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FELICIA: Hello, everybody.
I think that we are live now.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA: Felicia Day, here.
Hello Geek and Sundry audience.
A lot of you might be puzzled right now.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA: What do you think, ladies?
Are they going to be puzzled?
VERONICA: A little bit.
A little bit puzzled.
Yeah.
FELICIA: This is Vaginal Fantasy Hangout.
It is a paranormal or romance book club that I have been
doing for, like, the past seven months
on my personal channel.
And as part of our Hangouts on Tuesday nights, I moved it to
this channel.
So lots of guys and girls participate.
We read a book a month, and then we discuss the book.
And then on the forums everyone discusses the main
book and the alt.
And that's pretty much it.
The cool thing about it is I have
awesome hosts, my friends.
And I will introduce them one by one.
Bonnie Burton is here.
BONNIE: Hello.
I also have Jabba the Hut behind me.
FELICIA: He's your plus one?
BONNIE: Yes, my dog is passed out on the floor.
He's usually in the spot Jabba the Hut is.
And there's a Tardis in there somewhere.
FELICIA: Yeah, over there.
You've really set decorated very well this month.
BONNIE: I try.
And I have new hair.
FELICIA: Yes, very cute.
BONNIE: Well, I cut it.
I didn't steal it from someone.
FELICIA: And then we have Kaila "Cas-bee."
KIALA: Hello.
FELICIA: Did I do that right, Kaila?
KIALA: No.
No,
it's "Cays-bee." [LAUGHTER]
KIALA: I'm just going to have it legally changed to
"Cas-bee," because that is how you say.
And that's more important.
FELICIA: I've known you for years, and I have yet to
pronounce your last name right.
I'm not even kidding.
This is so embarrassing.
And then we also have Veronica Belmont.
VERONICA: Hello.
FELICIA: As our fourth Vaginal Fantasy host.
VERONICA: My name starts with V, so I'm at the very end.
FELICIA: Well but you're very important.
VERONICA: As per the Google Hangout rules.
FELICIA: We all have very smooth, awesome hair today.
And by the way, I just want to, before we get int the
book, and kind of getting into actually why this Hangout
exists, I got here from The Guild set.
And I'm in the Geek and Sundry office.
You can see the original TableTop logo here.
And I was filming the Guild Season Six.
It's our last day filming, actually.
VERONICA: Woohoo.
FELICIA: I know.
16 days-- longest season ever.
But I had this crazy hair thing, and I
didn't have a comb.
So I got a fork out.
KIALA: Oh my God.
Like Ariel.
BONNIE: You're so redneck.
VERONICA: Amazing.
FELICIA: But then, I'm doing this in the test Hangout,
right, and Bonnie-- and I'm like, Bonnie, I'm combing my
hair with a fork.
Bonnie, I'm combing my hair with a fork.
And what did you say, Bonnie?
BONNIE: I said, that's nothing.
We've all been there.
I've used sporks before.
I've used chopsticks.
I've used, like, those spoons you use for pasta.
You know those strainy spoons?
VERONICA: A strainy spoon?
BONNIE: Strain, like a pasta--
VERONICA: Oh, like a, OK.
BONNIE: Pasta.
VERONICA: We all have to do this motion, now.
KIALA: The claw thing.
BONNIE: I don't know.
I've done some pretty bad things to my hair, though.
I've ironed my hair.
So I don't if you should listen to me talking about
utensils and hair products.
FELICIA: But, Kiala and Veronica, have you ever combed
your hair with a fork?
VERONICA: Can't say that I have.
Toothbrush, yes.
FELICIA: Thank you.
KIALA: I'm sure that I would if I was drinking.
Because that's what I'll do.
FELICIA: OK.
So I wasn't in the minority that saying I was never--
I mean, I've done it now.
So--
BONNIE: I think you prefer it now.
You've done it multiple times.
Is that a used fork?
Do you have bacon bits in your hair now?
FELICIA: It was an office fork, so, you know.
It's a Geek and Sundry mouth fork.
VERONICA: It adds some nice volume, I must say.
KIALA: It does.
FELICIA: It's almost like this is pro tip 101.
It's like last month Veronica did this thing where she put a
sock on her head and rolled.
VERONICA: Oh, I've got a new contraption for that.
KIALA: Oh, you did?
VERONICA: It was on the website.
And they have like a metal, soft kind of metal covered--
like a foamy metal bendy thing that you can twist around your
hair and it does the sock bun.
But without a sock.
KIALA: What's it called?
VERONICA: It's supposed to be easier.
I don't remember.
It was on joyous.com.
BONNIE: Is it the bump?
VERONICA: This is not buzz marketing, i just don't
remember what it's called.
BONNIE: Is it the hair bump, or whatever they call--
the Bumpit?
VERONICA: It's kind of like a Bumpit.
FELICIA: It's not a bump it.
VERONICA: It's $12, so I was like, well, that's like a good
pair of socks.
That's about right.
KIALA: I just found my sock bun in my purse today.
Because I changed bags, and I found it in there.
And I thought of you.
VERONICA: Well the good thing about a sock bun is that you
can always have new sock buns as long as you have socks.
BONNIE: I'm so lost on this discussion.
The only thing I use socks for are for my feet or puppets.
And if guys are watching this, I'm sure they use socks for
other stuff, too that--
FELICIA: Oh, Bonnie.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: I had to throw something in
for the guys watching.
So they could go, yeah, what Bonnie said.
FELICIA: OK.
This month--
that was the worst segue ever.
So for people who are new, this book club, we read a
romance book club.
Usually they're a genre book.
And this month we read Ill Wind, by Rachel Caine.
BONNIE: Which, by the way sounds like a name for Beano.
VERONICA: Yeah, it's a pretty gas inducing title.
KIALA: Yeah.
BONNIE: And, what the heck?
There's no abs on the cover.
KIALA: Not a single ab.
FELICIA: I think that about it.
It's not embarrassing.
It's a good cover.
BONNIE: It looks like an ad for, like, girl ***.
VERONICA: It looks like this Sisterhood of
the Traveling Vaginas.
FELICIA: What?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: If you just look at the picture, it almost looks
like a Wizard of Oz kind of thing, with the lightning, and
the old farmhouse, and the girl.
FELICIA: How is that not good?
Because this is actually one of the first series I ever
read in the genre.
And it was because of the non off-putting, crazy ab flexing
and oiled limbs.
BONNIE: But that's the best part of books that we're
reading, is making fun of the covers that have the Fabio
wannabe guys on it.
FELICIA: OK.
Well you have your pick next month.
BONNIE: Oh, yeah.
FELICIA: Which we will get to, guys.
You're going--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: You better believe it.
This is going to be very exciting.
FELICIA: Oh gosh.
OK.
So let's talk about the book a little.
BONNIE: Hey, by the way, I think we should, as tradition,
talk about what we're drinking.
FELICIA: OK, yeah.
Let's talk about what we're drinking first.
BONNIE: I themed out my drink based on what we're reading.
FELICIA: What are you drinking, Bonnie?
BONNIE: So I'm drinking--
well I'm drinking out of my tentacle glass, which is for a
preview for next week.
But this is a hint of what I'm drinking--
with a little [INAUDIBLE] eyes there.
KIALA: Ooh.
BONNIE: Sapphire--
I put googly eyes on all my liquor bottles so I never
drink alone.
FELICIA: Yeah.
BONNIE: Ha.
But I made a djinn and tonic.
VERONICA: Oh my God.
That's amazing.
That is amazing.
Why didn't you tell me that?
I would have done the same thing.
I'm really bummed out now.
BONNIE: Yeah, every time they mention that I'm like, oh.
I took a drink.
KIALA: Yeah.
VERONICA: Oh!
I caught a fruit fly in my hand for the
first time in my life.
That was amazing.
KIALA: How?
VERONICA: I was like, ninja-ed that right out of the air.
KIALA: Karate kid-ed it.
VERONICA: Yeah.
BONNIE: Go Bruce Lee.
VERONICA: Sorry, I digress.
FELICIA: What were you drinking that enhanced your
senses so much?
VERONICA: You know, red wine.
Because that's what it really is best known for.
FELICIA: Yeah.
And you're best known for red wine.
VERONICA: Someone in the chat room just said I'm like a
really gross ninja.
KIALA: What?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: I don't know if that's gross because I killed
the bug with my hand, or if I'm gross
just because I'm nasty.
FELICIA: Well--
VERONICA: I'll take either.
FELICIA: Who knows.
VERONICA: You never know.
FELICIA: I don't even want to go into it.
Some of the things you see on YouTube are some of the most
demoralizing things you've ever seen.
But it's cool, because we have self-confidence inside.
Kiala--
BONNIE: And liquor.
FELICIA: What are you drinking?
KIALA: I'm drinking red wine.
FELICIA: Oh, OK.
KIALA: Yeah, I just, I went classic.
