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My God is definitely not a bully.
My God is not a bully.
My God is not a bully.
It's not easy telling your truth and, but, you can't hide from it, it is just that, my
truth.
I grew up in the church, right, so I grew up in a religious family. Went to church on
Wednesdays, had choir rehearsal, I was the choir director, youth choir director. I went
to church on Sundays. I grew up in the Lutheran church, Missouri Synod, let's be specific
because there's a difference. And then, um, my family's church was Baptist. So, on holidays
we went to two different churches, I had two different Easter speeches, you know, the whole
nine.
So, I grew up in a religious family, right, so I went to a private Lutheran high school,
I grew up with a lot of PK's, for those that don't know, preacher's kids. In many ways
I'm a PK myself. My father preaches often. People say he looks like T.J. Jenks.
So, when I kinda came to realize my own sexuality, my own identity, and the fact that I love
being with women, I had a moment, I had quite a few moments of wondering if I was just going
straight to hell for how I felt. And, you know, for a long time I fought that.
And it took a lot of self reflection, you know, and questioning. I questioned a lot.
God made Adam and Eve, you know, procreation, all types of things went through my head and
I had to take time to really examine those scriptures for myself. You know what I mean?
Like, I had to look at it, you know, some people can't have kids. Does that mean God
is angry at them and doesn't love them? Procreation? What kind of argument is that? I had to question
some of these clobber scriptures, as I've come to know them, you know, scriptures that
are thrown at *** people in church because God made me and I didn't choose this. Who
would choose another oppression? Let's be very clear, I'm a black woman and I'm ***.
So, I knew it wasn't a choice. I knew that God loved me, but I didn't know anything or
anywhere I could go and feel whole. I didn't feel like I could be all of me and still worship
God, and that was tough for me, so it's been a journey. And I've found a space, a place
where I can worship and feel good about that and feel better about myself.
I know God doesn't make mistakes, so how could I be a mistake and how could I possibly be
going to hell for how I feel and who I choose to love and how can any of my friends, who
are such amazing people, um, be dammed somewhere for who they are? It just doesn't make any
sense.
So when I started to understand that it doesn't make any sense, that this preacher standing
in the pulpit, is just that a preacher, a man who is all. God, is who I, you know, is
who I be live in and who I pray to, so I stopped taking people's word for who I am and started
taking my own word, taking God's word for who I am and that, in and of itself, has gifted
me with how I feel today, which is I feel 100% okay with who I am and because I'm okay
with who I am, so is everyone else, And if your not, then it's your loss and I hope that
everybody watching this video feels the same way or that you grow to feel the same way,
that you grow to feel that you are okay, that if you have faith, if you don't have faith,
either way, that you are okay.
It is quite a journey and I'm still on it, so it's not easy, but I feel like if you stay
on this journey, you'll be okay, too.