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Watch your mouths.
The camera's on.
Don't let any of your angry secrets out.
What does that say, Elliot?
Table Talk.
What show are we doing, Elliot?
Table Talk.
What should we do right now?
How about some Table Talk?
Boom.
Ow!
I love how I just-- muhr.
@SMDaniels says, "what was your favorite candy/chocolate bar
when you were growing up and what is it now?"
Oh!
We're starting with the hard ones.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I'm not going to--
Man.
Wait.
Come back to me.
Come back to me.
You've been really hitting-- he's been hitting those a bit,
real hard.
I'm on it.
I'll just jump out and say it.
When I was a young lad, I really liked some of the off-brand.
Oh, oh, oh.
Well, they were name-brands, but they
were the off bars of the brand.
Let's hear them.
Whatchamacallit.
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah.
Skor.
Oh, I love Skor bar.
Symphony.
And--
Symphony?
You were the one who liked Symphony?
I loved the Symphony bars.
I went through a big Mr. Peanut phase, and I had one recently.
That is a garbage candy bar.
That is garbage-- What?
Mr. Peanut?
Milk chocolate and nuts.
Not salted nuts.
You mean Mr. Good Bar?
Is that what you mean?
Mr. Peanut?
Is that what you called it?
Hi, I'm Mr. Peanut.
I like Professor Chocolate Nougat.
I like-- Mr. Chocolate.
Sir Marshmallow.
No, Mr. Goodbar is a real ***, *** one
that you liked.
I had a Mr. Peanut recently.
I was so pissed off.
I don't feel good today.
He's still so vehement about hating Mr. Peanut.
Mr. Peanut is an excellent random--
I hate it.
I hate Mr. Peanut.
So we're on kids ones.
What did you guys like when you were kids?
Okay, when I was a kid-- and it kinda is still the same,
I don't think there's anything that I would like more-- Almond
Joy.
Almond Joy's good.
Those gross me out.
You hate coconut.
Coconut does not do it for me.
Just coconut--
Coconut tastes like you're eating just stuff that
wasn't supposed to be eaten.
It tastes like it doesn't want to be chewed up,
and it want to be swallowed.
It just doesn't taste--
You have a lot of those, though.
We were just talking about tomato.
You're talking texture, not so much taste.
What else you got?
Coconut, tomato--
Yeah, tomatoes are gross.
Tomatoes are nasty.
Boogers wrapped in a thin layer of cartilage.
OK, what else?
Let's see.
Let's go down the list of foods I don't like.
Mushrooms taste like I'm eating--
they taste like I'm eating an inside out food, like it was--
like I start with the soft part and ends with the harder part.
I don't like that.
It's gross.
Yeah.
What else you got?
We got-- so, coconut--
Steak!
I hate steak!
Steak!
Argh!
No, yeah.
I like Almond Joy even though it's gross.
Whatever.
But, and then, my hands-down favorite candy of all time
is, and will always be, Reese's Pieces.
Reese's Pieces are good.
Adult Joe really appreciates Reece's Pieces.
Adult Lee does, too, but Adult Lee opens it up and eats it.
Pieces, not cups, right?
Pieces, not cups, right?
Pieces.
Pieces.
There's a big difference.
I'm a big peanut butter fan.
I enjoy myself a cup.
I do prefer the Reese's Pieces.
I will say, nowadays, my new favorite is Butterfinger.
Hands down.
I go crazy for Butterfinger.
Like the fun-size Butterfinger We have a P.O. Box.
Oh!
He does want those Butterfingers.
What else?
In my adult age, I really enjoy a York Peppermint Pattie.
Oh!
Really?
I've been getting into a little bit more peppermint recently.
Junior Mints over York, I would feel.
Legitimately, Junior Mints over York, in my heart of hearts.
Do you guys feel-- like, you know
how they say your taste buds change?
Have you experienced this?
Yes.
As I get older, and slowly dying--
and my mouth is dying faster than my body--
I need the spice now.
Right.
I hated spicy things growing up.
Yes.
Give me a little bit of a kick, like some Tapatio Doritos,
and I am like Woo!
