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So..What I'm about to do I've never exactly done before
So as a disclaimer, if this *** sucks
Then know that this will be the first and last time I attempt to do this ***
A while back I was going through this really tough time
This big depression. During that state, I just got into creative mode.
and started writing a bunch of *** down
Today I want to share with you guys what I wrote a while back
if you don't mind
and to all the *** who are gonna be writing into the comments asking me...
Hey man where are the funny videos this week?
The funny videos get posted on Friday, today is Thrusday
Shut the *** up
Okay?!
This isn't spoken word these are just words that are spoken
A departure from the funny and stupid *** I say on youtube to reflect on something serous for a change.
Something that some of us all fear yet try to obtain
that something is love.
Her name was Zahra
we met online there aint no shame old fasions dead times arent the same
I found you cute you dug my style but we only dated a little while but in that moment I felt...
Bliss
I gave you every inch of me along with my virginity and in that moment I felt....
This
gearing up to speak my mind but I'm so damn nervous that I take my time and breathe
and in that moment my heart unsteady, my palms were sweaty but I was ready
and I said it
I love you
she looked me deep into my eyes, to my surprise by her reply, she said....
Thank you
Thank you?
so atlas Our releationship didn't last but at least we had some laughs
plus I got some *** so I was good
...eventually
Back in 2008 I met my second love, the one who changed my life forever
Her name was Suzanna
she taught me things like how to dress and be a man and the best Man I could be yet...
Love wouldn't let me be with her
you see Family got in the way as they often tend to do
you see I couldn't be with this girl because I wasn't a jew
and excuse me for not being politically correct
but let me digress to talk about my dad constantly breathing down my neck
because I brought home a girl who meant the world to me
but the only difference you see was that she was a different ethnicity
You feel me?
So we break up from the issues and I'm crying grab a tissue
and all I wanna do is kiss you but I can't cause you're gone and I miss you
but love won't let me have you
Her name was Melissa
She was only suppose to be a quick *** here and there
but much like our bodies our emotions were intertwined and love
was suddenly in the air
but I'll admit that it was all my fault
because I fell first and she fell stumblin after
hoping that we'd both be living happily ever after
together
and we would have been great but our timing was late damned by fate cause she was hoppin' on a plane..
in a couple of days
so like the scent of cologne our love fades away
So I gave up on my quest to find love out of fear it won't last
reflecting on all the women that I've hurt in the past
Making silly excuses for why we don't work
like it's not you it's me and how I'm really a jerk
and I was right
It's not you...it's me
and I am a jerk
I've been told time and time again from many friends that love is nothing more than a fallacy
a fictional feeling only felt in movies
So if I believe that to be true then maybe the pain and suffering I felt because of love becaue of you was all in my head
Because of you
was all in my head
They say don't go looking for love love will find you
but they also say Love is blind so if that's true
then how can love find you let alone see you if love can't even see.
Maybe love doesn't exist because love isn't consistent
or maybe love just doesn't work cause people get distant so I say *** it
and i bury myself in my work as a distraction form these social interactions
telling me that I need to find my potential bride to be to complete me and make me....
happy
You see I'm not the man that I use to be nor am I the man that I want to be
so until that man comes to be I'll never truly be...happy..
so right now, this love ***...
ain't for me