FELICIA: I'm drinking water and green tea.
Because I have to drive back to set to finish the season
after we finish this.
BONNIE: Of the Guild?
FELICIA: Of the Guild Season Six.
It's literally-- they're filming without me for the
first time ever.
But I was like, I can't miss my first Geek and Sundry
Vaginal Fantasy.
[SIGH]
It's OK.
BONNIE: I did bring my wine glass that's as big as my
head, just in case.
I do have wine.
KIALA: Nice.
BONNIE: Because I knew I couldn't just do djinn.
I had to do the dessert wine.
And the tonic.
FELICIA: It actually matches your head more
with your new haircut.
BONNIE: I know, right?
FELICIA: Yeah.
You look like Louise Brooks.
BONNIE: We're like twins.
FELICIA: OK, I'm going to read the description of the book,
in case you haven't read the book, Ill Wind, which is not a
fart metaphor.
The description of the book-- there's nine books in the
series, we read the first one in the theories.
And the description is Joanne Baldwin is a Weather Warden.
Usually all it takes is a wave of her hand to tame the most
violent weather.
But now she's trying to outrun another kind of storm--
accusations of corruption and ***.
So she's running for her life.
Let's go down and talk about what we liked about the book.
I want to go with Veronica first, because she always
complains when I go last.
VERONICA: Oh.
I'm sorry.
I did not love this book.
This is not one of my favorites.
FELICIA: [GASP]
VERONICA: I'm sorry.
I knew you were going to take this hard.
FELICIA: No, it's OK.
VERONICA: It was just, it felt a little trite to me.
I feel like it's kind of trite to say trite.
But it was.
I just never felt like it went anywhere, like I just felt--
maybe that was the mood she was trying to convey was this
constant keep moving, gotta keep going to the next thing.
Gotta keep finding my safe place.
And so you have that feeling of unrest throughout the
entire book, which maybe was successful for what she was
intending to do.
But I never liked Joanne.
I just never felt any kind of--
I don't know.
She kind of had a--
what's her face from, crap, I'm forgetting her name--
Sookie.
She kind of a Sookie vibe to her, in a way.
FELICIA: Sookie?
Really?
Because Sookie's such a dumb butt.
VERONICA: Sookie is not a dumb butt.
She's not.
FELICIA: Sookie is a dumb butt.
VERONICA: She is not a dumb butt, OK.
She's smart.
FELICIA: Whoa.
Smack down.
VERONICA: What.
BONNIE: I wouln't call her smart.
VERONICA: She's not smart, but she's got an awareness of
herself, and of her body type, and who she is.
And she's kind of like, doesn't take any
crap vibe to her.
So I felt like that was kind of a--
oh, IRC, I'm talking about book Sookie, not TV Sookie.
ALL: Oh.
BONNIE: It's important.
FELICIA: Book Sookie is still not a very bright--
that's the whole point, though.
Sookie to me is kind of Buffy-ish, in that she's a
little-- like original Buffy-ish--
in that she's kind of a *** and that's
the trope that she--
VERONICA: Yeah.
FELICIA: And then she gets deeper as we go along.
VERONICA: I had some issues--
BONNIE: Something gets deeper.
VERONICA: There were a lot of really bad weather metaphors
that I think actually saved onto my Kindle, that I can't
unfortunately access right now.
So that was pretty funny.
But otherwise, I just never felt like
it really went anywhere.
I wish I had felt more of a sense of the storyline
progressing.
And stuff happened, for sure.
But I just didn't--
I don't know.
I didn't relate to her at all, so I couldn't get behind her.
FELICIA: OK.
We'll go back to the characters and the world and
everything.
But this is just our overview.
Kiala, what did you think?
KIALA: I was nnn about it.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA: Meh.
I don't know.
It felt like one long road trip, but not in a great way.
In a kind of boring, and then they went to the outlet mall.
I think I also go stuck on--
it's David, right?
FELICIA: David.
KIALA: His glasses, yeah.
His round glasses.
They--
am I frozen?
I feel like I'm frozen.
ALL: No, you're good.
KIALA: OK.
But on his round glasses, they kind of freaked me out, like
Benjamin Linus from Lost.
I kept picturing him as Benjamin Linus from Lost, and
that's not sexy.
BONNIE: Not Harry Potter?
KIALA: No.
And that's also not sexy.
BONNIE: John Denver?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: There was kind of a *** vibe
there, wasn't there?
Little bit?
KIALA: Little rapey, yeah.
FELICIA: Really?
KIALA: Yeah.
FELICIA: You thought David was rapey?
VERONICA: In the beginning.
In the beginning.
KIALA: At the beginning, yeah.
I just couldn't get that into it.
FELICIA: OK.
That's legitimate.
I mean, this is a book club.
We all have difference of opinion.
I will go next.
I really like this series, obviously.
I picked it.
It was one of my first series.
And in re-reading it, I understand a little bit more--
I understand where you guys are coming from.
Because really you have to read the first three together
in order to really get the world building.
It definitely--
the challenge in this genre, of urban fantasy slash romance
is that there are some great series.
And I am so far deep into these series, like book 7, 8,
13, sometimes, that I'm so attached to the characters
that I forget that sometimes they don't start out where
they get to in the middle.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So for me, some of the things that happen in the subsequent
books develop the relationship in a deeper way than what I
remember the first one only representing.
So I feel like, if you like the world and you like the
characters, definitely investing more time in them,
it's going to pay off.
Because it goes really interesting places.
I loved the fact that it was not your normal vampire thing.
God love vampires, but it's like, what is new about a
vampire, a sexy vampire, ever?
So how many other kinds of magic do we actually see ever?
And that's what attracted me to the series, that people,
the secret society, actually controls the weather to
mitigate some of the worst things.
Like that's the most interesting part of the book.
And I really liked David.
I don't agree that he was rapey.
VERONICA: OK, maybe rapey was much.
He's a little murdery.
FELICIA: Well, but other people had this--
we'll go over it when we go to the characters.
But I personally really loved that character.
And it gets better in subsequent
books, which I say often.
But when you're dealing with series a lot, that's it.
And obviously we should probably pick some stand
alones coming up, just so I can't say this--
in future series the relationship develops.
But I liked it because I picked it.
So, Bonnie?
BONNIE: Um.
Yeah, OK.
So I originally got excited by it, because my favorite X-Men
character was Storm.
So I thought, oh, it's going to be like Storm, where we
find out where Storm-type people got their super powers,
and all that stuff.
And all I kept thinking of when I was reading it was, is
she going to tell us what happened with
Big Bad Bob, or whatever?
Because it felt like an inside joke she wasn't letting us in
on until forever.
So it was just like one of those friends-- you know how
you have one of those friends who had something exciting
happen to them, but they want to string you along for as
long as possible, because they have your attention.
And they don't tell you what actually happened.
And then when you find out what actually happened, you're
like yeah, I thought that's probably what happened.
FELICIA: Mm.
BONNIE: So throughout the book I was just, like, quit
alluding to the fact that something bad happened.
Just tell us.
I'm all for stories that are not linear.
I get that.
I mean, hello.
I don't care about time that much.
But I was just like, just tell us what happened.
Just tell us.
It's bad.
I know it's bad.
It's going to be really bad.
But just freaking tell us.
Don't allude to what happened.
FELICIA: Yeah.
BONNIE: Stories where something really horrible
happened to the main character, and the people that
probably could help her, she doesn't tell the truth.
She just doesn't tell.
Because it's so horrible.
But then she tells David everything.
And I'm like, why did she--
ugh, anyway.
I found myself--
this is the first time a book's made me want to throw
it across the room in a really long time.
FELICIA: Really?
VERONICA: Throw it across the room, huh?
BONNIE: I hated her character so much.
She's really--
FELICIA: OK.
So before we get into the characters, I think this is
really interesting, actually.
Let's just, people in the forums, because we interact a
lot in Good Reads, and we have a lot of local meet-up groups
who do their own Google Hangouts, and
also meet up in person.
And I'll go over that at the end.
But Jack, on the forums, liked it.
He thought that the series was similar to Chicagoland
Vampires and the Dark Swan series.
BONNIE: Oh.
FELICIA: And then--
yeah, which I love the Dark Swan series as well.
And then Corina, it was my first Vaginal Fantasy book.
And it was a winner.
And she bought all eight other books.
BONNIE: Holy crap.
VERONICA: Nice.
FELICIA: Yeah.
So a lot of people commented that it does get really good
in the second and third book.
That was a very common comment on the [INAUDIBLE].
BONNIE: I'm willing to give the series another chance.
Because we've done that before, where I'm like, oh, I
didn't really like the main characters.
And you're like, well, the side
characters have real stories.
So I get what you're saying.
And I don't want to judge too harshly.
Because it's really hard to write fiction.
And I don't know if the author is watching this.
But bravo for just writing a series.
Good for you, and I'm glad that we read this.
