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Morning everybody, last- morning.
Last time I did this presentation
was, uh, for the new professionals network
for the Manitoba Government, and they put me on after lunch,
after everybody had eaten pasta.
So I was a little but concerned that I'd be competing
with, uh, people wanting to have naps and, uh, full stomachs.
So, uh, and what I really love about, uh, the fact
that Tim's put us on here this morning
is that we're gonna talk about branding yourself
and, and knowing who you are, and all of those things.
So when you have the opportunity today to meet other people,
to network with other people,
maybe there's some things that I'll be talking about
that will resonate with you.
Uh, one of the things I'll encourage you to do
is, uh, find somebody else to sit with throughout the presentation
if you're on your own or there's only a couple of you together.
This is a great opportunity to meet new people,
so, uh, be brave, find somewhere to sit where you can m- mix and mingle,
you don't have to do it right now but if it's any point you wanna get up,
you're welcome to do that.
So just a little bit here, if I'm looking at my phone
it's not because I'm trying to multitask,
I'm just, uh, trying to keep track of time,
I wanna make sure we keep going here,
and I will try and wrap up at my scheduled time
even though we're a little bit behind,
and, uh, I think we should have no problem doing that this morning.
Alright, so one of the things is, is that, uh, I had the pleasure,
uh, as an elected official,
uh, as a municipal councillor we get to attend,
uh, a number of functions, and one of the things
that we do on a yearly basis is we, we go to a national convention,
and this year it was in, uh, Vancouver.
And we always have the leaders of the parties,
the national parties, uh, come and do a presentation with us,
and Justin Trudeau had spoken
and he's kind of the, the it boy right now,
he's the one that everyone wants to meet.
And so he did his, uh, his presentation and it was really, it was really good
as they all were,
and I remember thinking, god I'd love to meet him,
I don't know, I'm not a stargazer, I don't, uh, I don't have any desire
to meet anybody really famous but there was just something
about him I was drawn to.
So I was loitering around and we were standing out in the hallway,
and I wasn't expecting anything but here comes Justin Trudeau,
and he's coming right at me and I thought,
oh, this is fantastic what am I gonna say?
Right, you get five seconds with these folks,
what are you gonna say?
Do you know what you would say when you meet somebody?
[audience] Hello?
[Jackie] Hello, exactly, nice to meet you,
great job, we're all the same, right?
And sometimes it's hard to remember that,
and so if you were given five seconds to meet somebody,
if you were trapped in an elevator with somebody,
or if that person you always wanted to talk to,
what would you say to them, do you know enough about yourself
to, to tell them what's important to you?
So one of the things that I like to do is,
uh, it's the who am I.
Okay, so it, what I've done
and we'll do it in a little while as well,
is in fifteen words or less can you kind of highlight
what's important about you that you want people to know.
And so for myself what I say is that I'm a public servant to the core,
I'm a teacher, a politician, I'm an eternal optimist,
and I think I'm a difference maker in, in my life.
And so when I look at those things and if I tell somebody that,
people you know me, my behaviour and the way that people see me
live my life, they would know this about me.
They know that everything that I do is about serving others,
uh, and, and that sounds selfless in a lo- lot of ways,
but the reality is it's very selfish
because I feel that the more I give to other people,
the more it fills me up.
And so these are the things as an eternal optimist and a politician
it always doesn't go very well, and go hand-in-hand,
but I would rather, uh, see the glass as half full.
And then, uh, how many of you have heard of Rick Hansen?
Everybody right?
And so I kind of borrowed his difference maker.
In, uh, the 2010 Vancouver Olympics he did a, uh, series of vignettes
on difference makers, and, uh, I was very lucky,
uh, when I was fourteen I was the president of my school,
and it was when he was doing his Man in Motion tour,
so that dates me a little bit but, uh, I was very fortunate to get to meet him
and and give him the donations our school had raised,
and then he spoke again at the national conferences here,
and he still captivates me,
and so the whole idea of a difference maker
is what do you do in your life
that makes a difference for somebody else?
I may not change lives on grand scale, I may not be on a national, uh, stage,
but I, everything I do, I do to try and make other people's lives better,
and that fills me up.
So in fifteen words or less, this is who I am
and this is how I think I live my life,
so that people would know these things about me without even saying it.
So I want you to start thinking about that
as we go through this presentation
because the whole idea of what I'm talking about here is,
is how do you market yourself, how do you brand yourself?
The reality is,
is that a lot of, you know, folks that are going into jobs,
so, uh, you know if we have a number of students here,
and you're all graduating from high school
or you're all graduating from university
from the same program, you're all at about the same spot,
you probably have about the same experience,
the same education, and you know, maybe there's one job
and 20 of you go and apply for it, what's sets you apart,
what makes you different from the 19 other people
in the, in the pool there?
What, what will you do?
So you need to know enough about yourself,
what's important to you, what makes you unique
to sell yourself to other people,
and to be comfortable walking in a room on your own
if you need to and go up and shake somebody's hand
or greet them in whichever was you greet them.
And so really that's what today is about,
and it's not gonna just be me talking for the next hour,
it's about getting you involved in this as well.
If you have questions and things like that
we'll try and accommodate as we can.
Okay?
Alright, so one of the things that I notice
is that social networking's taken over communication.
I said in the workplace, but I think in life in general.
Uh, and what are some of the things that fall under social media?
Facebook users out there?
[audience] Cell phones? [Jackie] Cell phones, Facebook.
[audience] Twitter [Jackie] Twitter, I can't get into Twitter,
I would never get any work done if I was on Twitter.
Uh, Vine, um, Instagram, pardon me? [audience] iPods.
[Jackie] iPods, we all have these tools now,
and they've made our lives tremendously better in a lot of ways,
but one of the things that I have found is that it's also,
we've lost that face-to-face connection that we have with folks.
My- I have an eight and a ten year old,
and we'll be driving and it'll be really quiet which scares me in my life,
so I look in the rear view mirror and I'm like,
okay they're both on their iPods, what are they doing,
I'm like, what are you two playing back there?
I said, how come you don't talk to one another,
we're texting each other mum. [audience] [laughter]
Oh, okay, so they, they absolutely have lost
that face-to-face communication.
Or you're sitting in a cubicle, how many of you work in an environment
where there's cubicles?
Most of us do in this day and age.
And people t- email over the wall instead of getting up,
having that conversation, we, we do everything electronically.
So my hope is over the next hour that we can,
whoops, a little bit too quick there.
That, let's see if we can't rediscover that face-to-face communication
because that is what makes us so interesting,
I mean when you type things on a computer,
uh, when you, you don't see body language
or here inflection invoices or things like that,
it's almost like you're missing some of it sometimes.
So we're gonna have an opportunity today as we go.
So the things that I think that you need to have,
the building blocks to a successful networking or branding for yourself.
Uh, the first one is self-awareness, and that's really falls under,
uh, something called emotional intelligence,
I'm just gonna give you a little bit of a background
on that when we get there.
