Rodney dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.