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...S-O-N! Atchison!
Wow, I gotta say that was an impeccable pyramid!
Gonna be tough to beat.
Alright, I just blew a guy in the bathroom. Can we be friends now?
What?
I just blew a guy in the-
I heard what you said ***!
Oh I'm sorry, I just thought that because you just said "What!"
Wow, honey, so you just met a stranger and took him into the bathroom for a quick beej
just like that huh?
Uh, no, no, uh, that's gross. No, no, I do this thing where you cut a hole in the wall
and you wait for an erect *** to be slipped through.
You mean a gloryhole?
Blaine, Blaine, oh sweet Blaine, don't get involved buddy.
Oh, gloryhole! That's a great name for it. I was just gonna call it s *** Pocket. You
know, *** Pocket. You know, like, a hot pocket, but instead it's a random's guy's ***?
Okay, hold on. Who would just stick their *** a random hole in a public bathroom?
Ahhhh!
You just missed the entire Atchison High cheer routine!
Oh did I? Oh God, what am I gonna do? Uh, congratulations 10! I really like their use
of pom-poms. Crisis averted.
God, you are a *** mess. Next to the mainstage, Overland Park High School. Good luck ladies!
This is our last squad. You think you can maintain consciousness for the next five minutes?
Let me ask you something. What are the odds that there's a woman in the men's bathroom
just waiting?
Waiting for what?
You know, to do stuff.
I don't give a *** Bert. Please move over. You smell like Jameson and old salmon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's probably more romantic if I don't know.
Ok, girls, here we go... Don't *** this up!
Alright, baby, time to show Daddy what you got.
Hey Brittnay! You're so fine! Rock it ***! You're so fine!
Give me an O!
These girls have some skill. Does look a bit familiar though.
How do you say E!
Wow, my ex-girlfriend's onstage. My new gay friends are sitting next to me. I just blew
a dude. Lot of character development for Than these days-
For the love of Michael Bay, stop talking.
Yeah!
Nailed it!
So far so good, but let's see what they've got in store for the finale.
You sure about this?
Let's *** do this.
Well suck my *** in a public restroom! ***!
Holy chocolate *** burgers!
God-diddy-damn-do! Incredible!
That's my son! Inside of my girl! Who is standing on top of my ex-girl! Wow, you know, I've
had a big year.
Bravo, ladies, bravo.
You girls, were amazing. Especially you, ***.
I sucked a ***!
God, Jonathan.
Wow, that was awesome! Now let's just get a little bit of the wrap-up session and we've
got ourselves a hit pilot that makes Honey Boo Boo look like an aborted koala bear. Ah,
little people freak me out.
Congratulations girls! I don't think there's any doubt who this belongs to.
And as for you, Miss Zales, your modeling future is very bright. How would you like
to be the new face of Claire's?
You!
Tanya!
I bet you feel pretty good about yourself right now! Well...*** you!
Aw hell yeah!
*** you, you slutty little whorebag bitchcunts! You all can lick my *** *** because you're
nothing but a bunch of twatfaced cocksuckers.
Yeah, ***! Ya'll ain't nothin but a bunch of trick *** hos who couldn't *** their way
out of a paper bag. So go ahead, go, go, go suck on some dicks and enjoy your trophy you
*** gobbling *** surfers. *** ya'll and *** this ***.
Anything to say to that, Mackenzie, you stupid little *** ***?
Mackenzie, no your hair!
What about her hair?
Not right now, we need this shot!
You know what, Tanya, I have one thing to say to you...who the *** are you? Who the
*** do you think you are?
Yeah, you think you can *** me out? I am the queen of ***! You look up *** up in
the dictionary and you're gonna see my *** face!
Well, I guess it's just you and me...Ashley Katchadourian!
I mean you want to *** with my team at my *** mall comin' in here with your ***
Disney *** ***! Like, you know what? You like Adam Sandler movies? Well,
the price is wrong ***!
...in a lazy *** river?! Well, the jokes on you because guess who's been giving handjobs
to every *** member of the Atchison high football team? And do you know what they had
to say about you? Not a *** thing because no one gives a *** about you Taylor! You're
a *** sidekick! A *** punchline to Tanya Berkowitz's *** up life. Hey, knock,
knock, Taylor, who's there?
No one!
That's right! Cause you're gonna die alone!
Well, there'll be no Armageddon here today! Because I'm Ben Affleck and I'm on a rocket
ship back to earth. Along with Aerosmith, and Steve Buscemi, and everybody else, alright.
And I'm gonna make the *** out with Liv Tyler. And you're Bruce Willis, sitting on a ***
rock...dying. And you have to press the button cause you're gonna *** die. Well, press
the button, Ashley Katchadorian, press the button, because we're sick and tired of your
***. I hope you enjoyed this *** ride! You are the cause of all this. You are the
reason that she has a robot arm. And you are the reason that... Alright? I hope you enjoyed
the *** ride!
Goddamit! Well, this is ruined.
So what do you want to do now?
Ah, let's just make another Girls Gone Wild knock-off. Hey ladies, how'd you like to earn
ten bucks and feel great about yourselves?
Well, that is certainly not the image that the Halverstad modeling agency wants to be
presenting to the young women of America.
Unless you're casting the E True Hollywood Story of Amanda Bynes.
Ha ha, that was kind of funny.
Oh, Amanda Bynes jokes she likes?
And you ruined it. And I want to push you down stairs. Go wait in the car, *** brick.
And we're back to *** brick.
Go *** yourselves!
Go *** yourselves!
Go *** yourselves!
Wow girls that would be impressive to me even if I wasn't gay.
Yeah, baby, if it was possible for me to have an *** right now, I most definitely would.
But Brittnay, what about your show?
Yeah, Mackenzie, what about your modeling career?
*** it.
Yeah, we don't need to be rich and famous right now if it means we giving up who we
really are.
Yeah, I mean, if somebody wants to give me my own show and a whole bunch of money, you
better *** believe it's gonna be on my own terms.
Yeah, besides if we were to sacrifice everything we are to become rich and famous at this age,
well, we could end up like Amanda Bynes.
Or Lindsay Lohan
Or Shia Lebouf.
Or Michael Jackson.
Oh, am I included in something for once? You know what? *** you guys.
So for right now, we're just gonna be exactly who the *** we are and not anybody. Besides,
we're still the most popular girls in school.
You're *** right we are.
You know what guys, hearing this speech has made me realize something. All this time,
I've been trying to impress these guys by pretending to be gay.
What? Whoa. No you are gay.
No, Tanner, I just wanted to think that so you'd like me.
We still don't like you.
Nope, still no.
No change, whatsoever.
But Jonathan, you are the gayest of gay.
No, Tanner, you are the gayest. Well, you're gay, he's probably the gayest actually. But
I can't live this lie anymore. It's like these girls said, I can't pretend to be somebody
else so I can be popular. That's not me. That's not Than. That's not who I am. I've got to
be true to myself.
Whoa, you were being true to yourself. They were wrong. You were doing the right thing!
I appreciate that Tanner. You're a true friend.
I am not your friend. And also, you had a guy's *** in your mouth ten minutes ago!
Hey I couldn't see anything. For all I know, that was a chick's ***.
Alright, that's it we're leaving. Grab your pompoms and your duffel bags, let's get the
hell out of here.
Weird.
Oh, I get it! Back to the good ol' days, huh. *** you too guys! *** you too! Holy ***.
How am I gonna get home?
Goddamit. You win this one Zales.
Hello Daddy. How's Washington? No, just working on a little bit of revenge. I will, Daddy.
Hey Jenna, where is everybody?
It's over. For now. But winter is coming to Overland Park.