Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
♪♪♪
♪ WIPEOUT ON THESE BIG RED BALLS ♪
♪ WIPEOUT TRYING TO TAKE SOME FALLS ♪
(John A.) IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN, AMERICA.
24 CONTESTANTS ARE ABOUT TO FACE OFF
AGAINST THE CRAZY,
MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE EVER ASSEMBLED.
THREE OF THEM WILL EARN THE RIGHT
TO COMPETE ON THE MOST CHALLENGING COURSE OF ALL--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
$50,000 IS UP FOR GRABS.
ONE CHAMPION WILL EMERGE,
(woman) AAH!
(man) YOU GONNA KISS THE BABY!
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON HERE WITH JOHN HENSON.
SERIOUSLY? YOU RECOGNIZE ME? OH!
YEAH.
I'M WEARING GLASSES. THIS IS TERRIBLE.
I GOTTA FIGURE OUT A BELIEVABLE SECRET IDENTITY
BEFORE MY SUPERPOWERS KICK IN.
YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS?
YEAH. I WAS BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER
WHEN MY PIZZA BAGEL FELL BEHIND THE MICROWAVE.
SO YOU'RE GONNA, YOU KNOW, SHOOT WEBS LIKE A SPIDER NOW?
NO. I'LL JUST GROW EIGHT LEGS.
I'VE GOT THREE SO FAR. CHECK IT OUT.
MY TAILER'S PUTTING IN SOME SERIOUS OVERTIME.
THAT'S HIDEOUS. TURN--TURN AROUND.
SORRY.
THANKFULLY, WE HAVE 24 SUPER MEN AND WOMEN
AND FLAIL...
THEMSELVES EVERY WHICH WAY FOR A CHANCE AT 50 GRAND
AND IT ALL--
ALL STARTS WITH THE QUALIFIER.
FIRST UP, IT'S THE SQUASHBUCKLER.
CAREFUL, OR YOU'LL GET YOUR POOP DECK SWABBED.
(parrot squawks)
NEXT EN ROUTE, IT'S THE FAILBOXES.
(John H.) DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT STEALING MY TIRE STORE COUPONS.
FOLLOW THAT UP WITH THE WORLD-FAMOUS BIG BALLS.
GRAB DJ SMALLSY SMALLS FOR AN EXTRA $500 BONUS.
I'M-A BUMPIN' THE HOUSE JAM.
THEN THE TRIPPITY SKIPPITY FLIPPITY DO.
THE TRICK IS TO USE YOUR SKIPPITY TO AVOID
THE TRIPPITY AND THEN FLIPPITY RIGHT ONTO YOUR DO.
AND TO FINISH, OUR CONTESTANTS ARE INVITED
(boy laughs)
OH, HEY. LET ME GRILL Y'ALL SOME MEATS.
MMM.
THE FOOD, THE FLIES, THE ALCOHOL-FUELED ARGUMENTS--
AND THAT'S JUST ON THE WAY THERE.
(laughs) THAT IS A GREAT STORY, MY FRIEND.
NOW LET'S HEAD DOWN TO THE LOVELIEST MEMBER
OF OUR "WIPEOUT" FAMILY-- JILL WAGNER.
THANK YOU, GUYS.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR WIPEOUTS, SO LET'S GET STARTED.
YOU GON' GET THEM BIG...
IS, UM...
BIG...
OW!
OH! YOU GONNA KISS THE BABY!
YOU DONE GONE KISS THE BABY!
I'M DONE GONE NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS FREAK, JILL.
ALL RIGHT. THANKS, GUYS. I'M DOWN HERE WITH BRONSON PATE.
BRONSON, HOW YOU DOING TODAY?
WONDERFUL.
NOW I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU LOOK SO FIT TO ME.
(John H. imitates Hank Kingsley) HEY NOW!
UH, WE GOT TRIs THERE.
AND THEN WE'RE MOVING OVER-- WE'RE MOVING OVER TO BIs.
OOH, YEAH!
(John H.) HE IS FIT. A FIT FREAK.
YOU'RE PRETTY STRONG, AREN'T YOU?
(scoffs) IS THAT REALLY A QUESTION?
(air horn blows)
FIT FREAK BRONSON FIRST TO TAKE ON THE SQUASHBUCKLER.
GRAB THAT ZIP LINE AND SWING
FROM ONE SIDE OF THE SHIP TO THE OTHER.
YOU GON' GET SM--OHH!
(laughs)
HE DONE GONE KISSED THE CANNON.
FIT FREAK MAY HAVE A TOUGH TIME KISSING THE BABY
WITH HIS MOUTH IN TRACTION.
OOH! KNOCKED SILLY BY THE CANNON.
YARG!
YOU DONE GONE KISS THE BABY!
(dogs barking)
READY TO GET PHYSICAL WITH OUR FAILBOXES.
SO SIMPLE, JOHN.
JUST A SERENE STROLL DOWN A SUBURBAN STREET.
OOH!
OH, HO HO! HOT DOG!
MEET MY GUARD YORKIES SNUGGLES AND MUGSY.
MUGSY, SIT.
GOOD GIRL.
OOH!
THAT GUY DOESN'T SCARE EASILY, IF YOU GET MY MEANING.
(whispers) I MEAN HE'S NUTS.
BRONSON READY TO GET BUFF ON OUR EXERCISE BALLS.
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.
(woman) ♪ AH ♪
FIT FREAK'S GONNA DANCE-BATTLE DJ SMALLSY SMALLS.
CAN HE BE ThighMaster OF HIS OWN DESTINY?
YOU GON' KISS THE BABY!
OH!
THE FIT FREAK GETS DJ SMALLSY SMALLS
FOR AN EXTRA $500.
BRONSON GETTING FREAKY WITH THE BIG BALLS.
USING THOSE POWERFUL QUADS AND HAMMIES
TO LEG OUT SOME BONUS CASH.
FIT FREAK BRONSON NOW HEADED OVER
TO AN OBSTACLE THAT WAS PRACTICALLY BUILT
WITH HIM IN MIND, JOHN--
THE TRIPPITY SKIPPITY FLIPPITY DO.
OH, BOY. THIS GUY IS CLEARLY ON THE EDGE.
HOPE THIS THING DOESN'T TRIPPITY SKIPPITY FLIP HIM OUT.
OH!
OH, HO HO!
NOW HE DONE GONE KISS THE BABY.
OH, I HOPE HE BOUGHT THE BABY DINNER FIRST.
THAT WAS A LITTLE BIT... PAINFUL.
NO PAIN, NO GAIN, FIT FREAK.
OR IN YOUR CASE,
OHH!
(giggles) I LOVE YOU.
FIT FREAK BRONSON MAKING A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD RUN
AT THE FINAL OBSTACLE-- BACKYARD BARBECUE.
OH, HEY. IT'S ME, CHEF PAUL DEAN.
FIT FREAK WON'T LIKE THAT CHEF PAUL DEAN USES REAL BUTTER.
AAH!
OOH! RIGHT IN THE CORN GUT.
OH! OH!
HIS CORNS ARE GETTING CREAMED.
EW!
WITH A SIDE OF BARBECUE SAUCE.
OH! THE INSANITY! HE'S GETTING PELTED BY WATERMELONS,
BUT THE FIT FREAK SEEMS IMPERVIOUS.
YES!
WAIT FOR IT... WHO WANTS PIE?
OH, HO HO!
GOOD THING HIS FACE ABS ARE SO RIPPED.
(out of breath) THAT WAS, UH, SOME GOOD WIPEOUTS.
I DON'T KNOW. YOU THINK SO?
OH, YEAH.
OH. OKAY.
I'M SURE THAT-- OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT HINDSIGHT'S 20/20 THERE.
FIT FREAK BRONSON PATE STARTING THE DAY OUT
WITH A TIGHT TIME OF 3:37.
BRONSON!
HOLY COW.
HOW WAS THAT, BUDDY?
MY DADDY UNCLE KEVIN, TOLD ME,
"YOU GON' KISS THE BABY," AND I DID.
(John H.) OH, HIS DADDY UNCLE. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS SOME STUFF.
AAH!
19 YEAR OLD FIOLA RODRIGUEZ.
JOHN, SHE CLAIMS TO BE AN INSTANT PARTY.
