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[Classic TV Fanfare]
Get in the ring!
[Jarring Explosion]
[Heavy Metal Riff]
There's been a lot of noise lately about how retro gaming is the
exclusive playground of bitter old fogeys who can't let go of the past.
EH???
One reviewer has been especially vocal about this...
They call old games classic because it sounds better than old and smelly.
The truth is that there's no logical reason to play old game systems.
I'm not just saying this because I had a C64 with Manic Miner stuck in the drive as a child.
In every case, a new version of a game is preferable to the old one.
There's nothing you can say or do to convince me otherwise.
As surely as I stole my color scheme from Brainiac, I can tell you that...
[SPLAT!]
Fortunately, gamers know this is a big load of crap.
A load of crap with a little bowler hat on it, but still a load of crap.
There's a purity in classic games missing from today's big-budget titles.
Instead of waiting through endless load times, you just played the game!
It's why Sonic on the Genesis was better than Sonic on the Xbox 360.
It's also why retro gaming has become increasingly popular with developers.
Capcom's been bitten hardest by the classic gaming bug.
They recently released a spiffed-up remake of Bionic Commando.
Now, they've brought Mega Man to all three modern game consoles.
Normally, this wouldn't be cause for celebration, but
this is the original blue bomber, starring in a game so close to his
NES adventures that you'll swear you missed it in the 1980s.
Members of Generation X will get a nostalgic kick from the game.
Young gamers won't be as thrilled by the shrill sound and simple artwork.
They'll agree about the gameplay, which is exceptional by any standard.
After a few rounds, Mega Man will vault over spikes with machine-like precision.
You'll need this sharp control, because Mega Man 9 will put the hurt on you
from the moment you pick your first robot master.
Long-time fans insist that it's no harder than past Mega Man games.
Those fans are 100% WRONG.
Scenes from Mega Man 9 mimic classic moments from the first two games,
with sadistic, Shyamalian twists that will twist your stomach in knots.
Remember the lifts from Gutsman's stage?
Ever wonder how Capcom could make them even more maddening?
They found a way.
Areas like this one...
and this one...
coupled with the designers' massive *** for spikes
make this game feel like I Wanna Be The Guy,
gaming's answer to forcing a pineapple into your ***.
Sure, it hurts and serves no purpose, but imagine the bragging rights!
Just when you can't take any more punishment, you take out a boss
and earn weapons that make it worth the blood, sweat, and tears.
These sidearms have dual uses, like the mighty bees who retrieve items.
I've never been so happy to have a hornet that close to my face!
Then there's the screen- clearing Tornado Blow...
the devastating Black Hole Bomb...
and the versatile Jewel Satellite. Oh yeah, now that's the stuff!
These weapons put this game near the top of mountain of Mega Man releases.
I hesitate to call this the best Mega Man game...
Mega Man 2 was more user-friendly, and
there will always be a place in my heart for the first game and Legends.
Also, there are issues in Mega Man 9 that could easily have been addressed.
You can't use the shoulder buttons to cycle through weapons,
and you can't exit stages that you've already finished.
Mega Man 9 may have to settle for second-best, but
with over one hundred games in the series, that's no small feat