Because you have to read a bunch of other stuff.
And I've been burnt out on vampires anyways.
So I'm glad we did something different.
But--
FELICIA: Vampires are killing me.
I just read, like, five books this month with vampires,
trying to find an interesting vampire book that
does it in a new way.
And I'm just like--
BONNIE: I mean, there's some good series out there--
VERONICA: (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, but my sweet Buttercup,
surely you can't be talking about Lord Appadama.
BONNIE: There are some good series out there.
But I'm going through zombie overdose too.
And I'm just like, zombies and vampires and
werewolves, yeah, whatever.
FELICIA: I'm so over them.
BONNIE: I need other stuff.
So I'm glad that we read this.
And I probably will give another
book a chance in series.
But as I was reading this, I think maybe, too, the books
that we read before, this last month, were so period piece.
They were so historically written in that kind of way.
So as soon as we get to this book, it was kind of jarring.
Because it felt very Sam Spade wannabe.
I felt like she was writing it like a old
school detective novel.
There's a lot of cliches that were written in there.
And so that's old school mystery writing 101, which
works in that genre, but as I was reading it, I was like,
oh, please don't do that metaphor.
Please don't do that metaphor.
I was getting annoyed with it.
And then just the fact of how she treated her friends.
We'll get into it, but--
FELICIA: Yeah.
BONNIE: The book made me frustrated.
And I had to read it on a subway.
Because I have a new job, so I'm doing public transit.
And I think I just would angrily yell at the book, and
people would move away from me.
FELICIA: Well it gave you space on the subway.
What did you--
so before we get to the characters, which I think are
the things to talk about most-- what did you think of
the world building, though?
Just as far as the device, the weather in general.
Because I--
true story, my grandmother never turned
off The Weather Channel.
VERONICA: Was a weather warden?
FELICIA: She had a TV on--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: I wanted you to say that, too.
I wanted you to say that your--
FELICIA: Wait, what?
BONNIE: Grandmother was a weather warden.
FELICIA: My grandmother could control the weather.
No.
My grandmother, but she could, I swear, I think she has a TV
on all the time with The Weather Channel on it.
I don't think she's ever turned the TV off.
BONNIE: What is it with the elderly
and the Weather Channel?
VERONICA: The weather is really interesting.
FELICIA: Why is it interesting?
It's not.
VERONICA: It is super interesting.
FELICIA: Why?
VERONICA: Why?
It's like the coolest science crap out there.
I can't say the s-word.
BONNIE: OK, we'll do a quick poll.
VERONICA: It's so cool.
BONNIE: Let's do a poll.
Who here in the group has lived somewhere where there
was a lot of weather turmoil, like massive storms, massive
disasters, that mother--
and earthquake doesn't count.
Well--
not disasters.
KIALA: Earthquakes--
VERONICA: That's not weather.
That's not weather.
KIALA: Yeah, but Portland, we love to
watch the weather here.
Because, one, we never get sun.
So we're excited about that.
And then we like to complain about it when we do get it.
And then we look for snow every year.
And we get super excited about the chance to
complain about snow.
And the whole city will shut down if it snows once.
BONNIE: Really?
KIALA: Oh yeah, the whole city.
BONNIE: Because I thought it snowed there quite a bit.
KIALA: Oh no.
Like once a year, and then everything shuts down.
It's snow day for everybody.
They're like I don't know what to do.
And it's like an inch of snow.
FELICIA: But that's the same thing with LA.
If it drizzles, it's like everybody's at a stand still.
I mean it is so scary.
VERONICA: We don't have weather in San Francisco.
It's either fog or not fog.
FELICIA: Yeah, it's always cold up there.
I don't know how you live up there.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: It is awesome.
It's perpetual twilight.
I never [INAUDIBLE]
being sunburned.
VERONICA: Our fog has a name.
BONNIE: What?
VERONICA: Our fog has a name.
BONNIE: Karl.
VERONICA: Karl.
BONNIE: He has his own Twitter feed.
KIALA: Wait, what?
Wait, what?
VERONICA: Karl with a K. Karl the Fog, is the name of the
San Francisco fog.
BONNIE: You can follow him on Twitter.
VERONICA: He's amazing.
BONNIE: I talk to him all the time.
We're like twitter buddies.
VERONICA: Yeah, I talk to him, too.
FELICIA: Why would you--
who named the fog?
Who decided to name the fog?
BONNIE: I don't know.
Our local weather wardens.
KIALA: Was it Gavin?
Did Gavin Newsom?
BONNIE: Oh, please.
Gavin didn't do anything that useful.
VERONICA: Yeah.
FELICIA: Whoa.
No politics.
BONNIE: The reason I brought this up was
I grew up in Kansas.
And so we had massive storms all the time.
We had flooding and tornadoes, and a ton of stuff.
And so to me, major weather storms were
just part of course.
And that was just something we grew up with.
So watching the Weather Channel never interested me.
But my dad, and my step-mom, and my grandfather, they all
loved watching it.
And I still to this day, I don't know if it's like you
get to a certain age, and then all of a sudden your Weather
Channel thing ticks on.
And then all of a sudden you're
addicted to Weather Channel.
FELICIA: Is it menopausal?
Is it the change with the ladies?
Is it a lady change thing?
VERONICA: Weatherpausal?
FELICIA: Weatherpausal.
[LAUGHING]
BONNIE: And I dated a storm chaser.
Does that make a difference?
[INAUDIBLE]
KIALA: Yeah.
BONNIE: [INAUDIBLE] storm chaser.
VERONICA: That's cool.
BONNIE: Those guys are crazy, crazy.
VERONICA: Yeah.
FELICIA: That's why I like LA, though, because I actually
feel imposed upon when the weather is
not just 75 and sunny.
I want to just wear a mild, light sweater constantly.
I don't want to ever have any complications.
I don't want it to interfere.
VERONICA: Heat makes me really upset.
FELICIA: Heat.
Well, we were just shooting the Guild in 122 degrees.
It was a heat wave here.
I was angry.
We're outside shooting for days, and
we're all just miserable.
KIALA: That's what happened when I was on the Guild.
It was a million degrees outside.
VERONICA: Wait, am I the only one who
hasn't been on the Guild?
ALL: Yes.
FELICIA: Yeah, you are, actually, Veronica.
If fans can spot Kiala, can anybody in chat actually name
the season that Kiala appeared as an extra?
BONNIE: I didn't even know that.
I'm going to look back and find out.
VERONICA: I'm mad now.
BONNIE: I'm really easy to spot in my cameo because I'm
wearing giant Yoda ears.
KIALA: Oh.
I don't have any lines or anything.
FELICIA: It was before I actually knew you very well.
So I gave you a really crappy part.
KIALA: No.
It was still awesome.
I got to be right up at the front of the line.
It was awesome.
It was amazing.
I would have been too intimidated to have lines.
FELICIA: Veronica.
VERONICA: I'm making OK face in my heart right now.
ALL: Aw.
FELICIA: I'm sorry.
VERONICA: Ant.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: I mean, you have a show on my channel.
You do have a show on my channel.
BONNIE: Now we all do.
FELICIA: That's true.
You have two.
Veronica, by the way, if you are a new viewer, she is the
co-host and creator of Sword and Laser, which reviews
seriouser books, sci-fi and fantasy
books and it's awesome.
VERONICA: Seriously, though why are there so
many bugs in my office?
KIALA: Why are there so many bugs?
VERONICA: I don't keep any food here.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Do you have a corpse in there?
VERONICA: I don't know.
BONNIE: What kind of fly is it?
I can tell you if you have a corpse, depending on
what kind of fly.
VERONICA: It doesn't smell corpse-y.
KIALA: Why can you tell that, Bonnie?
BONNIE: Because I have forensic
entomology flash cards--
KIALA: Really?
BONNIE: That I look at when I'm bored.
And so now I know which flies show up when you're dead.
FELICIA: Wait, what?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Blue bottle is one of the flies.
So if any of you are brutally murdered and left in a park, I
can tell when you were dead based on the insects.
VERONICA: That's a skill.
KIALA: That's good to know.
FELICIA: Wait--
If I were dead for a week, what insect
would be in my brain?
BONNIE: Oh, God, no you'd have maggots and stuff.
You'd have all kinds of stuff.
It wouldn't even just be flies.
You'd be like a Sizzler for bugs.
You'd be like the Golden Corral of insect buffets at
that point.
Because a week, that's too long.
And it depends inside or outside.
FELICIA: I really don't like maggots.
BONNIE: And, the smell alone would bring in a bunch of
other-- they bring in critters.
So if it's outside, you'd have rats and stuff.
FELICIA: Huh, no.
VERONICA: I don't have rats yet.
Must not be a corpse.
FELICIA: See, that's why I can't get into zombie stuff.
Because I'm a very clean person.
BONNIE: Oh, the smell?