I'M GONNA PARTY THIS COURSE'S FACE OFF! WHOO!
INTERESTING. EARLIER, SHE PARTIED JILL'S FACE OFF.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! IT'S A PARTY!
WHOO!
OH, SNAP! THERE'S A PARTY HORN. LET'S GET IT STARTED.
FIOLA UP THE STEPS AND SET TO PARTY
LIKE A PIRATE ON SQUASHBUCKLER.
AAH!
OH, HO! DROPPED ON THE OLD PARTY STICK.
AY!
SHE'S GONNA NEED AN EYE PATCH FOR HER BUTT.
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
TAKE A LOOK. AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A "WIPEOUT" PARTY
'CAUSE A "WIPEOUT" PARTY DON'T STOP...
(noisemaker blows)
EVEN WHEN YOUR BODY DOES.
THE CELEBRATION
JUST GETTING STARTED FOR INSTANT PARTY FIOLA.
SHE WAS A HIT WITH THE PIRATES.
NOW IT'S TIME TO GET A LITTLE LOCO WITH THE FAILBOX FIESTA.
HOLD ON TO YOUR PARTY HAT, FIOLA.
AY!
OUR GUARD DOGS LOVE TO GET WILD.
MUGSY, DOWN. DOWN, BABY.
NO BARKIES. ALL RIGHT. FIOLA DUBSTEPPING...
HER WAY UP TO THE BIG BALLS.
STRAIGHT UP, HOMES.
AAH! AAH!
OH, HO HO! THERE'S THE DROP.
WAIT FOR THE REPLAY.
(house music playing)
KICK IT.
♪♪♪
WOW! THAT WAS DOPE, BRO!
CAN WE GO UP IN THE CLUB LATERS?
NO.
WHATEVS. WHO'S NEXT?
ANYBODY NEEDS SOME COFFEE?
WELL, THIS IS 42 YEAR OLD BILLY PELLEGRINI.
AND HE WANTS TO BE A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT.
I'M NOT RUNNING ANYMORE.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THE JOB'S ALL ABOUT.
IF YOU WANT TO BE A P.A. ON A REAL HOLLYWOOD SET,
YOU GOTTA DO ALL THE GRUNT WORK.
AAH!
(filtered voice) HEY, UH, BILLY, WHILE YOU'RE UP THERE,
BRING ME SOME OF THAT BRISKET, MEDIUM-RARE, WELL-DONEISH,
AND A TON OF SAUCE, BUT NOT SO MUCH. ALL RIGHT?
NO RUSH, BUT MAKE IT QUICK. THANKS.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAD A GRUELING FIRST DAY ON THE SET,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? TO MAKE IT HERE, YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH.
OOH!
OOH, HOO HOO HOO! AND ALSO A GOOD SWIMMER.
ASPIRING P.A. BILLY SEEMS TO HAVE A KNACK FOR TAKING ABUSE.
(laughs)
OH, THAT KID MAY HAVE A LONG AND DEVASTATING CAREER
IN THIS TOWN YET.
NOW FROM OUR ASPIRING P.A. TO SOMEONE
WHO ACTUALLY HAS A LOT GOING ON.
THIS IS VOLLEYBALL COACH AMANDA DONALDSON.
LET'S GO "WIPEOUT"! NEED THIS MONEY
SO SOMEONE WILL ACTUALLY GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME.
YEAH!
SILLY GIRL. BOYS AREN'T AFTER MONEY.
JILL?
I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE. NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP.
WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. HOLD ON. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M 23 YEARS OLD.
23 YEARS OLD AND YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE?
NOT ONE.
(John H.) WELL, MIGHT WANT TO RETHINK THAT BUN.
BUT JILL CAN FIX ALL THAT. RIGHT, JILL?
UM...
(John H.) COME ON. HELP ME OUT.
UM, AWKWARD.
(John A.) HOW ABOUT WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?
(John H.) YEP?
(John A. and John H.) YEAH?
(John H.) SURE. NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A LATE BLOOMER.
A ROSE THAT OPENS IN WINTER IS MORE RARE
THAN THE MANY FLOWERS OF SPRING.
WELL, DATELESS DONALDSON TRYING TO BLOSSOM HERE
THE THE TRIPPITY SKIPPITY FLIPPITY DO.
AAH!
OHH!
LOOK AT THAT. SHE GOT HER FIRST KISS.
I'M NOT SURE IT COUNTS IF YOUR FIRST TIME, YOU KISS THE BABY.
YOU'RE A SPECIAL GAL.
I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT DATELESS DONALDSON, JOHNNY.
"WIPEOUT" IS A GREAT PLACE TO MEET TONS OF INTERESTING PEOPLE,
LIKE THIS GUY, SYLVESTER PORTADES.
OH, HO HO!
HE LOVES DOGS.
SNUGGLES AND MUGSY HAVE BEEN
DISHING OUT THE AFFECTION ALL DAY LONG.
AAH!
AY! (laughs) LOOK AT THAT WET, SLOBBERY KISS.
(growls)
OH!
THAT WAS RUFF.
(laughs) RUFF, LIKE BARKING. I GET IT.
AAH!
OOH! RIGHT IN THE COLD, WET ONE.
THESE POOCHES REALLY KNOW HOW TO WELCOME YOU HOME.
OH, MAN!
(panting)
BACK AT THE TOP...
B-L-A-D-E. B-L-A-D-E.
WHAT IS SPELLING? B-L-A-- BLA-DE?
BLADE, JOHNNY. THIS IS HEATHER CARTER. BLADE.
OKAY, I'M TIRED.
THERE'S THE HORN.
BLADE, AS SHE INSISTS ON BEING CALLED,
IS UP TO SLICE THROUGH THE SQUASHBUCKLER.
INCOMING.
BLADE--OOH! A CUT ABOVE THE CANNONS.
AAH!
AND NOW JUST DANGLING AROUND.
I HAVE A FEELING THIS COULD GO ON FOR A W-H-I-L-E.
B-L-A-D-E. B-L-A-D-E.
JOHN, YOU KNOW I CAN'T SPELL. LET'S JUST SKIP AHEAD.
EXCELLENT SUGGESTION.
HERE'S 22-YEAR-OLD STUFFED ANIMAL LOVER CASSANDRA STAATS
AND HER FURRY FRIEND WOLFY.
OH, THIS COULD BE A PROBLEM.
MUGSY AND SNUGGLES DO NOT LIKE OTHER DOGS.
(growls)
OHH! SHE JUST TOOK WOLFY FOR A FLEA DIP.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE?
A STUFFED ANIMAL VET?
AAH! AAH!
(slo-mo voice) OH!
OF COURSE HE CAN SWIM. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
UH-OH.
WHERE'S WOLFY?
OH, UH...
HE'S LIVING IN THE COUNTRY
ON A BIG FARM WITH A REALLY NICE FAMILY.
HE'S--HE'S HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE.
BESIDES, CASSANDRA HAS
MORE THAN 500 OTHER STUFFED ANIMAL FRIENDS.
JILL MET 'EM ALL EARLIER.
CASSANDRA, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BROUGHT
A LOT OF FRIENDS WITH YOU.
I DID. THEY'RE ALL MY BEST FRIENDS.
(John A.) AW!
PLEASE DON'T SAY WOLFY.
MY WOLFY.
DING DAG DOG DARN IT.
OH. DIZZY. I'M TIRED.
CASSIE, WHAT WOULD YOUR STUFFED FRIENDS DO, HUH?
WHEN THE WIPEOUTS GET TOUGH, THE STUFFED GET...
MORE STUFFED.
HAVE SOME CORN. DR. SNIFFLES THE ELEPHANT
WILL HAVE TO PUT SOME SALVE ON THAT LATER.
AAH!
CASSIE AND FRIENDS PROBABLY WISHING
HER CHIN WAS STUFF WITH POLY-FIL RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
CASSIE KEEPING HER EYE ON THE STUFFED ANIMAL PRIZE.
HERE SHE GOES.
AAH!
OOH!
HANGING ON LIKE HE HUNG ON
TO FRISKY FOX EVEN AFTER THE BED BUG SCARE.
AAH!
