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- BEEN WATCHING PAINT DRY ALL MONTH?
HERE ARE SOME "MAD" MOMENTS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.
TUESDAY, 3:00 P.M.--
ONE DIRECTION VISIT THEIR WAX FIGURES AT MADAME TUSSAUDS
WHILE 98 DEGREES VISIT THEIR WAX FIGURES
IN THE DUMPSTER OUT BACK.
THURSDAY, 8:00 P.M.--
BRADLEY COOPER ADMITS TO LIVING WITH HIS MOM,
BUT DOESN'T MENTION SHE ALSO FEEDS HIM.
MONDAY, 4:00 P.M.-- SOUTH KOREA REFUSES TO AIR PSY'S NEW VIDEO
BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THIS...
- HA HA HA!
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
- SCORCH, I'VE RECEIVED AN SOS FROM THE DARK PLANET.
IT APPEARS AN ALIEN ON EARTH NEEDS OUR HELP.
- WELL, SINCE WE'RE NOT FROM EARTH,
TECHNICALLY EVERYONE ON EARTH IS AN ALIEN TO US,
YOU KNOW?
- JUST GET MOVING!
- BUT HOW WILL I KNOW WHICH ALIEN NEEDS HELP?
- YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIM BY THIS...
- YOU ARE IN DANGER.
YOU'RE AN ALIEN FROM THE PLANET KRYPTON,
AND I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU.
- WHAT? I'M FINE! AND WHO ARE YOU?
- YOU'RE NOT FINE! AND I'M SCORCH.
- HELP! HELP!
[SHRIEKING]
- THANK YOU.
- BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN SAVED HIM YET.
- I DON'T NEED ANY SAVE--[COUGHS]--SAVING!
- AHA! SEE THAT?
- WHAT? I COUGHED. YOU KNOW HOW DUSTY
THESE GARGOYLES ARE.
MAYBE I SHOULD PICK UP SOME LOZENGES.
[TELEPHONES RINGING]
- [GASPS]
- OH, NO, SUPERMAN, HELP!
- I'LL SAVE YOU, JIMMY. - AND I'LL SAVE YOU.
- [COUGHING] I--I-- I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!
- YOU'RE NOT FINE. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DOWN
FIVE POUNDS SINCE THE LAST SCENE.
- THAT'S CRAZY. [COUGHS]
HANG ON, JIMMY, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
ONE SEC. [VOMITING]
- HMM. FEELING FINE, HUH?
- DON'T MIND ME. I MUST HAVE HAD A BAD LOZENGE.
SORRY, JIMMY.
- THANKS A LOT, SUPERMAN.
I RUINED ANOTHER CLIP ON!
- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. LET ME HELP YOU.
- NOT A CHANCE, SCOOCH. - HELP!
- IT'S SCORCH.
- UP, UP AND AWAY!
[COUGHING]
[THUD, GASP]
- SO, UH, HOW'S IT GOING?
- AH, I GOT TO GO.
- WAIT, THAT WAS AN ALIEN?
AH! I AM THE WORST PHOTOGRAPHER EVER.
- ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S WRONG?
- A THIEF JUST RAN OFF WITH MY PURSE. GET HIM!
- [GROANS]
AH, LISTEN. THEY'RE JUST THINGS, YOU KNOW?
YOU'LL BE FINE. - WAIT!
- OHH!
- WOULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE?!
WAIT A SECOND-- I ONLY STARTED FEELING THIS WAY
ONCE YOU SHOWED UP.
HANG ON!
- OH, MY GOSH, WHAT IS THAT?!
- KRYPTONITE! WHO GAVE YOU THIS?
- MY BOSS LENA. - NEVER MIND.
I THINK I KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS.
[GAGGING]
- AT FIRST I WAS LIKE, ASHTON AS STEVE JOBS, FORGET ABOUT IT!
BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE PICTURES?
- LEX LUTHOR.
I KNEW YOU WERE BEHIND PLANTING KRYPTONITE
INSIDE STARCH HERE. - SCORCH!
LENA, WHY WOULD YOU WORK WITH LEX LUTHOR?
- HE PROMISED HE'D TELL ME HOW "LOST" ENDS.
- "LOST?" THAT SHOW'S BEEN OVER FOR YEARS.
- HEY! I'M IN SPACE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES
THE TV SIGNAL TO REACH US?
I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS!
- YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED.
- [QUACKING]
- WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE BREAD CRUMBS?
YOU'RE A DUCK. WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT BREAKING THE RULES?