Well, I've never--
Shove sat down with an IPA, which
is the only beer I can taste anymore.
Oh!
IPA is the only one I love.
I love IPA.
And I'm in Heaven.
I hadn't had beer in two weeks last week.
Oh my god.
That makes so much more sense about your behavior.
I know.
It's been a rough time.
But my wife and I went to Tinhorn Flats.
Holy crap, great place.
Shout out to Tinhorn.
They have a PO box.
I'm like, well, it's my first beer I've had.
I'm going to start light.
I'm going to start with a Sierra Nevada.
Nice little pale ale.
Makes you want to cry?
I got halfway done, and I was like, this is garbage.
Bring me your IPA list.
I want to feel alive.
You can't drink any other beer now.
You can't now.
No, I went through a real big tasting phase.
Ninkasi makes this one called Tricerahops.
We had to order it from Oregon.
It was like insane.
It's so good.
Oragan.
But it's so stinking good, I can't even handle it.
You can't find it out here anywhere.
But Tricerahops is the best one, hands down.
Our favorite candy bars as adults are beer.
Yeah.
IPA beer.
Moving on.
The more hops, the better.
Moving on.
Fantastic.
All right.
Oh, "what is your proferred--"
Sierra Nevada's a pale ale, right?
They have different--
It's not an India Pale.
It is a pale.
It's not an India Pale.
It's not an India Pale Ale.
Yeah.
Beer.
You get it?
Yeah.
Yeah, OK, good.
From dotpan, he said, "what's your preferred physical method
of greeting a close friend: high five, handshake, chest bump,
hug, elbow rub, quick handy, drop-kick?"
I'm a hugger.
I'm a hugger.
When I meet my friends, I like to hug.
And I like it even more when--
Elbow rub?
I like it even more when I'm hugging
a friend that doesn't like to hug.
Oh yeah.
When you feel that little bit of awkward right beforehand.
I went to see this taping of [? Malaney ?]
look out for it on The Fox-- And there's this scene in it
when [? Malaney ?] comes in and gets--
it's like a big, happy moment for him-- spoiler alert,
this is probably illegal to tell you this,
because I can't imagine it's not copyrighted in some way--
hopefully he doesn't find out.
No, no.
But he walks in-- it's a really funny scene because he walks in
and he's like, I got the job!
And he hugs his bro-friend, and then
he has a girlfriend, who is just a friend,
and they both just go, all right,
and they do that weird shoulder hug.
I feel bad, though, because I am that person, where
I feel like I wear my emotions on my sleeve too often.
And so I will do that, where I'll be like,
oh, god, I've missed you.
How are you?
And then I'll be like, you doing good I will do that.
Or it's like when you're in a group of people,
and you say I love you to one person.
You're like, all right, love you, see you later.
I love you, too?
I appreciate you.
It was great seeing you.
It's the same when they say, like, love you,
And you're like, love you.
Ahh!
Oh!
There's also the times you're with four people, three of them
are really close friends, and then
maybe there's just like an acquaintance
that you've just met.
So it's like, aw, good seeing you.
Love you.
Hug.
And I always go, I'll hug you, too.
Yeah.
I do the I'm a hugger.
But I make it way too uncomfortable.
I don't do it.
I shake the hand.
I'm like, ah, ah, we're not there yet.
All right.
I've actually evolved to hugger after I found out
that ball-cupping is not kosher.
No.
It's not a go.
It's comfortable, though.
It's a nice-- It's a good way to pass the time.
It's warm every time.
I will say-- real fast, though-- we live in LA,
and one thing that terrifies me is the greet kiss.
Oh!
That happens all the-- I don't know how to do it.
I don't know!
And it is-- it's such a big thing out here.
I'm worried-- it freaks me out the most
because, like, I have aspirations of one day
being-- in my mind, like everybody imagines me being--
a late night TV host, and they always
do that thing when guests comes out.
They're like [KISS].
And I'm like, nope!
Can't do that job.
You can't do that job.
No.
I would not do well.
I would end up kissing their mouth.
It'd be super awkward.
