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I don't know Mom! Why don't you give me a *** break, ok? I had to break up with
my boyfriend today. Yeah, because he likes *** Gossip Girl more than Glee. God! Plus,
I have a yeast infection. I don't know, mom, why don't you ask the bread loaf that's baking
in my ***? Get me some god damn Monistat!
Can I help you?
Probably not.
What the *** is that supposed to mean?
It means whatever the *** you want it to mean.
Listen, ***, I don't know who the *** you think you are, but-
I'm Deandra. I'm new.
I don't give a ***!
Oh really? Cuz it sure seems like you do!
Well I don't!
Well good!
Great!
Fantastic!
Super!
Awesome!
Great!
Great!
Oh my God thank God you're here, this *** ***-
Not right now, Britt. Deandra, hi, Mackenzie Zales, I don't know if you remember me: head
cheerleader, homecoming queen, part time model.
Yeah. You cursed me out in the bathroom earlier today.
Oh my god, was that today? That seems like so long ago. Right Trisha?
Yeah, that was like, literally hours ago.
You remember Trisha, right?
Not really.
Rea- really? We talked, you pooped, I thought we had a connection.
Sorry, uh, nothing.
Allow me to introduce you to the co-head-vice captain of the Overland Park cheer squad,
Brittnay Matthews.
Hey.
*** off.
You're the *** girl, right?
What! *** Connor Devarnan!
Anyway, Deandra, I'm glad I ran into you here. We would like to offer you a spot on the Overland
Park Cheer Squad.
The *** we would!
The megaphone and pompoms are spoken for, but you can either have a baton or the letter
Um, that would be the letter O.
Oh. That- that makes a lot more sense.
She can hold my *** ***, okay, cause she's not on this *** squad.
Brittnay! Sidebar!
What the *** is going on?
We are at war, Brittnay, and we need allies!
Why was I not consulted about this?
Because you are the co-head-vice captain of the cheer squad! I am the head cheerleader!
I have the last say on all personnel decisions. Got it?
Got it.
Then *** acting like it!
So, um, did you... did you hear about Tim Wallis's new car? It's a Fiat.
Oh. Cool.
We have new vending machines on campus. They take credit cards now.
That's great.
Oh god damn it.
Deeeeaaandra-
They would like to formally offer you a spot on the cheer squad.
I'm in.
Really?
*** no. You guys are ***.
Deandra. On the fourth floor of Oak Park Mall, next to the Gymboree, there is a bathroom.
A bathroom that is reserved for only the most elite of Overland Park's elite.
I've heard of such a bathroom.
Hey Trisha, how nice is it?
t It's got potted plants, jumbo tampons, and
a bidet for your ***.
I want to poop. There.
Join the cheer squad and the key is yours.
I'm in.
Congratulations. Jenna Dapananian will be contacting you regarding your uniform fitting.
What size are you?
I'm a zero.
Me too!
Me too!
Me too.
I swear to God, if this blows up in your face, you had better believe that I will take this
megaphone and shove it up your ***!
Brittnay, that girl will be the key to us regaining control of the girls bathrooms.
Wait, wait a minute, you lost control of the girls bathrooms?! Where the *** am I supposed
to *** now?
Oh, you can go to Jack in the Box across the street. You have to buy something, but I like
their tacos.