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Okay, band meeting.
- Bret?
- Yes.
- Jemaine?
- Also yes.
Murray?
Present of course. Right.
Oh, yes, item one:
Uh, oh, good news:
Your CDs made
double platinum in America.
What? Are you serious?
How'd that happen?
- No, it's the Crazy Dogggz.
- I thought we had sold five.
It's the Crazy Dogggz, sorry.
- Wrong agenda.
- Ah. That's it. That's okay.
Here's your one. Item two:
Now the library
you played,
they called me to say
that you stole a cushion.
- Did you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
- Guys, you can't steal cushions.
No, this is
a really nice cushion.
Return it, okay?
I think, you know, you'd feel bad
if you lived with that
for the rest of your life.
Every time someone came around,
"Oh, nice cushion."
"Yeah." Okay?
Ltem three: R Kelly wants
to sing on your next song.
- What? Are you serious?
- Yup, shall I find out who he is?
- R Kelly?
- Mmm.
Are you sure that's not
for the Crazy Dogggz?
Yes, that's
the Crazy Dogggz.
Oh, it's the Crazy Dogggz, sorry.
- Where's your agenda?
- Tell him, Bret.
I mixed these up.
This is a mess.
- Crazy Dogggz...
- "Dear Murray,
we want to fire you
as our manager."
- What?
- What?
- What's your reasoning, Bret?
- You spend all your time
on Crazy Dogggz and you don't
really spend any time on us.
Before you came to me,
you were poor and you had no gigs.
- Now look at you.
- We're poor and we've got no gigs.
- We're slightly poorer.
- Are you really?
Yeah, Bret's only got one shoe.
Oh, Bret, is that what
this is about? One shoe?
- I can get you another shoe.
- No, it's not about the shoe.
- I just lost my shoe.
- Not a problem. What size are you?
- Size 9, but it's not about the shoe.
- Get you another shoe.
- It's about...
- Your right foot. Hi, Murray here.
- I need a right-foot shoe.
- Murray, we're firing you.
We're gonna
manage ourselves.
Right. I understand it.
Okay, fine.
You know what? Actually,
there's another item here on the agenda
I missed out.
Oh yes, here it is.
Item four:
Stuff you.
Are you sure that's not
for the Crazy Dogggz?
Stuff you, Jemaine,
and stuff you, Bret.
And stuff you again,
Jemaine.
Why did I get
double stuffed?
I don't need you guys.
You're unneeded, okay?
I've got the Crazy Dogggz.
They're making hit after hit.
"Doggy Bounce," number one.
"Doggy Dance," number five.
"In the Pound," number 37.
It's not gonna stop.
It's never gonna stop.
They're a hit-making machine.
Look at their gold records!
And just to let you know,
your awards over there,
they're fake.
I had to make them myself.
- What?
- They're pencil sharpeners stuck
to a couple of bits of wood
to make you feel better.
- We didn't win the Grammys?
- No, you didn't.
I thought we won
"Best New Zealand Artists."
There's no such
category, Jemaine.
What about your
"Best Management" award?
That's fake as well.
We're going, Murray.
Band meeting finished...
forever.
Good luck without me,
you turkeys.
# Rejected #
# Thrown away #
# Affected #
# I don't know
what to say #
# Ejected #
# Cast out to the sea #
# Disconnected #
# They didn't want me #
# Unprotected #
# Like a baby
in the snow #
# Dejected #
# Like a clown
without a show #
# I objected #
# Pretended
I was unaffected #
# But still
ended up rejected #
# Like a cake shop
without any cakes #
# Like a cornflake box
without any flakes #
# Left all alone in the world #
# Like a little orphan girl... #
# Who's been neglected #
# Feel like I'm cut into two #
# Or bisected #
# Slung, flung,
tossed through #
# Or trajected #
# Treated as though
I was infected #
# Disrespected... #
Murray?
One moment.
# And rejected. #
Yes, Glen?
What was that again?
There's a call for you
from Poland... a lawyer.
He says he's been trying
to reach you all morning.
Please, tell him
I'm not there.
I'm not here either.
I'm not... not anywhere.
# I did the hustle last night #
# Dancing to a rock band,
a rock band, baby #
# I saw my uncle last night
dancing to a rock... #
- These guys are pretty good.