- I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL, MAN!
THEY'LL EAT ME ALIVE IN THERE.
- OHH! [CASH REGISTER DINGS]
- HEH HEH! [QUACKING]
- MAD!
- OH, I NEED TO GO TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR,
BUT I'M JUST SO BUSY AT WORK.
- HAVING HAIR TROUBLE?
- HOW DO YOU DO IT, LISA? YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL
AND YOUR HAIR ALWAYS LOOKS FANTASTIC.
- WELL, JUDY, I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET--
I USE A HAIR GOAT!
- A WHO WHAT?
- INTRODUCING THE HAIR GOAT!
- THAT'S A GOAT.
- NO, IT'S MY HAIR GOAT. IT EATS MY HAIR WHILE I WORK,
SO I NEVER NEED TO GET IT CUT.
- YOU LET THAT GOAT...
EAT...YOUR HAIR? - UH-HUH!
- FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS, FARMERS HAVE USED THEIR GOATS
TO KEEP THEIR GRASS TRIMMED.
DON'T YOU DESERVE THE SAME?
- THE GOAT IS EATING MY HAIR.
- AND IT ONLY TAKES FIVE MINUTES!
THERE, THAT SHOULD DO IT.
LET GO, GOAT. LET GO!
DROP IT. DROP THE HAIR, GOAT.
COME ON, GOAT! GET OUT OF HERE! YAHH!
GET OUT! WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- I LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT THREW UP.
- YES, BUT NOW I CAN SELL YOU ONE OF MY WIGS,
WHICH IS HOW I GOT SO SUCCESSFUL.
- THE HAIR GOAT-- AN IDEA SOMEONE HAD AND THEN THEY MADE IT.
- NOW A SPECIAL "MADITORIAL."
- TODAY WE DISCUSS HOW I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE TV SHOWS "BONES" AND "CASTLE."
EVERY TIME I THINK I'M WATCHING "CASTLE,"
IT TURNS OUT I'M WATCHING "BONES."
FOR ONE, BOTH SHOWS ARE STARRING SQUARE-JAWED HUNKS
FAMOUS FOR BEING ON JOSS WHEDON SHOWS.
AND THE PREMISES! [SIPS]
IN "BONES," HE'S PAIRED WITH A FEMALE SPECIAL AGENT
WHO'S ALSO A WRITER, BUT IN "CASTLE," HE'S THE WRITER.
AND SHE'S JUST A SPECIAL AGENT. THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
THERE SHOULD BE SOME SORT OF SCROLLING MESSAGE
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN AT ALL TIMES
TELLING YOU WHETHER YOU'RE WATCHING "BONES" OR "CASTLE."
SO VOTE YES ON PROP. 257 TO MAKE IT MANDATORY
FOR TVs TO COME EQUIPPED WITH SOME SORT OF DEVICE
THAT TELLS YOU WHETHER YOU'RE WATCHING "BONES" OR "CASTLE".
BECAUSE--[SIPS]--I JUST CAN'T TELL A DIFFERENCE!
- THIS HAS BEEN A "MADITORIAL."
- THIS BREAD IS STALE!
- OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY I'M FEEDING IT TO DUCKS.
DUCKS DON'T CARE.
- WELL, THIS DUCK CARES, BUDDY.
MAN ON EAST BENCH HANDS OUT STALE BREAD.
ZERO OUT OF FIVE STARS.
WOULD NOT PATRONIZE AGAIN.
LET'S SEE YOUR BUSINESS SURVIVE THAT SCATHING REVIEW.
- I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
- AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE "TUBE FEUD,"
THE SHOW WHERE FAMILIES HAVE TO GUESS A VIDEO'S
TOP FIVE INTERNET COMMENTS.
- ALL RIGHT, 100 PEOPLE COMMENTED,
TOP FIVE ANSWERS ON THE BOARD.
FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS,
WHAT WERE THE TOP COMMENTS FOR THIS VIDEO?
[BABY COOING]
- OOH, IS IT, "DAWWW?"
- SHE SAYS, "DAWWW." SURVEY SAYS?
[BUZZER] OH, I'M SORRY.
THE TOP COMMENTS WERE "FIRST!"
FOLLOWED BY "FAIL," "LOLFAIL,"
"I MADE $500 AT HOME TODAY AND YOU CAN, TOO!"
AND "VERY FUNNY, CHECK OUT MY VIDEO."
THOSE WERE THE TOP FIVE COMMENTS,
SAME AS EVERY VIDEO EVER.