OHH! CASSIE GETTING THE STUFFING KNOCKED OUT OF HER.
BUT HEY, CHEER UP. MR. JANGLES THE BEAR
IS HERE TO SING YOU A VERY SPECIAL SONG. HIT IT!
PFFT. YEAH, I-I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
NO.
JOHN, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO SHY.
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL VOICE.
♪♪♪
"WIPEOUT" BACK ON YOUR TV, AMERICA.
12 CONTESTANTS HAVE TAKEN ON THE QUALIFIER. 12 MORE TO GO.
THEN 12 GO HOME AND 12 WILL CONTINUE ON TOWARD THE 50 GRAND.
ENGLISH, PLEASE, JOHN.
YOU KNOW IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE WHEN YOU SPEAK THE MATH.
I'M JUST SAYING, 24 STARTED.
HALF HAVE ALREADY COMPETED. HALF STILL ARE WAITING TO GO.
HALF? THAT COULD MEAN ANYTHING.
I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE NO MATH.
OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE.
JUST ONE GUY,
AND THAT GUY IS 40 YEAR OLD CLAYTON ELLIOTT,
AND HE HAILS FROM KINGSTON, JAMAICA, MON.
BIG BALLS AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME.
"WIPEOUT" SEASON THREE.
(filtered voice) UH, IT'S SEASON SIX.
SIX. THREE. SAME THING.
HEY, HE DOESN'T SPEAK THE MATH EITHER.
EVERYTHING IRIE. WHEN I FINISH THIS COURSE, EVERYTHING GOING.
FUN FACT--"ALL RIGHT" IS PRONOUNCED "IRIE" IN JAMAICA.
AND CLAYTON'S LOOKING IRIE AS HE PREPARES TO TAKE
OUR PIRATES DOWN TO THE CARIBBEAN
WHOA!
HEY, MON.
INTO THE GUT AND WHOA!
HE GOT HIS CHICKEN ***.
(imitates Jamaican accent) OH, CLAYTON FALL DOWN, MON.
I HOPE HE'S IRIE.
CLAYTON REALLY EARNING HIS RED STRIPES OUT THERE.
AND PROBABLY SOME BLACK AND BLUE, BUT STILL GREAT.
BOB MARLEY'S GHOST, WHAT A HIT.
CLAYTON SLOWING DOWN A LITTLE AS HE HEADS FOR OUR FAILBOXES.
(imitates Jamaican accent) BREATHE EASY, JOHN.
CLAYTON'S ON ISLAND TIME.
SLOW AND STEADY WINS DA RACE.
ARE YOU IRISH?
YEAH, MON.
OH, HO HO!
HE GOT DOGGED OUT THERE.
MUGSY AND SNUGGLES WENT AFTER CLAYTON LIKE IT WAS PERSONAL.
AND IT WAS. SNUGGLES HAD A PRETTY BAD EXPERIENCE
AT A UB40 CONCERT ONCE.
CLAYTON, JAMAICAN GOOD TIME UP OUR RAMP.
DREADLOCKED AND LOADED,
READY TO TAKE ON THE BIG BALLS, MON.
OH, BOY. HE LOOKS POOPED.
CLAYTON JAMMING NOW.
READY TO SHOW ONE LOVE TO OUR BALLS.
OHH!
OHH, YEAH! HE'S JAMMING ALL RIGHT.
(grunts)
WHICH IN TURN, JAMS HIS LEG BACK INTO HIS PELVIS.
WELL, AS CLAYTON LAYS BACK IN THE WAVES,
JILL'S NOW GETTING AN IMPRESSION OF OUR NEXT CONTESTANT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, THIS IS SHELLEY KELLER.
HI, SHELLEY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
UH, UM...
"WIPEOUT"--IT'S, UH...
(John A.) UH, JOHNNY, WHO'S SHE IMITATING?
(John H.) UM, WHO'S SHE DOING?
UH, HUGH JACKMAN? NO.
JUDI DENCH? THE FLINTSTONES?
OH! I GOT IT! IT'S KRISTEN STEWART,
AND SHE IS GOOD!
YOU'RE RIGHT. IT SAYS HERE SHELLEY'S FAMOUS
FOR HER KRISTEN STEWART IMPRESSION.
THE BALLS.
K-STEW'S ONE OF MY FAVES,
JOHNNY, AND SHE IS SPOT-ON.
BOOM! NAILED IT.
OH, WOW!
OH, WOW! OH, MY MIND JUST GOT BLOWN.
SHELLEY REALLY CAPTURED K-STEW'S ABILITY
TO COMPLETELY UNDERPLAY A BIG SCENE.
TELL ME WHO KRISTEN STEWART IS AGAIN.
YEAH.
"TWILIGHT." "ON THE ROAD." HELLO?
IF YOU WATCHED ANYTHING OTHER THAN SPORTS BALL
AND ICE TRUCK-FISHING-PAWN-SHOP SHOWS, YOU'D KNOW.
AAH!
OH, HO HO! FACE!
YEAH, I HAVEN'T SEEN A SIZZLING ON-SCREEN KISS LIKE THAT
SINCE I REALIZED I WAS 100% TEAM EDWARD,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
K-STEW SHELLEY ON HER WAY TO OUR BACKYARD BARBECUE.
OH, HEY, SWADY. I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME K-STEW.
OH, HO HO HO!
SPANK ME.
K-STEW REALLY GETTING FLOGGED OUT THERE, JOHNNY.
WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA GET SOME HATE MAIL
FROM THE K-STEW FAN CLUB IN THE FUTURE.
JUST ADDRESS IT TO JOHN ANDERSON. J-O-H--
YEAH, THAT'S--THAT'S ENOUGH.
HEY!
SHELLEY FOR THE FINISH.
AAH!
AY! HOLIES OF THOR! I THINK WE JUST WITNESSED
KRISTEN STEWART PUBLICLY FLIP OUT.
AAH!
SHE'S NORMALLY SO CALM.
WELL, THIS SHOULD MAKE HER FEEL BETTER, JOHNNY.
SHE'S PROBABLY HEADED TO THE NEXT ROUND
WITH A DRAMATIC TIME OF 2:49.
WHAT A BEAUTY.
AND THERE'S THE BEAST.
OR A GUY WITH SOME PUFFY PAINT ON HIS SHIRT.
THAT'S TONY BOLADO, AND HE SAYS HE NEEDED
TO BECOME A TIGER BEAST SO HIS OLDER BROTHERS
AND SISTERS WOULDN'T PICK ON THEM.
AW! THAT KINDA MAKES ME WANT TO PICK ON HIM.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
I WANNA SEE WHERE HE GOES WITH THIS.
AAH!
(roars)
OKAY. NOWHERE. JILL?
THIS IS TONY BOLADO. TONY, UH, WHAT KIND OF
HIDDEN TALENTS DO YOU HAVE?
(roars)
(wind gusts)
(John A.) IMPRESSIVE.
TONY THE TIGER BEAST ROAMING HIS NATURAL HABITAT.
THE PIRATE SHIP?
GRABS THE ZIP LINE.
AAH! AH!
OH! HA!
AAH!
(laughs)
OH, HEAVENS!
THAT WAS MAJESTIC.
LET'S RERACK THE FOOTAGE THERE.
WOW. THE TIGER BEAST GOT MARKED.
EASY, TIGER.
WHILE HE REENACTS SOME OF THE SCENES FROM "LIFE OF PI,"
WE'LL HEAD TO THE BACKYARD BARBECUE,
WHERE 27 YEAR OLD BECCA CRIGGER IS LOOKING FOR A DEAL ON CORN.
FUNNY YOU MENTION IT. IT SAYS HERE
BECCA'S A BARGAIN-HUNTING HOUSEWIFE
WHO NEVER PAYS FULL PRICE FOR ANYTHING.
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I SAID IT.
I BET YOU I COULD'VE FOUND YOU A BETTER DEAL.
BECCA INSPECTING OUR PRODUCE.
OOH! HEY!
OH! GETTING ROLLED BACK LIKE HER FAVORITE PRICES.
OH! AAH!
BARGAIN HUNTER BECCA GOT HER COUPON CLIPPED.
YI!
OH, HO! FREE BARBECUE SAUCE.
