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[ laughing ]
- Hey, buddy, what are you laughing at?
- I'm just reading some comics on the internet.
- Doesn't that cause eye strain, back pain, and carpal tunnel?
- Now that you mention it, ouch!
It does.
- Have you ever thought to yourself, "there's got
to be a better way."
- I have.
- Well, you're in luck.
- All right!
- Introducing the Cyanide and Happiness book.
- Wow!
- Don't let your friends think that you are uncool,
unhip, and unliterate.
It's a must have.
Look at all the amazing things it can do.
- Okay.
- Swat away bees and flies.
Do an impression of a house.
The possibilities are endless.
- You only mentioned two.
- You can use it to impress your friends.
Paper-cut your enemies.
Pitch a cabin instead of a tent.
Use it to blow your nose.
Use it to blow your mind.
You can level your table.
Fan yourself in the summer.
Heat your house in the winter.
Hold down your loose papers.
But wait, there's more.
- Wha-- - You can train your dog.
Raise your kids.
Jog your memory.
Show it to your mom.
Teach your kids how to read.
- Daddy, what's ***?
- You'll find out when you're older.
- Add sliced ham and make a delicious book sandwich.
Show it to your mom again.
Buy a bunch and stash them away.
It's a must stash.
- Okay, well I gotta--
Entertain your friends at parties.
Make a splash at the office. Put it in your toaster.
Put it in your mouth. Spit it out.
Put it back in your mouth again. Yeah, you like that, don't you?
- All right, I'll buy your [bleep]-ing book!
- Oh, I...already got you one.
They also make great gifts!
[ music ]