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>> [ SCREAMING ]
NO!
>> HELLO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I COME BEFORE YOU TODAY WITH
THIS MESSAGE OF DIRE IMPORTANCE.
THE FILM YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE
CONTAINS SCENES OF SHOCKING
RIVERBEAST ACTION, WHICH ARE
DEFINITELY NOT FOR THE TIMID.
SO, AT THE INSISTENCE OF THEIR
LEGAL COUNSEL, THE FILMMAKERS
HAVE INCLUDED RIVERBEAST ALERTS
THROUGHOUT THE FILM.
WHEN YOU SEE THE SCREEN FLASH
TWICE IN RED LIKE THIS...
THAT SIGNIFIES THAT THE DREADED
RIVERBEAST IS ABOUT TO MAKE AN
APPEARANCE.
THOSE WHO ARE FAINT OF HEART MAY
CHOOSE TO COVER THEIR EYES
DURING THESE MOMENTS, LIKE THIS.
IF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF BRAVE
ENOUGH, STAY FOCUSED ON THE
SCREEN, FOR THE LEGENDARY
RIVERBEAST IS TRULY A SIGHT TO
BEHOLD.
BUT REMEMBER -- THE NEXT TIME
YOU GO OUT FOR A HIKE, CHECK
YOUR SURROUNDINGS CAREFULLY.
THERE JUST MIGHT BE A RIVERBEAST
LURKING IN YOUR WOODS.
>> HEROES.
WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH, THEY STEP
UP TO THE PLATE FOR US.
MANY HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR
HEROISM BUT HAVE YET TO REALIZE
IT.
OTHERS HAVE ANSWERED THE CALL
IN THE PAST, TOUCHING
GREATNESS.
HENCEFORTH, THEY CRAVE A RETURN
TO GLORY.
AND THE LOST ONES, ADRIFT IN A
STORM-TOSSED SEA, HOPING
AGAINST HOPE THAT ONE DAY, THEY
CAN BE HEROES.
>> HI, PROFESSOR MATTHEWS!
WHATCHA READING?
>> IT'S A PHILOSOPHICAL TEXT,
MISS STONE.
NOTHING THAT WOULD INTEREST YOU.
>> RIGHT, PROBABLY NOT.
MY PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY HAS
ALWAYS BEEN "DON'T WASTE TIME
STUDYING PHILOSOPHY."
>> I, UH, WOULDN'T SUPPOSE
YOU'RE OFF TO THE LIBRARY WITH
THAT BEACH BLANKET, MISS STONE.
>> OH, NO.
I FEEL FAR TOO LANGUOROUS FOR MY
STUDIES.
I'M JUST GONNA GO SUN MYSELF
WITH MY STUDY PARTNER, BERNICE.
WE'RE GONNA LAY OUT UNTIL WE'RE
GOOD AND HOT, AND THEN WE'LL
REVIVE OURSELVES IN THE COOL
WATER OF THE MERRIMACK RIVER.
>> THE MERRIMACK?
>> YEAH.
YOU KNOW THE SPOT -- ALONG THE
K.C. PATH, WHERE ALL US
FINISHING GIRLS GO TO LAY OUT,
RIGHT?
>> I'M A MAN OF LETTERS,
MISS STONE.
FRIVOLOUS PURSUITS SUCH AS LYING
IN THE SUN ARE OF LITTLE
INTEREST TO ME.
>> I CAN'T WAIT TO PROVE ONCE
AND FOR ALL WHAT A DEVIANT
PROFESSOR MATTHEWS IS.
>> ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO
THIS, ALLIE?
I THOUGHT CHANCELLOR McMICHAEL
PUT YOU ON A NO-TOLERANCE
POLICY.
>> OH, HE'LL THANK ME FOR
RIDDING THAT SCHOOL OF DEVIANTS.
DON'T FALL IN!
>> IT'S JUST SOME WEIRD, LOOSE
ROCK.
[ BUBBLING ]
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
>> HEY, PROFESSOR MATTHEWS.
WHY DON'T YOU SAY HELLO TO
CHANCELLOR McMICHAEL?
>> NOW, ALLIE, WHAT KIND OF
PRANK IS THIS?
>> HE'LL BE WATCHING THIS VIDEO.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY EXPLAINING TO
HIM WHAT YOU'RE DOING UP IN THAT
TREE?
>> [ YELPS ]
>> PLEASE NOTE THIS CAMERA WAS
DROPPED BY
PROFESSOR NED MATTHEWS.
I'M GONNA PRESENT THIS AS
EVIDENCE.
>> EVIDENCE?
>> YES -- PROOF THAT
PROFESSOR NED MATTHEWS IS A
DEVIANT.
HE DOES NOT BELONG IN THE
WELL-RESPECTED FACULTY AT THE
FARNUM FINISHING SCHOOL OF
NEW ENGLAND.
>> NOW, ALLIE, BERNICE...
THAT VIDEOTAPE --
HOW MUCH?
>> SORRY, PROFESSOR.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO ACCEPT
YOUR PUNISHMENT.
>> LET'S GO, ALLIE.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
YOU --
NOW, YOU GIRLS COME BACK HERE!
[ BRANCH SNAPS, THUD ]
[ BUBBLING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ ROARS ]
>> "NEIL, YOU'VE GOT TO COME
BACK TO TOWN THIS SUMMER FOR
YOUR GOD-COUSIN CYNTHIA'S
WEDDING.
SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF
YOU'RE NOT THERE FOR HER.
YOU'VE BEEN AWAY LONG ENOUGH.
COME HOME AND START AGAIN.
TEDDY NEEDS YOUR GUIDANCE.
SIGNED, YOUR GODMOTHER, PEGGY."
>> ♪ GEE, I MISS THOSE RIVER
PARTY DAYS ♪
♪ WITH THE COOL, COOL WATER AND
THOSE HOT, HOT RAYS ♪
♪ SWINGING ON A ROPE AND COOKING
ON A GRILL ♪
♪ I WANNA-WANNA RIVER PARTY
STILL ♪
SING IT!
>> ♪ RIVER PARTY DAYS IN THE
HOT, HOT RAYS ♪
♪ RIVER PARTY NIGHTS -- WE WERE
GETTIN' IN FIGHTS ♪
♪ RIVER PARTY ROCKIN', ALL THE
RIVER TOWN IS TALKIN' UP OUR
RIVER PARTY ♪
♪ RIVER PARTY, USA ♪
>> ♪ RIVER PARTY DAYS DON'T HAVE
TO END ♪
♪ SO GRAB YOUR BROTHER AND TELL
YOUR FRIEND ♪
♪ TOMORROW AT NOON, IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE HOT ♪
♪ SO WE'RE MEETING AT THE RIVER
PARTY SPOT ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA RIVER-RIVER PARTY
QUITE A LOT ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT -- GIVE
IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT -- GIVE IT ALL WE'VE
GOT ♪
>> THAT WAS THE OLD CLASSIC,
"GEE, I MISS THOSE RIVER PARTY
DAYS" BY RIVER TOWN, USA's,
VERY OWN RIVER MUD WARRIORS.
THINGS SURE HAVEN'T BEEN THE
SAME SINCE THEY BROKE UP.
>> THIS ELABORATE RUSE OF YOURS
CAUSED A MAN TO FRACTURE HIS LEG
AND SPRAIN HIS WRIST.
>> WE HAVE VIDEOTAPE PROOF THAT
HE TRIED TO PAY US TO KEEP US
QUIET AFTER WE CAUGHT HIM
PEEPING.
>> PROFESSOR MATTHEWS WILL
RECEIVE HIS DUE PUNISHMENT, BUT
WE'RE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS HIM.
WE'RE HERE TO DISCUSS YOU,
MISS STONE.
YOUR FUTURE, SAD TO SAY, WILL
NOT INCLUDE GRADUATING FROM THE
FARNUM FINISHING SCHOOL OF
NEW ENGLAND.
>> BUT, CHANCELLOR!
>> MISS STONE, THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE IN MY OFFICE, I TOLD YOU
THAT THE SMALLEST SLIP WILL
RESULT IN YOUR EXPULSION.
I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT YOU WILL
HAVE TO VACATE THE CAMPUS FIRST
THING TOMORROW MORNING.
NOW, SHOULD I CALL YOUR FATHER,
OR WILL YOU BE INFORMING HIM?
>> I'LL LET YOU DO THAT,
CHANCELLOR.
HE JUST LOVES EXPULSION PHONE
CALLS FROM FINISHING-SCHOOL
CHANCELLORS.
I THINK THIS'LL BE NUMBER THREE.
>> NEIL?
NEIL STUART? IS THAT REALLY YOU?
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR OLD
COLLEAGUE, MILLHOUSE JENSEN?
>> YOU'RE MORE THAN JUST A
COLLEAGUE TO ME, MILLY.
>> YOU NEVER WROTE.
YOU NEVER CALLED.
ALL YOUR OLD BUDDIES -- WE WERE
REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
>> I JUST NEEDED TO GET AWAY
FROM IT ALL, MILLY.
>> WHAT -- WITH ALL THE
RIVERBEAST TALK AND ALL?
IS THAT WHAT DROVE YOU OUT OF
TOWN, NEIL?
>> THAT CERTAINLY PLAYED A PART,
MILLY.
>> AND BEING LEFT AT THE ALTAR.
THAT MUST'VE PLAYED A PART IN
IT, TOO.
>> YEP. THAT -- THAT PRETTY MUCH
CRUSHED ME, MILLY.
>> NEIL STUART'S BACK IN TOWN.
ARE YOU GONNA START TUTORING
AGAIN?
YOU'RE STILL THE BEST TUTOR THAT
THIS TOWN'S EVER SEEN.
>> MAYBE I WILL, MILLY.
MAYBE I WILL.
>> CAN'T WAIT TO TELL TROY.
BUT FIRST, I'M GONNA GET SOME
LUNCH.
MMM.
[ HORNS HONKING ]
>> SAY, WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
HELP YOU WITH THOSE?
>> NEIL?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK IN
TOWN?
>> I JUST CROSSED INTO THE CITY
LIMITS TODAY.
HOW ARE YOU, EMMALINE?
>> NEIL, YOU'RE A DIRTY MESS.
>> I GUESS LIVING OFF THE LAND
WILL DO THAT TO A MAN.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THOSE BAGS.
>> EMMALINE, DIDN'T I TELL YOU
NOT TO TALK TO DIRTY VAGABONDS?
HERE'S A DOLLAR, CHUM.
NOW AWAY WITH YOU!
>> SAY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
I NEARLY MARRIED THIS WOMAN.
I'M ENTITLED TO SPEAK WITH HER.
>> THIS IS THE GUY THAT YOU LEFT
AT THE ALTAR, THE ONE THAT WENT
ALL HAYWIRE ABOUT THE LAKE
BEAST?
>> NEIL, THIS IS MY FIANCé,
DANNY O'GRADY.
AND IT WAS A RIVERBEAST.
AND THIS IS BRADLEY, HIS SON
FROM ANOTHER MARRIAGE.
>> THAT WHOLE RIVERBEAST
INCIDENT IS PART OF MY FAR-OFF
PAST.
>> YEAH, AND A BEATING'S A PART
OF YOUR IMMEDIATE FUTURE.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
[ COUGHING ]
[ GROANS ]
>> COME ON, HONEY.
LET'S GO HOME.
>> PLEASE, NEIL.
DON'T COMPLICATE THINGS FOR ME.
DANNY CAN GET REAL MAD
SOMETIMES, BUT HE MEANS WELL.
ARE YOU OKAY?
>> I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY.
YOU GO. YOU GO.
>> LET'S GO, EMMALINE!
>> FIRST DAY BACK, ALREADY IN A
SCUFFLE, HUH, MR. STUART?
>> NICE TO SEE YOU,
SHERIFF PAULTIQUE HANSON.
>> YOUR GODMOTHER TOLD ME YOU
MIGHT BE BACK WITHIN CITY
LIMITS.
WHAT -- YOU FINALLY FOUND OUT
YOU CAN'T RUN FROM YOUR
PROBLEMS?
>> SURE, SHERIFF.
>> STAY AWAY FROM THE RIVER,
NEIL.
WE DON'T NEED YOU STIRRING UP
ANY MORE HYSTERIA, WHAT WITH
THAT ROGUE BABOON YOU THOUGHT
YOU SAW.
>> IT WAS A RIVERBEAST, SHERIFF.
A RIVERBEAST.
[ SIGHS ]
>> [ SIGHS ]
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT AROUND HERE
SINCE YOU LEFT, NEIL.
THE TUTORS DON'T SEEM TO GET AS
MUCH BUSINESS.
TEDDY RARELY LEAVES THE
BASEMENT.
POOR EMMALINE HAS SETTLED WITH A
REAL BOMBASTIC JERK.
>> I'M ALREADY ACQUAINTED WITH
DANNY O'GRADY.
>> I KNOW YOU NEEDED YOUR TIME
AWAY, BUT I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO MISS YOUR GOD-COUSIN'S
WEDDING.
>> LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO BE MY DATE.
I HAD HALF HOPED THAT EMMALINE
WOULD GO WITH ME.
>> OH, I'M NOT GOING!
I DON'T APPROVE OF THE SAP SHE'S
MARRYING.
BUT SOMEONE DOES NEED TO ATTEND
FROM THE GOD-FAMILY, AND THAT'S
WHERE YOU COME IN.
>> [ SIGHS ]
SO, DOES TEDDY STILL RENT THE
BASEMENT FROM YOU?
>> OH, HE'S STILL THERE.
BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU THE LAST
TIME HE PAID ME ANY RENT.
HE'S LOST, NEIL, ADRIFT IN A
GALAXY OF DESPAIR.
I HAVEN'T HEARD HIM PLAYING HIS
GUITAR FOR MONTHS.
HE'S WASTING HIS CONSIDERABLE
TALENT.
>> TEDDY, I THINK YOU'D BE
BETTER OFF PLAYING THIS GUITAR
INSTEAD OF PLAYING WITH THESE
SOCKS.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
DOING, BARGING IN HERE?
GET OUT OF MY HABITAT!
>> IS THAT THE WAY YOU TALK TO
YOUR BEST FRIEND?
>> MY BEST FRIEND LEFT TOWN
THREE YEARS AGO WITH NOT A WORD.
GET OUT OF MY ABODE.
>> IT'S OUR ABODE NOW, TEDDY.
I JUST PAID MY GODMOTHER THE
LAST FOUR MONTHS' RENT THAT YOU
OWED HER, AND I PAID NEXT
MONTH'S RENT.
WE'RE ROOMMATES, BUDDY.
>> I DON'T WANT A ROOMMATE!
>> IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT, YOU
NE'ER-DO-WELL?!
>> HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS?!
>> YOU ANGRY, LITTLE CRETIN!
[ DOOR OPENS ]
>> IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT DOWN
THERE, BOYS?
>> Both: YES.
>> WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN
COME INTO TOWN AND MAKE
EVERYTHING BETTER?
>> WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN
WASTE YOUR TALENTS?
>> THEY'RE MY TALENTS, YOU JERK!
>> TEDDY!
>> YOU KNOW, IF YOU REALLY CARED
ABOUT ANY OF US, YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE LEFT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SINCE YOU LEFT TOWN, EVERYONE'S
LOST THEIR JOIE DE VIVRE.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE FINDING
REASONS TO LEAVE THIS BASEMENT.
>> YOUR MUSICAL SKILLS ARE
REASON ENOUGH, TEDDY.
WE ALL GOT TO DO WHAT WE WERE
PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO.
WE STAY FOCUSED, AND WE WORK
HARD -- SOMETHING GOOD WILL COME
OUT OF IT.
>> I SEE NO POINT, WHAT WITH THE
BAND HAVING BROKEN UP AND ALL.
>> YOU WERE ALWAYS THE ONLY
RIVER MUD WARRIOR WITH ANY REAL
TALENT, TEDDY -- A BORN
MINSTREL, THE BEST STREET
PERFORMER THIS TOWN'S EVER SEEN.
>> WELL, IF YOU WANT ME TO START
PLAYING AGAIN, YOU HAVE TO START
TUTORING AGAIN.
YOUR TUTOR SKILLS ARE NONPAREIL!
IT'S JUST AS MUCH A WASTE OF
TALENT IF YOU'RE NOT TUTORING.
>> YOU GOT A DEAL, BUDDY.
>> R.B., R.B., RIVERBEAST.
WATCH OUT, 'CAUSE HE'S HUNGRY
FOR A FEAST.
R.B., R.B., RIVERBEAST.
IS HE FOR REAL?
NOT IN THE LEAST.
>> BACK AGAIN TO PROVE ONCE AND
FOR ALL THAT THE RIVERBEAST
REALLY EXISTS, MR. STUART?
>> WHO ARE YOU?
>> SPARKY WATTS, REPORTER FOR
RIVER TOWN, USA DAILY STANDARD.
>> I DON'T REMEMBER YOU.
I USED TO KNOW EVERY MAN ON THAT
STAFF.
DARN NEAR TUTORED EACH ONE OF
THEM, HELPED THEM WITH THEIR
GRAMMAR.
>> I JOINED THE STAFF AROUND THE
TIME YOU BECAME THE TOWN
LAUGHINGSTOCK.
SOMEHOW, I'VE MANAGED TO MAKE A
NAME FOR MYSELF WITHOUT YOUR
GUIDANCE.
>> GOOD FOR YOU!
>> I REMEMBER WHEN YOU LEFT TOWN
SO UNCEREMONIOUSLY, TAIL BETWEEN
YOUR LEGS AND ALL.
IN FACT, I WAS THE REPORTER SENT
TO COVER YOUR NON-WEDDING.
>> SO IT'S YOU WHO CAME UP WITH
ALL THOSE JUICY HEADLINES ABOUT
ME, HUH?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU MAY REMEMBER ME BY MY OLD
PEN NAME -- THE RIVER TOWN, USA,
GOSSIP HOUND.
OF COURSE, THE NOM DE PLUME WAS
THE IDEA OF MY EDITOR'S AT THE
TIME, WHOSE JOB I'VE SINCE
TAKEN.
UNLIKE YOU, I DON'T FEEL THE
NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A PSEUDONYM.
I FACE MY PROBLEMS HEAD-ON.
>> I LEFT RIVER TOWN, USA, FOR
MY OWN REASONS.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
AND YOUR MUCKRAKING WAYS.
>> THAT'S IT, MR. STUART.
RUN AWAY.
OR SHOULD I USE YOUR NICKNAME?
WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? OH, YEAH.
R.B. -- SHORT FOR "RIVERBEAST,"
IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU'LL SOON LEARN THAT IT'S
IMPORTANT TO MAKE NICE WITH
INFLUENTIAL WRITERS LIKE
SPARKY WATTS!
OH, YEAH. ONE MORE THING.
DON'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET
YOU.
[ LAUGHING ]
DID YOU GET A FEW SHOTS OF HIM
WITH HIS HANDS ON ME?
>> SURE DID.
>> EXCELLENT.
WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS?
>> HE DID SOME GOOD FOR THIS
TOWN IN HIS DAY.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU,
CONNIE.
>> WOW, IT'S REALLY HIM.
HE'S BACK IN TOWN.
>> I KNOW.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> I JUST KIND OF MADE DO OUT
THERE, YOU KNOW -- ODD JOBS,
PLAYED SOME HARMONICA DURING MY
FREE TIME, HAD A HOT PLATE IN MY
ROOM.
>> HMM.
>> YOU CAN'T COOK A PROPER MEAL
ON A HOT PLATE!
>> NEIL, I'M JUST SO GLAD THAT
YOU'RE BACK.
>> THANKS, BUDDY.
SO, YOU GOT A LEAD FOR ME?
>> NOW, NEIL, THIS SOUNDS LIKE
THE PERFECT JOB FOR YOU.
YOU'RE GONNA BE WORKING WITH
ALLIE STONE.
NOW, SHE'S THE DAUGHTER OF
FRANK STONE.
HE'S A FORMER PROFESSIONAL
ATHLETE.
>> WOW.
>> THAT FRANK STONE WAS A GREAT
ATHLETE.
I USED TO LOVE WATCHING HIM
COMPETE.
>> WHEN I TOLD THE MINISTER OF
TUTORING THAT YOU WERE LOOKING
FOR WORK, HE THOUGHT THIS WOULD
BE PERFECT FOR YOU.
I GUESS THE DAYS OF ME BEING THE
BEST TUTOR IN TOWN ARE JUST
ABOUT OVER.
>> I'M STILL THE BEST POETRY
TUTOR IN TOWN!
>> SURE YOU ARE, MILLY.
AND TROY'S A FINE CIVICS TUTOR.
>> YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR
YOUR FRIENDS, NEIL.
>> THANKS.
>> HE WASN'T THINKING ABOUT US
MUCH WHEN HE LEFT
RIVER TOWN, USA, IN DISGRACE.
>> I OUGHT TO BREAK YOUR
POETRY-LOVING FACE.
>> I OUGHT TO BREAK YOURS!
>> WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!
>> YOU'RE SO NONCHALANT OVER
THERE, EATING PEANUTS, NOT
OFFERING THEM TO ANYBODY ELSE.
>> YOU NEVER OFFERED ME ANY OF
YOUR BUTTERNUT SQUASH YESTERDAY.
>> ONE DOESN'T SHARE
BUTTERNUT SQUASH.
IT'S TOO DIFFICULT TO SHARE!
IT'S COMMON COURTESY WITH
PEANUTS.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
>> GOSH, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK.
I MISSED YOU GUYS -- MILLY, YOUR
BLUNTNESS.
TROY, YOUR FIERCE LOYALTY.
>> ANY CHANCE OF GETTING THE
BAND BACK TOGETHER?
I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO PLAY MY
BASS AGAIN.
>> MAYBE WE WILL, MILLY.
MAYBE WE WILL.
AS THEY SAY, LET'S TAKE IT ONE
STEP AT A TIME.
BACK AT IT, HUH, TEDDY?
>> OH, NEIL, I HAVEN'T BEEN UP
THIS EARLY IN YEARS!
>> SOUNDS GREAT.
>> OH, THE BREAKFAST CROWD IS
WONDERFUL FOR TIPS, NEIL!
THANKS, BUDDY. THANKS AGAIN.
>> NICE HAIR.
HEY, R.B.'s BACK IN TOWN.
>> YEAH.
>> HELLO, MR. STONE.
MY NAME'S NEIL STUART.
I'LL BE YOUR DAUGHTER'S TUTOR.
>> MAXWELL, PAPER.
YOU COME HIGHLY RECOMMENDED,
MR. STUART.
THEY SAY YOU'RE THE BEST TUTOR
THIS TOWN'S EVER SEEN.
LET'S JUST HOPE YOU CAN CONTROL
YOUR TEMPER BETTER THAN YOU DID
YESTERDAY.
>> THAT MUCKRAKER.
>> BACK WHEN I WAS A
PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE, I NEVER
WOULD'VE WITHSTOOD THIS KIND OF
PUBLIC SCANDAL.
>> ABSOLUTELY, SIR.
>> ALLIE'S ON THE DECK, SUNNING
HERSELF.
SHE'S BEEN EXPELLED FROM YET
ANOTHER FINISHING SCHOOL.
HER ANTICS HAVE BEEN A POX ON
OUR FAMILY'S CONSIDERABLE
REPUTATION.
HER DEARLY DEPARTED MOTHER WOULD
BE SO DISAPPOINTED.
WOULDN'T SHE, MAXWELL?
>> YES, SIR.
>> ALL THESE FINISHING SCHOOLS,
AND ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS SUN
HERSELF AND FIND TROUBLE.
I'M ARRANGING FOR AN APTITUDE
TEST TO FIND OUT IF SHE HAS ANY
REAL SMARTS.
DEPENDING ON THE RESULTS, I'LL
LET HER GO TO THE SCHOOL OF HER
CHOICE, OR I'LL USE MY CONTACTS
TO FIND HER A LITTLE JOB
SOMEWHERE, MAYBE DOING FILING
FOR KENT GRIMSLEY DOWN AT
GRIMSLEY & SONS.
IN THE MEANTIME, I CAN'T HAVE
HER LOUNGING AROUND.
THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.
>> I'VE READ HER FILE.
SHE SEEMS LIKE A SMART GIRL WHO
JUST REFUSES TO FOCUS.
I'LL GET HER INTO SHAPE.
HELLO, ALLIE.
MY NAME IS NEIL STUART.
I'LL BE YOUR NEW TUTOR.
>> SOUNDS GOOD.
START THE LECTURE.
I PROMISE I'LL LISTEN TO EVERY
WORD YOU HAVE TO SAY, MR. TUTOR.
>> NOW, LISTEN, ALLIE.
THIS ISN'T ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR
FINISHING SCHOOLS, WHERE YOU CAN
RUN AROUND RULING THE ROOST
UNTIL YOU GET KICKED OUT.
I AM A PROFESSIONAL PERSONAL
TUTOR, AND I MEAN BUSINESS.
IT'S TIME TO GIVE YOUR STUDIES
THE SERIOUS ATTENTION THEY
DESERVE.
>> HEY, AREN'T YOU THE GUY I SAW
ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE PAPER
THIS MORNING?
>> THAT IS MY OWN PERSONAL
BUSINESS, ALLIE.
I AM HERE TO DO SOME SERIOUS
STUDIES WITH YOU.
>> CAN I CONTINUE TO SUN MYSELF
WHILE WE DO THESE SERIOUS
STUDIES?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT. LET'S GO.
>> YOU'RE ALMOST AS BIG A
CELEBRITY IN THIS TOWN AS MY
DAD.
LUCKY ME -- I GOT
RIVER TOWN, USA's, MOST FAMOUS
TUTOR.
>> ALLIE, IN THIS BOOK, YOU WILL
FIND THE RULES AND REGS --
THAT'S SHORT FOR REGULATIONS.