GO AHEAD AND PUT SOME OF THAT IN YOUR POCKET.
YOU KNOW, THE SECRET TO A GOOD BARBECUE, JOHNNY--
OH, MY GOD!
AND A GENEROUS HOST.
OH, HEY. COME ON IN AND GET SOME OF THIS, SUGAR.
OHH!
I MEAN, THIS CORN IS AWESOME.
I LIKE HOW PEOPLE GET STUCK IN ITS TEETH.
AAH!
OOH! THAT'LL STICK TO YOUR RIBS...
FROM THE OUTSIDE.
OH, HO!
AAH!
KABLOOSH!
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
CAN'T LEAVE YET.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED THE PIE.
OH!
OH, IT HITS THE SPOT.
DING.
BYE-BYE. Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, YOU HEAR?
MAILMAN, HERE I COME!
NOW HEADING UP TO OUR FAILBOXES,
19-YEAR-OLD DEMO GIRL ALEXIS GONZALEZ.
EESH!
OH! DEMO GIRL GOT DEMOLISHED!
SHE SHOULD BE USED TO THAT, JOHN.
SHE BLOWS THINGS UP FOR A LIVING.
NOT A DEMOLITION GIRL, JOHNNY.
DEMO.
DEMONSTRATES PRODUCTS AT SUPERMARKETS.
AAH!
BY BLOWING THEM UP?
NO, JUST BY DEMONSTRATING,
THE WAY SHE'S ABOUT TO DEMO THE BIG BALLS.
BIG BALLS, HERE I COME! AAH!
OH, HO!
SHE BARELY MADE IT TO THE BIG BALLS.
HERE I COME!
I-I GUESS. DEMONSTRATING IS HER JOB.
(slo-mo voice) OH!
AWESOME. MAYBE NEXT TIME SHE'LL DEMONSTRATE BETTER JUDGMENT.
WELL, WHILE SHE DEMONSTRATES FREESTYLE SWIMMING,
OUR LAST CONTESTANT ON THE QUALIFIER,
JEREMY ROEMER, FROM FRISCO, TEXAS, IS TRYING
TO ROPE THE HORNS OF OUR TRIPPITY SKIPPITY FLIPPITY DO.
DON'T MESS WITH MR. TEXAS!
THIS GUY LOVES HIS HOME STATE OF TEXAS, JOHNNY.
YEEHAW!
SOUNDS LIKE A BIG TATTOO.
AAH!
OH, HO HO!
AAH!
HE STRUCK OIL.
OOH-EE! HOW CRUDE.
ALL RIGHT. MR. TEXAS ON HIS WAY TO RUSTLE UP SOME GRUB.
THAT'S TEXAN
YEEHAW! WHOO!
WOW, JOHNNY. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SPOKE TEXAN.
YIPPEE-KI-YAY, MOTHER BROTHER.
I HOPE HE'S NOT OFFENDED BY OUR SAUCE.
TEXANS ARE EXTREMELY PERSNICKETY ABOUT BARBECUE.
YAH!
MR. TEXAS JUST ADDED A COUPLE GALLONS TO HIS HAT.
AAH!
OHH!
JEREMY ROEMER A.K.A. MR. TEXAS--
WHOA.
WHOOPS. EVERYTHING'S SLICKER IN TEXAS, PARTNER.
MAN LOST A SHOE, BUT DON'T WORRY.
HE'S GONNA TAKE IT WITH HIM INTO THE NEXT ROUND,
ALONG WITH THE FIT FREAK BRONSON PATE...
(Bronson) YOU GONNA KISS THE BABY!
THE ASPIRING P.A. BILLY PELLEGRINI...
(Billy) ANYBODY NEED SOME COFFEE?
AND AMANDA "DATELESS" DONALDSON.
ALSO, WE HAVE SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER,
(Tony roars)
AND BARGAIN HUNTER BECCA CRIGGER.
(woman laughs)
DOING MORE RIDICULOUS THINGS FOR RIDICULOUS CASH
WHEN WE RETURN.
♪♪♪
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE
MM-HMM.
YEAH.
A REAL RAPPORT--AND THAT'S DUE IN LARGE PART
TO YOU BEING A CONSUMMATE PROFESSIONAL.
YOU ARE SO TALENTED, IT'S NOT EVEN FAIR, MAN.
MM. YEAH.
WHAT'S IT GONNA COST ME?
OKAY.
(exhales deeply)
IF YOU DON'T--THANK YOU. AWESOME.
I'M NOT GONNA HOLD MY BREATH. YOU KNOW THAT?
YEAH. BUT, UH, THERE'S STILL 12 CONTESTANTS
HOLDING OUT FOR A LARGER AND GUARANTEED PAYDAY.
BLAH!
SLICE!
AND CASSANDRA STAATS AND FRIENDS.
ALSO, SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER...
(imitates Kristen Stewart) I'M GONNA BE GOOD.
(Tony roars)
AND MR. TEXAS JEREMY ROEMER.
(Jeremy) WHOO!
JOHNNY, I HOPE THESE 12 ARE READY TO FACE OFF
AGAINST THE GREATEST "WIPEOUT" VILLAIN EVER.
MM-HMM.
FROM THE DEPTHS OF OUR WATERS
COMES A BEAST SO VILE AND OFFENSIVE
I HESITATE TO UNLEASH-- THE OCTOPUSHY!
YEAH. THINK I NEED EIGHT ARMS TO TAKE YOU ON, HUH?
AND HERE TO DEMONSTRATE HOW THIS OBSTACLE'S GONNA WORK...
IS OUR VERY OWN DEMO GIRL
WHOO!
(belches)
OH, WELL. BACK TO THE STICK FIGURES THEN, I GUESS.
GUYS, MEET OLLY,
OUR GIGANTIC OCTOPUS WITH AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
GET OUT OF MY TANK!
CONTESTANTS START BY HOPPING ONTO THE CIRCLING RINGS...
THEN GO OVER OLLY'S ARMS ON THEIR WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE.
IF HIS TENTACLES KNOCK YOU INTO THE INK...
YOU START ALL OVER. LINE UP THE FINISH PLATFORM...
AND A QUICK, CLEAN JUMP
ENDS YOUR ADVENTURE THROUGH THE BRINY BLUE.
WHOO! GO, "WIPEOUT"!
JOHN, I THOUGHT OCTOPI WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE EIGHT ARMS.
YEAH, I LOST A FEW ON THE WAR ON ATLANTIS.
HUH? LOOK WHO'S TALKING, TWO ARMS.
ANYWAY, THE FIRST SIX TO MAKE IT THROUGH
WILL BE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
AND THE REST WILL SPEND SIX MONTHS IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT
IN A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON.
WELL, IT WILL BE IF I CAN GET A CALL BACK.
I LEFT THEM 30 MESSAGES.
YEAH. UH, WE'RE GONNA HEAD RIGHT DOWN TO THE COURSE
WHERE OUR CONTESTANTS ARE GETTING THEIR FIRST LOOK
AT OCTOPUSHY.
OH, (bleep).
TIGER BEAST INTIMIDATED BY AN EVEN BIGGER BEAST.
YEAH.
WOW. K-STEW'S SO NERVOUS SHE ALMOST OPENED HER EYES.
DO WE HAVE TO TRY?
YOU'RE A 42-YEAR-OLD ASPIRING P.A. WHY START TRYING NOW?
ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S GO TO A TRUE PROFESSIONAL
TO LEAD US OFF. JILL?
JILL?
UH, WE, UH, SORT OF NEED TO GET THINGS GOING HERE.
SORRY.
YEAH, YOU WILL BE IF I DON'T HEAR A HORN.
(air horn blows)
WHOO! WHOO!
OH, HO!
HE STEPS HIMSELF RIGHT IN THE DRINK.
YEP. HOOK 'EM HORNS.
OH, HO HO!
(woman) I'M HURT.
AAH! THIS IS TRICKY. (speaks indistinctly)
DATELESS DONALDSON GETTING ALL CLINGY.
OH! THEN GETS DUMPED.
FIT FREAK-- HE'S HEADED TO THE HEART
TIGER BEAST--MORE THAN A LITTLE FREAK IN HIS TANK.
