAIL.
NOW, GET BACK ON THAT TINY,
LITTLE BLOCK.
>> STOP.
>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
>> [ GROANS ]
>> YOU DISGUST ME.
>> WHY DO YOU HATE ROBOTS?
WE PROVIDE SO MUCH TO THE
WORLD -- STRONG ASSEMBLY-LINE
LABOR, DUBSTEP, THE ACTING OF
TOBEY MAGUIRE.
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
ONE OF YOU iBASTARDS KILLED THE
LOVE OF MY LIFE.
SHE WAS OUT SHOPPING FOR MY
BIRTHDAY PRESENT, AND THEN IT
APPEARED --
SUNLIGHT GLISTENING OFF ITS
METAL SKIN, BLOODLUST COURSING
THROUGH ITS MECHANICAL BRAIN.
THAT BREAK-DANCING ROBOT ***
MURDERED MY WIFE.
>> BREAK DANCER?
>> RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A
SHOPPING CENTER.
>> GARY, THAT WAS NO ROBOT.
WAS HE WEARING A SILVER BOWLER
HAT?
DID HE WHISTLE WHEN HE MOVED?
>> YES.
>> ROBOTS DON'T HAVE LIPS, GARY.
ONLY HUMANS CAN WHISTLE.
WHAT YOU DESCRIBED IS A HUMAN
DRESSED IN ROBOTFACE.
>> NO!
>> [ GROANS ]
>> LIES!
LIES AND ROBOT PROPAGANDA.
MY WIFE WAS SLAIN BY ROBOT
HANDS!
SHUT HIM DOWN!
>> Kove: SOMEBODY GET ME A BABY
ON A TRAMPOLINE, AND IF THAT KID
ISN'T CUTE AS HELL, THEN WE CAN
KISS S.A.M. GOODBYE.
>> Sam: WE LOST ALL THE FOOTAGE
OF THE DANCING PRISONERS.
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
CONFISCATED IT BECAUSE OF THE
WHOLE TORTURE THING.
AND S.A.M.'s BATTERY'S DOWN TO
16%.
>> Trent: THESE KITTENS ARE
DEAD.
>> Kove: DID YOU POKE HOLES IN
THE BOX?
>> Trent: YEAH, I THINK THAT'S
WHAT DID IT.
>> Kove: [ GASPS ]
PULL IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE!
OR S.A.M.'s DEATH WILL BE ON
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR
HANDS!
>> YOU'RE NOT READY TO UPLOAD A
VIRAL UNTIL YOU GO THROUGH THE
TUNNEL OF HATERS.
>> Alphonse: HATERS GONNA HATE.
I CAN HANDLE IT.
>> MM-HMM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> EPIC FAIL.
>> LAME.
>> LAMEZORS.
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
>> EPIC FAIL.
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
>> LAME.
>> LAME.
>> I WANT TWO MINUTES AND
10 SECONDS OF MY LIFE BACK.
>> DIE.
>> STUPID.
>> Alphonse: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
>> YOU SHOULD DIE.
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> CLICK ON MY LINK IF YOU WANT
TO SEE SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY.
[ GASPS ]
>> FAKE.
>> Alphonse: AAH!
[ GASPS ]
SO MEAN.
>> DRINK THIS.
>> Alphonse: WOW.
>> THAT'S THE LONGEST ANYONE'S
EVER LASTED.
YOUNG ALPHONSE, YOU ARE FINALLY
READY TO UPLOAD A VIRAL VIDEO.
>> Trent: [ Gruff voice ] I'M
NOT A CROOK.
I'M RICHARD NIXON.
>> Kove: [ GROANS ]
DAMN IT, TRENT.
THOSE WERE SURFACE-LEVEL
IMPRESSIONS AT BEST.
>> Trent: IT'S NOT REALLY IN MY
WHEELHOUSE.
I ONLY KNOW THREE CELEBRITIES --
RICHARD NIXON, BILL O'REILLY,
AND LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS, SO --
>> Sam: GUYS, WE'RE RUNNING OUT
OF TIME.
S.A.M.'s BATTERY IS DOWN TO WHAT
WE CALL "MILK PERCENTAGES."
>> Kove: [ SCOFFS ]
AM I THE ONLY PERSON HERE WHO
KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A VIRAL
VIDEO?!
>> Alphonse: YOU DO NOT BELIEVE
IN YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHY YOU #FAIL.
LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS COULD USE A
LITTLE VIRAL MAGIC.
SAY HELLO TO JASMINE,
SAN DIEGO'S CUTEST DOG.
>> Kove: LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE.
LET'S MAKE A VIRAL VIDEO.
OKAY, MY CHILD.
OPEN YOUR WINGS AND SOAR.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES, ROBOT.
I KNOW NOW THAT YOUR KIND DIDN'T
KILL MY WIFE.
BUT YOU KILLED THE LIE THAT I
WAS LIVING.
>> WE ARE NOT SO DIFFERENT.
YES, BLOOD RUNS THROUGH YOUR
VEINS, AND DATA THROUGH MY
WIRES, BUT WE BOTH --
[ POWERS DOWN ]
>> S.A.M. NO!
>> Kove: THE VIDEO HAD
500 MILLION VIEWS IN THE PAST
TWO HOURS AND FEATURED ON THE
FRONT PAGE OF REDDIT.
I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE.
>> Trent: WE DID IT.
WE SAVED DAISY.
>> I'M RIGHT HERE.
>> Trent: WE DIDN'T SAVE YOU?
WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO THIS
STUPID THING FOR?
>> Sam: TO SAVE S.A.M.
>> Trent: AH, YEAH. WHATEVER.
LET'S GET LUNCH.
>> Kove: THANKS, ALPHONSE.
YOU SAVED THE DAY.
>> Alphonse: ALL I DID WAS BRING
OUT WHAT WAS ALREADY INSIDE OF
YOU.
WE ALL HAVE GREAT VIRAL VIDEOS
IN US JUST WAITING TO COME OUT.
A GOOD FRIEND TAUGHT ME THAT.
>> YOU'VE DONE WELL, YOUNG
ALPHONSE.
>> Alphonse: HEY, CALEB, YOU
HUNGRY?
>> YEAH, I'M STARVING.
>> IT WAS A TUMULTUOUS TIME,
AND ROBOT-HUMAN RELATIONS WERE
AT AN ALL-TIME LOW.
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE
MEN AND WOMEN OF NTSF ARE HEROES
FOR WHAT THEY DID.
OH, AND I'M AN HISTORIAN.