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Alexander McCall Smith: Than I do. They're slightly more, there's a bit more shadow and
the black t-shirts and all of that stuff. And I can't really quite carry that off. I'm
working on it, but I can't really, well I can't do it. But I did go to a wonderful one
in Muncie, Indiana which is a very nice place in Indiana. And I went to a *** convention
there, a *** book convention and there were all these...
Seamus O'Regan: I was seven years old.
[laughter]
AMS: And there were all these ladies there. It was predominantly American ladies in hats,
and they were sitting there, and they were the genuine mystery writers, crime writers
who were all very convincing and then there was me. But it's the only conference I've
gone to where the entire audience throughout the conference was knitting.
[laughter]
AMS: They sat there and knitted through the papers. I think that that might catch on,
you might go to some serious academic conferences, medical conferences and things like that and
knitting might become more popular.
[laughter]
SR: I read a story once on that because you were talking earlier about psychopaths and
I didn't want to leave that just yet. Just to think about the extremely successful life
that this man led, fiction aside, including being a member of the UNESCO International
Bioethics Commission, and you were asked what you'd learned about human behaviour from all
the work that you've done in bioethics and in criminal law and you talked... I don't
know if you recall this but I found it fascinating, you talked about disabled parking spaces.
AMS: Oh yes. Yes. I thought I wasn't going to remember what you were talking about but
I do, now I know what you were talking about. Yes, I read somewhere. Now, this is entirely
secondhand knowledge. I read somewhere that the people... The able bodied people who park
in disabled parking places are psychopaths. That if you did a study...
SR: You know who you are.
[laughter]
AMS: Yes, exactly. If you did a study of these people you would find that they were psychopathic
in their attitude, and it's the best way of identifying these people.
SR: But no, truthfully. In the work that you've done with the police departments and the information
that they've all gleaned from this, that's what they said.
AMS: No.
SR: No.
AMS: No.
[laughter]
SR: It's more fun that way.
[laughter]
SR: I believe you.
AMS: No, I just read this in the newspaper. I just read in the newspaper, it has no greater
authority than that. It probably wasn't even a reliable newspaper but...
SR: Don't trust the media.
AMS: This business of parking is quite interesting because... It just going a little bit further
into the parking issue, I was hoping you'd raise parking. Because if you look at crime
novels, crime novels actually, usually deal with murders. The standard crime novel is
about a ***. Now, I think that's highly unrealistic because, in fact, *** is a
very unusual crime, thankfully. The *** rate is very small, and so the likelihood
of a *** occurring is really very, very small as you say, thankfully. And yet, crime
writers suggest that it's the absolutely standard crime in all these books about murders. There
aren't enough murders to go around to keep the crime book industry going, and I think
there should be a shift in emphasis onto more realistic crimes. And what are the most common
offences? Parking offences.
[laughter]
AMS: And I think we should have more parking offence novels in which this crime is looked
into. I wrote a short story for a collection. I was asked to write a short story for a collection
of crime stories and I pursued this point. And I wrote a story called "No Place To Park".
And what actually happened was that there was a crime writer who decided that he would
be more realistic and therefore attach himself to the parking department rather than to the
homicide department. So, he went round to the parking department and they went up to
a car which indeed wasn't displaying a valid parking ticket and the driver was in it and
they began to remonstrate with the driver when he pulled out and drove off and there
was a body under the car.
[laughter]
AMS: So, that's an example of not having the courage of your convictions to follow through
with the theory.
[laughter]
SR: And, in this book it's two cows.
AMS: Two cows fall afoul of somebody, yes, yes. That's about the strongest, most exciting
thing that happens in these books because generally speaking in "The No.1 Ladies Detective
Agency" books, nothing untoward happens. In fact, not very much happens at all because
I take the view there's quite enough happening in the world today without authors making
things worse by inventing...
SR: Killing people.
AMS: Exactly, exactly. So, these books are really concerned with very minor events. There's
a lot of drinking of tea in them and eating of cake.
SR: Yes.
AMS: And indeed sitting about; the characters sit about a lot. Now, that sitting about,
interesting enough, is not accidental. That's the result of market research on my part.
I've done extensive market research, Shamus and I...
SR: Yourself.
AMS: Yes. And I've discovered that the vast majority of my readers are sitting down when
they read the books.
[laughter]
AMS: And this therefore allows them to identify with characters.
[laughter]
AMS: And I expect that the vast majority of the people who watch your programs on the
television are sitting down.
SR: A fair number.
AMS: And that... Well, you usually sit down for your programs, don't you?
SR: Usually.
AMS: Well, they are.
[laughter]
SR: So the vast majority, we can agree on that.
AMS: Yeah. They'll identify.
[laughter]
SR: I had all these very serious questions to ask you, and it just seems you're taking
a turn, you know?
[laughter]
SR: But I don't want to, I don't want to ruin the mood.
AMS: These are pretty serious issues we've being discussing.
SR: Yes, they are.
AMS: I've regarded them as serious. Have you not regarded them as serious?
[laughter]
SR: I never laughed at the word "psychopath" so much in my life.
[laughter]
SR: When... Okay. First of all, let's talk about what I think, because I know you don't
like talking about this yourself necessarily. Although the evidence is clear in the amount
of work that you produce. You can write... Is it 1000 words in an hour?
AMS: Yes I do. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. I'm very conscious of my good fortune in that
respect and that I don't really have to think about what is happening in the book. I'm going
to a sort of dissociative state and then it comes to me. So it's rather like I've spoken
to...
SR: Is it like having a vision? I mean...