MAKING UP GROUND.
COME ON, TIGER BEAST.
TIGER BEAST MARKING HIS TERRITORY.
(woman) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
(contestants) OH!
NO! HITS THE SHOWER.
(man) THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE!
HIS IMPRESSIVE RUN CONTINUES
WITH TIGER BEAST ROARING TOWARDS THE FINISH.
(man) OH, HE MADE IT! YEAH!
WHOO!
JOHN, CHECK IT OUT.
DATELESS DONALDSON BEING PULLED
(man) OH, SHE MADE IT, TOO!
THAT WAS JUST THE MOTIVATION SHE NEEDED TO MAKE IT ACROSS.
(squish)
OOH, IT'S SPEWING STUFF EVERYWHERE.
YEAH, LOOKS LIKE OLLY JUST INKED HIMSELF.
HEY, CAN I HELP YOU?
THAT'S GONNA MAKE IT TOUGH OUT THERE.
FIT FREAK FIGHTING THROUGH IT,
BUT HE'S GOT BLADE AND MR. TEXAS HEADING HIS WAY.
OOH!
OOPS! FORTUNATE TO MISS THAT HEAD-ON COLLISION.
DEMO GIRL NOT SO LUCKY. STARING AT TROUBLE.
OH!
OLLY MAKES AN EXAMPLE OF HER.
OH, HO! BLADE LOSES HER HEAD.
THAT LEAVES THE LONE RIDER, MR. TEXAS.
COME ON, TEX!
(Tony) THERE YOU GO. RIDE IT, COWBOY!
(Amanda) RIDE IT LIKE A COWBOY!
RIDE 'EM, COWBOY!
BUT HERE COMES ASPIRING P.A. WITH ALL THE IDEALISM OF YOUTH.
MINUS THE YOUTH.
OH, HO HO!
WHAT WAS THAT ABO--
(laughs)
(woman) OH, MY GOD!
I GUESS EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS.
(Amanda) YEAH, RIGHT?
MR. TEXAS-- RODE HARD, HUNG UP WET.
(Tony) GO! GO! GO! GO!
OH, HO HO!
(Jill, Tony, and Amanda) OHH!
I BET THEY'RE BIG AND BRIGHT.
BARGAIN HUNTER BEHIND HIM.
MAKING A BLACK FRIDAY STAMPEDE TO THE PLATFORM.
(Jill) GO!
OH!
YOU CAN'T LEARN DEAD SHARK EYES LIKE THAT.
YES!
K-STEW EMOTES HER WAY INTO THE NEXT ROUND.
THREE ACROSS AND THREE SPOTS TO GO.
COMING AROUND THE BEND, IT'S MR. TEXAS.
OH, AND HE IS ON.
(Tony) GET OFF THAT PLATFORM!
SHOOT! GIVE ME EIGHT SECONDS, TEX.
(filtered voice) THERE RIDING INTO THE PLATFORM,
ONE OF THE MEANEST, ROUGHEST, RANKEST BUTTHOLES
WE'VE EVER HAD.
HE IS GETTING BUCKED SENSELESS, BUT HE'S STILL HANGING ON.
MAYBE HE CAN MAKE IT THE EIGHT SECONDS.
YES! HE HAS THE EIGHT SECONDS.
NOW CAN HE GRAB A SPOT IN THE NEXT ROUND?
YES, SIRREE. HE BROKE THAT BRONCO.
YAY! NOW THAT IS SOME TEXAS!
WHOO!
STILL TWO MORE SPOTS LEFT,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE BLADE HAS NO INTEREST
IN EITHER ONE OF THEM, JOHNNY.
BUT HEY, HERE COMES BARGAIN HUNTER,
AND SHE KNOWS A GOOD DEAL
ON A TIRED, WORN-OUT FINISH PLATFORM WHEN SHE SEES ONE.
THIS SPOT SOLD TO THE BARGAIN HUNTER FOR MINIMAL EFFORT.
SO ONLY THE SIXTH SPOT REMAINS.
FIT FREAK MAKING A PLAY FOR IT.
BUT SNEAKING AROUND THE OTHER SIDE OF OCTOPUSHY IS BLADE.
STILL NOT MAKING ANY MOVES.
THE DOOR'S WIDE OPEN FOR FIT FREAK TO GET THAT FINAL SPOT.
BLADE CIRCLING AROUND AGAIN. THIS TIME ON HER FEET.
NECK AND NECK. THEY BOTH DIVE.
OH! FREAK STAYS UP...
AND THE BLADE DROPS.
YEAH!
(woman screams)
HE SO DESERVED THAT.
YEAH, HE DID, BUT HONORABLE MENTION
GOES TO BLADE, AND LET'S NEVER DISCUSS
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ASPIRING P.A. AGAIN.
OH, CRAP!
UGH! WHOO!
YOU KNOW, JOHN, FOR A FIT FREAK,
HE'S REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THOSE THREE STEPS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL HE'S GONNA DO
IN THE NEXT ROUND. (laughs)
WELL, LET'S CHECK OUT HIS COMPETITION.
MOVING ON, WE HAVE THE TIGER BEAST TONY BOLADO,
AMANDA "DATELESS" DONALDSON,
AND SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER.
ALSO MR. TEXAS JEREMY ROEMER,
(cash register bell dings)
AND THE FIT FREAK BRONSON PATE.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA. IT'S ABOUT TO BE A MOSH PILE
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THAT MEANS.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT."
OH, THAT FELT GOOD.
I AM A NEW MAN.
WHERE YOU BEEN?
OH, I WAS JUST GETTING A MASSAGE. MMM.
WHERE'D YOU GET A MASSAGE AROUND HERE?
FROM OUR NEW ON-SET MASSEUSE PIERRE.
MM-HMM.
ARMS OF A LUMBERJACK, HANDS OF A PIANIST. MAGICAL. MMM.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE AN ON-SET MASSEUR.
WELL, THEN.
WE HAVE MASSAGED OUR FIELD OF 24 DOWN TO 6 CONTESTANTS.
STILL ON THE HUNT FOR THE 50 GRAND
AND ONE STEP CLOSER TO THAT HAPPY ENDING ARE
(Tony) GR-REAT!
(glass shatters)
AND SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER.
(Shelley imitates Kristen Stewart) I MIGHT GET HIT.
ALSO MR. TEXAS JEREMY ROEMER,
THE BARGAIN HUNTER BECCA CRIGGER...
(Becca) I BET YOU I COULD'VE FOUND YOU A BETTER DEAL.
AND THE FIT FREAK BRONSON PATE.
(kiss)
SPEAKING OF FREAKS, IT IS TIME TO SPIKE UP YOUR HAIR
AND GET MAD AT YOUR DAD,
BECAUSE "WIPEOUT'S" ABOUT TO GO PUNK ROCK.
WHY WOULD I BE MAD AT MY DAD? I'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE MAN.
WE CALL THIS ONE "WIPEOUT'S" GREATEST HITS.
CONTESTANTS START BY BEATING A PATH
THROUGH OUR RHYTHM SECTION,
THEN CATCHING A RIDE ON THESE DRUMSTICKS.
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE DRUMMER. SCAB LOVES A GOOD SOLO.
NOT YET, SCAB.
FROM THERE, THEY'LL TRY TO AVOID GETTING THEIR HEADS BANGED IN
OH, NO!
OOH!
NO! WE'LL TELL YOU WHEN.
FINALLY, THEY HAVE TO AVOID GETTING SHREDDED
WHILE STAGE-DIVING THROUGH THIS GUITAR TO THE FINISH.
THE FIRST THREE CONTESTANTS TO MAKE IT THROUGH
WILL BE LEAVING THE PUNK SCENE
AND CATCHING A NEW WAVE INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
DRUM SOLO?
YES, SCAB. DRUM SOLO.
(dings)
LET US GET DOWN TO THE COURSE, SHALL WE?
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S ROCK OUT WITH YOUR WIPEOUT.
(drumroll)
A BIT EARLY.
THERE'S THE HORN SECTION.
LET US STRIKE UP THE BAND.
K-STEW DRUMSTICKS THE LANDING.
MR. TEXAS GETS A PANHANDLE ON IT, TOO.