FELICIA: And the idea that of any rotting limbs or skin
exfoliation--
I don't even like to wear--
VERONICA: Are you insinuating that I'm not a clean person
because I have lots of flies in my office?
FELICIA: I'm not judging you.
BONNIE: Veronica, we are dirty in the best way possible.
Because we love zombies.
VERONICA: Yeah.
BONNIE: I think the internet would agree with us, that
we're dirty.
VERONICA: Maybe I'm a zombie and I don't even know it.
And this is how I'm figuring it out.
FELICIA: You're dead, Veronica.
You're dead.
BONNIE: No.
FELICIA: ICFAN03 thinks Kiala is in Season Three.
KIALA: I don't even know.
FELICIA: That is correct.
KIALA: [INAUDIBLE]
FELICIA: You don't know?
KIALA: I know!
FELICIA: It's true.
Kiala was in the Game Stop, which was episode one of
season three.
KIALA: Yep.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: That guy should get a prize, or something, maybe.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: OK, forget it.
What season was Bonnie in, guys?
And what episode?
Another non-prize will go out for that one.
Let's get back to our book.
BONNIE: Oh, right.
We have a book club.
FELICIA: OK.
A lot--
let's talk about the characters, because this is
very interesting to me, that Joanne was so not liked.
And I actually read those comments before
I re-read the book.
And I find it fascinating that people don't like her.
And I would like to see why you guys don't like her.
VERONICA: I already kind of explained that.
FELICIA: Yeah.
I mean, to me, I think, because--
what I really get tired of in urban fantasy lately-- because
I read so many of them, so I have a different work
perspective--
is that the girl always has self-confidence issues and
thinks she's not attractive.
And then this hot, usually vampire, guy picks up on her
and makes her feel like the most precious thing ever.
And I like the fact that this character unashamedly had a
lot of confidence in herself, and she looked good.
And--
BONNIE: Uh.
VERONICA: Ugh, the tracksuit.
BONNIE: That tracksuit, that purple--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: What?
KIALA: Also, he told her she looks like
Prince, so that is good.
BONNIE: First warning right there.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA: Because that's what a friend will tell you.
VERONICA: It was game over.
BONNIE: Game over.
Game over.
VERONICA: Veronica does not abide a velour tracksuit.
FELICIA: In the book, guys, she goes to an outlet mall
because her clothes got ruined because somebody attacked her
with gale force winds.
And she buys a lot of crushed purple velvet.
Which dates the book very much in the early 90s.
BONNIE: I'm just going to tell you, gale force wins are not
an excuse to wear crushed velvet.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Chat room is right.
The only person whose allowed to wear that
kind of stuff is Prince.
BONNIE: And he barely gets away with it.
KIALA: Yeah.
FELICIA: When I was 14, I bought a velvet skirt that had
crushed velvet and lace, alternating to the floor.
And I literally thought I was the most amazing looking girl
on the planet.
BONNIE: I will say that is a Goth mistake.
There's a lot of velvet and lace in Goth gear.
FELICIA: There was also an off the shoulder peasant blouse in
crushed black Velvet.
BONNIE: We were all there.
We've all done the peasant girl thing.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: I thought I was Clarissa Explains It All.
I'm talking the plaid lumberjack shirts tied
underneath, above your belly button.
I was like I'm hot.
I'm also a bit crazy.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA: I had some chocolate brown gaucho pants, like
palazzo pants, in crushed velvet.
FELICIA: No!
KIALA: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
And I got them from like, Tweeds or something.
Catalogue stuff.
I don't know.
I don't think that even exists anymore.
But that's what I got.
And I thought they were awesome.
And I couldn't even button them because I was too chubby.
So I had to use a safety pin.
Anyway, it's a long story.
BONNIE: That's so punk rock.
Was the safety pin showing, because that
would have been hot.
FELICIA: It's amazing what you think--
you just think you're so awesome.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: You think, wow, I have defined myself in a way
that no one can touch in this mustard yellow
fringe leather jacket.
BONNIE: But I will tell you, velvet mistakes are not our
gender alone.
Because the first time--
Grant Imahara--
I'm totally outing him as a velvet fan.
Because--
FELICIA: [GASP]
He is a dapper man, Grant Imahara from Myth Busters.
BONNIE: He and I had been friends for a long time.
And we went out to dinner once, and he
wore a velvet jacket.
And the funny thing is-- it's a dress jacket--
I had the exact same dress jacket.
Because I used to wear guys' dress jackets when it was cool
in the early '90s grunge time.
We had the same one.
I almost wore the same one.
VERONICA: (SINGING) Sending him a tweet.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: That is awkward.
BONNIE: One of those things where you're like, ehhhh--
crushed velvet.
It wasn't crushed.
It was like, brushed.
Is that bad?
Is that worse?
I don't know anymore.
FELICIA: Nothing's worse than crushed.
On the ladder of velvet, crushed is the most declasse.
BONNIE: Where did crushed velvet originate?
Did some Goth fall asleep in a velvet outfit.
And then he went to a party, and then someone was, like,
crushed velvet?
That's innovative and fashionable.
That's awesome.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: It was purple?
KIALA: Purple.
VERONICA: It was purple.
FELICIA: Are you live tweeting Grant Imahara?
VERONICA: Wait, so was it was a purple jacket?
BONNIE: Oh no.
It was black.
Black.
VERONICA: Black
BONNIE: Blackish purple.
VERONICA: Blackish.
BONNIE: Let's just say black.
He's going to hate me.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: YOWIANGEL16 says Bonnie was in Season Five,
episode eight.
Correct, sir, or madam, correct.
VERONICA: So also the chat room is making fun of me,
saying that I'm separated from you guys with the Vaginal
Fantasy Hangout logo because I haven't been in the Guild.
FELICIA: Oh no.
VERONICA: I'm like a lesser Vaginal Fantasy Hangout
participant.
KIALA: We segregated you.
FELICIA: It's because you're dead.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA: You smell.
VERONICA: Because I smell I have flies.
BONNIE: I wonder if that episode I was in the Guild,
because Grant was in it, was he wearing the velvet jacket?
FELICIA: He might have been.
I can't remember.
He was in that-- it was the celebrity
montage where I got--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: The party, celebrity party.
FELICIA: And who were you with?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA: Should we talk about the bool?
BONNIE: Yeah we were with Grant and Amy, all the celebs.
Eliza Dushku.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: And Tom Link.
FELICIA: Yeah.
BONNIE: All the people that I basically started cyber
stalking right after that episode, pretending we were
all best friends.
Because I was in one scene with them that I
didn't even talk in.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Why would you out yourself like that?
Now you're--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: I'm like hey, I was in the Guild with you.
Remember me?
VERONICA: So, how about that book?
Yeah.
FELICIA: Oh yeah, the book.
So, alright, but you get my point that it seems like, I
don't know.
I feel like there's a little backlash against a confident
woman protagonist although--
ALL: No.
No.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
KIALA: That is not it.
BONNIE: OK, you know what?
I'll tell you right now what I didn't like about her, besides
the horrible fashion sense.
Was why did we have to find out these
descriptions of how she ate?
She pretty much a licked the plate clean with gravy.
And she's constantly licking naan bread off her fingers.
And I don't care what kind of coffee she was drugged with.
Like I read those little tiny--
VERONICA: I was interested in that.
I really coffee.
FELICIA: I do too--
KIALA: I wanted to know more about the coffee.
FELICIA: I also liked the fact that we had the narrative
flashbacks that kind of explored the character.
But--
BONNIE: I think she was a sloppy eater.
FELICIA: You just have a problem with
sloppy eaters, Bonnie.
BONNIE: Sorry.
It's the little things I was like, ugh.
She dresses bad.
She eats bad.
She complains about weird things.
Her *** behavior is just icky.
FELICIA: OK, see, that's what I want to bring up.
Why--
because another woman, Laurie, let's talk about one minute
she's picking up a hitch-hiker and the next she's
sleeping with him.
But Christine says, compared to so many other female
heroins, she really owned her sexuality, without being too
trampy about it.
So this seems to be the hot button issue for her, that she
was a little bit more sexually confident.
And she's like, yeah, I had sex with that guy.
But not--
it didn't come across as slutty.
And for some reason I think the subliminal part is that
we're judging her.
BONNIE: Confidence or stupid?
Because I wouldn't sleep with a hitch-hiker first night out.
KIALA: Yeah, there's *** confidence and then there's
high risk behavior.
BONNIE: Yeah.
KIALA: Putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
But she used her oversight.
And she couldn't see anything bad about him.
But, again, there's a lot of buts, nine buts, also.
If you extrapolate that into real-life situations, just
because you think you're safe doesn't mean
that you are safe.
VERONICA: That's true.
KIALA: So it's a little scary.
VERONICA: OK we do have a question from 13--
FELICIA: Hitch-hikers are generally creepy.
Can we agree?
KIALA: Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Unless they're of the galaxy.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the
hitch-hikers were awesome.