Uh, knowing your brand,
and that's really in fifteen words or less,
who are you, you have to be able to very quickly know who you are.
Uh, first impressions or lasting impressions we know this,
and we'll do a little bit around that as well.
The art of communication, and whatever mode of communication you use,
uh, there, we have a way to communicate effectively with one another,
it's just making sure we remember to do that.
Uh, networking,
how many of you are a little bit scared of walking into a room
and having to meet new people?
How many of you would rather be a wallflower, right?
In a setting like this, in a classroom when I teach,
uh, I'm very comfortable, I'm very extroverted,
but when I'm asked to go somewhere and network and I'm on my own,
I become a wallflower,
and so I've had to push myself a little bit,
uh, to, to kind of become more interactive as well.
So we'll talk about that.
And part of networking, the two pieces that go with that
is managing the mingle.
So what does that mean, how do you walk into the room,
where do you go, how do you stand or sit or what,
how, how are you gonna be?
And the small talk, so now you're in front of somebody,
what do I say, how do I start, how do we keep that conversation going?
And so these are some of the things that we will look at and talk about,
uh, over the next little bit.
So how many have you heard the term emotional intelligence before?
Okay, what, what does it mean to you when you hear that?
Anybody?
Oh, yeah, I've kind of put you all on the spot.
Pardon me? [audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Yeah, it, it's pa- that's part of it for sure,
uh, emotional intelligence, uh, the definition I have here is,
it's the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and intuition,
uh, and those of others for motivating ourselves
and for managing emotions well in us and in our relationships.
I like to think of it as how to be a human being 101.
How to be somebody that people are drawn to
rather than run away from.
Uh, you can be the smartest kid in the room
with the highest IQ and every degree known to man,
but if nobody wants to stick around and listen to you,
what good is it?
And so it's really about managing your emotions,
understanding how you tick, loving yourself warts and all,
and using those emotions in a way that you get what you need
and give what you need for other people.
Okay, and so there's a whole series of, uh, building blocks to that,
but the one that I really wanna focus on for the sake of this topic
is self-awareness.
As self-awareness is the more we know about ourselves,
the better we're able to control and choose the kind of behaviours
we'll display in a work setting,
and this is the foundation for emotional intelligence,
and I think it's the foundation for having good relationships
with other people, being useful in the workplace,
being useful in organizations, and it's a really big part of that.
So how many of you have, uh, ever been on an airplane before?
Okay, it's almost the question should be how many have never been on an airplane.
So when you're the airplane
and they're doing that big fancy safety demonstration,
one of the things that they say is,
in the event that the cabin loses air pressure,
the oxygen mask will fall from the overhead compartment.
What do they instruct you to do with that?
Pull it down and then what?
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Put yours on first, and why do they tell you to do that?
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Absolutely, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first
because if you don't and you lose consciousness,
you're not going to be able to help loved ones or anybody else.
So you have to look after yourself, manage yourself
in order to be useful to other people.
And that is exactly what self-awareness is,
to take care of yourself
or you won't be able to care for anyone else.
If you don't know, uh, what your hot buttons are,
if you don't know how you're going to react
when somebody says something or does something.
If you don't know how you're gonna respond to stress,
and you ignore all the signs of stress when they're happening,
it's gonna, it's gonna hit you w- when you least expect it,
and it's a really important thing to kind of manage,
so that when you are communicating with people,
when you are going to those job interviews,
when you are doing that public speaking or leading a meeting,
you have control of your emotions
so that you can manage others' emotions as well, okay?
So some of the ways that you can increase your self-awareness.
The first one is examine how you self appraise.
How many of you have that little running dialogue
inside your head all the time?
Right, we always have kind of- we're always thinking things,
how many of you for you is it always kind of positive and optimistic?
And how many of you it's kind of the naysayer,
it's like that toxic person living between your ears?
The doom and gloom.
It's really important that you pay attention to that inner dialogue
because it can really either be motivating or self-defeating.
I know that I can wake up in the morning and just say,
"You know what?
I think I'm gonna be in a bad mood today."
And all day long I'm the most miserable person you ever wanted to be around.
So it's about getting up, it's about living your life
and it's about being part of the world,
and looking at things, not with rosy coloured glasses on
but recognizing that inner dialogue and checking it out,
and paying attention for the patterns that happen,
am I always the doom and gloomer, or is it just today,
am I off a little bit today?
Tuning into your senses, okay?
I like to think of it as that sixth sense,
that spidey sense.
I very seldom go with what I'm thinking up here,
if my gut is telling me something else, because that always kind of,
you know, something doesn't seem right or something seems too good to be true,
it probably is, I tend to go with my gut reaction first.
It doesn't always work in my favour, but more often than not it does
Uh, getting in touch with your feelings.
How many of you know when you're getting stressed out?
Yeah, what are some of the signs and symptoms that, that happen to you
when you're feeling stressed?
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Yeah, your head gets a little foggy right.
It doesn't- things don't work as well that way.
What else? Yes.
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Yeah, you could get a- anxious and snap at people.
Do any of you get headaches?
Do you get knots in your shoulders?
For me, if I ignore all the signs of stress
that my body's screaming at me,
my eye twitches because for me it's... a distraction to me,
and my body has said, you know what, you've ignored every other thing
I've put in front of you, now I'm gonna make it so that
you can't miss it.
So for me if I miss the eye twitch, I'll be in really big trouble.
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] It's not twitching. [audience] [inaudible]
Yeah, yeah have a little rest, exactly.
But it's one of those things, you have to be able to pay attention
to those physical symptoms.
So if you're in a conversation with somebody,
and you can start to feel yourself getting upset
or getting anxious or excited,
you've gotta pay attention to that so that it doesn't get away from you,
because when we talk about first impressions,
it's- that's that chance where people get to know you
and get to meet you, and you want to be as comfortable
as possible.
Also your behavior.
You'll notice the next one says learn what your intentions are.
Behaviour is what people see you doing,
intentions are what you want out of that behaviour.
So what is your behaviour?
Is what you're doing actually moving you
to the, to the goals that you have set for yourself,
or are you self sabotaging yourself?
When you're learning what your intentions are,
how many of you are goal setters?
Okay, how many of you have never set a goal in your life?
Yeah, it's one of those things that once you start something,
you wanna make sure you finish it,
because if you never get that feeling of satisfaction of completing a task
or completing a goal, it's very easy to not have followed through
in other aspects of your life.
And so having, uh, knowing what you want,
knowing what your intentions are is very critical.
So goal setting is a huge part of that.
One of the other things is that you have to believe your behaviour,
good, bad, or ugly you have to be open to the idea
that there are things about you that are good and bad.
You know for one of the things, I grew up with five si- well,
there's five of us, I'm the youngest of five,
we're all fairly extroverted, and if you wanted to be heard
at our dinner table, you had to interrupt.
And, and that is a habit that was formed that as I've gone up into my adult life,
I still sometimes interrupt people.
I own that behaviour, I recognize that I interrupt people.
