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Today we're talking about praising
and their importance in the process of upbringing.
CHILD'S TALK Daniella Freixo de Faria
Hello, my name is Daniella F. de Faria.
Today we're talking about praising.
When children are praised,
they're actually forming a great repository of self-confidence.
The children believes in themselves,
perceives how that influences us all,
and that makes them believe,
believe they're capable, they're able to overcome any challenges.
However, there's an important side to praising that must be mentioned.
Praising often happens as an honest act,
naturally,
and it's a great thing to happen.
But sometimes, we use praising almost as a replacement for our presence
a replacement for love,
as if we wanted to fill a gap
that we think was left.
When the child starts to receive that kind of praise,
the type that doesn't come from something that happened
or from the perception of a change of attitude,
but instead is blowing in the wind,
the child stops listening those things we say.
Productive and positive praising
are very important when it follows the action
or change of attitude in the child,
or the effort they made in a new challenge or task.
Why? Because when we praise them
simply because they're intelligent, amazing or great,
we may be falling into the labeling problem,
[LABELS -- CLICK HERE] we may be falling into the labeling problem,
[LABELS -- CLICK HERE] which has been the topic of one of our videos,
which has been the topic of one of our videos,
but the child receives that praise
and is almost discouraged by it.
Let me explain better.
In the USA, there was a research study with 400 5th graders.
It was very interesting.
They split those children into two groups:
the first group was assigned a puzzle,
as was the second one.
The first group received praising focused in the process,
for their effort and attention:
"Wow, you're really paying attention!"
"You're really persistent!"
"Wow, look how focused you are in solving the puzzle!"
The second group received praising focused on the results:
"You're so intelligent! You can really do things!"
"Wow, how amazing you are for having solved that!"
Both groups were invited to do another task.
They were given two options:
First: to do a task that was similar to the previous one;
Second: to do a different task than the previous one,
a new challenge.
The group that was praised for the process,
for their effort,
wanted to do another task with a new challenge.
The group that was praised for the end,
for their intelligence, like, "I'm intelligent already!",
they wanted to repeat the same task.
Over time, that outcome
creates a huge difference in the child's attitude towards life.
The child who receives the compliment for the end,
such as, for example, for being intelligent,
like, "You are an artist already", "You are wonderful", and all that,
that child will not only face the risk of being given a label,
but will also face a risk:
"I'll risk little, because that way I can get a better result",
which means thinking about how intelligent I am.
The child who receives the compliment for the process
will know the good path is precisely
in how much effort they put into something.
And so is the good outcome.
So, I have nothing that says how great I am,
nothing that says I don't even need to try.
I'll only know how I behave in face of a new challenge
by living that challenge.
I'll know how capable I am
the moment I realize I am capable of doing things by doing them.
The child who needs to ensure
the truth about a praise
takes little risk,
because they may not make it
and may realize they're not as intelligent as they think.
The child who lives for the effort
knows the greatest thing that lies ahead
is their dedication, persistence and determination.
And the moment they make it,
that's not something that was already there.
That's the result of much dedication and effort
and that's why the outcome is positive.
Our great challenge is to praise the process.
To praise the effort.
The effort that, instead of being seen as something bad and tough,
starts being seen as a part of life,
part of the pursuit for an outcome,
part of the notion of attitude and consequence,
cause and consequence,
action and reaction.
By doing my share, I can get somewhere.
By doing my share, I can reach that outcome.
Nothing is ready.
Everything needs sowing, watering and nurturing,
so a bountiful harvest can come,
full of good fruits.
Today's tip is about a very cool movie,
which is in theaters now: The Croods.
They're a cavemen family,
so they live in a cave,
and they need to live and to overcome the fear of leaving the cave.
Tonight we'll hear the story of Crispy Bear.
A long time ago, this little bear was alive
because she listened to her father, so she was happy.
That's why she was happy.
But Crispy had one terrible problem.
She was filled with curiosity.
Yes, and one day she saw something new and died.
- Just like that? - Yes!
Same ending as every day.
I get it Dad. I will never do anything new or different.
Good man, Thung.
My family has always survived by living by my Dad's one rule:
Never leave the cave.
We never had the chance to explore the outside world.
But what we didn't know was that our world
was about to change.
The Croods.
Children who are afraid can really relate to that movie.
It's precisely what we've seen in another one of my videos:
To listen to our bigmouthed mind and live in the cave,
or to listen to our heart and move on,
and realize we have a whole world to see?
Take your children because it's really beautiful.
It's very well done and has a good message. [SUBSCRIBE -- CLICK HERE]
If you liked the video, please share it! [SUBSCRIBE -- CLICK HERE]
Send me your doubts. [SUBSCRIBE -- CLICK HERE]
I'll see you next week. Bye-bye!
CHILD'S TALK Daniella Freixo de Faria
English subtitles by Fabio Lima fabiopl@gmail.com
WATCH OTHER VIDEOS: PUNISHMENT AND CONSEQUENCE /GUILT / EXISTING FOR CHILDREN