- These guys?
They'll never hit the big time.
They're too devious.
The crowd
likes them all right.
Trust me, though,
they're devious. I know.
# Whoa, rock band. #
- Oh. Murray, what are you doing here?
- Hey, Murray.
I just thought I'd come and see
how you were doing without me.
Just to let you know,
there was a lot of things
I used to do behind
the scenes, all right?
Stuff that you guys
don't know about.
What, when we couldn't see you?
- Yeah.
- What would you be doing?
- Having dinner?
- No, managing you guys.
- Going to the movies?
- Relaxing?
No. Photocopying.
Haggling.
- Haggling?
- Yup.
Um, higgling.
- Higgling?
- Yeah, do you know what that means?
- Is that a word that you just made up?
- It's made-up, yeah, but...
I thought tonight's gig went
really well. We had a big crowd.
- Unbelievable.
- That's unbelievable.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm Martin Clark,
President and CEO
of Great Expectations,
one of the top agencies
here in New York.
I love what you guys do.
You're fantastic.
- I particularly like one of you.
- Oh, thank you.
- This is my colleague Caitlin Goodman.
- Hey.
So we just came by your gig tonight
completely by accident,
but it's the kind
of accident I like to be in.
We think you'd be perfect
to write a new jingle
for a campaign we're doing.
Oh, we don't use
our music to sell products.
Mmm.
This could make you so rich
you'll be *** money.
- Literally if you wanted.
- Hmm.
We might have to
have a meeting about this.
Yeah, let's have
an emergency band meeting.
- No, please, go on. Shoot.
- No, please. Go ahead.
Don't listen.
Okay, emergency band meeting.
- Jemaine? Bret?
- Yes. Yes.
Present. Item one:
Band merchandise.
I've done the t-shirt.
This is it.
- What, that's it?
- Yes, this is the monogrammed t-shirt.
- Well, what's...
- I've written "Flight of the Conchords"
- in tiny letters in pen.
- Oh, that's good. That's good.
But we can't sell it tonight
'cause I'm wearing it.
I've made the dolls.
- Yeah? Oh, nice, man.
- There's your doll
- and my doll.
- Oh, that's great.
- How'd you get the jacket so realistic?
- Yeah, that's real denim.
And I just want to get
some of your hair...
Item two, item two, item two:
- The jingle.
- Item two: Oh, yeah, the jingle.
I think it sounds like
a good opportunity.
Let's do it.
We've decided we'd like
to do the jingle, please.
- Hey, that's terrific.
- Great.
- Yes, please.
- It's for a new organic toothpaste
- for women only.
- For women?
- Women only.
- Not many people know this,
but women have
very different dental needs from men.
- We do.
- Could I try some?
Um, I don't think so.
It's really for women only.
What I want you to do
is think about it,
because when I saw
you guys tonight,
I thought,
"Here's two men
who know exactly
what women feel like."
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Great. All right, here.
Email me, okay?
Martin_Clark@aol.com.
Underscore is
your middle name, is it?
Why don't you just
come down to the office?
The address is
right there on the card
and I need a demo
by the end of the week. Cool?
- Yes.
- Impossible. Oh. Yes.
What do women like?
Men?
- Some of them do.
- Yeah.
# Some women like men #
# Some are lesbian #
# Femident toothpaste. #
That's... that's almost half.
That's half of it.
Women love weaving.
They love to weave.
Nah. Weaving is a man's game.
Bret...
you put a woman in front
of a weaving machine
and just watch her go.
No, honestly, my dad weaves.
- My grandfather was a weaver.
- I thought your dad was a sheep lawyer.
Yeah, during the day,
but at night he weaves a lot.
I come from a family
of weavers.
- I've never seen a man weave.
- I love weaving.
I'm weaving at the moment,
making a pair of trousers.
- Women's rights.
- No, that's more of a man's thing.
- Sorry about...
- Um, no, definitely a woman's thing.
Nah, my father's
a women's rights activist.
- Your dad?
- Yeah.
- Not your mom?
- No. Mom... no.
Dad wouldn't allow that.
No way.
They like wrestling
in cooking oil on a plane.
Seems like
a ridiculous generalization.