THIS LOOKS REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL.
(Shelley) SHOOT!
K-STEW GETS CRITIQUED
BUT MANAGES TO HANG ON TO THE PART.
OH, BUT NO CALLBACK.
NO SURPRISE, DATELESS DONALDSON A SOLO ACT.
OH!
YOU GON' KISS THE BABY!
MR. TEXAS FLYING OVER THAT FINGER.
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'.
AND ROCKED.
I'M GONNA GET THIS. OOH!
GOTTA LOVE THAT BIG TEXAS OPTIMISM.
OH, NO.
KNOCKS THE BARGAIN HUNTER 100% OFF.
AND THE KITTY GETS WET. HE HATES THAT.
FIT FREAK...
FRISBEE TIME! OH! OH, SHOOT!
YEAH.
HE'S UP ON THE FINGER AND...
OH! FLIPPED OFF.
DATELESS DONALDSON PUTTING HERSELF OUT THERE AGAIN.
WELL, LOVE THE WEATHER.
TIGER BEAST HEEDING THE CALL.
OH!
OH! THE WET AND WILD.
BARGAIN HUNTER LOOKING FOR SOME CLEARANCE AND GETS IT!
K-STEW VAPIDLY APPROACHING.
GETS A LEG UP.
MR. TEXAS IS TWO-STEPPING, BOOT-SCOOTIN' BOOGYING.
HANDLING OUR TEXAS INSTRUMENTS.
OH, AND NOW THEY'RE HANDLING HIM.
YEAH, BABY!
HE IS AMPED.
THIS ONE'S FOR TEXAS PRIDE.
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT OVER THERE?
(imitates Texan accent) HE'S TALKING ABOUT TEXAS, JILL,
HOME OF BEEF, ROSS PEROT, AND AMERICA.
RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. OOH!
OOH!
MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE MR. TEXAS BACK TO MEXICO.
BARGAIN HUNTER DOESN'T WANT TO MISS OUT.
SHE'S SAILING THROUGH.
K-STEW TRYING TO STAY ON-KEY.
DON'T PANIC ROOM. (laughs) SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
FIT FREAK'S DOING SOME FINGERETTES...
RIGHT ON HER HEAD.
BARGAIN HUNTER INTO THE AMAZON.
FIT FREAK...
UNFIT FOR THE FINGER, FLANDERSON.
THAT IS A TEXAS-SIZE GUITAR RIGHT THERE.
YOU KNOW, HE IS KIND OF A ONE NOTE GUY.
ALL RIGHT, HERE I GO.
OH, BABY!
DON'T MESS WITH JEREMY!
MR. TEXAS GOING TO THE ZONE.
NICE SHOOTING, TEX.
FIRST ONE ACROSS. TWO SPOTS STILL TO FILL.
AND ALL THE MUSICAL MERRIMENT
APPEARS TO BE BOTTLENECKED ON OUR PIANO KEYS.
TIGER BEAST ROARING ONTO THE KEYBOARD.
(grunts) AAH!
OH! HE IS TIGER BEAT!
OOH!
THAT WAS SID VICIOUS.
NO, JOHN, THAT'S SID VICIOUS.
AAH! OW!
(laughs) GREAT DEAL ON WATER.
OH!
AND K-STEW
SHOWING EVEN LESS EMOTION THAN USUAL.
COME ON, SHELLEY!
SHE'S ON. QUE BELLA.
YOU KNOW, SHELLEY'S FROM HOUSTON. SHE'S GOTTA MAKE IT.
NO!
OH, HO HO! NO. SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO TWI HARDER, JOHN.
HUH?
YOU SEE, JOHN, WHEN A WEREWOLF LOVES A BABY--
I-I WON'T.
SHE'LL TRY AGAIN. TIGER BEAST HOT ON HER TAIL.
DO YOU THINK TONY HAS THE EYE OF THE TIGER?
TONY DEFINITELY HAS THE EYE OF THE TIGER.
HE'S A SURVIVOR, JOHN. OH, HO HO!
BUT HE DEFINITELY DOESN'T HAVE THE DEPTH PERCEPTION OF A TIGER.
TONY! YOU GOTTA USE THOSE CLAWS, TONY!
REALLY? 'CAUSE A MINUTE AGO, YOU SAID "EYES."
GREAT!
OH, HO!
SPEAKING OF CLAWS, JOHNNY-- FEATS OF STRENGTH.
ESCAPES LIKE HE'S CLIMBING OUT THE WINDOW
OF A MENTAL INSTITUTION.
LIVES TO DIE ANOTHER DAY.
AND NOW FIT FREAK IS SUDDENLY NOT SOUNDING SO FIT.
K-STEW RUNNING AWAY JUST AS FAST AS SHE CAN.
OH, HO!
JUST GOT ROBERT FLATTINSONED!
AAH!
FIT FREAK GETTING A FREE SPINNING CLASS.
TIGER BEAST POUNCES,
(roars)
HE'LL BE MAKING HIS TIGER MOM PROUD
IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE TONIGHT.
WHOO!
TWO GUYS! I NEED A LADY!
ONLY ONE SPOT LEFT.
BARGAIN HUNTER HOPING TO JOIN THE GROUPON.
DATELESS DONALDSON PLAYING A SAD SONG.
AND K-STEW'S GOING FOR IT ONE MORE TIME.
OH! SHE'S RIGHT THERE!
GOTTA STAND UP.
(Jeremy) STAND UP, SHELLEY! STAND UP!
FIT FREAK'S BRINGING UP THE REAR.
OH!
K-STEW IS UP AND THE THIRD PERSON IN THE ZONE.
JUST LOOK AT HOW EXCITED SHE IS, JOHN.
OH!
AS A CONSOLATION PRIZE,
DATELESS DONALDSON WINS A DATE WITH THIS GUY.
YOU THREE ARE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(cheering)
THREE FINALISTS BOOKED FOR THE WIPEOUT ZONE--
TIGER BEAST TONY BOLADO,
SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER,
AND MR. TEXAS JEREMY ROEMER.
STAY TUNED, 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA GET EXPLOSIVE
IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE TONIGHT.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT." JOHN AND JOHN HERE.
YOU'RE OUT THERE. JILL'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN, PEOPLE.
AH, THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
24 COMPETITORS CUT DOWN TO JUST 3,
AND THEY ALL HAVE TWO THINGS IN COMMON, JOHN...
THE UNQUENCHABLE THIRST FOR $50,000
AND A CRIPPLING FEAR OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT IS TRULY TERRIFYING TONIGHT, MY FRIEND.
IT ALL STARTS WITH A HEART-RACING,
ADRENALINE-PUMPING CATAPULT-STYLE LAUNCH
ABOARD THE SCARE CHAIR.
WE DARE YOU TO GO 30 FEET IN THE AIR WITHOUT SCREAMING.
UP NEXT, THE BLOCKBUSTER.
WATCH YOUR STEP ON THIS TREACHEROUS WALL
AND PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR BLOCK ROCKED.
AFTER THAT, STRAP IN FOR A RIDE ON THE SPACE POD OF DOOM.
♪ DUN, DUN, DUN ♪
KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU, YOUR FEET BENEATH YOU,
AND YOUR EYES ON THE EXIT
AS YOUR WORLD GETS SPUN AROUND AND UPSIDE DOWN.
FINALLY, THE BOUNDER POUNDER.
CAREFULLY TIME YOUR JUMPS OVER THESE ROTATING TRAMPOLINES
OR YOU ARE BOUND FOR DISASTER.
ONE OF THESE THREE PRIMED TO WALK AWAY
WITH A COOL $50,000.
UP FIRST, THE MAN WE CALL THE TIGER BEAST.
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
LET'S REVIEW HIS DAY.
WHEN TONY BOLADO SHOWED UP IN COSTUME TODAY,
(grunts)
WITH AN OUTSTANDING RUN ON OUR QUALIFIER.
HIS TORRID PACE CONTINUED WHEN HE WAS THE FIRST
(cat meows)
ON "WIPEOUT'S" GREATEST HITS.
WITH THE WAY HIS DAY'S GONE SO FAR.
AAH!
A FULL DAY AT "WIPEOUT" LEADING TO THIS--ZONE TIME.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY HERE, JOHNNY.