So I'm pretty authentic when I teach a class
or when I'm with a group of people, and I'll say,
"You know what, if I interrupt you just call me on it,"
because I do it, I know I do it,
but the feedback you give me is important.
So that all goes to your self-awareness, right?
The more you know about yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly,
the more you can kind of start to like yourself
and start to recognize that that's okay, I'm not perfect,
but I, I own it.
And trust your feelings, that's that sixth sense again,
tru- go with your gut,
you know you can have something very clear and laid out in front of you,
maybe you've met somebody and you're like,
I don't know if they're the real deal, or I don't know if this
is actually what we're seeing.
And trust your feelings
because they are, they're innate to us,
and that they're core to who we are and they will certainly guide you
in a good way.
And then the last one here for self awareness
is you have to pay attention to your actions.
One of the councillors that I'm on municipal Council with,
uh, I am the only woman on council, there's five of us,
and the next youngest councillor is 65 years old,
so there's a huge age gap between us,
and they all have daughters that are my age.
So I remember sitting at the table,
at the first time we met them after the last civic election,
and I said, how many of you have daughters about my age?
And they all put their hands up, and I said, "I am not your daughter,
and so we've gotta find a way to work together here."
So I needed to make sure that I didn't act
like a daughter to them,
I needed to make sure that I acted as an equal with them,
because if you don't,
people will treat you how you expect to be treated.
And one of our councillors, and I absolutely think he's probably
one of the best councillors the municipality has ever seen,
I don't think his rate payers know that
because he doesn't care what other people think about him,
he spends probably 40 to 60 hours a week reading legislation, doing work,
but he's a behind the scenes research kind of guy.
His social skills, dealing with rate payers,
he, he almost, and he uses word himself,
he says, "I come across as aloof, as arrogant,"
and he says, I don't mean to, he says,
"But I also don't care.
And so he doesn't realize that that in some ways
can turn the people off that he's trying to serve.
And so you need to pay attention to help people respond to you,
because if you don't and you treat everybody
the way you'd want to be treated,
they may not respond the way in which you expect them to respond, okay?
The, the saying goes, "If the only tool you have is a hammer,
everything looks like a nail."
And that's really what we're talking about here is that
you have to be willing, w- I, I to encourage people to be authentic,
you know be who you are, be proud of who you are,
but also recognize that not everybody will respond to you in the same way.
And so you may have to modify or adjust your behaviour
in order to get what you need from other people.
And so I'm not saying be, uh, a phoney and be someone you're not,
but recognize that you may need to modify
how you communicate with people from time to time
to get the best out of each other
and the best out of that situation, okay?
So any questions on that so far?
Alright, we'll just keep going, just let me check the time.
Uh, how many of you have ever heard of Johari's window before?
Yeah.
And if, I have it up here and I recognize
that it's probably for some of you,
uh, y- you may either not be able to see her,
it might be difficult to see, so I'll just explain what's up there.
Uh, what it is, is there were two psychologists
by the name of Joe and Harry and so they called it Johari's window.
It's not really creative, but it is what it is,
and I actually use this, uh, model
in almost every communication style class
I teach because I think it is so important for us,
and when we're talking about self-awareness
and finding out who you are
and disclosing of yourself to other people,
what it is, is there are, it's a windowpane
and there's four paints,
and there are things that we know about ourselves
and there are things that we don't know about ourselves.
There are things that other people know about us,
and there are things other people don't know about us.
So the first quadrant in the top left corner says,
open, and basically those are the things that I know about me
and that other people know about me.
Okay, it's, it's kind of how I live my life,
people see it, uh, we respond to it, there's no secrets there.
To the right of that open is things that are unknown to ourselves
but known to others, you know you kind of that saying
were you can't see the forest for the trees.
You know one of the things is that you mame-
I remember when I was, uh, 18, I went to school
near an, uh, an air force base, and a lot of kids I went to school with
where, where children of, uh, servicemen and women,
and I was very drawn by their, uh,
the Regiment of, uh, of the military,
so when I was 18, I joined the air reserves
and I absolutely loved it, but I was pretty young, pretty green,
uh, I- very insecure, and I don't know if it's a, uh, a young woman thing
or if it's just being young in general
but, uh, I walked around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder,
to kind of hide the fact that I was very insecure.
I thought if I gave the impression that I was in control,
that maybe people would believe that.
But what I found was being in the air reserves
it gave me you know, uh, I did things I never thought I could do,
I've had some follow through on things.
But I remember one of the sergeants coming up to me one day
and says, you probably don't recognize this about yourself yet
but you have leadership qualities.
And I was looking around like, are you talking to me,
cause I barely could hold my stuff together on a daily basis,
I can barely manage myself.
But he saw past it, he saw things in me that I hadn't yet discovered
because I was too young, too insecure, uh, I didn't have enough experience
under my belt, but he was older, he was probably,
uh, when I was 20 he was probably 50,
and so he had a lot more life under his belt and he got it,
and he was right, uh, but I didn't know that at the time.
So we've those spots in our lives where we haven't quite discovered it
but other people see it, okay?
Uh, the bottom left-hand quadrant, that's our hidden,
those are things that are known to us,
but they don't, uh, but others don't know about them.
So are there things that you do, decisions you make
based on things other people don't know about you?
All the time.
And what you, often that goes to your values,
our values are core to us, they're how we live our lives,
we make decisions based on those.
I worked for a gentleman once, uh, in private industry for many years
in a training company, he didn't really care that,
he didn't really care about the education he was providing,
he really just cared about the money he was making from it.
To be very honest with you, training was just his widget,
and he, uh, him and I always disagreed,
and I could never, he could never figure out why,
I mean the p- position, like sometimes we have to let students go
so that they can find a new path
because they're not gonna be successful here.
And he couldn't understand that, and we were constantly butting heads,
and in hindsight, I was in my 20s then and now you know, uh, ten years later
I was looking at him like you know, we are never going to get there
because what he didn't know about me was that my values
were about serving others and giving back.
And what I didn't recognize about him was that val- a value to him
was making money, which is not a value that's anywhere on my top 100 list.
I mean if I could just live and use buttons for currency, I would.
Uh, so for us it was that we knew things about ourselves
that the other didn't, and it really made it a difficult conversation,
and I stayed in that organization way too long.
And then the last one is there's things that are unknown to us
and unknown to others, and that we hope we discover,
uh, and will discover through experience.
So the intent of this model, this Johari's window is that
the hope is that by asking people for feedback,
and what is feedback, it's timely, relevant future focused information
that helps us do better the future, and it comes from people we trust,
and that's a big thing 'cause there's always somebody
who wants to give you their two cents, whether or not you need it or want it.
So the more we're willing to ask people for feedback,
and the more we're willing to disclose of ourselves.
And this is one of those things, some people keep their lives
very close to their chest,
and they don't like to give too much, and I see this in management a lot
is that often managers come in
and they think they have to keep that professional distance from their staff,
but what they forget is that their staff needs to know they're human beings,
and so you have to kind of break that boundary,
doesn't mean you have to cross the line,
but you have to share something of yourself
so that people know who you are.