IN IT, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT
THERE'S A DRESS CODE, AND THIS
TWO-PIECE BATHING SUIT DOES NOT
FIT IN THE DRESS CODE.
YOU HAVE 12 MINUTES TO GET
CHANGED.
LET'S GO.
>> THANKS, MR. STUART.
THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
I THINK I'VE BEEN IN NEED OF A
NO-NONSENSE TUTOR TO WHIP ME
INTO SHAPE.
>> LET'S GO, ALLIE.
12 MINUTES SHARP. LET'S GO!
>> MY LAST INSTRUCTOR WAS AN
INDECOROUS DEVIANT WHO TRIED TO
SEE ME AND MY FRIENDS DISROBING.
I LIKE THIS WHOLE DRESS CODE
THING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY DAD HIRED YOU
FOR FIVE HOURS A DAY.
WE STILL HAVE AN HOUR LEFT!
I HAVEN'T WORKED ON ANYTHING
THIS EDUCATIONAL IN YEARS.
SO, WHAT DID THAT GUY DO LAST
NIGHT TO MAKE YOU SO ANGRY?
>> ALLIE, YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED
IN THE RULES AND REGS THAT I DO
AN INDIVIDUALIZED TUTORING PLAN
WITH EACH OF MY CHARGES.
>> WELL, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY READ
IT THAT CLOSELY.
>> NO MATTER.
HERE'S THE DEAL.
FROM WHAT I'VE READ IN YOUR FILE
AND WHAT I'VE GLEANED FROM OUR
FIRST MEETING, YOU SEEM LIKE AN
ADVENTURESOME AND INQUISITIVE
SORT.
>> YOU'VE GLEANED CORRECTLY.
>> SO HERE'S WHAT I PROPOSE.
IF YOU CAN GIVE ME TWO HOURS OF
STUDYING EVERY DAY RIGHT HERE,
THEN THE OTHER THREE HOURS OF
OUR SESSIONS WILL BE DONE OUT IN
THE COMMUNITY.
IT'S GOOD TO GET OUT AND ABOUT,
SEE A NEW ATMOSPHERE, EXERCISE
THE MIND AS WELL AS THE BODY.
>> I'D LIKE THAT.
>> AND FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES
OF EACH SESSION, I WILL ALLOW
YOU TO ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT
ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE, AND I
WILL ANSWER HONESTLY.
>> I LIKE THAT, TOO!
WHAT A GOOD IDEA!
IN SCHOOL, I USED TO SPEND ALL
OF MY STUDY TIME INVESTIGATING
THE PRIVATE LIVES OF MY
TEACHERS.
>> I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
>> ALLIE, WHERE IS HE GOING?
HE'S GOT ANOTHER HOUR OF WORK TO
DO.
>> GIVE THE GUY A BREAK, DADDY.
HE JUST GOT ME TO DO FOUR HOURS
OF INTENSE STUDYING.
I THINK HE THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER
TO QUIT WHILE HE WAS AHEAD.
>> WELL, HE BETTER KNOW WHAT
HE'S DOING -- IF NOT, IT'S OFF
TO GRIMSLEY & SONS FOR YOU.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> ALREADY COMMITTING
MISDEMEANORS.
ON THE FRONT PAGE, I SEE,
MR. STUART.
>> HAS HE PRESSED ANY CHARGES,
SHERIFF?
>> NO, HE HASN'T.
I MADE A VISIT TO SPARKY'S
OFFICE AND ENCOURAGED HIM TO DO
JUST THAT.
VIGOROUSLY, I SAY!
HE SAID IT'S BETTER FOR
NEWSPAPER SALES IF YOU'RE FREE
TO ROAM THE TOWN AND GET INTO
MORE PREDICAMENTS.
>> WELL, THEN, I SUPPOSE IT'S
NOT OF ANY REAL CONCERN TO A
LAW-ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL LIKE
YOURSELF, PAULTIQUE.
>> CALL ME SHERIFF HANSON, R.B.
>> CALL ME NEIL, SHERIFF HANSON.
NEIL STUART.
>> I ALWAYS TOLD MY CYNTHIA HER
GOD-COUSIN COULDN'T STAY AWAY
FOREVER.
I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO TAKE THREE
YEARS, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?
>> NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY OUR
GODMOTHER'S REFUSING TO ATTEND
YOUR NUPTIALS.
>> WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN,
NEIL?
>> THIS MAN AND I HAVE JUST MET,
AND HERE HE IS, JUDGING MY LIFE
RIGHT TO MY FACE!
>> OHH, YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE.
WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE RIVER
AND TELL YOUR RIVERBEAST HOW SAD
YOU ARE?
>> OHH, WHY, I OUGHT TO --
>> STOP IT!
STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!
PHILLIPE, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO
THE BASEMENT AND PLAY YOUR
ARCADE GAMES?
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH MY
GOD-COUSIN ALONE.
>> SEE YOU LATER, R.B.
>> HOW CAN IT BE YOU WANT TO
MARRY THIS CRETIN, CYNTHIA?
>> PHILLIPE'S A PRETTY GOOD MAN,
NEIL.
SURE, HE LACKS THE SOCIAL GRACES
THAT SEPARATE YOU AND ME FROM
THE NE'ER-DO-WELLS IN TOWN.
BUT I LOVE HIM, AND HE LOVES ME.
AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D
SUPPORT OUR UNION.
WITH GODMOTHER PEGGY REFUSING TO
ATTEND, YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONLY
MEMBER OF MY GOD-FAMILY THERE.
>> UNLIKE OUR GODMOTHER, I'LL
KEEP MY DISAPPROVAL TO MYSELF.
IF YOU THINK THIS IS RIGHT FOR
YOU, THEN I THINK THIS IS RIGHT
FOR YOU.
>> DURING OUR BREAK, I NOTICED
THAT YOU WERE WORKING ON WHAT
LOOKED LIKE A PIECE OF
LITERATURE.
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
>> IT'S A LOVE POEM.
>> AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS
YOUNG LADY?
DIDN'T YOU JUST RETURN TO TOWN
AFTER A LONG SABBATICAL?
>> I KNEW HER BEFORE I LEFT
TOWN.
WE WERE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED.
>> BUT THERE WAS NO WEDDING?
DON'T TELL ME SHE LEFT YOU
STANDING AT THE ALTAR!
>> THAT SHE DID.
>> OH, MY GOD.
MR. STUART, YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN
HER BACK!
THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.
LET ME HEAR THE POEM.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
OUR TIME IS UP.
>> OUR TIME IS NOT UP, BUT I
DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU SQUIRM
ANYMORE.
WE'LL RESUME TOMORROW, SHALL WE?
>> 9:00 A.M.
>> FORGET ABOUT THAT TEASE, MAN.
SHE'LL ONLY BREAK YOUR HEART.
>> LET ME GUESS.
PROFESSOR NED MATTHEWS, THE
DISGRACED DEVIANT FROM THE
FARNUM FINISHING SCHOOL FOR
GIRLS OF NEW ENGLAND.
>> NONE OTHER, CHUM.
>> I'D RETALIATE PHYSICALLY, BUT
I WOULDN'T BEAT ON SOMEONE SO
WEAK.
IF YOU STAY IN TOWN LONG ENOUGH
FOR THAT LEG TO HEAL, REST
ASSURED I'LL GIVE YOU THE
BEATING YOU DESERVE.
YOU IN RIVER TOWN, USA, ON
BUSINESS, OR YOU JUST HERE
FOLLOWING ALLIE LIKE THE
PATHETIC LEECH I THINK YOU ARE?
>> THE LATTER.
>> HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE TOWN
RIGHT AWAY AND PROMISE TO NEVER
RETURN?
HEY! YOU BETTER RUN, YOU WEASEL.
STAY AWAY FROM ALLIE!
[ Hushed ] EMMALINE.
EMMALINE!
>> NEIL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> EMMALINE, I-I WROTE THIS POEM
FOR YOU.
MAY I READ IT TO YOU?
>> SURE, NEIL.
>> [ EXHALES ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
[ GRUNTS ]
>> DANNY!
>> WHAT KIND OF A JERK WOULD DO
A THING LIKE THAT, EMMALINE?
>> WELL, HE IS MY FIANCé, NEIL.
IF A MAN HAD EVER SHOWED UP
OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WHEN WE WERE
ENGAGED, YOU'D HAVE BEEN QUITE
CROSS.
>> TRUE, BUT UNLIKE HIM, I
WOULDN'T LET YOU HAVE BORING
NIGHTS LIKE THESE, EMMALINE.
REMEMBER THE FUN WE USED TO
HAVE -- LONG WALKS, DINNER AND
DANCING?
>> OH, HEY, R.B.
COME BY TO VISIT, HAVE YA?
SORRY ABOUT THE, UH, WETNESS.
I WAS ACTUALLY EMPTYING OUT THE
DEHUMIDIFIER.
I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WERE DOWN
THERE.
>> DON'T CALL ME R.B.
>> BUT THAT'S YOUR NAME.
YOU REMEMBER THE HUMILIATING WAY
HE GOT THAT NICKNAME, DON'T YOU,
HONEY?
I ACTUALLY HAVE A SCRAPBOOK
FILLED WITH ARTICLES ABOUT IT.
THAT SPARKY WATTS -- QUITE THE
WRITER.
KEEP WATERING HIM, SON, TILL HE
GOES AWAY.
>> POOR MR. STU.
>> I'VE SIGNED ALLIE UP FOR AN
APTITUDE TEST.
IT WILL BE CONDUCTED ONE WEEK
FROM YESTERDAY.
IF SHE ISN'T DEEMED DILIGENT
ENOUGH FOR FORMAL EDUCATION,
SHE'LL BE OFF TO THE WORKFORCE.
>> ONE WEEK FROM YESTERDAY SEEMS
A BIT SOON, MR. STONE.
ALTHOUGH IF THAT'S WHAT YOU
THINK WE SHOULD DO, THAT'S WHAT
WE'LL DO.
>> YES.
THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
>> LET'S GET TO WORK, NEIL!
>> AS SOON AS YOU COMPLY WITH
THE DRESS CODE, ALLIE.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME 10 MINUTES.
>> MAKE IT FIVE, ALLIE.
MAY I PLAY A GAME OF HORSESHOES
WITH YOU WHILE I WAIT FOR ALLIE?
>> I DON'T PAY PEOPLE TO LOSE TO
ME IN HORSESHOES.
YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK, MR. STUART.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE PREPARING A
LESSON OR SOMETHING?
>> YES, SIR.
>> CAN WE WORK ON POETRY FIRST,
MR. STUART?
I'D LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU THINK.
>> I GUESS WE CAN TAKE A LOOK AT
IT.
UH, I SUPPOSE, REALLY, I SHOULD
GET MILLY TO HELP ME WITH THIS.
[ SIGHS ]
SO...
I UNDERSTAND YOU MUST'VE
WITNESSED MY HUMILIATION LAST
NIGHT.
>> IT WASN'T THAT BAD,
MR. STUART.
BESIDES, WOMEN LIKE IT IF A MAN
SUFFERS LOTS OF WRENCHING PAIN
IN THE NAME OF LOVE.
I GUARANTEE YOU EARNED SOME
POINTS TAKING THOSE BUCKETS OF
WATER FOR HER.
AND ONCE SHE READS THIS POEM,
YOU'LL BE GUARANTEED TO GET HER
BACK.
>> SHE'S NEVER GONNA READ THIS,
ALLIE.
NOW, LET'S GET TO WORK.
>> SHE'LL BE READING IT IN A FEW
HOURS, MR. STUART.
I'VE SUMMONED A COURIER TO BRING
IT TO EMMALINE'S PLACE OF
EMPLOYMENT.
THIS IS AN EXACT COPY OF WHAT I
SENT HER.
LOOK AT THE BOTTOM.
YOU CAN THANK ME LATER,
MR. STUART.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALLIE.
LET'S GET TO WORK.
[ GUITAR PLAYING ]
>> TEDDY, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU
OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
THAT GUITAR WORK SOUNDS
INCREDIBLE, MAN!
>> THANKS, BUDDY.
>> WELL, YOU GUYS, I'M OFF TO
WORK.
GREAT SONG, TEDDY.
AND GREAT DANCING, YOUNG LADY.
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
>> THANKS!
I'M PAMELA!
>> I'M TEDDY!
GREAT DANCING!
WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE MOVES?
>> IN THE DANCE COMMUNITY, IT'S
KNOWN AS POPPING.
IT INVOLVES QUICKLY CONTRACTING
AND RELAXING YOUR MUSCLES TO
CAUSE A JERK IN THE BODY.
WE CALL THAT JERK A POP OR A
HIT.
>> SOMEDAY, MAYBE IT'LL BE A
HOUSEHOLD WORD, LIKE THE
FOX-TROT OR THE FANDANGO.
>> ONE CAN ONLY HOPE.
SAY, I'M IN NEED OF A SHOWER.
