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Previously on The Most Popular Girls in School
We need a plan to *** with the hipsters!
Light their cars on fire!
What would you do if Jenna lit your car on fire?
I'd punch her in the face.
She'll just report us into the school and we'll all have one of those four hour parent
teacher conference things.
I think it's time they learn who they're messing with.
What the ***?
That's it!
I don't know Mom, they won't tell me what it's about. I'm supposed to have a parent,
and we're supposed to have a meeting, and that's all I know. What? Yes, I do think it's
probably about the fact that my *** car got blown up Mom! You know that you were supposed
to be here in five *** minutes, right! I don't want to be the only kid here whose
Mom was just too busy to show up to the *** Parent-Teacher Conference-
Brittnay?
What?!
I'm here.
Well Jesus Mom, why are you letting me waste my *** minutes?! Come on.
Look, Frank, it's very simple, all you need to do is get the paperwork together by Friday,
get Bruce to sign them, then I can just roll them up and shove them up your ***, you ***
helpless piece of dogshit! Stop making me hold your hand on this deal, Frank, we're
not in junior high and you're not going to finger me at the lunch tables!
Mom...Mom...Momma!
Mackenzie, can't you see Mommy's on an important business call?
Yes, Mom, but we're here. We need to go inside.
What's this meeting about again? Did you and your friends rip another girl's arm off? Sorry,
Frank, I gotta go. I think my daughter's been playing tug of war with her friends' limbs
again...What? That's my *** daughter, Frank! You keep your *** jokes to yourself!
Come on, honey, let's go.
What, um, what did he say?
Wow, things have not changed a bit since I went to this school.
Oh yeah Mom, what was it like when you were here?
Ah, best six years of my life. Let's just say, when your mom was in high school, she
really got around!
Oh you mean you had classes all over campus?
Yup! One time I had a third period in the science lab and then I had a fourth period
geometry class in the math building!
Ahhhh!!!
Ahhhh!!! Can you believe that ***?
Wow Mom, you've really lived a life.
Ah Trisha, the stories I could tell you.
Alright, everybody, I'm glad you could all make it. Now, we all know why we're here-
Mr. McNeely, I for one find it offensive and irresponsible that you have called a meeting
simply because my daughter is dating an African American man.
Mrs. Cappelletti, that's not at all why we're here.
Well, I should hope not! Come along, Trisha.
Mrs. Cappelletti, you have to stay.
Oh, okay.
Alright, now, like I was saying, we're here today because-
We're here because your daughter and her gang of street toughs have broken my daughter's
nose!
Well maybe your daughter wouldn't have gotten her nose broken if she hadn't lit my ***
car on fire!
Now sweetie, there's no need to use that kind of language right now.
Really, Mom? Did your *** car get lit on fire?!
Honey, your father and I already bought you a new car.
You bought me a Nissan Leaf Mom! A *** Leaf! Every time I go up a big hill, it sounds
like *** Judith Dinsmore in PE class.
You guys go ahead! I'm gonna sit this one out!
A *** Leaf Mom!
Alright, alright, everybody, it looks like... it's getting hot in herre! But instead of
taking off all of your clothes, how about we introduce ourselves? I'm Mr. McNeely, and
all of the students around here call me Mr. Mack.
No, no we don't.
Nope, nobody does that.
Ok, well, they could start. Moving on!
I suppose I'll go first. Afternoon ladies, my name is Pamela Darabond. I am Jenna's mother
and of course, the wife of our esteemed Senator, Darren Darabond. The senator wishes he could
be here, but as is the case when you're a United States Congressman, duty calls.
Mom. Mom. Mom!
Oh. I'm Mackenzie's mom. What's the wi-fi password in here?
Oh actually, Mrs. Zales we don't have wi-fi here. This is a public school.
A public school where? Pyongyang? Am I right?
Ok! Moving on, Mrs. Matthews?
Good afternoon, everybody. I'm Veronica Matthews and I am the mother of this little princess
right here and frankly, I just can't imagine her having anything to do with this whole
situation. Why I remember when she was three years old, she was still wetting the bed but-
Mom! No!
What? No, honey, this is a good story-
I said no!
No, but this is a funny-
I don't care!
But you were-
I said no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Ooookkkayyy...Mrs. Cappelletti, why don't you introduce yourself?
Hi, everybody, I'm Trish Cappelletti, not to be confused with Trisha Cappelletti. No
relation.
Oh no you didn't!
I'm joking! You guys believed it! Ah, you must feel real dumb! Real dumb. She's my daughter.
We're definitely related.
She came out of my ***.
Yeah I did!
And lastly, uh, Shay, where are your parents?
Oh, well, um, um, my mom couldn't make it.
Ha!
She had a big business meeting.
Squeezits!
Ok, well, I suppose we're all here, then. Why don't we-
I hope I'm not interrupting anything-
Oh, are you Shay's father?
Ah no.
HA!
Senator Darren Darabond. I got a call saying I was needed back home for an urgent matter
concerning my daughter. And like I say in my campaign posters, I care about my country,
but I love my family. Here have a button. Here's a button. Here, here you go. There's
a button for you.
Oooh, ooh, let's put it on.
Owwwwwwwwww!
How do I look?
Gorgeous!
Yeah!
Oh wait, hold on, you've got a little bit of blood.
Senator Darabond, so good to see you. May I extend my most heartfelt congratulations
on finally passing that *** *** Tax yesterday.
Oh Mrs. Zales, so good to see you too. And you and I both know that the AR Tax, which
stands for Adjusted Retirement, by the way, was passed for the benefit of the American
worker. You know, the guys whose jobs you enjoy shipping off to India so much?
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, how about you suck my ***?
Well, I guess with language like that, it's safe to assume that your daughter is the rabblerouser
who broke my sweet little angel's nose?
Oh no no, that was my sweet little angel who broke your sweet little angel's nose. But
don't worry about it, she's very sorry.
The *** I am! Hey Mom, why don't you tell them the truth, that they're lucky that I
didn't rip their daughter's face off and wear it like a *** Halloween mask!
Well pumpkin, I think that's a little extreme-
Extreme? She blew up my *** car!
Angel, did you blow up this girl's car?
No Daddy! I would never do such a thing.
Well, you heard her. That's enough for me.
Are you *** kidding me? She burnt down a mall!
Daddy, I don't know what these girls are talking about! The last time I saw them they were
in a random alley, probably trying to score some crack ***, you know, for their next
fix. Next thing I know, they're all standing around a burning car. If you ask me, looks
like a *** cook gone wrong.
Ah, I wish there was more we could do for today's youth to keep them off the streets
and away from the drugs!
We weren't doing drugs in the alley!
I found a possum!
Ooh! What kind?
An angry!
Been there, *** been there.
Ugh, good god.
Mr. McNeely, I think we can all see what's going on here. What we have is nothing more
than a simple case of a young girl getting injured while playing an innocent game of
Possum Chase.
We weren't chasing possums-
My daughter was not just injured, her soul was crushed. You don't understand what a nose
means to a teenage girl-
She blew up my *** car! A *** Leaf, mom!
What the *** is the wi-fi password?!
Alright that is enough! In all of my years of teaching-
You've been here like six weeks.
In all my weeks of teaching, I have never, never seen such behavior! A girl's nose is
broken! Another girl's car has been burnt to ashes!
Don't forget about the possums.
Enough with the possums! If you all think that you're just going to come in here, scream
at each other and then walk out, you are dead wrong! Nobody is leaving until we resolve
this issue. All of my papers have been graded. I just had a hearty meal of grocery store
sushi, and I've got no friends, so ladies, Senator, settle in, because I've got nothing
but time.