People that you know do it, and you're like,
OK I have to amp up.
I have a friend that does that constantly,
and I don't know what to do with it.
So now I'm turning into this person where I'm like, hey.
Hi, how are you?
And I feel like I'm in the seventh grade,
because it will happen, and I'll be like,
did that person-- did you just kiss me?
You like look at her husband.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I didn't do anything!
Yeah.
It's just such a weird thing.
I'm just like-- but people kiss.
You look at your wife-- you're like--
I didn't know people still did that.
People still do that all the time out here.
And I'm even worse.
I'm just going to do it real quick.
I'll be like--
[LAUGHS]
It's just like a cower.
Have you seen the people who do this?
Okay, all right.
Yeah.
Got it!
Welcome to my house!
The dip is over there.
Have a wonderful time!
I can't talk.
[COUGHS]
Hugging.
I like hugging.
It's terrifying.
There's nothing more terrifying than that.
It's just--
I'm a hugger.
You are a big hugger.
Yeah.
Handshakes just become too confusing.
You never know what somebody's going to do.
A nun finished senten-- an unfinished senten--
that's funny.
That is funny.
But it's better when it's a nun finished--
"if the average human lifespan was 40 years,
how would you live your life differently?"
I'd be dead already.
I'm *** already then.
No, you're not 40 there.
Oh, I thought he said four.
You've actually--
I thought he said four.
I was like, I don't understand this question.
I would try and have cognitive thought by the time I died.
If I were 40-- I don't think-- I don't know,
I might have had kids earlier, but I
don't know if I would change much else.
You're actually the one doing it right out of all of us
so far if that were the case.
Because me and Elliot have *** our way through nothing.
We're like, great.
If we started having kids now, I'd
feel horrible leaving a kid behind, being like, peace,
you're 12.
After you turn 40, you're pretty much dead anyway.
Right, yeah, that's how your souls works.
Like, life is over.
Let's be real.
Yeah.
Let's be real.
Legitimately.
Hey, stop alienating our over 40 demographic here.
They're out there!
I know they are!
We got a good percentage.
It's, like, five percent or something.
That's significant.
One out of 20.
Yeah.
That was my favorite.
I went car shopping because I need a new car. @Hyundai @Mazda
Give me a car.
@Hyundai @Mazda USA That's the handle?
Just @Hyundia @Mazda.
Yeah, just @Hyundai @Mazda Give me a car, please.
I need it.
I'll give you a hug and a box of apples.
Because that's what I have in my possession.
But I went car shopping, and some guy
was like looking and looking, and they were like,
are we being sharked?
What's happening?
And, like, literally, he was probably like early 50s.
And he came over and was like, love your internet stuff?
Give me a car.
Oh, cool.
OK.
No, becuase he didn't-- like, he was actually looking for a car,
too.
He didn't love it that much.
He didn't love me that much.
But I really--
He should have bought you a car.
I know.
But me a car!
Hey, Kim Kardashian, can I have some money?
I guess the answer is, not much different.
Right?
Yeah.
I'd go with that.
Not much different.
I would probably have tried to have kids earlier,
but if not-- you know what I would actually
do if I knew for sure?
I would rack up so much *** debt.
Yeah, if you know you're going to die.
If you know you're going to die.
Done.
I would just be hundreds and hundreds
of thousands of dollars in debt.
What a weird question.
All right. @EDHFarrow says, "what
is the worst place you could find a pile of cold spaghetti?"
I mean, probably the worst place you could imagine--
that's a pretty neutral finding.
That's a pretty neutral finding.
Actually, but it's one of those things of,
like, you turn off the lights, you're
getting ready to go into bed, and you're like, oh man!
That's miserable.
I'd be so angry.
You're like super tired.
All you want is the comfort of your bed,
and there's just a pile--
A pile of cold spaghetti.
Mailbox.
Mailbox would be annoying.
Reach in there.
A purse.
A purse would be a real just, like, ***.
We say pile.
We're minding a handful.
What if it's a legit pile.
A legit pile--
Car seat.
That would be a real beef.
That'd be-- Pretty much anywhere.