But hitch-hikers in this galaxy suck.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: They were hot djinn men who have our best
interests at heart.
But I agree, it's a little risky.
But that's kind of her character.
She's very high risk.
VERONICA: Also, there just wasn't that much good sex.
BONNIE: There wasn't.
VERONICA: Let's just put that out there.
BONNIE: The way she lost her virginity, she started a storm
and blew out the windows.
VERONICA: That was the only cool scene, I
thought, was that.
KIALA: I liked the way she lost her virginity.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I Thought that
KIALA: Was kind of hot.
BONNIE: Really?
VERONICA: That was like, there wasn't really that much else
that drew me in to the sexy side of the book.
FELICIA: What about David?
He wasn't sexy?
Because I loved him.
VERONICA: He was hot.
But there just wasn't a lot of action there.
BONNIE: Yeah.
There wasn't enough sex sex.
FELICIA: What about his character?
Because a lot of people complain that we always pick
these brutish alpha males.
Like, uh, you my woman.
And he was very much not like that, which is why I love him.
VERONICA: That's very nice.
But still, they did not get their freak on.
BONNIE: Yeah.
I agree.
VERONICA: There was just not--
BONNIE: More freaky.
FELICIA: I cannot win in this.
OK, next month Bonnie picks some stuff.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: We need some freaky *** times.
Because--
BONNIE: [INAUDIBLE]
VERONICA: It's been a while since we've had something
truly shudder inducing.
FELICIA: Yeah.
I think Iron Duke was probably the raciest.
VERONICA: That was one of my favorites, by the way.
Because it was also an excellent book.
BONNIE: Me too.
FELICIA: Yeah.
VERONICA: The characters were really good.
FELICIA: Yeah, I did, too.
BONNIE: Can I bring up something that also bugged me.
I just want to know if I'm the only one who thought this way.
FELICIA: Can we just talk about how Kiala's two ***
wine right now?
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA: I need a refill.
I ran out.
All the bugs ate mine.
BONNIE: I'm going to drink wine now.
[INAUDIBLE]
FELICIA: OK, Bonnie, you were saying something?
BONNIE: OK, so I'll be a hypocrite as I pour my wine.
But didn't it seem weird to you guys that while she was
driving she astral projected out of her body
to look at the weather?
Isn't that freaking dangerous?
That's like the equivalent of drunk driving.
FELICIA: But she's very--
that's her character.
She's very heedless, obviously.
It got her into trouble.
BONNIE: If I was car headed towards her, and she wasn't
paying attention because she's looking at cloud formations,
[INAUDIBLE] even legitimately driving,
that's super dangerous.
VERONICA: But I have to say, in Felicia's defense-- and
this is something that she mentioned
a little bit earlier--
I think in terms of magic systems this was--
very interesting.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh thanks guys.
Thanks.
The Veronic thanks.
I feel--
[SIGH]
Whatever, team Veronica over here.
Team Veronica.
You guys will all want to be on the right hand side of the
barrier after this.
Trust me.
Anyway, as I was saying--
BONNIE: Wait, what just happened?
Did something happen?
I was drinking.
VERONICA: Yeah, look at, they put The Veronica Barrier up.
KIALA: Is the Veronica Barrier because there's
an ill wind in your--
VERONICA: It's because I smell.
KIALA: Office?
VERONICA: It's all the ill wind.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Mexican for lunch.
I'm trying to concentrate, so I'm just looking at documents
on my desk, like I'm somehow getting information from them.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: It's your electric bill.
VERONICA: Magical.
Yeah, I'm scribbling things, like John Stewart on The Daily
Show, that doesn't have anything to do with I'm
talking about.
But magical systems.
So we deal with magical systems a lot
in Sword and Laser.
I'm buzz marketing my other show, here.
And you get a lot of the same kind of stuff.
And it's always really interesting when you get a
different kind of magic system, or different
experience with that, something that's a little bit
out of the ordinary.
And I did think that was pretty cool.
That was definitely something that piqued my interest.
I would have liked to hear more about that.
Otherwise, there wasn't a lot drawing me into this book.
FELICIA: Yeah, I think that's definitely the str--
what the hell is going on?
BONNIE: What?
FELICIA: She has--
VERONICA: Did I do it again?
I did it again.
BONNIE: Eat it.
Eat it.
FELICIA: What is going on in your room?
You have a dead body in there.
VERONICA: Yeah.
FELICIA: I'm convinced.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Wait, you've been in a room with a dead body?
What happened?
VERONICA: Yeah.
There was a mouse that died behind my
hamper in my dorm room.
And we couldn't find it for three months.
It smelled terrible.
That says something about how often I did laundry.
BONNIE: That's your only death story?
KIALA: That's not a dead body.
VERONICA: It was a dead body.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: How many people--
I've touched a dead body.
FELICIA: Where?
BONNIE: In pre-med.
FELICIA: You were pre-med?
BONNIE: Yeah, for not that long.
I'm really bad at sciences.
I thought it would be--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: I wanted to be a forensic person.
And clearly that did well because I
didn't last very long.
And I also dated a pre-med guy.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: I'd like to stab a dead body.
Like if there was a dead body around, I would like to--
is that weird?
KIALA: That's a flog.
That's a flog.
BONNIE: Do you want to hit it with a riding crop like
Benedict Cumberbatch in the first episode of Sherlock?
Oh my God.
Hot.
VERONICA: Don't.
VERONICA: Cumberbitches.
What.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Sorry.
I just derailed our whole conversation.
FELICIA: No it's fine.
I forget what we were talking about.
And I'm glad that we're glossing over the fact that I
said I want to stab a person.
BONNIE: There's a question for me.
I think we have a question.
Someone wanted to know, Dwindstreamer--
I don't know.
I'm bad with screen names.
I'd rather have no sex scene in a book than a
badly written sex scene.
FELICIA: I thouht the sex scenes were very well
done in this one.
I thought that the hot tub scene was excellent.
How many sex scenes were there in this book, Bonnie?
BONNIE: I don't even remember.
FELICIA: You usually mark them.
BONNIE: Yeah, there weren't very many.
I was logging them.
And then I didn't count the *** scene, by the way.
Thanks a lot, Felicia.
FELICIA: What?
BONNIE: There was a *** in this book.
FELICIA: What are you talking about.
BONNIE: It describes the demon going in her as worse than any
*** known possible to a woman.
FELICIA: Oh, it was awful.
BONNIE: She constantly refers to it as being gang ***.
FELICIA: But that's why-- it was such a bad incident,
that's why it came much later in the book.
BONNIE: No I'm just saying.
That--
ugh.
FELICIA: I wouldn't have counted that as a sex scene.
No.
I'm talking about David.
BONNIE: The main character did.
She calls it that repeatedly, by the way,
which also bugged me.
FELICIA: Interesting.
BONNIE: I don't know.
FELICIA: Well.
BONNIE: Sorry.
I didn't mean to be a Debbie downer.
FELICIA: No, no.
You have your opinion.
OK let's go to--
let's do our casting.
Who would you have cast as the two main characters?
This is a very popular topic on Good Reads, our forum,
every month, to be able to cast the characters.
And--
it's what we do every month.
BONNIE: Is it creepy that I know who I would
pick for the Bad Bob?
VERONICA: Oh.
FELICIA: OK.
Who?
BONNIE: Gandolfini.
FELICIA: James Gandolfini.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: A little too young.
FELICIA: I thought Anthony Hopkins.
BONNIE: What?
He's supposed to be big and meaty and Chicago mafia style.
Anthony Hopkins is kind of frail, right?
FELICIA: OK.
What about Joanne and David?
Joanne and David.
I say young Demi Moore and--
BONNIE: Really?
FELICIA: Yeah, because she's dark
haired and very confidant.
BONNIE: Wow.
I'm glad you gave Demi Moore some work.
Because--
FELICIA: Young Demi Moore.
Or like Jordana Brewster, do you know her?
ALL: Yeah.
BONNIE: I'm telling you, old Demi Moore looks hotter than
original Demi Moore.
FELICIA: Current Demi Moore is amazing.
She traded something.
BONNIE: Yeah.
Yeah.
There was some djinn action going on there.
KIALA: Yeah.
Like Madeleine Stowe.
I don't know what's happening there, or how that's possible.
FELICIA: What is happening there?
KIALA: How is that possible?
FELICIA: She's reversing.
VERONICA: Who?
Wait, who?
FELICIA: Madeleine Stowe.
KIALA: Madeleine Stowe from Revenge.
FELICIA: That's a really good show.
BONNIE: She looks better now than she did in Blink, which
was on of her major films--
KIALA: Oh, with Aidan Quinn.
BONNIE: Yeah, which a hot film, by the way.
FELICIA: Oh, Aidan Quinn is very hot.
It's the blue eyes, though.
BONNIE: Yeah.
It's the brown hair blue eye thing.