CAN I COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE
AND WASH UP?
>> SURE, PAMELA!
JUST LET ME PACK UP!
>> YOU'RE A GREAT GUITAR PLAYER,
TEDDY.
AND YOU'RE HANDSOME.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALLIE.
I THINK IT'S TIME TO WORK ON
SOME GEOMETRY.
>> ACTUALLY, MR. STUART, IT'S
"Q" AND "A" TIME.
>> I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME TODAY?
>> TELL ME, MR. STU.
WHY DO THEY CALL YOU R.B.?
>> YOU SURE YOU WANT TO KNOW,
ALLIE?
I'D HATE FOR YOU TO LOSE RESPECT
FOR ME.
>> OOH, SOUNDS INTRIGUING,
MR. STU.
DO TELL.
>> ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, JUST A
COUPLE OF WEEKS BEFORE I WAS
SCHEDULED TO MARRY EMMALINE, I
HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH A
MYSTERIOUS BEAST OF THE RIVER --
THE RIVERBEAST.
>> THE RIVERBEAST? THAT WAS YOU?
OH, MY GOSH!
THAT WAS QUITE THE FIASCO!
>> SO "R.B." IS A DEROGATORY
NICKNAME GIVEN TO ME BY
SPARKY WATTS, THE MUCKRAKING
REPORTER FROM THE
RIVER TOWN, USA DAILY STANDARD.
NATURALLY, IT STANDS FOR
"RIVERBEAST."
UNFORTUNATELY, THAT NICKNAME HAS
CAUGHT ON QUITE WELL THROUGHOUT
TOWN.
>> THAT SPARKY WATTS IS A BIG
JERK.
I COULD DO A MUCH BETTER JOB
REPORTING ON THE HAPPENINGS
AROUND TOWN.
>> YOU SURE COULD, ALLIE.
YOU'RE A FINE WRITER, AND YOU
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
OH! SORRY.
>> AAH! PRIVACY, PLEASE!
>> TEDDY, THERE'S A NAKED WOMAN
UPSTAIRS IN THE BATHROOM!
>> YOU SAW HER NAKED?
>> WELL, YEAH, JUST FOR A
MOMENT.
>> HAVE YOU NO DECENCY, NEIL?!
SHE'S MINE! I SAW HER FIRST!
>> I JUST NEEDED TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM, MAN!
>> OH, HOW CONVENIENT.
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
>> I DON'T EVEN WANT HER, MAN!
>> WHAT ARE YOU SAYING -- SHE'S
NOT ATTRACTIVE?
>> YEAH, SHE'S ATTRACTIVE!
>> HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!
YOU SAID YOU JUST SAW HER FOR A
MOMENT!
>> OHH, WHY, I OUGHT TO --
>> GENTLEMEN, PLEASE, BREAK IT
UP!
>> I'LL STOP IF HE STOPS.
>> OVER MY DEAD BODY.
>> WHEN I COUNT TO THREE, YOU
BOYS WILL LET GO OF ONE ANOTHER,
OR I WILL LET GO OF THIS TOWEL.
ONE...
TWO...
>> WELL, YOU'VE SEEN ENOUGH
ALREADY.
>> GOOD BOYS.
>> I'M SORRY, NEIL.
I GUESS I OVERREACTED.
>> DON'T WORRY, TEDDY.
YOU'RE STILL A GREAT FRIEND.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, THOUGH, I
REALLY GOT TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM.
>> GO RIGHT AHEAD, AND, BY THE
WAY, MY NAME IS PAMELA.
>> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
[ MUSIC PLAYING ]
>> WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU,
TEDDY?
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN THAT
YOU CAN'T SOLVE EVERY ARGUMENT
WITH A FIGHT?
>> THAT'S HOW I WAS RAISED,
PAMELA.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL
YOU?
>> YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
HEY, I THINK I WANT TO STAY IN
TOWN A BIT.
DO YOU THINK I COULD SET UP CAMP
HERE IN THE BASEMENT WITH YOU
GUYS?
>> SURE, YOU CAN STAY.
>> GREAT.
MAYBE I CAN WORK ON YOU A BIT,
GET YOU TO TONE DOWN THAT
TEMPER.
>> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
>> NOW RUN UPSTAIRS SO I CAN GET
DRESSED.
>> OKAY.
>> MRS. PHILLIPS ACROSS THE
STREET NEEDS HELP WITH HER
GROCERIES.
KEEP AN EYE ON BRADLEY.
>> LET'S PLAY HELICOPTER
HAMBURGER, MOMMY EMMALINE.
>> NOT RIGHT NOW, BRADLEY.
>> BUT I WANT TO PLAY HELICOPTER
HAMBURGER!
IT'S MY MOST FAVORITEST GAME!
>> I SAID NOT RIGHT NOW,
BRADLEY.
>> YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER, AND
YOU'LL NEVER BE!
>> I'M GOING FOR A WALK.
I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.
>> EMMALINE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING FOR A WALK!
>> OH, I JUST REMEMBERED.
WE NEEDED SOME GROCERIES.
>> UH...OKAY.
UH, BRADLEY SAID THAT YOU WERE
MEAN AND WOULDN'T PLAY
HELICOPTER HAMBURGER WITH HIM.
>> LOOK, I JUST WASN'T IN THE
MOOD.
>> BUT HELICOPTER HAMBURGER IS
SUCH A FUN FAMILY GAME!
>> WELL, TELL HIM I'M SORRY.
>> [ SIGHS ]
COME ON, EMMALINE.
TAKE A CHANCE ON ME AGAIN, BABY.
TAKE A CHANCE ON GOOD OLD NEIL.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
[ SIGHS ]
OPERATOR, COULD YOU PLEASE
CONNECT ME WITH ITO HOOTKINS?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT --
ITO HOOTKINS, THE BIG-GAME
HUNTER.
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> A BIT LATE, MR. STUART.
>> I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT,
MR. HOOTKINS.
I KNOW YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE.
THANK YOU FOR WAITING.
>> PROCEED.
>> IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'VE HUNTED
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING THERE IS
TO HUNT?
>> FROM THE JUNGLE KING PYTHON
TO THE SURLY SNOWY WILDEBEEST,
ITO HOOTKINS HAS HUNTED IT.
>> HOW ABOUT ADDING RIVERBEAST
TO THAT LIST?
>> THE EVER-ELUSIVE RIVERBEAST.
HALF-APE, HALF-REPTILE...
HALF-I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
>> YOU KNOW, THIS ITO HOOTKINS
CHARACTER IS QUITE A LADIES MAN.
MAYBE HE COULD GIVE YOU ADVICE
ON WINNING EMMALINE BACK.
>> ALL RIGHT, SO, YOU'RE GONNA
HIRE HIM TO KILL THE RIVERBEAST.
WELL, THAT'LL PROVE IT ONCE AND
FOR ALL.
>> THAT'S THE IDEA.
HE WILL PROVIDE US WITH THE
RIVERBEAST CARCASS, ALTHOUGH
HE'S INSISTED ON KEEPING THE
MEAT FOR HIMSELF.
>> I DON'T BLAME HIM.
MUST BE GOOD EATS.
HEY!
WHY DON'T WE JUST GET THE
RIVERBEAST OURSELF?
WE COULD KEEP ALL THE MEAT.
>> I'VE TRIED.
BUT DUE TO THE MUTABLE NATURE OF
RIVERS, I'VE FAILED TO FIND THE
EXACT SPOT.
>> RIVERS -- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY.
YOU CAN NEVER LOOK AT THE SAME
RIVER TWICE.
>> OH, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.
>> SAY, TROY, THIS, UH,
ITO HOOTKINS, HE'S CHARGING A
PRETTY EXPENSIVE PER DIEM.
COULD YOU TALK TO THE MINISTER
OF TUTORING, SEE IF HE CAN GET
ME IN A FEW EXTRA STUDENTS?
>> SURE THING.
>> ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
I GOT TO GO PREPARE FOR MY NEXT
SESSION.
>> THERE GOES THE GREATEST TUTOR
THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN.
[ HARMONICA PLAYING ]
>> NO LEADS YET.
>> OH, IT'S NOT THAT,
MR. HOOTKINS.
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I THOUGHT
YOU COULD HELP ME WITH.
>> MAKE SURE YOU GET BOTH THEIR
FACES.
NEIL STUART AND ITO HOOTKINS
HAVING A SECRET MEETING IN THE
WOODS?
YOU CAN'T INVENT STORIES THIS
FANTASTIC!
>> SO I THOUGHT THAT BY PROVING
THE RIVERBEAST EXISTS, I COULD
WIN HER BACK.
BUT MAYBE ANY REFERENCE TO THE
RIVERBEAST WILL REMIND HER OF
WHY SHE LEFT ME IN THE FIRST
PLACE.
IT'S A VERY DELICATE SITUATION,
MR. HOOTKINS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?
>> IT'S EASY TO MAKE A WOMAN
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.
I HAVE A JE NE SAIS QUOI.
FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU -- MUCH
MORE COMPLICATED.
>> I SEE.
WELL, I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO
WORK.
[ HARMONICA PLAYING ]
>> HELLO, FRONT PAGE.
>> SO, HOW'D IT GO?!
DID SHE BREAK UP WITH THAT
POMPOUS JERK?
>> YOU UNDERSTAND THIS COUNTS
TOWARDS YOUR 10 MINUTES.
>> OKAY, OKAY! OUT WITH IT!
>> SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP.
>> SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN?
YOU WROTE HER SUCH A NICE POEM!
>> WE'RE NOT WORRIED, BECAUSE
WE'RE ON TO PLAN "B."
>> AND WHAT'S PLAN "B"?
>> I'VE HIRED THE RENOWNED
LADIES MAN AND HUNTER
ITO HOOTKINS TO PROVIDE ME WITH
PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE THAT THE
RIVERBEAST EXISTS.
>> AND THAT WILL HELP YOU WIN
BACK EMMALINE?
>> IT'S A LONG SHOT, BUT IT'S
THE BEST CHANCE WE'VE GOT.
>> WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST GO BACK
TO THE SPOT AND TAKE A PICTURE
OF THE RIVERBEAST?
>> YOU SEE, RIVERS ARE MUTABLE,
ALLIE, AND I CAN'T FIND THE
EXACT SPOT.
BESIDES, I'D LIKE TO HAVE IT
CONFIRMED BY AN EXPERT HUNTER
LIKE ITO HOOTKINS.
>> WELL, I HOPE THIS PLAN WORKS.
I'M GONNA WORK REALLY HARD IN MY
STUDIES TODAY AS A GESTURE OF MY
SUPPORT FOR YOU.
>> THANKS, ALLIE.
NOW LET'S GET TO WORK.
>> WHOO-HOO! ALL RIGHT, BUDDY!
>> NICE JOB!
>> GOOD JOB, BUDDY.
>> THANKS, BUDDY!
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUDDY!
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU!
>> WOW.
WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DANCER
MAKES!
I NEVER MADE THIS MUCH MONEY
JUST PLAYING GUITAR!
>> IT'S THE COMBINATION OF LIVE
MUSIC AND DANCING.
PEOPLE LOVE IT.
>> I HOPE YOU NEVER LEAVE ME,
PAMELA.
>> EWW! SO SWEATY.
THAT'S BETTER.
>> I'VE NEVER SEEN KITTY LITTER
USED LIKE THAT!
>> OH, SURE.
KITTY LITTER IS THE MOST
VERSATILE PRODUCT ON EARTH.
>> NO WAY!
>> MY GRANDMA USED TO TELL ME,
"A TRUE VAGABOND NEEDS NOTHING
MORE THAN A KNAPSACK FULL OF
KITTY LITTER."
IT HAS SO MANY USES.
IT DEODORIZES CAMPING GEAR, IT
MELTS ICE, IT ABSORBS SPILLS,
AND IT'S GREAT FOR SWEATY PALMS!
>> I THINK IT MIGHT HELP MY
GUITAR WORK IF MY PALMS WERE A
BIT DRIER.
MAY I?
I LOVE YOU, PAMELA.
>> DON'T GET ATTACHED, TEDDY.
I'M A VAGABOND.
I DON'T STAY IN ONE PLACE FOR
VERY LONG.
I GET ITCHY FEET!
>> JUST PUT KITTY LITTER ON
THEM!
>> PICNIC BABES.
>> YOU JUST NEED TO WANT TO DO
WELL, AND YOU WILL DO WELL.
>> THE CLASSES ARE JUST SO
BORING!
>> WELL, IF YOU DO A GOOD JOB ON
THE APTITUDE TEST, THEN YOU
MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE SOME
COURSES THAT ACTUALLY INTEREST
YOU, AND THAT WAY, YOU CAN MAKE
YOUR FATHER PROUD IN THE
PROCESS.
>> I HOPE SO.
HE CAN AFFORD TO SEND MAX TO HIS
SUPER-EXPENSIVE ALMA MATER, AND
ALL HE DOES FOR ME IS SEND ME TO
THE LOCAL FINISHING SCHOOL.