No, these women I met,
I took them up on a plane,
they were making a salad,
next thing you know,
they're just wrestling at 85,000 feet.
Do you know
any actual women, Dave?
Yeah, pretty much.
You said there would be a lot
of women here today.
There usually is, Jemaine.
I don't know why they're not here.
They're probably
just doing Brazilians.
They'll show up.
Don't worry.
- Oh, hey, guys. Come in.
- Hey, Murray.
Well, basically,
I just wanted to check in,
see how you guys
were getting on.
- It's not as easy... is it? ...without me
- It's a bit easier.
- It's real easy.
- What?
We thought it would be easy
and it turned out to be easier.
So you thought
it was gonna be easy
and it's even easier
than you thought.
- It's easier than easy.
- Oh, okay, so you're telling me
it was unbelievably easy.
Yeah, we're doing a jingle
for a toothpaste ad.
Ah. Look, I know what these
advertising people are like, Bret. Okay?
I've been to Bangkok. Now Monday
you're trying to do a TV commercial,
they're filming it,
it's all about toothpaste,
then Tuesday they're trying
to film you naked.
Yup. Next thing you know
you're getting drugs thrown at you
and all because
you don't have proper management.
- Happens all the time, guys.
- Well, it was good to see you, Murray.
- We're gonna...
- We've got to write a jingle.
Look, just hang on, okay?
Now, do you guys know
what professional opinions are?
- Yes.
- You do? Okay. Do you have them?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
Good, 'cause I need some.
Take a look at this.
- # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce... #
- Oh yeah.
I can't stand this song.
Look at that. Okay, that's not
what I wanted to show you.
Now look at this.
Okay?
Now, opinion time.
Is that one in any way
similar to the first one?
Yes, in that it is
exactly the same.
- Yeah, it's very similar.
- I'll tell you why it's similar...
because this Polish one is
what's known as a cover version.
Okay?
Now the only problem is
this cover version
came out 13 years
before the Crazy Dogggz's
original version.
- Mmm.
- So my question to you is:
Is that bad?
Or do you think that's normal?
I think it's probably bad.
Okay. Well, that's what
the lawyer said.
I've got two bads.
What about you, Bret?
Do you think that's bad?
- Mmm. Bad.
- Normal?
- Bad.
- You think that's...
- I think that's probably bad.
- You think that's normal, do you?
- I think it's bad.
- All right.
So I've got...
so you're normal...
- No, I'm bad.
- You're bad?
- Mm-hmm.
- I've got three...
Excuse me, I said wait
until the meeting's finished, please.
Excuse me. Careful with that.
That's worth $20,000.
It was a gift from Tori Amos.
- Murray, are you moving office?
- I'm kind of moving.
Which brings me
to item three:
Uh, would any of you
like to buy a desk?
Crazy Dogggz, we're onto you!
You ruined his life!
You ruined
his life!
Oh, hey, guys!
Hey, can you believe this
Crazy Dogggz controversy?
This is such ***, right?
- Hey, Doug.
- You should've seen Doug
- when he heard what happened.
- Hey.
- He went berserk.
- Really?
Actually, Mel really went
more sort of berserk.
Oh, stop hogging
the conversation, Doug. It's rude.
- It is rude.
- I wasn't... but I wasn't really hoggi...
Conversation hog.
"Oink oink oink oink.
I've got something
to say all the time."
He's always talking.
Are we going
to light this fire or what?
You know, I think
it's against city laws
to start a fire
on the sidewalk.
- Oh my God, Doug.
- Hey, good luck with the CD burning.
Hand me
that gasoline can, all right?
'Cause looks like
I'm gonna have to do this by myself,
- as per usual.
- Yeah, but I don't...
- Mel... oh.
- Why did you come, Doug,
if you didn't want
to light a fire?
- What's the problem?
- Do you think we're selling out
- by doing a jingle?
- No way, man.
Some of the best songs
are jingles.
# Pussymart, Pussymart. #
- I don't know that one.
- You guys are gonna get paid
- out of the *** for that ***.
- That's why we need to talk to you.
We need to negotiate a deal
and we've got no idea how to do it.
Well, good luck for you then,
'cause you're only
in Dave's house of deals.
The D in my name
stands for "Deal."
And did you know
that the word "Dave"
actually means "deal" in Latino?