So the more you ask for feedback,
the more disclosun- disclosure of yourself
that you give, that open pane becomes greater,
and the more that people know about you, and that you know about yourself,
the more authentic a life you can live, the more you can be just be who you are.
Uh, the people in my life, uh, I, I'm a bit cringe worthy,
I think everything is worth discussing.
I won't talk about other people and their stories
but if somebody has question for me,
there's pretty much nothing off top- off topic
because I think, you know, at some point we're all gonna be off this earth
and all we'll have left are the sho- stories that we shared.
And if I can make the difference in somebody's life
or I can warn them that this may not end well,
or try it you'll regret it if you don't, that's what it is.
So like my window's pretty big,
but it means that people know that I'm quirky,
and people know that I'm passionate and people know that I'm stubborn,
and I'm okay with that.
And, and they know that, that coming to the table,
and, uh, what you see is what you get when you're dealing with me,
and if you get to that point in your life,
it's gonna make people drawn to you.
Uh, and I used to care, uh, used to be the person
that if somebody didn't like me I had to know why,
and I had to figure out a way for them to like me,
and then I turned 40, and I didn't really care anymore.
Uh, because not everybody's gonna respond to you
in the way that you need to.
And so that is really the whole idea of this self-awareness
and this branding yourself as knowing who you are.
Your strengths, your weaknesses, liking yourself,
but also remembering that there's people that are gonna respond
either in a good way or a negative way to you,
and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't adjust your behaviour
if you need, need something
out of that relationship with that person,
and, and you're not gonna it
if, if you're not able to adjust your, your, uh, communication style.
So that's the first piece.
The next thing, just checking the time here,
is knowing your brand, and that is the whole idea
of how do we know, uh, how to stand out in a crowd?
So whose brand is this?
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] McDonald's.
Uh, this one?
Is Mercedes-Benz.
And the third one is the swoosh, which is Nike.
How many of you have something on your person today,
whether it be clothing, bags, purses, glasses that have a brand on them?
Probably almost everybody.
And some people care more about brand than others,
uh, but the reality is, is that there's no words that go with these brands,
they just are there and we know them intrinsically.
You know, when I see the golden arches
when I'm driving down the street with my kids,
they're already screaming, can we stop, can we stop?
Like what do you see, what do you see in there,
we see the McDonald's arches.
Uh, cars driving down the street, the swooshes,
we know the brand, and branding is the tools that companies use,
that individuals use to let other people know what's important to them, okay?
So McDonald's is about fast food, Nike is about athleticism
and, uh, excellence in sport.
Uh, Mercedes is the top end kind of cars that are out there.
So it's prestige, it's telling people this is who I am
and this is what I represent.
So how about for yourself?
There is a gentleman by the name of Tom Peters,
he writes, uh, for the fastcompany.com,
it's an online publication,
and he wrote this really fantastic article about branding.
And it used to be when our parents and grandparents,
uh, where in the workforce, you would find a company
and you'd hang your hat there for 20, 30 years
collecting your pension saying, "I am an employee of General Motors,"
of Sears, of whatever company it might be.
But what we're seeing now is that
people are no longer staying with organizations
for an entire career.
I mean some do, especially in Manitoba government we see that,
but even for myself,I will stay, I have stayed with companies
for three, four years, I took as much as they would give me
for skills I developed, I'd go back to school,
I'd take what I needed, put it in my portfolio
and went to the next opportunity, and took everything I could there.
And this is what we're seeing with the younger generations
is there's not a lotta job stability anymore,
uh, there's, there is a ceiling for people,
uh, as far as they can get in some organizations, big or small.
There is no guarantee in this world when it comes to jobs anymore,
you can't just rely on the fact
that you're always gonna have a job with X, Y, Z, okay?
And so what he says in here's that regardless of age,
regardless of position, regardless of the business
we happen to be in,
all of us need to understand the importance of branding, okay?
We are all CEOs of our own companies, me incorporated,
and to be in business today our most important job is to be the head marketer
for the brand called you.
So you have to know what you bring to the table,
and it's about not only loyalty to the organization you're with
but loyalty to yourself and developing that brand
so that you know what makes you, you, okay?
And so what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna ask you at your tables
to just have a small discussion and if you, if you're at a small table
and you wanna join some other people, again, introduce yourself,
do those things.
But I want you to think about this, and I do this activity
in a couple of my workshops and it's very difficult to answer these questions
because most of us are fairly humble by nature,
and we don't like to focus on ourselves.
So the brand called you, think about what you do that you're most proud of?
And this doesn't have to be in the workforce,
this can be in life in general.
What's your greatest strength and most noteworthy characteristic?
What have you done lately that's added value to the organization?
In what ways is what you do difficult to imitate?
What do you wanna be famous for at the end of the day?
What do you, what you want to be remembered for?
So at your tables talk about this.
Again, what do you do that you're most proud of?
What's your greatest strength?
What you, what have you done lately that's added value?
What is what you do difficult to imitate.
And what do you want to be famous for?
And if anybody needs me to repeat those,
I'm happy to come by and, and do that for you.
Uh, but get up, move around,
find somebody to- find a group to sit with
and take a few minutes to talk about this.
So maybe spend five minutes looking at this,
and I wont to ask you to share those in the large group,
but you really, in order to build your brand
and know who you are, you have to start thinking about
what the good things are about you.
Okay, so go ahead and do that for just about five minutes.
[audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] ...the conference times as well.
But even if you didn't get to answer all of these,
just the idea of starting to think about them,
starting to think about what do I do that adds value.
Where are I unique?
Where is what I do different from other people.
How do I stand out in a crowd?
Those are the things when you start to brand yourself,
what makes you different than the twelve other people
that have the exact same education, experience and, uh, age as you?
What makes you different, what makes you stand out?
And so even if you didn't get to answer these,
and you sat there and thought, this is really hard,
you need to spend the time looking at that,
because you have to figure out what makes you great,
because everybody's great, we just have to figure out
what it is that makes us, uh, great,
and maybe a little different from the person next to us.
So I mentioned earlier on
that, um, I gave you my fifteen words or less.
So I am a total Facebook junkie because I have brothers,
uh, in Australia and Boston
and so it's a tool that our family uses.
So I threw out there, I said in fifteen words or less
what would you like to say about yourself.
So I had some responses, uh, and the first one was my mom
who is, I love her to death.
But she says, I'm me, strong, silly, special, smart, forgetful,
entertaining, loving until you blank me off.
[audience laughs] I, I blacked out the word
because my mother has a bit of a spicy mouth. [audience laughs]
My cousin says, I'm Canadian and she.... [woman] I like your mother.
[Jackie] Yeah, I like my mother too, yeah she's, uh, she's the real deal
and I think that's where I get it from
because, uh, she's quirky and fun and, and eve- everybody loves my mom.