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME.
>> THAT'S JUST HIS TOUGH
EXTERIOR, ALLIE.
HE BELIEVES IN YOU.
AND, OF COURSE, SO DOES YOUR
TUTOR.
>> AWW, THANKS!
MR. STUART, I HAVE A TASTEFUL
TANK TOP ON UNDER THIS SWEATER,
AND IT'S SO HOT OUT.
COULD I PLEASE REMOVE IT?
>> I SUPPOSE SO.
>> DON'T STOP THERE, ALLIE.
GO ON.
GO ON!
>> UGH.
OF COURSE, THE INDECOROUS
DEVIANT SHOWS UP AS SOON AS I
REVEAL A LITTLE SKIN.
>> I AM NOT A DEVIANT.
I WAS A WELL-RESPECTED EDUCATOR
BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG AND RUINED
MY REPUTATION.
>> I MERELY EXPOSED YOU FOR THE
DEVIANT YOU ARE,
PROFESSOR MATTHEWS --
OR SHOULD I SAY, DISGRACED
PROFESSOR MATTHEWS?
>> I WOULDN'T SAY YOUR TUTOR'S
ANY LESS DISGRACEFUL.
I'M REFERRING TO HIS OUTLANDISH
TALES AND MANY PUBLIC
HUMILIATIONS.
YOU HAVE TOLD ALLIE ABOUT THEM,
HAVEN'T YOU, NEIL?
OR SHALL I CALL YOU R.B.?
>> DON'T CALL ME R.B.
>> BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL
YOU, ISN'T IT?
I READ ALL ABOUT IT IN
SPARKY WATTS' OLD ARTICLES AT
THE CITY LIBRARY ARCHIVES.
>> HE'S A MUCKRAKER!
>> [ YELPS ]
>> FOR THE RECORD, MR. STUART
WAS ALWAYS FORTHCOMING ABOUT HIS
MANY PUBLIC HUMILIATIONS.
AND HE'S A WAY BETTER EDUCATOR
THAN YOU EVER WERE.
>> SHUT YOUR FACE, ALLIE!
>> YOU APOLOGIZE TO THAT GIRL!
>> I'LL DO NO SUCH THING.
YOU WAIT TILL I TELL THE SHERIFF
ABOUT THIS.
YOU'VE JUST WRITTEN YOURSELF A
ONE-WAY TICKET TO THE STATE
PENITENTIARY.
>> ON WHAT CHARGES?
>> YOU BRAZENLY SHOVED MY FACE
INTO THE EARTH.
>> I DON'T THINK SO, NED.
YOU WERE RIGHT HERE WHEN ALLIE
AND I FOUND YOU.
WASN'T HE, ALLIE?
>> YOU BET HE WAS.
IT'S OUR WORD AGAINST YOURS,
PROFESSOR.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE THE WORD
OF A DOWN-AND-OUT DEVIANT
PROFESSOR WHO CAME TO TOWN TO
STALK THE STUDENT WHO BROUGHT
HIM DOWN?
NOBODY IS. THAT'S RIGHT.
>> WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
>> LET'S GO, ALLIE.
>> WHY IS IT THAT THE ONLY GUYS
WHO FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME
ARE THE PSYCHOTICS?
I'D LOVE TO BE OBSESSED OVER BY
A DECENT YOUNG MAN FROM A NICE
FAMILY.
>> SOMEDAY, ALLIE.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
[ Telephone ringing ]
>> River Town, USA, sheriff's
office.
>> PUT ME THROUGH TO THE
CRIMINAL CONCERNS DEPARTMENT.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
>> CRIMINAL CONCERNS DEPARTMENT.
>> TO WHOM AM I SPEAKING?
>> THIS IS SHERIFF
PAULTIQUE HANSON.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
>> YOU CAN HELP ME TO PUT AWAY A
VIOLENT OUTLAW.
I'VE JUST BEEN BEATEN TO THE
BRINK OF DEATH BY NEIL STUART,
THE TUTOR.
>> AH, MR. STUART HAS FINALLY
SLIPPED UP.
COME DOWN TO THE STATION RIGHT
AWAY.
>> UH, CAN'T YOU JUST COME TO
THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?
>> I HAVE THINGS TO DO.
COME DOWN TO THE STATION, PUNK,
AND WE'LL FILL OUT THE PAPERWORK
RIGHT AWAY.
>> [ SIGHS ]
I'LL TAKE A SHORTCUT THROUGH THE
WOODS TO THE POLICE STATION.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ FROGS CROAKING ]
[ DISTANT ROARING ]
[ RUSTLING ]
>> [ ROARS ]
>> AAH!
>> [ ROARS ]
>> AAH!
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> [ GASPING ]
[ GROANING ]
[ FLESH TEARS ]
>> [ ROARS ]
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ DISTANT ROARING ]
[ VOLUME LOWERS ]
[ VOLUME INCREASES ]
>> HI, NEIL.
>> HEY, THERE'S A PRESENT FOR
YOU ON YOUR PILLOW.
>> SAY, GUYS. WHAT'S ALL THIS?
>> THAT'S MY HALF OF THE RENT
FOR THIS MONTH, PLUS PART OF THE
BACK RENT THAT I OWE YOU.
>> GEE, TEDDY.
THIS IS JUST WONDERFUL.
IT'LL HELP ME PAY FOR
ITO HOOTKINS.
HE'S ON A PRETTY EXPENSIVE PER
DIEM.
>> YOU'VE HIRED THE GREAT
ITO HOOTKINS?
IS IT REGARDING THE RIVERBEAST?
>> YOU BET IT IS, TEDDY.
>> RIVERBEAST?
>> LONG STORY -- I'LL TELL YOU
LATER.
IF YOU COULD GET THE GREAT
ITO HOOTKINS TO BACK UP YOUR
STORY, THAT WILL STOP THE
RAMPANT DISBELIEF THROUGHOUT
TOWN.
>> I CAN ONLY HOPE.
SAY, WHAT'S THIS STUFF?
>> IT'S KITTY LITTER.
YOU'D BE AMAZED BY ITS VARIOUS
USES.
PAMELA HERE TAUGHT ME ALL ABOUT
IT.
>> YES, IT'S QUITE
INDISPENSABLE.
>> KEEP THAT BAG IN YOUR BACK
POCKET IN CASE YOU'RE EVER IN A
PINCH.
>> MANY THANKS TO YOU BOTH.
NOW WHO WANTS SOME BEEF JERKY?
>> Both: I DO! I DO!
>> IT'S ALMOST HERE.
>> WHAT'S THAT?
>> CYNTHIA'S WEDDING.
>> OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> I WISH I WERE GOING.
IF ONLY THAT PHILLIPE WASN'T
SUCH A BUFFOON.
>> IT'LL BE FINE.
WELL, I'M OFF TO A TUTOR
SESSION.
>> OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
YOU GOT A PHONE CALL.
>> REALLY?
>> IT WAS A YOUNG LADY ASKING
HOW SHE COULD GET IN TOUCH WITH
YOU.
>> EMMALINE.
THANKS, GODMOTHER.
I'VE GOT TO RUN.
>> NEIL?
>> EMMALINE.
>> HEY.
>> ARE -- ARE YOU HERE TO SEE
ME?
>> I FIGURED YOU'D BE ON YOUR
WAY TO THE CUPCAKE SHOP.
NEIL, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MAKE IT
TO THE OVERLOOK ON TIME.
I TRIED. GOD KNOWS I TRIED.
>> I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT,
EMMALINE.
YOU'RE HERE NOW.
THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
>> MY GOSH.
[ Chuckling ] THIS IS SO
COMPLICATED.
PART OF ME WISHES YOU'D NEVER
HAVE COME BACK.
PART OF ME HOPES YOU'LL NEVER
LEAVE.
>> WELL, I'M BACK, EMMALINE.
AND I CAN TREAT YOU SO MUCH
BETTER THAN THAT BUFFOON,
DANNY O'GRADY.
>> SHH.
YOU DON'T NEED TO CONVINCE ME,
NEIL.
I KNOW THAT WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT
TO BE TOGETHER AND THAT I FELT
EMPTY INSIDE SINCE YOU LEFT
TOWN.
>> OH, EMMALINE.
I KNEW YOU'D NEVER STOP LOVING
ME.
>> HEY!
YOU'RE THAT GUY FROM THE FRONT
PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPER.
>> WHAT?
>> CHECK IT OUT.
>> GOD, NEIL. IS THIS TRUE?
OF COURSE IT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, THERE YOU ARE, PLAIN AS
DAY, ON THE COVER OF
RIVER TOWN, USA DAILY STANDARD,
CAVORTING WITH
ITO HOOTKINS.
WHY CAN'T YOU LET IT GO?
>> I SWEAR IT'S ALL IN THE PAST,
EMMALINE.
>> IT SEEMS PRETTY CURRENT TO
ME.
>> NO, NOW IT'S IN THE PAST,
SINCE JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO --
NOW THAT I HAVE YOU BACK.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE ME BACK.
HOW CAN I MARRY A MAN WHO
BELIEVES IN AN IMAGINARY
RIVERBEAST?
>> I HIRED ITO HOOTKINS BECAUSE
I WANTED HIM TO PROVE TO YOU
THAT THIS RIVERBEAST IS REAL.
>> I'M SORRY.
I'M A PRACTICAL WOMAN.
I WANT A NORMAL, STABLE LIFE.
FORGET ABOUT IT, NEIL.
I'M GOING BACK TO DANNY.
WE'RE GONNA BE MARRIED IN A
MONTH.
AND I'LL BE MOTHER TO HIS SON
FROM ANOTHER MARRIAGE.
IT WON'T BE PERFECT, BUT IT'LL
BE SANE.
>> HEY, SO YOU'RE NEIL STUART,
THE TUTOR?
>> NOT NOW, KID. NOT NOW.
>> WELL, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU
LATER.
YOU'RE TUTORING MY TWO BROTHERS
AND LITTLE SISTER.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> HMM.
YOU COME BACK TO TOWN.
SUDDENLY, EVERYBODY'S ALL IN A
TIZZY.
DID YOU BEAT UP SOMEBODY
YESTERDAY?
I GOT A COMPLAINT FROM A PUNK
WHO NEVER FOLLOWED UP.
>> I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I DID
10 MINUTES AGO, PAULTIQUE, LET
ALONE YESTERDAY.
ARE YOU ARRESTING ME?
>> JUST HAVING A LITTLE TALK,
NEIL.
>> WELL, THEN I SUPPOSE I'LL BE
ON MY WAY.
>> QUIT STIRRING UP TROUBLE,
MR. STUART.
RIVER TOWN, USA, IS A PEACEFUL
COMMUNITY.
I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.
>> NEIL!
>> NEIL DIDN'T SEEM TOO
FRIENDLY.
>> OH, HE CAN BE MOODY
SOMETIMES.
>> OH.
[ Thinking ] LOOK AT THAT
VAGABOND -- SO FREE, EMBRACING
THE HOBO LIFESTYLE.
I MISS THE OPEN ROAD.
[ STRUMS CHORD ]
>> OKAY, LET'S DO ANOTHER SONG.
PAMELA.
PAMELA?
>> OH. YEAH. OKAY.
LET'S GET TO WORK.
>> MORE HEADLINES FOR OUR TUTOR,
I SEE.
>> YES, SIR. THAT'S RIGHT.
>> WHATEVER YOU'RE PAYING
ITO HOOTKINS IS PROBABLY TOO
MUCH.
HE'S A CON MAN.
>> THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE,
SIR.
>> NICE SAVE, SON.
>> THAT CONFOUNDED RIVERBEAST,
ALLIE.
EVERYTHING WAS GOING RIGHT IN MY
LIFE.
I WAS ABOUT TO MARRY THE BEST
GIRL IN TOWN.
I HAD STEADY TUTOR WORK.
THE RIVER MUD WARRIORS WERE
THRIVING.
THEN I SEE A RIVERBEAST.
I TRY TO WARN THE TOWN ABOUT IT,
AND EVERYTHING JUST GOES DOWN
THE DRAIN.
>> DON'T GIVE UP, MR. STU.
I BELIEVE THE BEAST IS REAL.
>> WHO KNOWS, ALLIE?
MAYBE EMMALINE'S RIGHT.
MAYBE I AM CRAZY.
>> DON'T SAY THAT, MR. STU.
DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO
SOME STUDYING?
>> YOU'LL PASS WITH FLYING
COLORS.
IT'LL PROVE THAT YOU GOT THE
SMARTS TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
TO DO IN LIFE.
I'M A WASTE OF YOUR DAD'S MONEY.
>> WELL, YOU KEEP TALKING.
LET IT ALL OUT.
>> I HAD HER, ALLIE.
FOR THAT ONE BRIEF MOMENT, I HAD
HER.
SHE LOOKED AT ME THE WAY SHE
HADN'T LOOKED AT ME IN THREE
YEARS.
SHE WAS MINE AGAIN.
