Patton oswalt

I like to write, I like to do stand-up, I like to act.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, 'Well, I've had it with humanity.' But I was wrong.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you're not being a slave to your possessions.

I'm going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don't see why it should affect the acting.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

I never said that movies were struggling behind TV. I'm just saying that movies have a better creative cache.

To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.