FELICIA: Yeah.
And I picked Ryan Gosling as David.
KIALA: [GASP]
BONNIE: Really?
KIALA: That changes everything.
BONNIE: That does.
FELICIA: It gets rid of the creepy glasses, Kaila?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Yeah.
VERONICA: See, I wish we had learned more about James.
BONNIE: I picked--
yeah.
Do you know who I picked for James, though?
I didn't really--
do we get a real description of James?
VERONICA: I kind of saw him as a younger Clive Owens.
FELICIA: Wait, Lewis?
Who's James?
VERONICA: Lewis, Lewis, sorry.
FELICIA: Lewis, I was about to say.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: James.
Now I'm confused.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: No, no no.
We're talking about Lewis.
BONNIE: Oh.
VERONICA: He's kind of like a Clive Owen-y, like a skinny
Clive Owen.
FELICIA: What?
Clive Owen is always every man.
VERONICA: He's always every man?
BONNIE: I didn't say Benedict Cumberbatch and I aways do.
FELICIA: I would say Benedict
Cumberbatch for Lewis, actually.
BONNIE: For Lewis I picked Richard Armitage.
Which probably none of you know.
But he's a British actor, and he does a
lot of corset movies.
Not him in the corset, though that would be hot.
Historical romance type stuff, which I'm now watching all of
them on Netflix, by the way.
KIALA: Right?
BONNIE: Like the Forsyth saga.
KIALA: Isn't that so good?
BONNIE: North and South.
KIALA: I know!
That's what I said--
BONNIE: He's the guy on North and South.
He's the guy that owns the factory.
KIALA: Oh God, that guy is so hot.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Look at this ***.
BONNIE: His name is Richard Armitage, and
he's super duper hot.
KIALA: Oh, that guy is amazing.
BONNIE: Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Who is this?
What is this guy's name?
KIALA: Richard Armitage.
FELICIA: Let's look him up.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: There's a bunch of miniseries that just dropped
on Netflix streaming.
VERONICA: Oh, he's aight.
BONNIE: One of them is called North and
South, and it's a British--
KIALA: It's really good.
BONNIE: Victorian thing.
And that, you would like, Felicia, because the main
character is a no nonsense--
KIALA: She's very strong.
But romantic.
BONNIE: Very strong.
VERONICA: He is 41 years old.
He's six foot two.
FELICIA: Good height.
VERONICA: Has a sibling named Chris.
BONNIE: Yeah.
Good brother name.
VERONICA: And he is an English actor.
KIALA: Yes he is.
FELICIA: Wikipedia is comprehensive.
Palpazac says Nicolas Cage is always the answers to both
characters.
VERONICA: Oh no.
Who's the guy I always want it to be?
I want it to be Alcide from True Blood.
BONNIE: You do.
VERONICA: I don't watch that show.
He's my every character.
FELICIA: Oh.
VERONICA: I could see him as Paul.
He'd be a good Paul.
FELICIA: Have you seen Magic Mike?
VERONICA: No, I didn't.
Is he in Magic Mike?
FELICIA: Yes.
BONNIE: You know what?
I almost think that at some point, if we on Geek and
Sundry, if you want to do an extra thing, Felicia--
FELICIA: Yeah.
BONNIE: I think we should-- when Magic Mike comes on DVD
we should do a Vaginal Fantasy--
FELICIA: Viewing of Magic Mike?
VERONICA: [GASP]
BONNIE: Like a quickie review.
FELICIA: Oh.
VERONICA: No, can we watch Zombie Strippers?
KIALA: Oh, I love that movie.
FELICIA: I've never heard of Zombie Strippers.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: With Jenna Jameson.
And the guy, what's the guy's name that
played Freddy Krueger?
He's also in it.
BONNIE: Robert Englund?
KIALA: Yes.
BONNIE: So for David, I was going to pick that hot guy
from Vampire Diaries, which now that I think of it none of
you watch--
VERONICA: No, I don't watch that show.
FELICIA: Ian Summerholder?
BONNIE: Yes.
FELICIA: I've seen him in person many times.
VERONICA: Oh?
BONNIE: [INAUDIBLE]
KIALA: Is he short?
He seems like he's short.
FELICIA: No.
BONNIE: Yeah.
KIALA: He's not short?
FELICIA: Nope.
VERONICA: Felicia, who else do you see that's hot?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Do you want me to say, Veronica?
Do you want me to say?
KIALA: Do you ever see James McAvoy?
FELICIA: Do you want me to say?
VERONICA: No.
Yes.
BONNIE: What Veronica?
VERONICA: Who do you see sometimes?
FELICIA: I know somebody who Veronica thinks is the most
attractive man on the planet.
VERONICA: [SCREAMING IN WEIRD VOICE]
Don't tell them.
FELICIA: I'm not going to say who it is, but it's somebody
who happened to be at an event, and she left five
minutes before.
BONNIE: Is it Abe Vigoda?
VERONICA: No.
No!
FELICIA: What?
FELICIA: It's somebody who I know.
[INAUDIBLE]
BONNIE: Nathan Fillian?
VERONICA: [SCREAMS]
What?
Who?
BONNIE: Fillian?
VERONICA: No.
No
KIALA: Oh, OK.
BONNIE: What do you mean no?
VERONICA: I mean, he's no, but no.
KIALA: He's in my top 5.
FELICIA: Anyway, let's move on.
VERONICA: Save it.
It'll be a mystery for the audience to figure out.
FELICIA: Let's see what people think is
Veronica's secret crush.
KIALA: I want to know.
FELICIA: Celebrity crush.
VERONICA: My secret celebrity crush.
BONNIE: I'm just going to name the cast of--
VERONICA: No.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Hey, guess what?
Brynn2Crazy says, Veronica, put a Bounce
sheet in your office.
It's supposed to keep bugs away.
VERONICA: Oh.
BONNIE: A what?
VERONICA: A Bounce sheet?
FELICIA: Yeah, a sheet of Bounce.
Hey, EmmaBeecha on Twitter asks, do any of the Vaginal
Fantasy ladies have degrees in English or interpretation?
BONNIE: Yes.
I have an English Lit degree.
VERONICA: How many school things have
you gone to, Bonnie?
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE: I actually did graduate.
And I got a degree in English Lit, and a degree in news
journalism.
VERONICA: Ooh.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: A while, but then film became expensive.
And I stopped dating actors.
FELICIA: Oh, what about Kiala?
What did you get your degree in?
KIALA: I didn't get my degree.
I'm a couple French classes short of my degree.
But I was--
I know that's it.
I know.
It's the worst.
I'm eight credits and a--
FELICIA: That's so frustrating.
BONNIE: What?
KIALA: It really is.
I know.
I know, and yet I still have all the student loans.
But I was a journalism major at the U of O, and then I was
an English major after that.
FELICIA: OK.
So you're almost an English major.
KIALA: Yeah.
FELICIA: Veronica, what did you get your degree in?
VERONICA: Audio radio.
FELICIA: Oh, I remember that.
VERONICA: Audio radio was a focus in new media studies.
FELICIA: That's why you have the biggest mic.
BONNIE: OK, so.
VERONICA: That's why I have the really fancy microphone.
BONNIE: This just shows how old I am, by the way.
Because when I graduated from college, my last year-- my
last second senior year of college because I did the five
year plan--
the internet just started.
So I developed the web media journalism program.
So at CU Boulder, I was one of the first journalists that
actually put the newspaper online, and do online
journalism.
And I freelanced for Wired.
That's when the internet started.
There was no new media, nothing.
It was all TV, radio, or print.
There was no internet.
In fact, I had professors in college that thought the
internet was a fad--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA: OK, God this is so dating.
I just said--
VERONICA: Y tu, Felicia?
FELICIA: No.
Oh, me?
I have a mathematics and a music degree, both of them.
My dad said I couldn't move to LA before I got a real degree.
So, anyway.
Back to the book, did anybody else have any casting ideas?
BONNIE: Wait, did we all decide on Joanne, who she was
going to be?
FELICIA: I said young Demi Moore, Jordana Brewster, but
everybody shot that down.
VERONICA: I think chat room was Jordana Brewster.
They were behind you on that one.
FELICIA: Oh, they were?
VERONICA: They liked that one, yeah.
BONNIE: By the way, Veronica, you kind of look like her.
VERONICA: Who?
BONNIE: Jordana Brewster.
VERONICA: Really?
BONNIE: Yeah.
VERONICA: People think I look like that Chloe from 24.
I also get Sandra Bullock.
FELICIA: Everybody gets Chloe from 24.
I get that one.
VERONICA: Because we have jaws.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Yes.
I think that's what people think we look like, sometimes.
KIALA: Yes.
You do have very similar jawlines.
That's true.
FELICIA: She's very pretty.
BONNIE: I just get [INAUDIBLE], but now that I
have short hair I have no idea what I'm going to get.