THEY PAY ME IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS.
TIGER BEAT PARKED IN THAT SCARE CHAIR,
AND THERE IS NO SEAT BELT.
HE LOOKS READY. HE'S NOT.
NOTHING PREPARES CONTESTANTS FOR THIS WILD RIDE.
THE FUSE IS LIT. TIME TO SIT BACK
(beeps)
AAH!
GO TIME. YES!
WHOA!
THAT LAUNCH WAS GREAT!
JOHNNY, I LIKE TO SAY HE HAD GREAT FORM AND PERFECT STYLE,
BUT WHEN YOU'RE LAUNCHED 30 FEET IN THE AIR,
THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO BUT FALL.
WELL, NOBODY JUDGED ON GRACE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE, JOHNNY.
IT IS STRICTLY A TIME TO VENT. TAKING ON BLOCKBUSTER.
JUST GET ACROSS. NOBODY CARES IF IT'S PRETTY.
AAH!
BUT THOSE BLOCKS ARE MOVING AS WELL.
OH. AND THERE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
OF WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT, JOHN.
HIGH DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY.
TONY CLAWING AND CLUTCHING HIS WAY ACROSS THE BLOCKS.
AAH!
OH! TIPPED FORWARD.
TIGER BEAST GOES DOWN.
YEAH. HE GETS CAUGHT OFF GUARD HERE.
THE BLOCK TIPS FORWARD AND HE JUST PINBALLS INTO THE WATER.
OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.
YES, AGAIN. THAT'S HOW SECOND CHANCES WORK, TONY.
TONY THE TIGER BEAST BACK OUT ON THE SECOND BLOCK.
GETTING BUSTED A SECOND TIME WOULD HURT HIS TIME.
OH! HE NEARLY FALLS OFF.
ON HIS FEET. LUNGING TO THE NEXT BLOCK.
HE'S GIVING HIS ALL JUST TO HANG ON.
CRITICAL CHOICE HERE NOW-- UP, DOWN, PANIC, OR FALL.
NICE. COOL HEAD PREVAILS AS HE GOES LOW.
YES! HE'S GOT IT. HE IS DONE WITH BLOCKBUSTER.
ON TO THE SPACE POD OF DOOM.
STILL UNDER THE 3-1/2-MINUTE MARK,
AND JUST WHAT A WIPEOUT SO FAR.
SETTING A RESPECTABLE TIME TO BEAT.
TONY FEELING EVERY SECOND
OF THOSE THREE AND A HALF MINUTES.
SHOWS A NICE BURST OF ENERGY INTO THE POD.
OH, OFF HIS FEET. NOW HE'S IN TROUBLE.
SPINNING, ROTATING, CAREENING TOWARD DISASTER.
TUMBLING OUT OF CONTROL INSIDE THE POD.
OH!
OH, BIG FALL THERE. THIS IS GETTING UGLY.
MM.
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, JOHN.
JUST GETTING TOSSED AROUND LIKE A SOCK IN A DRYER.
THAT'S WHY I LINE DRY.
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND TWO IN THE SPACE POD OF DOOM NOW.
YEAH, MAKING IT ALL THE WAY AROUND.
IN SOME CIRCLES, THAT'S CALLED AROUND THE WORLD,
AND IN OTHERS, NOT SO MUCH.
SPINNING TO THE EXIT. YES. DROPS TO SAFETY.
GREAT ADJUSTMENT ON HIS SECOND TRIP THROUGH.
NOW WITH ONLY 5 MINUTES, 17 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK,
HE'S ONTO THE BOUNDER POUNDER,
THE WIPEOUT ZONE'S GRAND FINALE.
DRAGGING HIMSELF UP THOSE STEPS AND GETTING A FIRST LOOK
AT THAT TERRIFYING 6-CHAMBERED HEART OF THE BOUNDER POUNDER.
TWO BIG LEAPS IN FRONT OF HIM.
EACH TURN OF THOSE TRAMPOLINES-- OH, HO!--CAN THROW YOU OFF.
YEAH, JOHNNY, I DON'T KNOW
IF HIS HEAD WAS IN THE RIGHT PLACE,
BUT HIS BODY SURE WASN'T,
AND HE GOT FLUNG FACE-FIRST INTO THE PLATFORM.
HERE WE GO AGAIN. TAKE TWO.
OH, I'M SO TIRED.
TIGER BEAST FEELING THE BURN ONLY THE ZONE CAN BRING.
VAULTING AHEAD. PERFECT EXECUTION THERE.
ONE MORE HOP TO BRING IT HOME.
THE FINAL FEW FEET...
YES!
NAILED IT. HE IS DONE,
AND 8:08 IS THE TIME TO BEAT.
I DID IT!
FIRST FOR THE MOMENT, BUT UP NEXT, THE LITTLE LADY
OH, GOD. OH, JEEZ. OH, JEEZ. OH, JEEZ.
THE LOOK ON HER FACE SAYS IT ALL.
(groans)
(imitates Kristen Stewart) WOULDN'T I BE GOOD
AT "WIPEOUT"?
SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER TWI-LIT UP THE COURSE TODAY,
FINISHING FIRST OVERALL ON THE QUALIFIER.
SHE FALTERED A BIT AT OCTOPUSHY,
THEN EARNED THE LAST SPOT IN "WIPEOUT'S" GREATEST HITS.
WITH THOSE TWO LACKLUSTER PERFORMANCES BEHIND HER NOW,
NO ROOM FOR PANIC AS SHE TAKES ON THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
ALL RIGHT. LOADED INTO THE SCARE CHAIR,
BUT SHELLEY'S NOT INTIMIDATED.
TOUGHENING UP. OH, MY GOD. I'M TERRIFIED.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
SHE'S TERRIFIED.
LET'S CHECK IN WITH JILL, WHO'S DOWN WITH OUR LEADER.
(Tony vomits)
(vomits)
MAGICAL NIGHT IN THE ZONE, JOHNNY.
OH, GOD!
GAME FACE THE CHAMPION WHO WANTS TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE.
RACKED WITH FEAR, BUT READY.
(beeping)
NO TURNING BACK NOW.
AAH!
OH! GREAT HANG TIME, JOHNNY.
K-STEW GETS CHUCKED INTO THE SOUP.
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
I THINK YOU CAN SEE THE EXACT MOMENT
SHE REALIZED THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
YEP. THERE IT IS.
K-STEW NOW FULLY ENGAGED IN THE ZONE.
FIRST CHALLENGE--BLOCKBUSTER. ONTO THE FIRST BLOCK,
SETTING UP ON THE MIDDLE ROW.
OH, NO! THE BLOCK ROLLS OVER ON HER. DOWN SHE GOES.
OH!
YOU JUST GOTTA HOPE SHE LEARNS FROM IT.
WELL, ON A POSITIVE NOTE, SHE HAS ELIMINATED ONE OPTION.
KNOWS WHAT NOT TO DO HERE IN ROUND TWO.
STAYING SAFE IN THE MIDDLE ROW. THOSE BLOCKS SEEM TO HAVE
A LITTLE LESS SWIVEL IN THEM, JOHNNY.
LOOKING GOOD SO FAR. BUT SHE IS GONNA HAVE TO MAKE
ANOTHER UP-OR-DOWN BUSINESS DECISION RIGHT NOW.
DROPPING DOWN. OH!
OH!
LOT HER BALANCE. DUNKS ANOTHER RUN.
AND THAT ONE HURT SO CLOSE TO THE END,
BUT NOW SHE HAS FALLEN BEHIND TONY'S PACE.
THIRD TRY FOR K-STEW,
AND THE URGENCY RATCHETED WAY UP.
GAME PLAN'S OBVIOUS AT THIS POINT.
KNOWS THE PATH SHE NEEDS TO TAKE.
ALL COMES DOWN TO EXECUTION.
YEP. SOUNDS SIMPLE, BUT IN THE PRESSURE COOKER
OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE, THAT CAN BE A TALL, TALL ORDER.
FOUR BLOCKS ACROSS.
DROP DOWN TO THE BOTTOM ROW ON THE FIFTH ONE.
THEN LINE UP AND JUMP TO THE PLATFORM.