IF THAT MUCKRAKING REPORTER,
SPARKY WATTS, HADN'T FOLLOWED ME
INTO THE WOODS, I COULD HAVE
QUIETLY TERMINATED MY CONTRACT
WITH ITO HOOTKINS, AND
EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
SPARKY WATTS CONTINUES TO RUIN
MY LIFE.
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
[ DIALING ]
>> DID YOU HAVE AN ACTUAL
CONTRACT WITH ITO HOOTKINS?
>> WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN
WRITING, BUT WE AGREED ON TERMS.
HE SEEMED VERY INTERESTED IN
KEEPING THE RIVERBEAST MEAT.
HELLO, COULD I PLEASE SPEAK WITH
YOUR "JOURNALIST," SPARKY WATTS?
OH, I'M SORRY HE'S NOT IN.
YES.
YES, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE A
MESSAGE.
THIS IS NEIL STUART.
LET HIM KNOW THAT HE RUINED MY
LIFE AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO
RUIN HIS.
NO, HE DOES NOT HAVE TO CALL ME
BACK.
[ BEEP ]
NOW LET'S WORK ON OUR ABC's.
>> A --
>> IT'S, "A-B-C-D --"
WHOA. OKAY.
>> [ GIGGLES ]
>> WHAT HAPPENED TO MATTHEW?
>> [ WHINING ]
>> OKAY. OKAY.
>> DID THAT MAKE SENSE?
>> IS HE OKAY?
>> [ WHINES ]
>> THAT'S GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
>> YOU KEEP THOSE PHOTOS OF THE
PICNIC BABES.
I WON'T CHARGE YOU.
>> MR. HOOTKINS, THANK YOU FOR
YOUR TIME, BUT I WON'T BE
NEEDING YOUR SERVICES ANYMORE.
>> SUIT YOURSELF.
>> I JUST DON'T SEE ANY REASON
TO PROVE THAT THE RIVERBEAST
EXISTS ANYMORE.
>> [ PLAYS HARMONICA ]
>> OKAY, SO BEFORE WE CAN FIND
"X," WE NEED TO ISOLATE IT ON
ONE SIDE OF THE EQUAL SIGN.
AND WE DO THAT -- FIRST, YOU
WANT TO SUBTRACT THE 24 FROM
BOTH SIDES.
>> MR. STUART.
I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
JUST SO HOW EXACTLY DO YOU
PLAN TO RUIN MY LIFE?
>> HOW ABOUT I START WITH A
KNUCKLE SANDWICH, SPARKY?
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
>> WHOA. SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
BUT BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING RASH,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT MY
SECRETARY WROTE DOWN YOUR
THREATENING WORDS VERBATIM.
I'VE EVEN HAD THE PAPER
NOTARIZED.
AND MY ASSISTANT/PHOTOGRAPHER IS
RIGHT BEHIND ME...
PREPARED TO CAPTURE ANYTHING YOU
DO TO ME.
MY ATTORNEY WOULD JUST DIE TO
SEE THOSE PICTURES.
NOW, WHAT WAS IT YOU WERE SAYING
ABOUT THAT KNUCKLE SANDWICH?
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YOU'RE SUCH A WEALTH OF
KNOWLEDGE AND AN INCREDIBLE
DANCER, TO BOOT.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE MY BEST
DANCING DAYS ARE BEHIND ME.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
IN JUST THE FEW DAYS I'VE KNOWN
YOU, I'VE SEEN YOU GET BETTER
AND BETTER.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> THE SKY IS THE LIMIT FOR YOU,
PAMELA.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> THERE'S NO DENYING THE
ABILITIES OF SPARKY WATTS,
THOUGH.
HE CAN REALLY GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF A STORY.
>> HOW CAN YOU TALK THAT WAY,
MILHOUSE?
>> DID YOU READ THE ARTICLE?
IT WAS WONDERFULLY IN-DEPTH.
IT SAYS THAT YOU EVEN ASKED
ITO HOOTKINS TIPS ON HOW TO GET
WOMEN.
IS THAT RIGHT, NEIL?
>> THAT IS INDEED TRUE, MILLY.
[ SIGHS ]
>> SO YOU DECIDED TO TAKE MY
ADVICE AFTER ALL, HUH?
>> LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT,
MILLY.
>> SORRY, GUYS.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> GEE, I WONDER WHAT KIND OF
APPETIZERS THEY'RE GONNA HAVE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I HOPE THE BAND STARTS UP
SOON.
I WANT TO DO SOME POPPING.
>> OH, I KNOW.
EVERYBODY IN TOWN IS TALKING
ABOUT YOUR POPPING SKILLS,
PAMELA.
>> YOU PAY IN ADVANCE AS WE
AGREED, OR THESE INSTRUMENTS
PLAY THEMSELVES.
>> WELL, I'M NOT PAYING UNTIL
YOU START PLAYING.
>> YOU HEARD WHAT HIGH-HAT HARRY
SAID.
WE WON'T PLAY UNTIL YOU PAY.
>> UNTIL YOU LEARN THE ERROR OF
YOUR WAYS, WE'LL BE IN THE
VAN...WITH THE REST OF THE BAND.
>> PHILLIPE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
THEY'RE TRYING TO SQUEEZE MORE
MONEY OUT OF ME BEFORE THEY
PERFORM.
THEY'LL BE BACK.
>> LOOK AT THAT SELFISH JERK.
THERE WON'T BE ANYTHING LEFT FOR
ANYBODY ELSE.
HEY, ONE SCOOP OF CASSEROLE PER
PERSON, PLEASE!
[ GLASS CLINKING ]
>> HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST TO THE
LOVELY BRIDE AND GROOM.
AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, IN ONE
MONTH, I'LL BE GETTING MARRIED
TO THE LOVELY EMMALINE.
SHE'LL NOT ONLY SERVE AS MY
BRIDE, BUT SHE'LL ALSO SERVE AS
THE MOTHER TO MY SON FROM
ANOTHER MARRIAGE.
BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT
MY PERSONAL LIFE.
WE'RE HERE TO CELEBRATE THIS
JOYOUS OCCASION -- THE LOVELY
BRIDE AND GROOM.
CYNTHIA, YOU LOOK GREAT.
I HAVE HALF A MIND TO STEAL YOU
AWAY FROM PHILLIPE RIGHT NOW.
I'M JUST KIDDING.
I WON'T DO THAT.
MAY JOY SHINE THROUGH YOUR HOME
LIKE A SUMMER RAINBOW.
LET'S RAISE A GLASS AND DRINK TO
THIS LOVELY COUPLE.
[ GLASSES CLINK ]
>> WHEN IS THIS BAND GONNA PLAY?
THE RIVER MUD WARRIORS WERE
NEVER LATE FOR A GIG.
>> LOOK AT THAT.
>> WHAT? WHAT IS IT, MILLY?
>> HE'S GETTING SECONDS.
I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD FIRSTS YET.
I WON'T STAND FOR THIS.
I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS.
YOU KNOW, SOME OF US HAVEN'T
EVEN HAD OUR FIRST SERVING YET,
BUDDY.
>> WHAT'S STOPPING YOU, PAL?
>> WE'RE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO
TELL US TO COME UP.
CYNTHIA SAID WE WERE GONNA TAKE
TURNS.
>> NO ONE TOLD US TO GET UP.
I WAS HUNGRY, SO I GOT FOOD.
I'M STILL HUNGRY, SO WE GOT MORE
FOOD.
>> LOOK AT THIS CROWD.
WHY DID I INVITE THESE PEOPLE?
THEY'RE BEHAVING LIKE
BARBARIANS, NEIL.
>> YOU AND YOUR PALS CAN WAIT IF
YOU WANT -- MORE FOOD FOR ME.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THAT
WAY, YOU KNOW?
>> WHAT WAY?
>> YOU KNOW, ALL SMUG AND ALL.
>> YEAH, I'D BE OFFENDED, BUT I
DON'T THINK YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT
SMUG MEANS.
>> THIS GUY IS THE BEST POETRY
TUTOR IN TOWN.
OF COURSE HE KNOWS WHAT SMUG
MEANS.
>> OUT OF MY WAY, TUTOR BOYS.
I'M GONNA GRAB A BREW, HAVE A
SEAT, AND ENJOY MY CASSEROLE.
>> ENJOY IT WITH A LITTLE DIRT
AND GRASS.
>> IT'LL BLOW OVER.
JUST WAIT TILL MILLY GETS A
LITTLE POTATO CASSEROLE IN HIM.
HE'LL BE FINE.
>> IT'S NOT JUST THAT.
PHILLIPE'S BEEN BICKERING WITH
THE BAND.
THEY WON'T PLAY UNTIL HE PAYS.
HE WON'T PAY UNTIL THEY PLAY.
I'M REALLY SAD OUR GODMOTHER'S
NOT HERE.
THIS IS NOT THE WEDDING OF WHICH
I DREAMT.
>> NO GOD-COUSIN OF MINE WILL BE
ANYTHING LESS THAN THRILLED ON
HER WEDDING DAY.
>> YEAH, I'VE COME TO EXPECT A
LACK OF DECORUM FROM FRIENDS OF
NEIL STUART.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BUDDY.
WE'RE NEIL'S FRIENDS, AND WE'RE
PROUD OF IT.
>> YEAH, DARNED PROUD OF IT.
HE MIGHT HAVE WENT NUTS WITH THE
WHOLE RIVERBEAST FIASCO, BUT
WE'VE GOT HIS BACK.
>> MILLY, WE'RE DEFENDING HIM.
WE'RE NOT CRITICIZING HIM.
>> GEEZ, TROY.
YOU NEVER LET ANYTHING GO.
>> FEEL FREE TO FIGHT AMONGST
YOURSELVES.
>> NAH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF
THAT EASILY.
>> YEAH, MILLY.
I THINK A LITTLE FISTICUFFS ARE
IN ORDER HERE.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
>> [ PUNCHES PALM ]
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
I SAID, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE ARE TWO
OPTIONS.
WE CAN EITHER CONTINUE TO DEBATE
OVER HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH POTATO
CASSEROLE, OR WE CAN REMEMBER
WHY WE CAME HERE TODAY -- FOR MY
GOD-COUSIN'S WEDDING.
AND EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT NOT
APPROVE OF THE MAN SHE IS
MARRYING...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S GONNA
STOP ME FROM BRINGING THE
RIVER MUD WARRIORS BACK
TOGETHER.
THAT'S RIGHT.
TROY, MILLY, TEDDY.
MEET ME AT CENTER STAGE.
>> YAY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> IT CAN BE USED FOR CONFETTI,
TOO?
[ GASPS ]
[ "THE RIVER MUD SHUFFLE"
PLAYS ]
>> ♪ IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR CLEAN
CLOTHES IN A DUFFEL ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA GET DIRTY
WITH THE RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED NO SUGAR CUBES
OR CHOCOLATE TRUFFLE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHIN'
SWEETER THAN THE RIVER MUD
SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ I'M ONLY GONNA TELL YOU ONCE,
THEN I'M SHUTTIN' MY LIPS ♪
♪ YOU WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE
AIR, THEN YOU SHAKE YOUR HIPS ♪
♪ YOU POINT LEFT, POINT RIGHT,
AND YOU SMILE AT A FRIEND ♪
♪ YOU SPIN ALL AROUND, THEN YOU
DO IT AGAIN ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ I SAID, "OH, NO, IT'S THE
RIVER MUD QUICKSAND" ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
QUICKSAND ♪
♪ GET LOW, 'CAUSE IT'S THE
RIVER MUD QUICKSAND ♪
♪ GET LOW, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
QUICKSAND ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
QUICKSAND ♪
♪ GET LOW, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
QUICKSAND ♪
♪ REACH OUT, REACH OUT FOR
SOMEBODY'S HAND ♪
♪ REACH OUT, REACH OUT FOR
SOMEBODY'S HAND ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
LOOKING PRETTY GOOD OUT THERE.
THIS TIME WE'RE GONNA DO IT TWO
TIMES IN A ROW.
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL HAVIN' FUN DOIN' THE
RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ THE RIVER MUD SHUFFLE ♪
♪ OH, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
SHUFFLE ♪
♪ YES, IT'S THE RIVER MUD
SHUFFLE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ SWITCH CLICKS ]
>> PAMELA!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
>> WHAT A GREAT WEDDING.
MY GOD-COUSIN REALLY CAME
THROUGH YESTERDAY.
>> I STILL DON'T LIKE HIM.
CAN YOU PULL OVER UP HERE?
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> PHILIPPE, YOU'RE SO
UNREFINED.
>> YEAH. YEAH.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
>> PHILLIPE!
WHY ARE YOU GOING SO DEEP INTO
THE WOODS?
PHILLIPE!
>> I DON'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED
FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE.
GIVE ME SOME PRIVACY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, CYNTHIA.
SHEESH!
IT'S DARK IN THESE WOODS!
OOH, PICNIC BABES.
[ WIND GUSTING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> BABES.
>> [ GROWLING CONTINUES ]
>> HMM.
>> [ ROARS ]
>> SHE'S GONE, NEIL.