- THE "TUBE FEUD", AS POINTLESS AS THE INTERNET.
- [GASPING]
OHH. OHH.
OHH. OHH.
OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH.
[DRILL WHIRRING]
[CLANKING]
[WHIRRING]
- [SHRIEKS]
- [CACKLING]
[SCREAMING]
- [GIGGLING]
[HORN HONKING]
- AHEM!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
- ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO?
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- YOU JUST PUT THAT SIGN UP!
- YOU JUST PUT UP THAT OTHER SIGN!
- I'M ALLOWED TO PUT UP SIGNS.
- SAYS WHO?! - THAT SIGN.
- ALL RIGHT, FINE. BUT WHO PUT UP THAT SIGN?
- YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
BOY, I NEED TO GO HOME AND REALLY THINK THINGS OVER.
- [CHUCKLES] YES, THAT WAS ALL WORTH IT.
- WHAT DO WE HAVE? - HOMICIDE.
WE CALLED YOU IN WHEN WE SAW THAT.
- RED JOHN HAS STRUCK AGAIN.
YOU CALLED THE RIGHT MAN-- ME, PATRICK JANE,
THE FORMER MENTALIST.
- NOT SO FAST.
FOR THIS CASE, YOU'LL NEED MORE
THAN AN EX-MENTALIST.
YOU'LL NEED AN X-MENTALIST.
- OHH, WHAT?
- OH, RIGHT, IT WAS CONFUSING.
WELL, IT WORKS WRITTEN DOWN.
- OH, I GET IT NOW. BUT WHY ARE YOU HERE?
AREN'T YOU A SUPER HERO OR SOMETHING?
- SURE, BUT COP SHOWS ARE WHERE ARE THE MONEY IS.
NOW, LET'S CRACK THIS CASE USING MY MENTAL POWERS
AND YOUR...BLONDE HAIR.
DON'T WORRY, I'VE ALREADY GOT CYCLOPS AT THE SCENE.
- HE'S A COP, TOO?
- COP, TWO. BAD GUY, ZERO.
- YOU JUST INCINERATED THAT GUY.
- JUST LIKE THE "X-MEN" PREQUELS
INCINERATED MY ACTING CAREER.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN. DO WE HAVE ANY LEADS ON THIS CASE?
- SURE DO. I THINK IT WAS THE WORK OF RED JOHN.
ALSO, THE CRIME TOOK PLACE IN THIS RED PARK,
IN BROAD RED DAYLIGHT. - WHAT?
- OH, SORRY, IT'S THE GLASSES.
THEY MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK RED.
- HOLD ON, THEY'VE GOT A SUSPECT
DOWN AT THE STATION.
- THEN WE HAVE TO GO INTERROGATE THEM.
- I'VE ALREADY GOT A MAN ON IT,
AND HE'S THE BEST THERE IS AT WHAT HE DOES.
- LOOK, BUB, IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM,
THE PEOPLE ARE REPRESENTED
BY TWO SEPARATE YET EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS--
RIGHT CLAWS AND LEFT CLAWS.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! RED JOHN IS HIDING OUT
IN THE WAREHOUSE BY THE DOCKS!
- PERFECT. NOW WE JUST NEED A JUDGE TO GET US A WARRANT.
- AND I KNOW JUST THE JUDGE-- - OH, COME ON!
- WARRANT GRANTED.
- EMPTY. WE WAITED TOO LONG.
IF YOU X-MEN DON'T STOP GETTING IN MY WAY,
THIS CASE IS GOING TO GO COLD.
- I HAVE JUST THE GUY FOR THAT.
- DON'T. DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANOTHER--
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, I'M KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT.
I KNOW THAT AS SOON AS I SAY ANYTHING,
ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR DUMMIES IS GOING TO STORM IN HERE AND--
- DID YOU SAY STORM? - NO!
- GET IT? BECAUSE I CONTROL THE ELEMENTS?
- HEY, LOOK, THERE'S RED JOHN, GET 'EM!
- WOW, GOOD WORK. NOW LET'S SEE WHO HE REALLY IS.
MAGNETO?
WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHAT YOU X-MEN WERE DOING HERE.
- YES, IT DOES. EVERYTHING IS WRAPPED UP NICELY.
- I GUESS YOU COULD SAY RED JOHN WAS CAUGHT RED-HANDED.
- ♪ YEAH! ♪
- MAD!
- ♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- NOTHING HAS BECOME ANY CLEARER TO ME.