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The best thing about the summer *** was that I finally power-slurped the worm out of a high-end bottle of tequila. The worst thing: I got a DUI and ends up in Essex County jail. Since it was my first...

Oh, Sloane, you miss her? God, no, these are tears of joy. I'm just so happy no one here is going to be attacking my nipples. It'll be easier when your hubby gets back from Afghanistan. God, I hope...

I love being. But my friend Olivia has bigger dreams. Olivia majored in journalism back when people gave a crap about newspapers. Today's headline tiny Korean chick rejected again, friend offers...

I need a new gynecologist. Why, what happened? Your guy make enough money off of you to retire? Or could he just not live with the things he'd seen? Ha ha. No, my guy was already kind of creepy, and...

Thank you for babysitting for Silvia, you guys. She'll probably wake up at around 11:00. And if she does, give her a bottle. Do not breastfeed her. I won't. That better not be vodka. No. It's not all...

And I said, "oh, they're fresh. That Peruvian lilly just pinched my patootie." Oh, she laughed so hard, she forgot to pay. So my boss had her arrested. I had somebody walk out on the check...

My room mate Dee Dee was member of a rare and endangered species 26-year-old virgins. I love her, but she was always always always on our couch. Whew! What up, B-words? No, no joke. Always. Hey, Dee....

, thanks to my sister Sloan, I was allowed to witness one of nature's most wondrous and magical moments The miracle of birth. But despite the unspeakable pain, we fall madly in love with it. I read a...

All right, all right, all right, all right. Who wants to play crotch hockey? I'm goal. And no jokes about how everyone scores on me. Now, if you can make the puck Or in this case, a dinner roll In...

Not too long ago, I pulled a real bonehead move and got a dui. Since then, my roommate Dee Dee has become my designated driver. She's perfect for the job because she doesn't like drinking, and her...