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So, I was thinking...if you're not doing anything on the evening of the 26th...It would be my
most sincere honor to escort you, Trisha Cappelletti, to the Overland Park High School Prom.
Oh-oh- oh yes! Oh dad, you were wrong! Oh my God! Brittnay! Brittnay!
God Trisha! What?
M-Matthew Derringer just asked me to the prom? Wait, my dress doesn't match with black.
Well, what did you say to him?
Uh, I, uh, I completely forgot to answer!
Yes! My answer is totally yes!
Well then, I await the evening of the 26th with baited breath. While I wait, though,
how about you put your tongue inside of my mouth for a little bit?
Uh, uh, with pleasure.
They make out.
Gross.
Jealousy. Now that's what's really gross.
You guys are not gonna believe how Steven Carmichael asked me to prom today!
Um, did he tape a giant red heart to your locker with the words "Prom" and "Question
Mark" written in the middle.
How did you know?
Because the *** heart is still taped to your locker.
Oh, I guess it is. Britt who asked you to prom?
Actually, it's kind of a long story.
Oh Saison! I wanted to know, do you want to go to prom with me?
Oh Blaine, how do you say, "oui".
Oh, hello Brittnay. Is everything, uh, bon?
Ugh, it's just fine, Saison. I was just trying to put myself into a coma so I wouldn't have
to listen to the two of you dipshits try to talk and breathe at the same time.
Actually, Saison can use her mouth and breathe at the same time. She showed me last night.
Yes, perhaps it is a skill you should learn, Brittnay. That way you won't have to rely
on the chafing nightmare that you call a how do you say ***.
Yep, that's exactly how you say ***.
*** Connor Devarnan!
What?
Where the *** have you been?
Around.
Well, have you been going around school telling people that I give second rate handjobs?
Yeah.
Are you gonna stop?
Will you go to prom with me.
Ok.
God damn it.
Well, that's a fulfilling story. Where the hell is Deandra? I told her to meet us here.
I'm telling you, I don't trust that ***.
Um, Brittnay, you don't trust anybody.
Yeah, with good reason! The last girl we trusted was Taylor McDevitt.
Oh Jesus.
We're supposed to be having a fun day at the Overland Park community center pool, and as
soon as I turn my back, Taylor's playing hide the finger with my *** boyfriend in the
lazy river.
I could totally go for a swim right now.
Hell, for all we know, that *** Deandra could be hanging out in the girls bathroom
braiding Saison Margeurite's *** hair.
God, your hair is like super thick.
Oui, I have grown it since I was a little girl growing in a chateau.
Deandra, we need to strategize. The cheerleaders have to be planning something. There's no
way they're not going to retaliate after that *** parade we gave them last week.
Do you guys ever talk about anything other than, like, revenge? I just saw this video
of a kid online who could light up a lightbulb by sticking it in his mouth. I mean, what's
going on there, right?
Your attention please.
And don't get me started on Pakistan. Ahmedinijad, am I right?
Shh! Shut up!
It's time for the announcements. Ok. Whoever thought it would be a funny idea to throw
my bicycle on the roof, that is my only way to get home. So if you could please return
it, it would be much appreciated. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, I
know I'm excited, my nipples are hard. The finalists for Overland Park Prom Queen 2012!
Oh yes! Oh *** yes! Who is else is wet in here?
Finalist number one: Mackenzie Zales!
Oh god that's sweet! Now, time to find out what unlucky *** are gonna have to suck
on my dickhole at prom.
Finalist number two: Brittnay Matthews!
What the ***?
Oh ***.
What the *** do you think you're trying to pull here, Matthews?
I'm not trying to pull anything, ok? Somebody must've nominated me. Not that I blame them
though, I mean, look at me.
What *** idiot would nominate you?
Oh, um, me.
What? Why?
Well, I think you really are a good friend, and you totally deserve it.
Wow Trisha. That's really nice. Thank you.
Yeah, Trisha. Thank you. Thank you for *** up my entire life.
No, I just-
Do you hate me, Trisha? Is that why you just buttfucked my prom campaign?
No, I was trying to-
Why don't we just call you Ross Perot, would you like that?
Is that the ninth grader? Because I only made out with him once, and his mom was like right
next to us.
You just split the cheerleader voting bloc and handed the crown to Shay Van Buren!
Finalist number three: Amberlynn Weggers!
Wow, good for Amberlynn.
Yeah, she definitely deserves it.
Who the *** is Amberlynn Weggers?
Deandra, there's three thousand people at this school and you've been here for like
two weeks. You're not gonna know everybody.
Oh. Right.
And now, for our last finalist...
Oh yes it's time. Time for Shay Van Buren's life to get *** in the ***! Is everything
ready?
Yeah.
Good.
The last finalist is... Gay Van Buren!
What?
Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!! ***! Gay!
I thought your name was Shay Van Buren.
It is *** Shay Van Buren!
Well then why did he just say-
My life is over!
It's not that bad.
Are you nuts? Do you know what this means?
This means, that from now on, Shay Van Buren will always be called Gay Van Buren! Her life
in Overland Park is ruined!
I'm gonna have to move to another state! I'm gonna end up working at Fosters Freeze in
*** Higginsville.
And one day, someone will walk up to order an oreo twister, and they will say, "Oh, I
remember you, you're-"
Gay Van Buren!
Hey, it's really not that big of a deal, Shay. It's just prom. Like nobody even cares about
prom. I don't give two *** about prom. *** prom, that's what I say.
Your attention please. There was a popup window on my internet browser which is obscuring
the final name on my list. The final finalist for the Prom Queen is Deandra the New Girl.
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! I'm gonna be the prom queen! I'm gonna be the prom queen! Suck my ***!
Suck my ***! Suck my ***! I did it! I did it!!!!!!! Ahhhh!!!
Well, Saison Margeurite, I guess we better go out there and face whatever my life has
become.
Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe no one noticed.
You really think so?
Hey Gay.
Hi Gay.
Hey Gay.
Gayyy.
That's not my name!
Welcome to my world! Heh, gay, heh.