Doing a deal is easy,
as long as you know how.
How much would
you give me for this?
- A dollar.
- Double it.
- $2.
- Double it again.
- $4.
- Sold!
- What's go... what?
- I just made him pay
nearly 10 times what he wanted
to pay in the first place.
- You just manipulated him.
- It's the Dave-Double-Down technique.
How do you think
I got that macrame owl?
- It's cool. It was a good one.
- Yeah.
- Okay, thanks, man.
- There's your pen. Just give me my $4.
- Hmm?
- $4 please.
- I thought it was an exercise.
- You've got to learn the whole lesson.
That's fine.
I'm gonna waive the tax.
Thanks for the table.
And good luck out there, guys.
The song. Wow.
- Do you like it?
- Loved it.
You are speaking
for women, by women.
There's certain parts, though,
that I think could use a little work.
This song is 18 minutes long.
We're talking about
a 30-second commercial here.
We thought it would be
more of a concept.
I know you're from New Zealand.
What is this, "Lord of the Rings"?
We don't have all day.
Also, the lyrics
don't really fit the product.
They're not...
they're not cohesive at all.
Some of them aren't about...
some of them aren't about toothpaste,
they're just things in our life.
- Yeah.
- They don't... they don't make sense.
Okay, so just talk
about toothpaste, really?
- Yes.
- And I have some big news for you.
I've convinced the client
to put you guys
on the ad on TV.
- Do we get more money?
- We haven't mentioned the money yet.
Let's talk money.
We were wondering
if you could double it.
- I haven't mentioned the fee yet.
- Forget I said that.
What is... what is the fee?
I'm sorry, Bret.
The fee is $1,000 each.
How about that?
- Sorry, now I'll say it. Double it.
- I am doubling it.
It was going to be $500 each.
That would've been $1,000.
- He already doubled it in his mind.
- Yeah, I doubled it just now.
- $1,000 each?
- Yes.
- Do we have a deal?
- Oh, that's good.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
You're the Femident boys.
- Murray. Murray.
- Oh!
- Morning, guys.
- Hey.
Actually, get in the car.
I've got something I want
to talk to you about.
- Are you okay, Murray?
- Yeah, of course. Why?
- No reason.
- Bret, can you get a pencil
out of my stationery
cabinet there, please?
- Where's that?
- That's the glovebox there.
Ah. Oh.
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
Now, I've got something
I want to talk to you about.
L... I don't really
know how to say it.
So I'm just going
to say it, okay?
Can I be your manager again?
- No.
- Mmm, no.
Right. Sorry,
should've done the...
- Bret?
- We... you're not managing us,
- so we don't do roll calls.
- We'll just do a...
This is not
a meeting though.
- Please. Come on, guys.
- No.
Things are going well for us.
We told you.
Things aren't going well for me.
Why don't you get
your old job back at the consulate?
I can't do that, Bret.
I've moved on.
Look at me.
I'm not going back there.
Plus when I quit
I told them all to go stuff themselves.
Really?
To their faces?
No, I wrote it down,
but it's the same feeling.
Imagine reading that.
Okay? I've probably
been ostracized now.
I'm persona non regates.
You know
what that means?
- No.
- You're not at a yacht race?
Yeah. No, they don't talk to me.
Are you living
in your car, Murray?
No, of course not.
It's illegal.
You can't do that... apparently...
unless you move your vehicle
every three hours.
I've got to go.
That's enough. Thank you.
Out you get.
Gone. Both of you.
There wasn't a meeting, Murray.
It doesn't count as a meeting.
Okay, go on. Nice pants.
- Are they woven? Wow.
- These are man-made.
# You are a woman,
you wear women's wear #
# You have ***
and longish hair, oh yeah #
# You're kind of
found everywhere #
# Yet you're still very rare,
oh yeah #
# You're a woman
and you love to weave #
# You're a woman,
you have women's needs #
# I know you love
women's rights #
# You're a woman with teeth,
now take a bite #
# Femident toothpaste, yeah #
- # For your feminine dental care #
- # Oh yeah #
# Oh, Femident toothpaste #
# Femident, Femident #
# Femident. #
And cut.
Very nice. Cut.
Great stuff, guys.
- Huh?
- Yeah, fantastic stuff.