AMS: Well, no. It's not very visual, interestingly enough and I don't have to see my character's
faces.
SR: Really?
AMS: Yes. When they filmed "The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency", they were very keen, people
were very keen to find out whether the characters looked as I had envisaged them and indeed
I went to the set of the first film that Anthony Minghella made in Botswana. And I met Jewel
Scott who plays Mma Ramotswe and people said afterwards, "Well does she look like Mma Ramotswe?"
And I said, "Yes," because I don't actually have a pre-conceived idea of what Mma Ramotswe
looks like. All that I am aware of is it Mma Ramotswe is traditionally built lady and does,
has a smile. And so that was absolutely fine. So I don't tend to see the scenes that I write
about. What I do is I hear the people and I suppose I'm aware of what they're thinking
but I don't tend to visualize things.
SR: So you channel words you don't, you don't, you don't interpret visions.
AMS: It's words. No, it's words. Yes, that's right. It's words. I hear a sort of rhythm
in my mind and the words fit into that. It's almost as if I hear a beat and the words fit
into that. I've discussed this with composer friends, one in particular and I'm in awe
of composers who can look at a score and they hear what they see written on page. I find
that most amazing thought and I, I really am totally in awe of that ability. But I think
that what is happening is a similar thing with the words I hear them. I didn't hear
them being spoken but they're there and then they come out almost as a sort of beat of
music.
SR: Well, aside from being prolific I think what I find equally impressive just speaking
to Chang about your ability to turn it on and off, so when you're flying from was it?
Chicago to Houston you can, you know in that flight time you'll be able to write a chapter
and a half.
AMS: Yes.
SR: From New York to Toronto you know you can write a chapter?
AMS: Yes. New York to Toronto was about a thousand words, a thousand words flight but
no. I don't think in terms of air miles.
[laughter]
AMS: But you know it seems to me...
SR: What do you do to people sitting next to you, what are you writing?
[laughter]
AMS: Well you think that but in fact there are an awful lot of people on planes writing
books. I've discovered that. In fact the many flights where the vast majority of people
are working on their novel and then you know that this is happening because when the plane
begins its decent, they say, "We're now beginning our decent into Toronto. Would you please
finish your chapter?"
[laughter]
SR: Are you seat upright or do you put seat back?
AMS: I don't know. Well it depends. It depends... Leg room, you need a certain amount of leg
room to write the novel. You've got to have a certain distance from your laptop. You can
write it in more crowded circumstances where the laptop is immediately... This is for the
more intimate scenes.
[laughter]
AMS: This is going downhill very quickly, you know? It really is...
SR: I'm just amazed how you bring me back [laughter] I fall for it again. God, I got
to factor in some serious questions here, and our audience I know will do that for us
a little bit later. Let's talk about... I find it fascinating how you describe working
that you're, that your writing lent itself more to the word processor. It lent itself
more to the electronic form of writing. Tell us more about that.
AMS: Well, I think probably in common with many, many people, I find it very easy to
work, to use a word processor in that it really does facilitate writing. I think possibly
it's the...
SR: There's no romance of the longhand or the typewriter or the taking dictation?
AMS: Yeah. That's interesting because there are some writers who are quite ritualistic
in the way in which they write, and I know people who say to me, "Well, we have to be
facing West" or whatever and "the Tri-forces have to be circulating around the room in
a particular direction," that sort of thing. Or they use a particular sort of pencil or
a particular sort of pen and a particular sort of pad or paper. So, there are quite
a lot of people who do that.
AMS: We had a writer in Scotland, Nigel Tranter, who wrote all his books, he wrote books of
historical interest, and he wrote all his books while walking around. And he walked
around outside writing his books, and he had a pad. And he used to walk, and this is, I
suppose, the sort of writing... Writing isn't normally a dangerous career, but he used to
walk along the cliffs of Scotland and that, I thought, actually raised the insurance category
into which writing falls. And he had a sort of waterproof cover so that if rain came he'd
just put that over the pad, and then continue. Ngaio Marsh wrote all her books in the bath.
She had a special sort of apparatus and wrote books in the bath.
AMS: Churchill read all his cabinet papers.
SR: And Churchill, yes. He did a lot of work in the bath, and so on. Barbara Cartland would
bedeck herself in a pink feathered burr and lie on a chaise lounge and dictate to her
secretary. Apparently, she wrote 3,000 words a day, and the secretary would say 3,000 words,
and then she'd shout, "That's it," and then she'd get up and carry on with the day. So,
people... She was quite prolific actually. 3,000 words a day is quite a lot. And Flaubert
wrote 35 words a week, but very good ones.
[laughter]
SR: That's five words a day. I suppose if you extracted all the definite and indefinite
articles, it probably went down to about 22 which is not very many. But anyway, so ritual,
yeah... So I write to music. I like listening to music, I like listening to, when I write
Isabel Dalhousie. When I sit down to start an Isabel Dalhousie chapter, I put on Soave
sia il vento from Mozart's Cosi fan tutte because it's such a beautiful trio, it's the
most divine piece of music ever written. And it's got such a lovely message: May the wind
that accompanies you on your journey be a gentle one, and may all your desires come
to fruition. What a lovely message to give to anybody. And so, I listen to that. And
then with Mma Ramotswe, I play a wonderful East African musician called Ayub Ogada. And
I put Ayub Ogada on, and I'm transported back to Africa, and I write. And so, music helps.
AMS: Is that the music on your website, by the way? Because you've got a new website,
and there's a glorious soundtrack on there.
SR: They composed a special music for that. That's for my New York website. It's got very
appealing music on it. They had somebody write that. Yes, I like that music.