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I used to wake up thinking about two things,
what I was going to do during the day, but before that,
how much drug I had on me,
and at what time I was going to get more.
The need was so strong that it becomes a habit,
totally.
I fell into addiction, and I got to the point where you cannot stop,
you cannot leave it.
When I was young, I had very easy access, along with my friends,
to alcohol, to drugs, but I really think that everything begins during childhood.
That's when, when you're a kid, an adolescent, without...
without an authority figure, right?
So the search for that father figure,
lead me to be involved with people that, well, it was very easy for them
to give us marijuana, and ***, and
a lot of problems, and there's a lot of wasted time.
That makes you feel like you're in a family, or in
a place where everybody accepts you, and where everybody, apparently, loves you.
And we didn't care about anything, the only thing we needed was to have
the daily dose, right?
Then, somehow, that alleged family you have with your group of friends,
in those parties,
it really affects you a lot, it affected me a lot,
because you waste a lot of time out of your life.
And the way of escaping is by going to those parties, to those meetings,
and you do drugs, and you think for four or five hours
that the world is wonderful because you're under the effect of them,
but actually when I was done, the pain continued
and every time it was deeper.
It wasn't easy.
I led a double life. People around me knew about this,
my family, other friends knew what I was doing, but no one did anything about it.
During the day, I was one person. When the nighttime came, or on the weekend,
I was another person, a completely different one.
That was my double life, on the outside and during the day
from nine in the morning to six in the afternoon, I was the successful one.
The one who had a job at a radio station, the DJ, the one people knew
and at night, I was the drug addict who went searching for the drug dose.
It was a complete facade, two faces.
With this mask in which I seemed to be successful,
but on the inside I was completely empty and dead.
Well, the moment comes when you want something more,
as usual, right? We are always
as people, looking for something more,
and all of a sudden, I decided I was interested in working on TV.
I wanted to be, after having been a broadcaster,
after having been a DJ in many events,
having been on stage, and having been master of ceremonies,
I said, well, I can also do this in front of a camera. So,
I moved to the United States.
A couple of months go by, three months go by, six months go by, and nothing happens.
When I arrived here with my wife, eventually we ran out of money,
nobody was waiting for me, like I thought.
We had many problems,
many problems between us
because we lacked resources at home.
I had to take the few jewels my wife had,
the little bracelets and the gold necklaces she had, that her mother had given her
and I would pawn them at a pawnshop
to take some money home, and be able to buy something to eat.
Four years of frustration, of pain,
frustration and pain that, I unloaded on my wife
and on my daughter.
and my anger against life, and my frustration,
and not only that, but intoxicated.
I would completely release it on them, and there were,
there were
difficult moments, and home was a living hell.
I was really walking around,
but on the inside I was dead.
I mean, I wasn't alive.
Why do I have to be drugged?
I was like dead.
Everything was like gray. I can't explain it very well,
but there was no color.
My wife, one day she's invited to go to a place,
to some Sunday meeting,
and in that place I begin to listen
that there was a God and that Jesus existed.
With that need for help,
having been in such a high place, and then,
then having fallen so much, it felt like
I was dragging my face was against the ground.
I,
somehow, I looked up and
with this man on TV, I
closed my eyes and said,
Lord Jesus,
I surrender my life,
come into my heart,
I give you everything I am,
I give you all my pain, my frustrations,
my anger, my sadness,
take it. I can't carry this anymore.
It was such a big load,
and I said, enough, I need somebody who can help me.
And I did it, but I remember, I did it with all my heart.
I mean, I truly did it, feeling the need of that help from above, right?
That evening,
overnight,
I had no more desire
to do drugs.
I, overnight,
didn't feel the need to drink alcohol.
The frustration I had,
the anger and the sadness,
the next day, in the morning,
like something supernatural,
it just disappeared.
That craving disappeared and it never came back.
Life started to have color.
What do I care how much money I make?
What do I care what job I do
if I now know and I've just begun a friendship
with the creator of the universe?
And I realized it wasn't about me,
it was about Jesus.
And today,
with more resources
and with a very different life
than the one I had before,
which now does have significance, meaning and purpose,
it even has an eternal repercussion.
But I know very well that the strength
does not, it doesn't come from me,
the strength is in me
through Jesus.
I am Alejandro César,
and I Am Second.