SHE'S GONE.
SHE TOLD ME ONE DAY HER FEET
WERE GONNA START ITCHING AND
SHE'D LEAVE, BUT SOMEHOW I NEVER
LET MYSELF BELIEVE IT.
I THOUGHT I WAS THE OINTMENT TO
HER ITCHY FEET.
BUT, NO, OF COURSE I WASN'T.
YOU CAN'T CHAIN DOWN SOMEONE
WHO'S BORN TO FLY SO HIGH, FREE
AS A BEAUTIFUL AVIAN CREATURE.
>> HERE'S SOME JERKY, TEDDY.
THIS'LL CHEER YOU UP.
>> HEY, HONEY! CATCH!
WHAT KIND OF CATCH WAS THAT?
>> LET'S GO.
THE BUGS ARE COMING OUT SOON,
AND I DON'T WANT TO GET EATEN
ALIVE.
>> YEAH, AND NOT TO MENTION THAT
THIS IS THE TIME OF DAY THAT THE
RIVERBEAST COMES OUT TO FEED.
CAREFUL, BRADLEY.
DON'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET
YOU.
>> SILLY OLD RIVERBEAST.
>> THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO MAKE
JOKES ABOUT, DANNY.
>> LIGHTEN UP.
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE STARTING TO
FEEL SYMPATHY FOR R.B.
>> WELL, I'M GOING HOME.
ARE YOU TWO COMING, OR WHAT?
>> WE'LL WALK HOME THROUGH THE
WOODS, WON'T WE, BRADLEY?
>> IT WILL BE AN ADVENTURE.
>> SURE WILL.
SHE CAN GO HOME AND FEEL
SYMPATHY FOR THE TOWN CRAZY
PERSON.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN ADVENTURE.
[ FROG CROAKS ]
[ DISTANT ROARING ]
>> DAD?
>> IT'S JUST A FRIENDLY, LITTLE
WOODLAND CREATURE, SON.
[ FROGS CROAKING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> DAD! DAD!
THE RIVERBEAST EXISTS.
R.B. WAS RIGHT.
>> NOT NECESSARILY, SON.
THAT COULD BE SOME UNRELATED
CREATURE.
>> [ GASPS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> RUN BACK THE WAY WE CAME!
>> [ ROARS ]
[ FLESH TEARING ]
[ GROWLING ]
[ GROWLING, MUNCHING ]
>> SHERIFF.
I NEED TO REPORT TWO MISSING
PERSONS.
>> IT'LL BE GOLD, CONNIE --
JOURNALISTIC GOLD.
IMAGINE IT -- A COUPLE OF
INTREPID REPORTERS BEATING THE
SHERIFF'S OFFICE IN THE RACE TO
FIND THE LOST FATHER AND SON.
MAYBE WE'LL PUBLISH A SPECIAL
EDITION.
[ RUSTLING ]
LISTEN -- I THINK I HEARD A
RUSTLING.
IS THAT YOU, LITTLE BRADLEY BOY?
DON'T BE AFRAID.
SPARKY WATTS IS HERE TO RESCUE
YOU.
>> [ MUNCHING ]
[ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> HAVE MERCY.
THE RIVERBEAST EXISTS!
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ WHIMPERING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> GOOD DAY, MR. STONE.
[ Straining ] SAY -- SAY,
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
>> MAXWELL. DUCT TAPE.
>> WHAT'S THE -- [ GRUNTS ]
THIS IS A MISCARRIAGE OF
JUSTICE, STONE.
>> MAXWELL, CALL THE SHERIFF.
>> SAY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
>> JUST MAKING A CITIZEN'S
ARREST.
I GOT A CALL FROM THE SHERIFF.
HE ASKED ME TO APPREHEND YOU IF
YOU SHOWED UP FOR WORK.
AFTER THE THINGS YOU DID, I'M
SURPRISED YOU HAVEN'T LEFT TOWN.
>> [ GROANS ] THE THINGS I DID?!
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, STONE, AND
YOU KNOW IT!
>> SAVE YOUR LIES FOR THE
SHERIFF, TUTOR.
>> [ GROANS ]
WHAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT, PAULTIQUE.
YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME AND YOU
KNOW IT!
>> WE JUST FOUND SPARKY WATTS
AND HIS CAMERAWOMAN DEAD.
YOU HAD BEEF WITH THEM, DIDN'T
YOU?
>> YOU KNOW I DID.
DOESN'T MEAN I KILLED THEM.
>> DANNY O'GRADY AND HIS SON
FROM HIS PREVIOUS MARRIAGE ARE
MISSING.
YOU HAD BEEF WITH THEM, TOO.
>> I HAVE NO BEEF WITH THE BOY,
BUT I CONSIDER HIS FATHER AN
ENEMY.
HE STOLE MY WOMAN AND HE
CONTINUALLY DEMEANS ME IN
PUBLIC.
DOESN'T MEAN I KILLED HIM,
THOUGH.
>> YOUR GOD-COUSIN'S HUSBAND --
YOU HAD BEEF WITH HIM.
SAID SO AT THE WEDDING IN FRONT
OF EYEWITNESSES.
NOW HE'S MISSING.
AND THEN THERE'S A PROFESSOR, A
NED MATTHEWS.
HE WANTED TO REPORT YOU HAD
BEATEN HIM TO A PULP, BUT HE
NEVER SHOWED UP TO FILE A
REPORT.
>> MAYBE HE HAD A CHANGE OF
HEART.
>> MAYBE YOU KILLED HIM.
>> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE, SHERIFF.
BUT LIKE I SAID, YOU GOT NOTHING
ON ME.
>> I GOT A HUNCH. THAT'S PLENTY.
I SEE YOUR BUDDY, TEDDY,
REPORTED HIS GIRLFRIEND MISSING.
YOU COULDN'T STAND TO SEE HIM IN
A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
YOU CHOPPED UP HIS TRUE LOVE.
IS THAT IT, R.B.?
>> MY NAME IS NEIL, NEIL STUART!
>> YOU'LL BE SLEEPING IN A CELL
TONIGHT, MR. STUART.
>> THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
I MEAN, HE IS THE HEART AND SOUL
OF THIS CITY.
HE SHOULDN'T BE TREATED LIKE
THAT.
>> IF NEIL KILLED SPARKY WATTS,
I DON'T BLAME HIM.
ALTHOUGH, IT DIDN'T DO ANY GOOD.
THE PAPER IS STILL DISRESPECTING
POOR NEIL.
I WONDER IF HE'S GUILTY.
>> MILLY, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
OF COURSE NEIL DIDN'T KILL
SPARKY WATTS, OR ANY OF THESE
PEOPLE.
>> WELL, IF HE DIDN'T, WHO DID?
>> THE RIVERBEAST.
>> COME ON, TROY.
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LEGENDARY
MONSTER ACTUALLY IS REAL.
THERE'S NOTHING OUT IN THOSE
WOODS BUT THE PICNIC BABES.
>> I BELIEVE IN NEIL.
THUS, DESPITE NO HARD EVIDENCE,
I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN THE
RIVERBEAST.
>> HE'S MYTHICAL, LIKE THE
CHUPACABRA OR THE GOSPERCAP.
>> LOOK, NEIL IS THE BEST TUTOR
THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN.
IF HE SAYS HE SAW A RIVERBEAST,
I BELIEVE HIM.
MAYBE ITO HOOTKINS DUG SOMETHING
UP AND THE RIVERBEAST GOT FREE.
>> IT'S AS IF ALL THAT WAS AND
ALL THAT WILL BE IS ALL MIXED UP
IN ONE PUNGENT PORRIDGE.
I GOT TO GO TO MY TUTOR SESSION.
>> STUART.
YOU GOT A VISITOR.
[ BARS CLANKING ]
>> ALLIE, I HATE TO HAVE YOU SEE
ME BEHIND BARS LIKE THIS.
>> I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GUILTY OF
THESE CRIMES, MR. STUART.
WHAT CAN I DO TO CLEAR YOUR
NAME?
>> I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING
INVOLVED IN MY PREDICAMENT,
ALLIE.
YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUR
STUDIES.
>> THAT REMINDS ME -- I TOOK MY
APTITUDE TEST TODAY.
FOR ONCE, I ACTUALLY TOOK MY
TIME AND CONCENTRATED ON EACH
QUESTION.
I HOPE IT TELLS ME I'D MAKE A
GOOD JOURNALIST.
>> I'M SURE YOU DID GREAT.
[ SIGHS ]
>> WHEN I AM A JOURNALIST, MY
FIRST ARTICLE WILL BE AN EXPOSé
ON THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN TREATED.
IF ONLY I HAD SOME PROOF.
>> NOW, ALLIE --
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME,
MR. STUART.
I WON'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET
ME.
I'M A PRETTY FAST RUNNER, YOU
KNOW?
PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE GENES.
>> NOT EVEN THE RENOWNED
BIG-GAME HUNTER ITO HOOTKINS
COULD FIND EVIDENCE OF THAT
RIVERBEAST, ALLIE.
>> HE'S BETTER KNOWN FOR HUNTING
LADIES THAN HUNTING BEASTS.
I'VE GOT MY CAMERA AND I'VE GOT
A NOSE FOR A GOOD STORY.
WISH ME LUCK, MR. STU.
>> WAIT, ALLIE.
IF I CAN'T CONVINCE YOU NOT TO
GO, YOU'VE GOT TO DO ME ONE
FAVOR.
FIND MY FRIEND, TROY KEIL.
HE'S A TUTOR BUDDY OF MINE.
HE'LL GO WITH YOU.
HE'LL WATCH YOUR BACK, KEEP YOU
SAFE.
HE HANGS OUT DOWN AT A CUPCAKE
STORE.
>> THAT TAKES SOME OF THE DANGER
AND EXCITEMENT OUT OF THINGS,
BUT I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO WORRY
ABOUT ME.
I'LL DO IT.
I'M OFF TO CLEAR YOUR NAME.
[ BARS CLANKING ]
>> [ GROANING ]
I'M IN A CAGE, MAN!
I'M IN A CAGE!
>> [ CHEWS ]
HUNGRY.
[ ROARS ]
[ HARMONICA PLAYING ]
>> THERE YOU ARE, MR. BIG-GAME
HUNTER.
WORKING HARD, I SEE?
>> MAN DOES NOT EXIST FOR WORK
ALONE.
>> THOSE MUST BE THE WORDS YOU
LIVE BY.
OUR FRIEND, NEIL, HIRED YOU TO
PROVE THAT THE RIVERBEAST REALLY
EXISTS, AND YOU DIDN'T FIND
SQUAT.
>> MR. STUART.
YES, I AM NO LONGER IN HIS
EMPLOY.
>> IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT,
MR. HOOTY-HOOTKINS?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOME SORT OF
LEGENDARY HUNTER.
>> AYE.
>> AND NOW WHAT ARE YOU?
SCARED?
>> WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
WE HAVE A RIVERBEAST TO HUNT.
>> WHOA! UNREAL!
NEIL WAS RIGHT!
>> I KNEW MR. STU WASN'T CRAZY.
>> A LIFETIME OF HUNTING --
EVERY DAY HONING MY SKILLS TO A
RAZOR-SHARP EDGE.
ALL LEADING TO THIS MOMENT.
>> LISTEN, MR. HOOTKINS.
REMEMBER THE PLAN.
ALL WE NEED ARE SOME GOOD
PICTURES.
YOU CAN COME BACK AND FIGHT THE
RIVERBEAST ON YOUR OWN TIME.
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> IT'S NOT EXACTLY A STEALTHY
APPROACH.
>> [ GASPS ]
[ GROWLS ]
>> [ GASPS ] OH, NO!
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ ROARS ]
>> NOT THE BEST HUNTER, THAT
ITO HOOTKINS.
BUT BRAVE -- I'LL -- I'LL GIVE
HIM THAT.
BRAVE.
>> WE'RE SUNK.
MR. STUART WILL END UP IN JAIL
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE IF WE
CAN'T PROVE THIS BEAST EXISTS.
>> LOOK.
THE BEAST IS BUSY DRAGGING ITO'S
CARCASS AWAY.
NOW I CAN SNEAK DOWN THERE AND
GRAB THE CAMERA REAL FAST.
>> TROY.
>> RIVER TOWN, USA, NEEDS
NEIL STUART.
HE'S THE LIFEBLOOD OF THIS TOWN.
I'M DOING IT.
>> YOU GRAB THAT CAMERA AND RUN
RIGHT BACK UP HERE, TROY.
>> ALLIE, NOW, UNTIL THIS
MISSION IS OVER, I WOULD LIKE
YOU TO ADDRESS ME AS
KILLER'S MOON.
>> KILLER'S MOON?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THAT TO BE MY
SOLDIER'S NAME, AND RIGHT NOW
I'M A SOLDIER.
>> GO GET HIM, KILLER'S MOON!
BE CAREFUL, KILLER'S MOON.
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> RUN, KILLER'S MOON! RUN!
