Robin williams

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working,...

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and...