Uh... [man] And she's your mom.
[Jackie] Pardon me? [man] And she's your mom.
[Jackie] And she's my mom, absolutely.
Uh, my friend Lisa said, I'm a writer, mother, runner, reader, friend,
teacher, schemer, daughter, sister, crafter, romantic,
sleepless dreamer.
[man] Everything. [Jackie] Pardon me?
[Jackie] She is everything, she's fantastic.
Uh, Joe say's he's a father, husband, son, uncle, brother, nephew,
psychiatric nurse, sarcastic, and very passionate.
And the last person on the list, uh, I'm four- almost 42 years old,
this woman has been my best friend since I was nine years old
and she still is to this day and she says,
I'm a mother, caregiver, problem solver, leader,
writer, confidant and flawed human being.
And I absolutely love that
because sh- you know she has this air of confidence,
when she walks in a room people wanna listen to her,
and they're drawn to her because she's real.
She's, you know, she knows she's not perfect
but she plays up her strengths and she's kind to everyone she meets.
And so when you think about it, I had said,
uh, I'm a public servant to the core, I'm a teacher, a politician,
and eternal optimist, and I'm a difference maker.
So that's me, now it's your turn.
In 15 words or less, I want you to think about who you are.
If I asked you to get up and tell us in 15 words or less who you are,
what would you say?
So take a few minutes to think about that,
and maybe if you're brave, a couple of you will share them with us,
but I wont put anybody on the spot.
Okay, so just take a few minutes and if you're not sure
and you got a buddy next to you, ask them to give you some help.
...in the room who wanna give us, oh, perfect, thank you,
15 words or less, tell us who you are.
[audience] [inaudible]
[man 1] I'm a survivor
[Jackie] Beautiful.
[man 1] I'm also- oh...
What drives all of this is I'm lonely.
Thank you.
[Jackie] Okay, thank you.
There's a gentleman at that table there who would like to.
Thank you. [man 2] Okay, uh, yeah, okay.
I'm, uh... I like to, uh, encourage others.
Uh, I'm a reliable, uh, hard-working
and, uh, also, uh, honest
and I like to, uh, um, to, uh, draw, um, out
like the positives or strengths out of other, uh, people that I meet.
And I like to be, um, a, uh, advocate
for, for those who, who, um, uh... who are dealing,
uh, with, uh, challenges in their lives.
[Jackie] Thank you so much, thank you.
Uh, the gentleman beside you I think wants to,
right there I believe he wanted to.
We'll do two more and then we'll keep going.
[man 3] Actually, I, I can summon up almost in a couple of words,
honesty and integrity. [Jackie] Nice, beautiful.
[man 3] Uh, and I'm reliable and all those other things to,
but honesty and integrity is very important to me.
[Jackie] Good, thank you so much.
And one more person, okay, right here at the middle table,
this woman with the striped shirt on.
[woman] [inaudible]
Oh, sorry, uh, we did, uh, Jahari's window on each other.
[Jackie] Okay. [woman] So I'm actually talking about,
uh, the person whose sitting next to me here,
and, uh, what I came up with was strong, boisterous, caring,
humanitarian, always the first to help,
comedian, friendly, and magnetic.
Oh, beautiful.
[audience] [inaudible] [laughter]
[Jackie] That was lovely, that's beautiful.
Okay, and we'll let you do that one back.
[woman 2] I'd like to do one for my coworker as well.
[woman 2] She not only is dedicated, honest, caring,
uh, she is also one who always, uh, helps the person in front of her
to take the next step forward to success.
[Jackie] Beautiful, okay, give yourselves a round of applause,
that's great, thank you, thank you. [applause]
And it's, and that's nice that you're able to do that for each other,
and so if you struggle with that you know, I know, like I said,
when I was 19, 20, 21, in my early 20s
if somebody were to ask me to do that,
I don't think I would be able to think of positive things to say about myself
because it was just kind of where I was at that point.
But I'm sure if I'd have asked other people
they would have been able to provide me with that.
And that's that whole idea of feedback and disclosure
and building your self-confidence and your self-awareness
so that you can build a brand that people will not only buy
but they'll believe, right?
Okay, so first impressions are lasting impressions,
and we'll just check the time here.
Do I have a few extra minutes?
Okay, okay we'll to finish up here but I, I have some things
that I want us to go through here.
So those first impressions, lasting impressions.
So I told this story the last time
and it's still like it happened yesterday,
but it was about three years ago.
So I, I titled it, so a guy walks into a bar or a cafe.
How many of you know this gentleman, and for those of you that can't see it,
it's Jon Gerrard, Dr. Jon Gerrard, he's the current,
uh, Liberal leader of the Manito- of Manitoba.
And as an elected official I have, uh, the ability to have access
occasionally to some of our, uh, provincial and federal,
uh, elected officials.
And Ron Lemieux from local government had invited my council to come meet him
at, at the legislative building to talk about issues,
and this was when we were brand new councillors.
And so we thought, oh why don't we go
to the legislative building and have breakfast
down in the cafeteria ahead of time,
so we, because some of us are later than others on a regular basis,
they wanted to make sure we're all gonna be there on time,
so let's meet for breakfast.
And we had brand new council except for our mayor,
and he's been the mayor, for about fifteen years
and he seems to know everybody.
So, uh, Jon Gerrard was there and he walked into the cafeteria
and I guess he spotted Bob,
and so he came over, and I don't know if you've ever met this man
but he is probably one of the nicest human beings
you'll ever meet in your life.
And so he walked over with his fancy suit,
I'm sure it wasn't a cheap suit,
and, uh, I was sta- I was on the corner of the ta- the side of the table
that he came to, and I have a bit of a diet coke addiction,
I will start early in the morning and I, I don't drink coffee,
uh, I exercise regularly but yes, I drink copious amounts of Diet Coke.
And at the legislative building they serve them in glass bottles,
like those old-fashioned glass bottles.
Can you kind of see where this is heading?
So he comes over and he shakes all of our hands
and of course I'm the last hand he shakes,
and as he pulls his hand back,
he catches my glass bottle that's full of Diet Coke
and spills it all down the front of him.
Now he did it but I took the blame
because I thought it was just easier that way,
and I, I apologized but I didn't you know,
some people would go screaming from the room,
some people would make a big huge production of it
I said, you know I'm really sorry about that,
I offered to take care of the suit and he's so gracious,
he's like absolutely not, it was an accident,
I'll dry, I have another suit up in my office.
So that was the experience and of course I get the gears constantly
from the rest of council about this.
You're the one who threw the drink on the minister, blah, blah, blah.
I'm like whatever, I'm still younger than all of you by 30 years.
[laughter] So, uh, it was very interesting
'cause about a year later, again we show up at these conventions
and often the different levels of government are there,
and I was standing with two of my councillors
and he came right up to me and said, "Hey Jackie how are you doing?"
He remembered me from that incident and it was the perfect icebreaker
for that event because now we had this history
between us and we kind of smirked and the guys gave me the gears again,
but it really lent itself to having a good rapport with him.
