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>>> OH, YES, TIME FOR "THE
RIDICULIST."
THE STORY OF A MAN IN TENNESSEE
AND THE BELOVED RACCOON, TWO
RACCOONS, ACTUALLY.
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A
RACCOON NAMED GUNSHOT AND HE
POSTED A VIDEO ONLINE OF HE AND
GUN SHOW DANCING TO WHAT EARLY
BUT "CHAIN OF FOOLS."
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>> NOW SADLY, THAT PARTICULAR
RACCOON HAS GONE ONTO THE GREAT
GUN SHOW IN THE SKY.
HE PASS AID WAY IN JANUARY.
FOUR MONTHS LATER A NEW RACCOON
CAME INTO MR. BROWN'S LIFE AND
BATHTUB, AS WELL.
NORMALLY WHEN A MASKED BANDIT
SHOWS UP IN THE BATHROOM, THAT'S
A BAD IDEA BUT HE BOTTLE FED,
KEPT AS A PET AND SHOWERED WITH.
>> THAT'S MY DARLING ON MY
SHOULDER, SUDS UP, YOU SHAMPOO
YOUR CAT, YOU SHAMPOO YOUR DOG.
I SHAMPOOED MY RACCOON.
>> DOES THAT SOUND LIKE THAT?
IT'S RARE TO HEAR THAT SENTENCE
USE IN A LITERAL WAY.
SADLY, THESE DAYS MR. BROWN IS
SHOWERING ALONE BECAUSE THE
TENNESSEE WILDLIFE AAGAIN SEE
TOOK REBECCA AWAY BECAUSE IT'S
ILLEGAL TO KEEP A WILD ANIMAL AS
A PET.
MR. BROWN DOESN'T SEE IT THAT
WAY.
>> I'M TRYING TO GET HER OUT OF
CAPTIVITY AND KEEP HER FROM
THIS.
AND THIS.
I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG BUT
SAVE SOMETHING FROM A CERTAIN
DEATH.
WHAT I DID SHOULD NOT BE
CONDEMNED.
IT SHOULD BE COMMENDED.
SHE WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY HAD
IT NOT BEEN FOR ME.
>> WELL, NOW HE'S APPEALING TO
THE GOVERNOR TO BRING HIS LITTLE
BABY HOME AND BLAMES THE WHOLE
THING ON THE CRUEL MISTRESS OF
INTERNET FAME.
>> SO NOW THAT I HAVE BECOME A
BIG FISH, THEY HAVE COME AFTER
ME TO TAKE REBECCA AWAY FROM ME.
THE GOVERNOR JUST GIVE ME MY
PERMIT, GIVE ME MY PARDON AND
I'LL SHUT UP.
I ASK GOD EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO
THINGS, EITHER FREE REBECCA BACK
TO ME, OR LET ME JUST FORGET
ABOUT IT.
>> THAT BEARD IS AMAZING.
LOOK, I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND
AGAIN, IT'S HARD NOT TO BE
SYMPATHETIC FOR A GROWN MAN
LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN ZZ TOP IS
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