I can't think of-- like, unless it's on a plate on a table.
I like things that you find that allude to something
super creepy having just happened.
So there's no way that someone could
have been-- like a ghost story.
Oh, yeah.
Like you're home alone--
I'm in a boutique hotel, and I wake up
in the middle of the night, and then
there's a pile of cold spaghetti in the shower.
I didn't put it there.
Oh my god.
It was the ghost that lived there before.
What if that was just, like, a villain?
Like, that's the villain Mozzarella.
Rigatoni.
Ha ha!
That's the ghost laugh you use.
Ha ha!
He just has different types of pasta.
Penne for you.
Pah!
Like your newborn-- you're about to hold him for the first time.
He's under the warming lamp.
And you see him there, and you're about to take a picture,
and just right to the left of him is a big pile of spaghetti.
A big pile of cold spaghetti.
What is going on here?
What's happening?
Although I do love cold spaghetti.
That's a fact.
I don't want to do-- I don't want
to-- I'm going to switch it up.
I don't want to end on that pile of spaghetti
question because it's weird.
I'm not going to tell you guys what this is.
I'm going to answer, and I want to see
if you can deduce what the question is
based on the answer.
Anthony Hernadez, or @boylovesjesus on Twitter
said-- or boy loves Jesus-- says, something.
And my answer is, well, I definitely
do whole, the entire thing.
Every now and then, I'll do like half of it first
and then the rest of it.
But it's--
Foreplay.
That's foreplay.
And then-- but first, I take a little, like,
a nice glass of, you know, milk and--
Foreplay.
This is still foreplay we're talking about.
Hold it in there for probably 3-4 seconds.
That has to be--
How do you eat your Oreos?
[SCREAMS]
What is, how do you eat your oreos, Alex?
I mean, I kind of figured that, but I really
was hoping it was foreplay.
To give the exact wording, "do you eat your Oreos whole,
or do you split and lick?"
I split.
That's for sure.
I'm just a straight-up dunker.
Let it melt in my mouth.
Like, let it get too soggy.
Let it melt in your mouth and just sit there.
Mine is literally based on how I used to eat it with a friend.
And it still is one of those things--
where she hated the cream.
Who the *** hates the cream?
Oh, Double Stuff is too much.
No!
No.
In my gigantic fat girl days, this was my favorite thing
to do-- is open up Double Stuff Oreos
and then put peanut butter on one side
and close them back up.
Put them back in the package, seal it,
open it up again, and give myself a present.
Take it back to the store.
Rebuy it.
And then cry in the shower for about two years.
That was my favorite thing.
Like, um.
In fairness, though, that sounds delicious.
It's freaking amazing.
It really is.
Due, I used to buy the half chocolate,
half peanut butter Oreos, and those were the double stuffed,
those are delicious.
Yeah, they're delicious.
My favorite way to eat them is like 10 years ago.
It's been that long since I've had Oreos.
Really?
For real?
Yeah.
I'm like-- I'll go through phases--
I don't go to the store and buy-- I pass the Oreos,
and I always think, not today forever.
Yeah.
I never buy them.
Not today forever.
You OK?
I want to go to the grocery store with you.
Just hear you talking to all the food.
Not today forever.
*** you, tomatoes.
Eggs, no go.
Let's keep moving.
Yep.
Oh hello, overly priced coffee creamer.
This guy.
Hello Tapatio Doritos, you can come
meet the rest of your family.
I feel alive again.
I separated you long ago, but I'm
going to make you be reunited with them.
Hey Oreos, not today forever.
This sassafras joker at the grocery store.
Not today forever.
You want this?
You can't have this.
Oh god.
Hey, pulp orange juice, nobody likes you.
Go back to where you came from, in an actual orange.
So.
We're really happy with ourselves right now,
so we're going to stay with us.
And we're going to let you guys go.
Thank you for watching Table Talk.
Have a wonderful day.
How do you eat your Oreos?
We're just going to slide out of frame, just like this.
Real slow.
See you never.
Not today.
Forever, not today.
Forever.
Bye bye.
Oh.
I made it.
It's like there's another world down here.