I didn't take myself too seriously, he didn't take himself too seriously,
we were comfortable enough in our own skin that,
you know, stuff happens,
and so that is a good rapport that I have with him,
and every opportunity you get to meet somebody,
and I don't care about, uh, how famous, how much money they have,
none of that matters to me.
When you meet people try and remember something about them.
I'm not a details person, I wouldn't know how much money
or not much money I have in my bank account,
I don't care, uh, I need a secretary or a boss,
that's what I'm starting to discover now
cause this whole, uh, self-employment stuff
doesn't always work, but I will never forget something
that somebody's told me about themselves.
So when I teach classes, I may have taught somebody once,
three or four, ten years ago and they come in
and I recognize their face,
the detail is I won't remember your name but I'll say,
"Weren't you somebody that I, you know, blah, blah, blah, we talked about this,"
and they'll say, "How do you remember that?"
Because people are important to me I remember those pieces of them.
And so for us that was a good connection we had,
and so if you can remember something about somebody that you meet,
it goes a long way if you meet them again, okay?
And if you don't remember their name
you just say sorry, I can't remember your name
instead of letting that awkwardness build.
Uh, so this was my little story with him,
and I just think it resonates that you only get,
uh, you know one chance to make a first impression,
and I, I think if I'd have been obnoxious
or I made a big deal about it,
he might not have been compelled a year later
to come up and say hi Jackie, he might have been like,
"Ooh, there's that crazy lady from Ritchot,
I'm just gonna go to the other side of the room.
Okay so don't take yourself too seriously
in this whole, uh, little game of life.
[man] You should have offered to throw a Diet Coke on him again.
[Jackie] You know maybe if I see him again, I might do that.
Yeah, yeah I haven't lived that one down yet,
I'm trying, I've got one more year before we change councils
so I'm hoping that it doesn't come up again
but I'm sure... [man] Just buy one and say
Oh, yeah [laughs] I'm sure he would appreciate that.
So some things to think about when we talk about first impressions,
and something I'm not great at is being on time,
uh, so I always try and lie to myself
and tell myself I have to be there half an hour earlier than I really do.
But being on time is important because people aren't gonna care
about your excuses, what they're gonna remember
was that they weren't important enough for you to make the effort to be there,
so that's really critical.
Dress and groom yourself accordingly, and I'm sure Tim had a good chuckle
but I said to him, I said you know, I'm doing the same presentation
I did for you for, uh, the new professionals network
but you said there's gonna be lots of teenagers there
and young adults, and if I show up looking like their mom,
they might not wanna listen to me.
So do you want me to wear jeans, and he says,
"I don't really care what you wear."
But it's true right, like you, but you've gotta understand
that you've gotta dress accordingly.
When I do teaching up in n- northern, uh, Manitoba
in some of the g- government agencies up there,
uh, I tend to wear jeans and I wear things that are more casual
because they're more laid-back,
they don't want some girl from the city coming up there in a three piece suit
and her six inch heels, I don't own six inch heels,
but that idea,
so you've gotta understand who your audience is.
Uh, if you're able to, remember to shake hands
or have whatever greeting it is that you have with other people
so that they know that they're welcome.
Uh, be aware of your body language.
Uh, use their name, and that's a great tool
to be able to remember somebody's name, you know if, if Tim came up to me
and said, uh, "Hi Jackie my name is Tim" I would say,
"Hi Tim nice to meet you," just that repetition of using the name
once or twice helps to kind of ingrain it,
and then you'll be able to, you know, you don't wanna use it awkwardly
and say, "Well Tim it's very nice Tim to very, to meet you Tim,"
you know because then that becomes creepy and odd [laughs]
but that's the kind of idea for repetition.
Uh, don't talk about yourself too much, people wanna know
that you're taking interest in them,
so try and keep the stories about yourself
to a minimum unless you're asked.
Uh, don't be afraid to show your flaws.
It's okay that you, you know you make mistakes
or you you know you trip on the way in.
I, I was interviewing, uh, a woman for a rec director position,
that's a new position in our municipality,
and she spilled her water on her before she even sat down,
and she didn't care, she just brushed off, she kept talking,
it didn't matter, she didn't make a big deal about it,
she recognized you know, we, we've all been there.
And we actually hired her,
so I mean I think that, that went a long way for her.
And then the last one is be prepared.
So if you are going to go to a networking opportunity,
you're going to meet somebody, do your homework,
you know, understand what the event is about,
ask questions, go on the website,
uh, do some research on the person you wanna speak with
because the more you know about people and their organizations
the more they're gonna be able to relate to you.
Okay, because I've had many people
who have had guest speakers come to conferences I'm at
and they have no idea who they're speaking to.
They haven't done their research they just come in with their
canned presentation and they speak,
and you can feel that there's no connection there.
Or you go to, I go, I used to go to a lot of concerts
and I remember going to, I can't even remember who the band was
and I was just a teenager, but I really liked them
and I got front-row seats to this concert
and they didn't even look in the audience once,
they just stood there and they played their music
and they kind of looked above us like this was so beneath them at this point,
they'd been doing it for so long, I never listened to their music again.
Their first impression face-to-face was not great.
And so that's why you've gotta be very aware
of how you present yourself to other people, okay?
Uh, the power of a handshake or a greeting,
again whatever it is for you.
In North America handshakes are the only consistent physical contact
we have in the business world,
they happen first and they set the tone for the relationship
because generally speaking, it's not okay to walk up
to somebody you don't know and give them a giant bear hug.
Right, like especially.... [audience] [inaudible]
[Jackie] Yeah, no it's not.
I mean I remember as a kid we'd hug our teachers,
well you don't do that now there has to be that,
there's kind of that expectation of space.
But a handshake is one of those things you can still go in
or some kind of greeting, whatever it is
that kind of lets people know, welcome,
you know, uh, you know I'm kind of open to the, to what
you're communicating to me today, okay?
So I, I don't think we'll do this activity
just for the sake of time,
but you wanna go ahead and do that, yeah.
Okay, we'll spend just a few minutes,
uh, and this'll force you to meet some other people
that you're not sitting with in the room.
But I want you to take just a few minutes
and go and introduce yourself
to maybe even just one or two other people in the room.
Shake hands if you're comfortable with that
or whatever kind of greeting you want, but tell them who you are
and just welcome them, okay?
So just take a few minutes to do that
and you can let them know how they did at the end of it.
And so for those of you who are scared and nervous and shy,
just kind of breakout of your comfort zone here.
[audience chattering]
[Jackie] I'm sure some of you wanna get ready for coffee break soon.
Alright, so was that easier or harder than you thought it would be?
It's always worse in our own minds than the actual act of doing it.
I know when I was running for, uh, elected official
I had to go and knock on 400 doors,
it was probably the worst experience of my life
but I sure got over my stage fright pretty quick.
So put yourself out there, even today
just every opportunity you get go up to somebody you don't know
and introduce yourself.