Now if you'll just
fill out these forms
and get us copies of your work permits,
we are done here today.
Mmm, we don't have
work permits.
Oh. Because you're foreign,
you need work permits
- or green cards, so...
- Green cards?
Yes, green cards. You do
have a green card, right?
- Is it just a bit of card?
- No, it's...
Just a card,
a greenish card?
- No, it's...
- Is it like a library card?
Are you legally allowed
to work in this country?
I don't think we're legally allowed
to be in the country.
No, we're illegal immigrants.
I think you'd better be
in touch with your attorneys.
You *** better
bring your passports in
and show us your
*** work permits.
Hello.
Murray speaking.
- Murray, it's Bret.
- Oh, hello, Bret.
- How are you?
- Not so good.
- We need our passports.
- You know I don't have them, Bret.
They're in the consulate office.
I'm actually just outside
there now, by chance.
It's just we're
in a little bit of trouble.
- You're in trouble?
- Legal trouble.
Yeah, Jemaine's just saying
we're in legal trouble.
Well, just calm down.
Are you sitting down?
- Yeah, we are sitting down.
- Okay, what have you got on?
We've got blue robes on.
We're not wearing anything...
Get dressed. Where are you?
Are you in a hotel room?
Could you just bring...
can you bring our passports
and some green cards, please?
- All right.
- Thanks.
Psst! Greg!
It's me... Murray.
Oh, Greg,
I just wanted to say...
all right? Straight up...
I'm very very...
I don't know how
to put this, okay?
There were a couple
of messages you had.
No, just give us
a chance, all right?
This is not easy
for me, all right?
I wasn't myself. The things I put
in that letter... unbelievable.
One from May... something about
your gym membership expiring...
one from the prime minister
from September
and one just
before Christma...
no, that's...
that was a wrong number.
Okay.
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
Uh, no.
No, that's good. Thank you.
Guys. Psst!
Come here, come here.
Come here.
Well, good news, guys:
I got my job back,
- I've got your passports.
- That's great.
Bad news, guys:
Your passports aren't ready.
- They're not processed.
- Do you have them?
- No, they're in my cupboard.
- You just said you had them.
- I've got them in my cupboard.
- Have you got our work visas?
You don't have work visas.
You've never needed them before.
You've never had a proper job.
This is exactly what happens
when you try to manage yourselves.
If you had stuck with me, you wouldn't
be in this job situation, would you?
What are we gonna tell
Martin Underscore Clark?
I don't know.
You're managing yourselves now.
Look at you... no idea what to do.
Right, now listen to me.
If you hire me back,
I'll tell you what to do.
- Come on.
- Okay.
All right, okay,
you're our manager again.
- Really?
- Yeah, great.
- What should we do?
- You miss me?
- Welcome back. No.
- No.
- A little bit. A little bit.
- A little bit?
Okay, now here's my advice:
I think we should run for it.
Come on, let's go.
Go! Run! Run!
Quickly!
No time for debate!
Go! Hurry up!
- Go!
- Go go!
Go, Murray.
Go! Drive!
Good managing, eh, guys?
Oh, Bret, that's for you.
Oh, man.
I managed
to get you a shoe, eh?
Thanks, Murray.
That's okay.
You know what?
I think there's a guardian angel
looking after us.
Murray, it couldn't have
possibly gone worse.
Somewhere up there,
someone's looking down,
making sure everything
turns out okay for us.
I'm sure of it.
# There are angels #
# In the clouds #
# Doing it #
# There are angels #
# Doing it, doing it,
doing it, doing it #
# Doing it, doing it,
doing it in the clouds #
# Behind the shroud
of the clouds #
# Fooling around #
# In the clouds, they're lying #
# Feathers flying #
# Angels sighing #
# There are angels #
# Nobody knows what goes on #
# Under those robes #
# Pushing and puffing #
# And huffing and heaving #
# Pushing,
puffing, huffing and heaving #
# Pushing, puffing,
huffing and heaving #
# Pushing, puffing, huffing
and heaving in Heaven #
# Up there they're playing #
# The loving game #
# Making rain #
# Turning white clouds grey #
# Doing it #
# Doing it #
# Doing it, doing it,
doing it #
# Doing it,
doing it, doing it #
# Doing it. #