FELICIA: I really like your hair.
OK.
What about, if you were a weather warden yourself, what
weather would you control?
Would you be and earth warden, a fire warden, or a storm
warden, which is like what Joanne is.
She can control lightning, and rain, and all that.
It's the more volatile-- it's interesting because they're
the more impetuous people.
And the fire people are really aggressive.
VERONICA: I just figured out what magic
system this is like.
It's like the Coedex Alera from Jim Butcher.
BONNIE: Oh.
You're right.
FELICIA: I didn't read it.
VERONICA: Because they have water, they have different
kind of like, they're all based on the elements.
BONNIE: You'd like those books, Felicia.
VERONICA: You have got to read those books.
They're great.
KIALA: Do you know what else it reminds me of, and I think
I talked about these before, The College of Magicks by
Caroline Stevermere--
FELICIA: Oh, I haven't read that either.
KIALA: And they have wardens.
There's a warden of the North and South, East, and West, and
they anchor the world.
And it's very similar.
It totally reminded me of that.
Strong female characters.
BONNIE: But I will say, it reminded me of when I was a
little kid.
And I'd be scared of lightning and thunder.
And my grandmother always told me it was the gods fighting.
FELICIA: Was you grandmother like-- was she
from the old country?
What--
BONNIE: No, she just thought it was--
I don't know.
She just said that.
And I believed it, because it--
not fighting, bowling.
That's what it was.
It was bowling.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: [SINGING CAPTAIN PLANET THEME SONG]
FELICIA: I said I would shoot anybody who sang the "Whole
New World" song, but that one is--
VERONICA: [GASPS]
I love the "Whole New World" song.
FELICIA: You can't do it.
BONNIE: What are you talking about?
FELICIA: It's against copyright.
Don't sing it.
BONNIE: Is it like "Gundam
Style?" ALL: Mm.
FELICIA: "Gundam Style"--
VERONICA: Can I comment?
FELICIA: I saw that three weeks ago, guys.
So last three weeks ago.
BONNIE: Oh, shut up.
FELICIA: What a *** bag comment.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Like, I knew about K-Pop, like
way before you did.
BONNIE: So to answer your question, it's
hard one for me.
But I kind of like the idea of being a
water warden only because--
here's the thing.
I would be stripped of my powers instantly.
Because I'm one of those people that would use
lightning to shut up drunk people waiting for the bus in
my neighborhood that keep me up late.
FELICIA: Yeah, that's a pretty
capricious use of your weather.
BONNIE: I would use it to constantly--
I would rain out parties that are too loud.
I'd be like that grumpy old lady that's like, instead of
calling the noise police, I'd just start a storm.
And--
FELICIA: Stop.
What are you doing, Veronica?
Stop.
BONNIE: What did Veronica just do?
FELICIA: She can't sing "Whole New World," because it's
against copyright.
So she's mouthing it.
And that's why she's on the other side of the barrier.
BONNIE: Just don't mouth Billy Joel.
Don't mouth Billy Joel.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't mouth the Weather Girls, which is awful.
FELICIA: She's awful.
She keeps going.
She has no consideration for this show.
BONNIE: Veronica.
BONNIE: OK, what warden would you be?
FELICIA: Wait, you're still muted.
Oh, me?
I'm always a fire mage.
That was beautiful, thank you.
The Veronica Barrier had to go back up.
Look at it.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA: Look what you did.
VERONICA: [GASP]
The Veronica barrier?
KIALA: Look what you did, Veronica.
VERONICA: No.
BONNIE: Can't fire be easily defeated?
FELICIA: Kahhhhhn!
OK, I would be a fire warden, because I've always--
one of my first D and D games, I played a fire sorcerer.
So I had extremely high charisma and extremely low
intelligence.
So I would always fireball into the middle of a group and
draw all the mobs to me.
And then I would spend a whole turn changing my
outfit with a cantrip.
BONNIE: Nerd.
FELICIA: True story.
BONNIE: By the way, when I think of fire warden I think
of Drew Barrymore in Fire Starter.
And I could totally, if they do a reboot, you should be in
Fire Starter, Felicia.
FELICIA: What about you, Kiala?
What would you be?
KIALA: I would like to say that I would be a fire warden.
But I think we all know that I would be an earth warden.
FELICIA: I was about to say, you're an earth warden.
VERONICA: Is there water?
Is that storm, or--
FELICIA: Well, it's storm.
VERONICA: Is there a specific water one?
BONNIE: You could be an air one.
FELICIA: I think there's three.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: No, there's four.
There's four.
Because remember, there's, I thought there was
one that was air.
FELICIA: You guys from chat, can you confirm that there's
three or four kinds of wardens?
BONNIE: Because remember you can take the
oxygen out of the air.
Wasn't that an air thing?
FELICIA: Not sure.
BONNIE: Like the elements.
There's four elements.
FELICIA: But Joanne was one kind.
Joanne was one kind.
There is a fire warden who was Star, her best friend, who
betrayed her, which was sad.
And there's earth.
I think there are only three.
VERONICA: Chat room is saying there's three.
BONNIE: Wait.
KIALA: There's Earth, Wind, and Fire, and then there's The
Commodores.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA: Well done.
BONNIE: I change my answer.
I want to be a Lionel Ritchie warden.
FELICIA: We need a Kiala barrier after that joke.
[LAUGHTER]
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Come over to the dark side.
Veronica, what kind would you be?
VERONICA: I would like to be a water, I guess an air, water,
weather, person.
Whatever it is that Joanne is.
BONNIE: You want to strike people you
don't like with lightning.
Welcome to my world.
VERONICA: I thought that would be pretty cool.
I like water.
I feel like--
this is going to sound so totally nerdy-- but if I see
the ocean, I feel connected to it.
I never feel like I couldn't not--
I want to live near water.
I don't think I could ever be landlocked.
BONNIE: What sign are you?
VERONICA: I'm a cancer.
FELICIA: Me too!
VERONICA: Yeah.
BONNIE: Really?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: We're water signs.
KIALA: What are you, Bonnie.
BONNIE: I'm a Cancer.
KIALA: You're Cancer, too?
BONNIE: Yeah.
FELICIA: Wait, we're all Cancers?
KIALA: No, I'm not.
No.
I'm a Sagittarius Scorpio.
I'm both.
FELICIA: Well get out.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Fire?
KIALA: Fire.
KIALA: Fire?
That's what I thought.
My best friend is a Scorpio.
FELICIA: Valirezari says weather, wind, and water.
Then there is earth and fire.
Weather is wind and water.
And there's earth and fire.
So there are three.
We won.
Also--
BONNIE: Wait, where does air fall into that, then?
FELICIA: Well, weather is the wind and
water and air, basically.
BONNIE: Oh, OK.
FELICIA: And then there's earth, and then there's fire.
So there's like that stuff, fire, earth.
Also, Neuroman42 asks a really good question,
probably a new viewer.
What is good book for a guy who has never
read any chick ***?
Not sure.
The cool thing about our club is if you go on the forums, we
actually have a lot of guys who read these books.
Because who wouldn't want to read books with adventure and
then sexy times?
I don't understand why there should be a
barrier between there.
So we try to pick books, generally, that aren't just so
heavy romance.
We occasionally have done it last month.
But usually they're kind of like, this where we do more
urban paranormal.
But it usually has a female protagonist.
This month we actually had an alt book that had a male
protagonist.
And then I switched it because people were like, where's the
sexy times.
But, master of none.
But we did have an alt book this month.
BONNIE: Yeah, what was that book?
FELICIA: It was called Oracle's Moon.
did you read it?
Did anybody read it?
BONNIE: I feel like I might have read it first.
FELICIA: Oh--
BONNIE: I read that first.
FELICIA: The djinn with the kids?
That one.
BONNIE: Yeah.
FELICIA: Did you read it Kiala?
KIALA: No.
VERONICA: Heavy month, huh?
Was that on purpose?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: Djinn heavy?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: I absolutely picked a book that I
thought was more guy-heavy.
Do you guys have suggestions for urban fantasy books that
are more guy oriented?
BONNIE: Ha, Anita Blake.
Come on, there's vampire ***.
Vampire *** in Anita Blake.
FELICIA: It's very guy in that there's 13 penii in
everything.
VERONICA: I've got to read this.
I've got--
BONNIE: Why are you so against the ***, Felicia?
FELICIA: It's so ugh.
VERONICA: What is this?
Please tell me.
FELICIA: Anita Blake, we'll do this series later on.
But we'll pick--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Veronica, you can just borrow them from me at work.
I have all the books.
FELICIA: But we'll have to read number 10, or something.
Because the first three are actually
great books in my opinion.
And they're not racy.
And it has a very--
BONNIE: I know.
I think they have a good storyline.
And I like the idea of that.
And I liked it.
I think guys would like that book, because it actually has
sex in it, too.
When we did a breakdown of what we all like as far as
books, I'm not a romance reader.