I mean this is a great safe environment to try that.
So we just have a few more, uh, topics to cover off
before we break, uh, and just really highlighting a few things
to think about when you're starting to network.
Really the big thing, uh, that I want to leave you with
is the idea that you have to get to know who you are,
understand who you are, start to build your brand,
and then when you do all of these other things
they become a little bit easier.
So when we talk about communication, effective communication is the process
of sharing information, thoughts and feelings
between people through speaking, writing, body language,
almost everything we do communicates something to someone else.
So the content is received
and understood by someone in a way that it was intended,
and that's what effective communication is.
If both parties have an opportunity to understand each other,
too often you see communication being one-way,
where it's, I'm talking to you, I assume you know what you mean
and I walk away,
and then that's where miscommunication happens,
that's where conflict can happen.
And when you're communicating with people,
especially new people who don't know anything about you
in a networking situation,
you need to be respectful of one another and give each other the opportunity
to effectively communicate their message.
So what's the meaning of this?
When we communicate, very little of the message is actually conveyed
through the words that we say.
There's a, a psychologist by the name of Albert Mehrabian,
and he has a study that he did years ago
and it's, you know, it can be misinterpreted
but when you're having face-to-face conversations with people,
so not through email not through, um, uh, texting, those types of things,
but when you're physically in the same room as somebody
very little of the message is actually conveyed through the words
that you've, you've spoken or said.
Most of the message is conveyed through the tone of the voice,
the language that your body's giving.
You know, how many times could you say, you know what,
"I don't remember exactly what he said but I remember he was really mad,"
I remember you know, his face was red, his fist was, uh, pounding
and he was spitting at me while he was saying it.
So I knew- I remember he was really angry.
So it's not even so much the words it's all of those other things
that make up how we communicate with other people.
And you just have to kind of keep that in mind.
So if you go to a networking event and you wanna meet people
but you're leaning on the wall with your arms crossed
and you're looking at the ceiling or you're looking at the floor,
who's gonna approach you?
You, your arms tell you people that you're closed off,
looking at the floor, standing as a wallflower
shows that maybe you're a little standoffish,
maybe you're a little shy.
Be brave just kind of move into a group, go where the crowds are,
hang out near the washroom if you need to
'cause that's somewhere people are gonna use.
Put a drink in your hand, you know what unless you've got shaky hands
unless you're nervous because then that'll give that away.
But you wanna just, you know, do something to kinda calm yourself,
to ground yourself, um, I, I teach a lot of train the trainer
and things like that, and presentation skills
and I'll often tell people, just lean up against something,
it's almost like, like a grounding, you can just,
something that makes you feel connected to something solid,
and that can really often help as well when you're meeting new people.
So keeping in mind that your body language
will scream volumes about what your words aren't.
And you don't want somebody to not meet you
because they're, they're getting a misinterpretation of, of who you are.
Okay?
So a few communication strategies, be a good listener, okay?
Whatever that format takes for you.
So let people know you're listening by giving them those cues
that you're paying attention, restate what you've heard
which is just kind of almost parroting back what you've heard in their words.
Uh, paraphrasing, it's kind of adding your own feeling to it,
so it sounds like you're frustrated, it sounds like you love your job,
it sounds like you had a great time at this conference.
And empathy, and that's about putting yourself
in other people's shoes,
it's not about you all the time when people are talking to you,
sometimes you have to say, "How is it impacting them,
how do they feel about this."
And being a good listener encompasses all of these things.
Ask good questions.
We are often very bad at asking good questions
because we spend most of our time asking those short close ended questions,
those yes, no simple answer, and we don't necessarily get
what we need out of people in that.
So I always will suggest use closed ended questions
when you've got somebody who gives you too much information,
you know those chatty Kathy's who will just take up all the air space there is,
silence is not permitted.
And so sometimes you have to kind of reign them in,
and by asking lots of close ended questions
you can get more, uh, to the specific areas that you want.
If you've got somebody, maybe you've walked into a room
and you've found somebody you wanna talk to
and your close ended questions are giving you very little information,
ask them something open ended,
you know, what brought you to this conference here today,
what's been your favourite part so far?
It forces them to give you more information,
and then once you kind of open that door with them
and you kinda break the ice with them, how about asking some probing questions,
and these are the questions that get you down
to really maybe what you want to know.
So you ask somebody, you know, what you do for a living,
or what do you like about that job, what specific....
[man] Are you single? [Jackie] Are you single? [laughs]
Yeah, that'll give you a straightforward yes or no question- answer.
Yeah so, yeah you might wanna just soft sell that one,
work your way towards that, not go straight to it.
Uh, again paying attention to body language
you've just covered and listening to tone of voice
and listening for whether or not they're being sincere,
and you'll pick that up through the words that they say,
through the tone of their voice and through their body language, okay?
So those are some of the things to keep in mind.
And now, networking is interacting with others to exchange information
and develop professional or social contacts.
Where do we network?
Internet, where else?
Facebook.
The bus, the plane, the train, walking down the street.
Where else?
Meetings.
On the phone.
At church.
Right here, we can network anywhere.
You just have to be willing to kind of put yourself out there.
I live in a small town, I, I run, I walk my dog,
I'm out with my kids, we bike ride.
I meet people every day because I'll say hello to anybody.
Sometime, when I do that in the city,
it doesn't always get the same response, people look at you
like you're a little bit crazy, but I always say hello to people
and try and make eye contact with them.
And I just think, why not, I mean we're all-
there's always something to learn from somebody.
So every opportunity is a network opping-
networking opportunity, okay?
So it doesn't matter where you are, and so keeping that in mind,
so some of the things here, conventions, conferences,
public meetings, festivals, the bar, training events, chambers of commerce,
vol- how many of you volunteer?
Lots of volunteers here today.
That's one of my favourite things to do,
my favourite event of the year, hands down, is we day?
Have any of you heard of we day?
It's coming up at the end of the month, it is 15,000 youth
learning how to be socially responsible,
and their being talked to by people that are their peers
and given information that they want, and I volunteer at that
because I walk away meeting tonnes of new people
being re-inspired by our youth and getting that cup filling up again.
And so these are the things,
volunteering, you'll get lots more out of it than you think.
Uh, and so everywhere, when you get out of bed
and you leave your house that's a networking opportunity.
So don't pass it up.
[audience] [inaudible]
Yeah, there you go, networking with your pets for sure.
Okay, managing the mingles.
So now you're at these networking opportunities,
so you guys are here today,
there's a whole bunch of people in the room,
I'm sure there will be other people for some of the other discussions.
How do you manage the mingle?
Go with a purpose, so you, do you all know why you're here today?
We know what the conference is for, but do you know what made you sign up
and come here today?
I'm not asking you to tell me, but thinking about it,
there's a purpose for being here today, there's a reason that you signed up,
you got up early and you made new plans
instead of going to work or school or whatever you do during the day
to be here, so know what your purpose is.
If you are nervous bring a friend, bring a colleague.