FELL HERE LAST TIME.
CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER BOTCHED TRANSITION.
YEP. GOT IT. AND NOW A SIMPLE STRIDE TO THE EXIT,
AND SHE IS THROUGH.
ONTO THE SPACE POD OF DOOM NOW.
THAT EXTRA WIPEOUT'S PUT HER ABOUT A MINUTE
BEHIND TONY'S PACE SO FAR.
STEPS INTO THE POD AND STAYING ON HER FEET--
THAT'S HALF THE BATTLE, JOHNNY.
PLATFORM COMING. AND RIGHT OUT THE EXIT HATCH.
MERCY! WHAT A COMEBACK.
I MEAN, FOR SOMEBODY WHO DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS,
SHE HAS TAKEN THE LEAD, AND TONY KNOWS IT DOWN THERE.
I'M JUST GLAD TO SEE HE'S GETTING HIS COLOR BACK.
K-STEW HUFFING AND PUFFING
UP THERE AT THE TOP OF BOUNDER POUNDER.
THREE MINUTES TO TAKE THE LEAD,
SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO RUSH THIS.
OH! GOT A LITTLE SIDEWAYS THERE.
YEAH, IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS GOING DOWN,
BUT SOMEHOW MANAGED TO HANG ON.
GREAT SAVE. AND NOW TO FINISH THINGS OFF.
SHE'S MADE IT.
SHELLEY "K-STEW" KELLER COMES ROARING FROM BEHIND.
WHOO!
JOHNNY, SHE DIDN'T JUST SET THE TIME TO BEAT.
SHE WELDED IT TO THE CLOCK.
WHEW.
WHOO. READY TO GET LAUNCHED.
MAKES A RUN FOR THE CASH. STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK ONE MORE TIME, AS WE ARE ONE MORE CONTESTANT
FROM GIVING AWAY $50,000.
THAT'S RIGHT. TWO RUNS DOWN, AND K-STEW SHELLEY KELLER
CURRENTLY HOLDS A SUBSTANTIAL LEAD.
UP NEXT, MR. TEXAS JEREMY ROEMER,
AND HE HAS A MOUNTAIN OF A HILL TO CLIMB.
THIS IS THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT THING I'VE EVER DONE.
BEING FROM TEXAS IS THE FIRST, OF COURSE.
OF COURSE. NOW LET'S SEE HOW LONE STAR J.R. ARRIVED HERE.
YEEHAW!
TODAY'S QUALIFIER DARED TO MESS WITH MR. TEXAS
AAH!
HE BROUGHT UP THE REAR AGAIN AT OCTOPUSHY,
BUT BOUNCED BACK WITH A FIRST PLACE FINISH
OOH!
NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE IF JEREMY CAN GET ON A ROLL
AND ROPE A BIG PAYDAY AS HE TAKES ON THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THE WHOLE DAY BOILING DOWN TO THESE FINAL FIVE MINUTES.
SHELLEY DOMINATED EARLY, JEREMY LATE.
JEREMY SITTING IN THE SCARE CHAIR.
SHELLEY SITTING PRETTY IN THE LEAD.
OKAY, JEREMY.
IT'S ALL UP TO JEREMY NOW. LAST RUN OF THE NIGHT.
THERE'S THE SPARKS.
HERE I GO. IT'S FOR TEXAS, BABY.
SHOCKING, JOHNNY-- DEDICATING HIS LAUNCH
HERE WE GO, BABY!
OLD SPARKY SENDS HIM ON HIS WAY.
OH, HO! A LONE STAR IN THE NIGHT SKY.
A TEXAS-SIZED LAUNCH.
I KNOW.
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
JEREMY TAKES THE SCARE CHAIR FOR A RIDE
30 FEET INTO THE AIR.
AND YEP, THAT'S EXACTLY HOW HE DREW IT UP.
THIS LOOKS AWESOME!
IT'S ABOUT TO GET AWESOMER. BALANCE, TIMING, GUTS--
MR. TEXAS GONNA NEED ALL THREE OF THOSE IN HEAPS HERE.
OOH. A ROUGH STEP ON THE BLOCK, BUT--OH, NO!
HE'S NOT GONNA GET A SECOND STEP.
YEAH, MR. TEXAS IS QUICKLY LEARNING
NOT ALL THOSE BLOCKS ARE SECURE, JOHNNY.
SOME TIP A LITTLE. SOME TIP A WHOLE BUNCH.
SHAKE IT OFF. TAKE TWO.
LET'S NOT DO THAT AGAIN.
ROLLED THE FIRST TIME, BUT RIGHT BACK ON THE HORSE.
CAREFULLY ALONG THE MIDDLE ROW OF BLOCKS.
TRYING TO KEEP HIS WEIGHT CENTERED, STAY IN BALANCE.
HE'S--AH--TEETERING SOME, BUT NO TROUBLE.
HIGH OR LOW-- A DECISION TO MAKE HERE.
HE'S GONNA SIT DOWN TO JUMP DOWN.
THE BLOCK HOLDS,
AND IT ELEVATES HIM RIGHT TO THE PLATFORM.
THAT LAUNCHED HIM NICE.
JUST TWO AND A HALF MINUTES IN,
AND HE'S ALREADY GOT HIMSELF A LEAD.
STEPPING INTO THE SPACE POD OF DOOM.
AND THERE IS A GOOD LOOK AT JUST HOW DISORIENTING IT GETS.
HERE'S THE EXIT. WHOA!
HE'S SAFE.
WOW! I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS LUCK OR SKILL,
BUT I'M GUESSING A LITTLE OF BOTH.
I STILL HAVE A CHANCE IF HE FALLS ON THE TRAMPOLINE.
HANDLE THE GYRATIONS OF THAT SPACE POD PERFECTLY.
TAKES A SIZABLE LEAD NOW TO THE BOUNDER POUNDER.
TWO MINUTES TO TAKE CARE OF THESE TWO BIG LEAPS.
JEREMY--HE CAN SEE THAT 50 GRAND ON THE OTHER SIDE.
OH, HO HO!
SEE?
THE BOUNDER POUNDER MOVING MUCH FASTER THAN JEREMY EXPECTED
AND HE GETS FLUNG WILDLY OFF COURSE.
THIS IS A REAL TEXAS TORNADO.
SO NOW ONE MINUTE TO GO
AND THOSE TWO TRICKY JUMPS TO MASTER.
HOPS ON. WHOA! BIG AIR.
NEARLY BLEW RIGHT OFF THE PLATFORM.
DISASTER AVERTED. THE CLOCK TICKING.
THIS LEAP FOR THE WHOLE SHOOTING MATCH, JOHNNY.
FOR THE FINISH, HERE I COME!
$50,000!
NOW IT'S A DUEL BETWEEN HANGING ON AND SLIPPING OFF.
TALK ABOUT FIGHTING TOOTH AND NAIL.
CLAWING HIS WAY BACK UP.
YEAH, BABY!
OH, MY GOD! HE'S UP!
WHOO!
HEY, JEREMY,
YOU JUST WON "WIPEOUT"
YEEHAW!
$50,000 FEELS GOOD IN TEXAS!
TRUE ENOUGH. 50 GRAND FEELS GREAT IN TEXAS,
IN ILLINOIS, ALA--HECK, PICK A STATE IT'S GONNA SPEND.
THAT MEANS SHELLEY KELLER IS GOING HOME EMPTY-HANDED,
BUT HEY, AT LEAST SHE'S GOT THAT KRISTEN STEWART IMPRESSION
RIGHT.
THAT THING'S GONNA PAY OFF BIG-TIME, I BET.
I BET IT WILL. WELL, THAT'LL DO IT FOR US,
AND I BET THAT WE WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK.
JOIN US THEN WHEN 24 BRAND-NEW CONTESTANTS
TAKE ON A SLEW OF MORE CRAZY OBSTACLES.
TILL THEN, I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
FOR OUR COHOST JILL WAGNER,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
OOH! AAH!
AAH!
OOH!
AAH!
OH! AAH!
(dogs bark)
AAH! OH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
(grunts) OH!
AAH!
OH!
OOH!
AAH!
(grunts)
OH! AAH!
I LEFT--I LEFT HIM. (laughs)