>> [ ROARS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> AAH! [ GROANING ]
>> YOU DID IT, KILLER'S MOON.
>> [ GROANS ] ALLIE, RUN!
>> [ ROARS ]
>> [ SCREAMS ]
[ FLESH TEARS ]
>> MAXWELL!
HAVE YOU SEEN ALLIE?
>> NO, SIR.
NOT A WORD SINCE SHE LEFT THIS
MORNING.
[ FOOTSTEPS ]
>> BRADLEY!
OH, SWEETIE.
YOU POOR LITTLE THING.
>> THE RIVERBEAST GOT DADDY.
>> HOW CAN YOU KEEP ME IN THIS
CELL, SHERIFF?
LOOK IN THIS HEADLINE!
>> I'VE SEEN IT.
I ALSO GOT A CALL FROM YOUR
EX-FIANCéE.
SHE SAID DANNY O'GRADY'S KID
CAME HOME AND STARTED BABBLING
ABOUT A RIVERBEAST.
DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME
PAULTIQUE?
>> I'VE BEEN TOLD IT'S BECAUSE
YOU COLLECT ANTIQUES.
>> I WISH THAT WAS TRUE.
IT'S BECAUSE MY WAY OF DOING
THINGS HAVE BECOME ANTIQUATED.
I'M JUST AN OLD FLATFOOT FROM
THE DAYS OF YORE.
HECK -- I PUT YOU BEHIND BARS
FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN A
HUNCH.
AND IT SEEMS THAT HUNCH WAS
WRONG.
>> SO YOU'LL LET ME GO?
>> ON ONE CONDITION.
>> WHAT'S THAT, SHERIFF?
>> YOU GET YOUR FRIENDS TOGETHER
AND VANQUISH THIS RIVERBEAST.
POOR LITTLE BRADLEY HAS NO
REASON TO LIE.
WEIRD THINGS HAVE BEEN HAPPENING
IN THOSE WOODS FOR YEARS.
WHY NOT A RIVERBEAST?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> IF I CALL IN THE STATE BOYS
OR THE NATIONAL GUARD, I'LL BE A
LAUGHINGSTOCK.
>> THEN LET THIS LAUGHINGSTOCK
TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU.
TEDDY! TEDDY! WHERE IS HE?
TEDDY.
>> YOU COULDN'T TAKE IT, COULD
YOU?
YOU COULDN'T TAKE THE FACT THAT
I FOUND HAPPINESS WITH PAMELA,
SO YOU KILLED HER.
>> OF COURSE I DIDN'T KILL HER,
TEDDY.
>> OF COURSE YOU DID.
YOU KILLED ALL THOSE INNOCENT
PEOPLE JUST TO PERPETUATE THE
MYTH OF THE RIVERBEAST.
>> HOW THEN WOULD TROY AND ALLIE
GO MISSING WHILE I WAS IN JAIL?
WHY THEN WOULD SHERIFF
PAULTIQUE HANSON LET ME OUT OF
MY CELL?
IT'S BECAUSE THE RIVERBEAST
EXISTS.
>> TROY AND ALLIE ARE MISSING
NOW, TOO?
SO THAT MEANS PAMELA COULD BE
OUT THERE -- A PRISONER OF THIS
VICIOUS BEAST!
>> IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME AND
MILHOUSE, WE'RE GOING OUT TO
THOSE WOODS, AND WE'RE NOT
COMING BACK TILL WE'VE KILLED A
RIVERBEAST.
>> YOU BET I'M COMING WITH YOU.
>> COME ON, MILLY. COME ON.
>> WHOO-HOO!
>> YEAH! [ CHUCKLES ]
>> YOU KNOW, I FEEL A STRANGE
KINSHIP TOWARDS THIS RIVERBEAST.
WITH THAT BEING SAID, I STILL
DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GONNA KILL
IT.
>> OUR LOVE FOR RIVER TOWN, USA,
IS GONNA GIVE US THE STRENGTH TO
DEFEAT ITS GREATEST FOE.
>> NO! TROY!
OH, GOD. TROY. NO.
IT'S MY FAULT.
I TOLD HER TO ASK YOU TO PROTECT
HER, AND YOU DID.
OF COURSE YOU DID.
AND YOU DIED A HERO.
KILLER'S MOON...IS DEAD.
>> MR. STU?!
>> ALLIE! YOU'RE ALIVE!
>> I'M LOST.
BUT I'VE BEEN USING MY ATHLETIC
PROWESS TO ESCAPE THE BEAST.
>> GOOD JOB, ALLIE.
>> THE RIVERBEAST -- BEHIND YOU!
>> [ ROARS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> GO GET YOUR DAD, ALLIE!
TELL HIM TO COME SAVE US!
IT'S THAT WAY DOWN THE TRAIL!
>> YOU GOT IT.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ GROANS ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> AAH! [ GROANING ]
>> HEY! LET'S GO HELP NEIL!
>> YES, LET'S.
>> OH, NO. [ GROANING ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ ROARS ]
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> [ ROARS ]
[ GROWLING ]
[ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> [ Thinking ] IT SEEMS THAT
THE SKIN OF THE RIVERBEAST
REQUIRES PERIODIC HYDRATION.
IF ONLY WE COULD DRY HIM OUT.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> COME ON.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ GRUNTS ]
I REMEMBER YOU. THAT'S RIGHT.
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
[ ROARS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> NO!
[ Winded ] NO. OH, NO.
NO. NO.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ GROANS ]
>> NOT SO FAST, RIVERBEAST.
>> [ GASPS ]
>> I'M FRANK STONE, FORMER
PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.
GET READY FOR THE BEATDOWN OF
YOUR LIFE.
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ GROANING ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> YOU CAN DO IT, FRANK STONE!
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> [ GRUNTS ]
[ GROANING ]
>> [ ROARING ]
[ GROANING ]
>> COME ON. FIGHT ME, PUNK.
COME ON!
[ GROANS ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> AAH!
[ GASPS ]
>> [ ROARS ]
>> [ GROANING ]
>> [ ROARS ]
>> NO!
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> OH. OH.
>> NO!
>> [ ROARS ]
>> NO.
>> [ ROARS ]
>> KITTY LITTER.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> TAKE THAT, RIVERBEAST!
>> [ ROARING ]
>> IT'S WORKING!
>> [ GROANING ]
>> YES! IT'S WORKING!
>> [ GURGLING ]
[ ROARS ]
[ GROWLS ]
[ HOWLING ]
>> YOUR HEART ALMOST GOES OUT TO
HIM -- THE POOR, PRIMORDIAL
RIVERBEAST.
>> WHAT HAPPENED?
>> IT WAS THE KITTY LITTER,
TEDDY.
PAMELA WAS RIGHT.
ITS USES ARE INFINITE.
ITS CHEMICAL COMPOUNDS CAUSED
THE RIVERBEAST'S SKIN TO DRY
OUT, THUS RENDERING IT DECEASED.
>> WHAT A SHAME WE DIDN'T KNOW
THAT BEFORE FRANK STONE AND ALL
THOSE OTHER INNOCENT PEOPLE HAD
TO DIE.
>> LET'S GET BACK INTO TOWN.
>> IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT
IT'S BEEN ONE FULL YEAR SINCE
THE EPIC RIVERBEAST BATTLE.
TUTORS NEIL STUART AND
MILLY JENSEN, MUSICIAN
TEDDY HOLLINGSWORTH, AND FORMER
PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE
FRANK STONE, MY FATHER, BRAVELY
DEFEATED THE AMPHIBIOUS MENACE.
TODAY THESE HEROES WILL BE
HONORED BY RIVER TOWN, USA, IN
A CEREMONY WHICH WILL BE
BROADCAST ON RIVER TOWN TV.
>> THANK YOU FOR COMING TODAY,
ONE AND ALL.
LET'S GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT.
I'D LIKE TO CALL UP TO THE STAGE
RIVER TOWN, USA, FAVORITE SON,
NEIL STUART.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
I WAS HONORED WHEN THE
RIVER TOWN, USA, TOWN FATHERS
SELECTED ME TO MAKE THIS
PRESENTATION.
AS YOU ALL KNOW, I'VE HAD MY UPS
AND DOWNS, BUT I NEVER STOPPED
LOVING THIS PLACE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE THE
ANNOUNCEMENT THAT EMMALINE PRICE
AND I ARE ONCE AGAIN ENGAGED TO
BE MARRIED.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND WE'RE GOING TO RAISE
BRADLEY, HER DECEASED
EX-FIANCé'S SON FROM ANOTHER
MARRIAGE, AS IF HE WERE OUR OWN.
BRADLEY, FROM NOW ON, YOU MAY
ADDRESS ME AS DADDY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND NOW I WOULD LIKE TO ASK THE
NEWEST JOURNALIST FROM THE
RIVER TOWN, USA DAILY STANDARD,
ALLIE STONE, TO JOIN ME ONSTAGE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
ALLIE, THE TOWN ELDERS HAVE
COMMISSIONED THIS STATUE AS A
TRIBUTE TO YOUR FATHER.
AFTER TODAY'S UNVEILING, IT WILL
BE BROUGHT TO THE TOWN ATHLETIC
FIELDS SO ATHLETES CAN LOOK AT
IT AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE
COMPETITIVE EXPLOITS THAT
FRANK STONE EXCELLED IN.
ALLIE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND DON'T FORGET THAT TONIGHT
THE RIVER MUD WARRIORS WILL BE
PERFORMING ON THE VILLAGE GREEN.
>> WHOO!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> DADDY, I WISH YOU WERE STILL
ALIVE TO SEE ME.
AS IT TURNS OUT, I WAS MUTABLE.
I WAKE UP EACH MORNING EXCITED
TO TACKLE THE DAY.
I HOPE YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN FROM
HEAVEN PROUDLY AND THAT THEY
HAVE SOME SORT OF PRO LEAGUE UP
THERE IN WHICH YOU CAN COMPETE.
AND THANK YOU FOR HELPING,
ITO HOOTKINS -- YOU LADIES MAN,
YOU.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> HI, THERE, TEDDY.
>> PAMELA, I THOUGHT THE
RIVERBEAST HAD GOTTEN YOU.
>> I WISH THAT WERE THE
EXPLANATION FOR MY ABSENCE.
THE TRUTH IS, TEDDY, MY FEET
STARTED ITCHING.
I GOT SCARED. I RAN.
BUT THEN I REALIZED HOW EMPTY MY
LIFE WAS WITHOUT YOU.
WILL YOU TAKE ME BACK?
>> YOU BET I WILL!
>> SHERIFF, CAN I GET ANY LAST
COMMENTS ON THIS WHOLE
RIVERBEAST INCIDENT?
>> THIS IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE
THING WE EVER SEEN.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!
IF HE HADN'T BEEN STOPPED, THIS
BEAST MIGHT HAVE DEVOURED
AMERICA.
I HAVE BEEN IN TELEPHONE
COMMUNICATION WITH THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES, AND HE
WISHES ME TO THANK EVERYONE FOR
THEIR HELP IN WHAT SHALL GO DOWN
IN HISTORY AS POSSIBLY THE
GREATEST AQUATIC-BEAST BATTLE
MANKIND HAS EVER WAGED.
"WE ARE A BRAVE TOWN..."
SAID THE PRESIDENT.
WE DIDN'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET
US.
[ "DON'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET
YOU!" PLAYS ]
>> ♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK,
MY FRIEND ♪
♪ WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME, AND
YOU'RE DEAD ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER HIDE FROM THE
SHADOWS THAT HAUNT THE TREES ♪
♪ AND TREAD LIGHTLY BY THE
WATER'S EDGE ♪
♪ SOMETHING'S OUT THERE LURKING
'NEATH THE MOONLIGHT ♪
♪ IN THE RIVER TOWN, AYE, AYE ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ MM, YOU BETTER RUN LIKE HECK,
MY FRIEND ♪
♪ AIN'T NEVER SAFE TILL IT'S OUT
OF YOUR HOME ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER CALL NEIL STUART
TO SAVE THE DAY ♪
♪ YOU'RE IN TROUBLE IF YOU GO IT
ALONE ♪
♪ SOMETHING'S OUT THERE LURKING
'NEATH THE MOONLIGHT ♪
♪ AND IT DON'T FEEL RI-I-GHT ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ D-D-D-DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ WHEN PANIC SETS IN, YOUR
NERVES ARE A WRECK ♪
♪ AND IT WRECKS YOU ♪
♪ THE AIR GETS TOO THICK WHEN
THE RIVERBEAST IS GONNA GET
YOU ♪
♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK DEEP ENOUGH,
YOU'LL FIND ♪
♪ ALL OF THE FEARS THAT ON YOUR
MIND ♪
♪ THEY'RE JUST LIKE MINE, WE'RE
SO DESPERATE TO CONTROL ♪
♪ THE BEAST ♪
♪ INSIDE EACH ONE OF US ♪
♪ SOMETHING'S OUT THERE LURKING,
MAN, IT'S FRIGHTENING ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪
♪ DON'T LET ♪
♪ THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU ♪