I would do that, you know sometimes we'll go out,
uh, sometimes the girls will go out, we'll leave our kids at home,
uh, you can't even go to the bathroom on your own because you get nervous,
you're like, uh, I don't wanna walk 20 feet across all these people,
come with me, there's always the thing, you, we go in packs everywhere.
Right, but if you're nervous, bring a friend
because then you've got somebody there to kind of be someone to lean on,
uh, and if you don't have that,
walk in the room and just find the friendliest face,
there'll be somebody smiling,
there'll be somebody standing by themselves as well,
dying for somebody to come meet them, be that person.
Uh, know who you want to meet and do some research.
So maybe if your reason for being here today
was, is to meet one of these guest speakers,
do a little research on them, find out a little bit about them,
see if you can't squeeze five seconds of their time
and let them know who you are, make a connection.
Okay, so I didn't you know, I made a connection with Justin Trudeau
but he won't remember who I am, right?
So I, I met him at a conference, uh, I said my hellos to him,
he wont remember me, but I also didn't embarrass myself.
[audience] [inaudible]
Maybe, maybe, yeah, he was being kind of bombarded by 1000 people
but yeah, but it's, it's those little things for sure.
Uh, be confident, even, you know, they say,
"Fake it till you make it."
You know if you're nervous going in it will, I teach presentation skills
and I can assure you that you feel more nervous inside
than you're actually displaying to other people.
My voice is shaking, my knees are shaking,
I'm so nervous, uh, I'll tell people, "I didn't see that,
you did your presentation, it was fantastic,
if you were nervous, did anybody else in the room know?"
And everybody would say no.
So it's never as bad to the outside person
as you feel it is for yourself.
So be confident, be authentic, don't be somebody you're not.
You know if you are a, a funny person, I know somebody said
that they're humorous, you know, you'll break the ice with humour,
but if you're not funny, don't try to be,
that is very painful
to try and listen to somebody be funny that's not.
Hang out in busy areas, and I've already mentioned this,
don't be a wallflower, and have business cards.
You know even if you're a student get business cards made up
with your contact information
because that's how people communicate now,
it's all through that social networking,
and so if you have your email, your website, your phone number,
your Facebook, whatever it is on a business card,
you can give that to somebody, they're gonna stick it in their pocket,
and not only have they now met you,
but they have a connection for you, okay?
Uh, and we're just about done here
but the art of small talk is you know, so now you've walked in this room,
you're not being the wallflower, you're gonna walk up to a person
or a group of people, what do I say, I've no idea where to go with this now,
I've been brave but now I've, you know, kind of hit that wall.
You wanna be the one to make the first move,
if you wait for other people to do the work,
you may never get the opportunity.
Okay, uh, start off with what you share.
So you're all here at the same conference
so you can walk up to somebody at lunchtime
or we've got a break coming up right away.
Walk up to somebody and say, "Hey you know what, I'm Jackie,
uh, this is the first time I've been here
have you been to other conferences?"
You've already broken the ice.
We live in Winnipeg, we live and die by the weather,
you can always talk about the weather, it's always a safe subject.
Play detective, people like you asking questions about them,
and not being nosy and intrusive but learning about people.
You know when people ask about you kind of, oh, they're interested
in what I have to say, and people are willing to disclose
often more often.
Uh, open up with limits, so again, disclose of yourself
but you know don't, you know, don't talk to them about the surgery
you had last week or you know something that's gonna make somebody uncomfortable
and awkward right off the hop,
that's something you might save for the second conversation.
Uh, listen out loud, and that really just means
instead of just standing there or just not giving any response
to when somebody's talking,
you want to encourage them to continue to talk,
so it's some way gesture, speak to them,
give them some indication that what they're saying matters,
and we talked a little bit about that already.
Give warning, and that means when you are at a networking event,
you're there to network and meet people, not stand with the same person all day.
So if I'm going to a networking event and somebody's kind of cornered me
and I can't get rid of them I might say, "You know what,
uh, in about five minutes I need to go make a phone call
or you know there's six other people I wanna meet here today,
so I'm just letting you know I'm gonna, I'm gonna go and do that,
and if you wanna come with me you can,
uh, and if you don't, that's fine as well.
So let, kind of give people the heads up
that this conversation's coming to an end, okay?
Uh, show appreciation,
"You know it was really great meeting you,
this has been a great opportunity,
you know maybe we can exchange information."
Uh, explain your next move,
it kind of goes with the give your warning,
"You know what, this has been great I'm just gonna go grab a drink now,
I see they've brought the food out, I'm gonna go grab some,
maybe I'll catch up with you later."
It's a very respectful way of moving on and letting the person know
that that conversation is done.
Or last choice there is to play host.
So take them with you, so if they were a wallflower
and you can tell they're not gonna do it on their own,
say, come with me, I'll introduce you to some people that I met
or we, we'll kind of be each others rock for the rest of the evening.
So these are some of the ways that you can handle that small talk.
Okay, so safe topics for small talk.
Weather, travel, sports, food, restaurants.
Sports in my family you don't talk about cause they'll fight over it.
Uh, hobbies, music and books.
[audience] [inaudible]
Yeah, I'm a Ticats fan so it's fun to talk about the bombers.
Uh, so not so safe topics.
Uh, politics, religion, children
'cause you don't know if people have children,
and I find that people who have kids are always way more interested
in their kids than everybody else, right?
Like I will sometimes catch myself talking about my kids
and the glazed over look on the people that I'm talking to,
I realize I have more interest in them than they do.
So you know, pay attention.
Pets, currents news sometimes can be hot buttons.
Health, uh, you know and so those are some of the things
to kinda keep in mind, really just watch people's body language
for sure.
And so just to finish up here, there are rules of likability,
and I just wanna go through these twelve with you real quick.
We like people who like us.
We like people who are like us.
We like people who can teach us without preaching at us,
who can lift our spirits and pay attention to us.
We like people who are approachable and are genuine.
We associate with positive feelings.
We like people who are courteous and are familiar with us.
And we like people who don't take themselves too seriously,
and are beautiful on the inside.
And these are the things that we do to make people like us
and that we like back, it's people that we have some connection to.
So you have to figure out what your connection is
with other people, so that when you're trying to tell them
who you are and build your brand,
that they buy into that and they believe it,
and it's believable because it's true.
So the last thing I'm gonna leave you here
is from that Tom Peters again.
It's this simple, you're a brand, you're in charge of your brand
and there's no single path to success,
and there is right, uh, one right way to create the brand called you,
except this, you needs to start today, okay?
So that is where I'm going to leave it today,
I have put my contact information up here
but it will be made available to, to others as well,
um, if anybody requires it.
Uh, I very much thank you for letting me come here this morning
and I hope you guys have a fantastic day,
it looks like there's a great agenda.
If you have questions or comments or you wanna talk about any of this,
uh, further, you can just give me a call or send me an email
I always love hearing from folks.
And, uh, I wish you very well and I hope you have a great day.
Thank you. [applause]