I don't like romance books.
I like horror and sci fi that have really good sex scenes.
I don't care about the romance part.
I'm jaded and a horrible person.
So I don't care about the romance part.
So, you know what I mean.
FELICIA: We've heard a lot of interesting stories.
BONNIE: My dating history makes me hate romance books.
So I'm just like, liar.
Like I don't want to yell liar at the book in the middle of
the subway constantly.
I'm starting to attract a weird crowd now.
But the rest of you like romance stuff,
and I respect that.
FELICIA: Veronica has Sword and Laser, which is hardcore
science fiction and fantasy.
So that's why it works out.
Me and Kiala cover the lady-er areas.
Although I just read Redshirts by John Scalzi last night.
Great book!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Yeah.
Did anybody read Redshirts?
KIALA: No, but I really want to.
FELICIA: Yeah.
It's a great book.
It's really funny, actually.
VERONICA: Very funny.
FELICIA: OK to wrap up, so anyway, Oracle's
Moon was the alt.
I really liked it.
It was the fourth in a series, which I think is very light
hearted, and is very lady romance.
But I actually enjoyed this one more than I did the first
in the series.
And Nicole, on the forum said, I'm nearly finished.
And holy hecks with the sex.
I assume that is what it would be like to have sex with
Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: He does have the big dangly--
KIALA: He does.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: I will agree with that.
I will 100% agree with that.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Dr. Manhattan is well endowed?
BONNIE: Wait, what?
FELICIA: What just happened?
KIALA: Dr. Manhattan?
Right?
That's what we're talking about?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: He's got all of Manhattan, if
you know what I mean.
FELICIA: Whoa.
OK.
VERONICA: No, I don't.
Tell me more.
BONNIE: He's got the Chrysler building, and then some.
KIALA: Yeah.
You know that scene in Borat, where they're wrestling, and
they have to put the black bar for the man area?
It's like that.
But blue.
And nuclear.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Is there radiation involved?
KIALA: Yes, but he'll protect you.
BONNIE: Yeah, in all kinds of ways.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Protect you?
Is that what we're calling it now?
OK.
FELICIA: I'm so traumatized right now.
BONNIE: I haven't been protected in a really long
time, just so you know.
FELICIA: Oh boy.
OK, so we're going to wrap up, because we're at our hour.
But I wanted to give a shout out.
So if you are--
we actually have local meet-ups.
Every month we have a local G+ that Vicky
on our forums leads.
So random people get together to discuss the
books and the alt.
And then locally we had a Chicago meet-up at The
Bookseller.
In Orange County there's one in the Gypsy Den.
Saint Louis at Shameless Grounds.
Phoenix at the Brick.
And then we have a bunch of G+.
So if you are local and want to talk about the books that
we read, you could do that on the forums.
BONNIE: And let Veronica and I know if there's a San
Francisco one.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
VERONICA: I think there is.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: We're also having a Dragon Con panel the Sunday.
BONNIE: I don't know I'm going to be there.
ALL: [GASPS]
BONNIE: Well, my dog was sick.
See the dog right there?
KIALA: She looks pretty good.
BONNIE: She looks fine, but she can't
get up and down stairs.
I think she had like a stroke or something.
I don't know.
It was horrifying.
And so I'm a little paranoid leaving her alone.
FELICIA: OK.
BONNIE: I don't know.
I'll see if I can make it.
But if I can't maybe you can just have a flat Stanley
picture of me, or something.
VERONICA: We're going to miss you.
FELICIA: I'm sorry.
We're all going to party crazily without you.
BONNIE: I know.
Just say stuff you think I might say.
That's all I ask.
KIALA: OK.
BONNIE: Talk about tentacles.
FELICIA: Oh God.
Well, speaking of tentacles, next month--
BONNIE: Speaking of tentacles, back up.
So I want to say something about tentacles, here.
For the whole Vaginal Fantasy, I have been talking about
Cthulhu and tentacles and romance and putting the love
back in Lovecraft.
And you guys have all mocked me.
And then all weekend long, thanks to Table Top, I see all
these images of all of you, especially
Felicia, party time pictures.
VERONICA: Karen O'heda made us wonderful
tentacle profile icons.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: Well we're going to use them all next month,
because your pick, your primary
pick is Cthulhu Erotica.
BONNIE: Woo!
Look at that.
Look at that.
And underboob.
VERONICA: ***.
FELICIA: Oh, oh, oh.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: We all have them.
We all have ***.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: So that is our primary book
pick for next month.
But we have an amazing alt one that I've found.
BONNIE: The dinosaurs.
FELICIA: I'm going to read the description.
But guys, as a caveat, none of us has ever read this author.
And we've never read the series.
So I'm just telling you right now, it is not
screened as an alt.
BONNIE: I'm excited.
FELICIA: Here's the description of the book.
It's called Eternal Pleasure, Gods of the Night, Book One by
Nina Bangs.
VERONICA: Bangs.
FELICIA: Nina Bangs.
And here's the description of this book that we're reading
as the alt.
VERONICA: Tentacles are really just mouth
bangs when you're Cthulu.
FELICIA: Gods of the night are incarnated the first time in
65 million years, summoned to protect humanity from an
all-encompassing evil that's coming in 2012, at the end of
the Mayan calendar.
While currently incarnated as deadly handsome men, they have
the ability to assume their prior forms--
those of gigantic dinosaurs.
BONNIE: Yay.
VERONICA: What?
What?
BONNIE: Oh my God.
Dinosaur sex.
I've been waiting for this.
Oh my God.
KIALA: Dinosaurs doing it.
That's what we're doing.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: We're going to be sure to read both selections
next month, because we can't pass it up.
So we'll be reading the short story, which as you can see is
probably very racy.
We have no idea what this other one is, except it's
shape shifting dinosaurs.
BONNIE: Can I explain the Cthulhu Erotica book though,
just so people know what it is.
They're not too afraid.
FELICIA: Why don't you explain it, Bonnie?
BONNIE: So the Cthulhu Erotica book that we're reading is an
anthology of short stories.
So it's not all one book of just one story.
It's a bunch of different short stories.
I'll go on Good Reads and suggest the ones that I like.
But you guys can all read different ones if you want.
And share whatever you want to share.
But there's also essays--
FELICIA: What is--
VERONICA: I want to make love to you but my little dinosaur
arms are too short.
FELICIA: Come here, baby.
BONNIE: I do have a question abut the
dinosaur book, though.
FELICIA: I don't know.
BONNIE: How can there be a romantic embrace when T-rex
can't even hug.
FELICIA: I don't know.
Dude, this is an unscreened book as an alt.
But I feel like we're all going to read it.
So we will discuss both these books.
We're going to pick a couple of the short stories we liked
and discuss them.
But this is required reading, is the dinosaur [INAUDIBLE].
BONNIE: I'm excited for the dinosaurs.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Godzilla slash fic as possible.
FELICIA: Let me just read this, while currently
incarnated as deadly--
VERONICA: I can't get this *** on because
my hands are too--
FELICIA: While currently incarnated as deadly handsome
men, they have the ability to assume their prior forms,
those of gigantic dinosaurs.
BONNIE: Whoa.
I am kind of turned on right now in a primeval sort of way.
FELICIA: I hope that you guys join in with our revelry.
VERONICA: I already apologize for all the horrible
things I will say.
And do.
And mime.
FELICIA: It's not going to be good.
So thank you to the new viewers, to the traumatized
Geek and Sundry viewers who had no idea this was coming.
This is what this show is.
I hope you enjoyed it.
If you don't, well it's one video, so you
can skip over it.
So please don't complain later.
BONNIE: We have other videos.
FELICIA: There's a lot of videos on this channel, guys.
BONNIE: No, they should check out our other VagFan--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FELICIA: We do have other Vaginal Fantasy episodes
archived on my personal channel.
And Bonnie hosts a show on Stan Lee's
channel about crafts.
BONNIE: Aw, thanks.
Yeah, it's called Geek DIY.
FELICIA: And Veronica Belmont does Sword and Laser on Geek
and Sundry.
She also does Techzilla
VERONICA: On Revision Three.
FELICIA: And Kiala is a blogger.
She has a very funny blogs that she does, of many, many
types, including Nerdist.
BONNIE: You guys should--
you should follow all of us on Twitter-- but you should
really follow Kiala because she's hilarious.
FELICIA: She's frequently drunk.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: Writes in all caps, but hilarious.
FELICIA: Very funny.
BONNIE: Funnier than ehorse.
KIALA: Thank you, Bonnie.
VERONICA: ehorse books, yeah.
Horse eBooks.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BONNIE: And I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk
and I think you're cute.
I really do--
FELICIA: We all do have good hair tonight.
OK, thanks you guys.
We will see you next month.
It's always the last Tuesday of every month.
So we will see you next month for Vaginal Fantasy.
Bye.
BONNIE: Bye.