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Kenny, this is
not amateur hour.
My show is already suffering
enough just losing Roz
I will not let you replace
her with a complete novice
Come on,
don't you remember
when you were
a young whippersnapper
with nothing but
a pantload of talent
and a head full of dreams?
Are we still
talking about Noel?
Five seconds to
launch, Dr. Crane.
Yeah.
Good afternoon, Seattle.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
Before we get to our first call,
I'd like to remind you
that we are losing
our beloved producer, Roz Doyle,
in a couple of weeks
to another career opportunity.
That's KPXY, The Mighty Pixy
.
Seattle's more exciting talk.
Whoo-hoo!
In the meantime, we have
with us today Noel Shempsky,
a KACL employee whose
sole qualification for this job
seems to be that
he's never taken a sick day.
Good afternoon, listeners near
and stars away.
Our first query comes from a Class M planet we call Earth
and appears to be
personal in nature.
Oh, and his name is Glen.
Go ahead, Glen, I'm listening.
Okay, Noel, that was good.
But you need to tell Frasier
the name of the caller,
the town they're calling from and why they're calling.
Okay.
You know, maybe
I would learn more
if you sat down behind me
and guided my hands,
like they did in Ghost.
Oh! Noel!
Oh, hi, Julia.
Do you mind?
I'm trying to
show Noel what I do.
Is that why he's on his knees?
Get up.
Let me give you
some pointers on
call screening.
Your first priority are your leapers and jumpers.
Next up, angry people.
They're great energy
and a welcome change
from our largest group,
the sad sacks.
The trick of it is you want
to arrange all of these calls
so that each segment
is "can't miss" radio.
But I thought
it was just about
Frasier doing good work.
Please!
It's all about ratings.
If the station had its way,
every call would end
in an auto-*** suicide.
Thank you, Roz.
Now that Seattle knows
how we do things around here,
perhaps you could
let Noel know
to keep his elbow
off the mic button.
we'll do paper
work together?
(flat):
Yeah, it's really sad.
What exactly is
the new job, Roz?
Program director.
Now that's a job.
Let me give you
a little piece of advice.
Less *** and
more older-people shows.
Yeah, I know, Martin,
but that's not exactly
what they're going for.
Well, why not?
You could have a show
about owning dogs.
Or how about this?
A show where people just call in
with jokes they've heard
That'd be a riot.
I think they're looking for a wider audience
than just you, Dad.
Lots of people
would be interested
in that sort of thing.
Yeah, but the advertisers are
looking for the young dollars.
What's wrong with my money?
You don't spend it all
on fast food and beer.
Yes, I do.
You know, I'’m tired
of society blowing me off
just because
I'm a senior citizen.
You know,
one day we're gonna rise
and take this country back
from you young smart alecks.
And it won't be pretty either.
I could mention
the joke idea to my boss.
You just bought yourself
a little more time.
Well, here it is, Roz,
the final parking requisition form.
The end of an era.
Listen, I know that Kenny is giving you a going away party
but I wanted to have a
little celebratory dinner,
just the two of us, all right?
Any night you're free.
Well, Niles and Daphne
are watching Alice.
How about tonight?
Well, actually,
I'm meeting Julia later.
Why would you
want to do that?
Well, we've sort of been
seeing each other lately.
You and Julia?
She's a total ***.
Now, Roz, if you took the time
to get to know her,
you'd see that she's
really not such a bad person.
Like get to know her naked,
you mean.
No.
I think she's
been misjudged.
Sure, she has a lot of walls up,
but, I mean, there must be
something good inside
if it needs
that much protection.
Yeah, well, there are walls
around prisons, too.
Yes. Fine.
Your opinion
has been noted.
There are walls
around insane asylums, cholera wards...
Thank you, Roz.
nuclear facilities,
gator farms...
All right, shut up.
Got you!
Oh.
Now you chase me.
(anguished laughter):
Oh...
No, I think
it's Daphne's turn.
Oh, no, I just had
four turns in a row.
But you know who does
want a turn?
The TV.
There you go.
Your video's all cued up
(sighs)
Should we really be
plopping her
in front of the tube?
It's an educational tape
Did you want to read her
more Jung for Jungsters?
She doesn't seem
to respond to it.
Perhaps that's a treat
we'll save for our own child
When will that be?
When are we going to have
a child of our own?
Oh, I don't know,
when we're ready.
Yes, we always say that,
but how will we know
Yes, when we're ready?
I mean, if it were just me,
I'm ready right now.
Really?
I just don't feel like
we're quite there yet.
What has to change?
What's this little brat
doing here?
Make sure it don't
make any noise.
I'm resting.
Maybe it's
my biorhythms.
Daphne, might it have
something to do with
your mother
living with us?
(toy squeaks)
Well, I've always thought in the back of my head
that we'd start a
family after she left.
Well, but that doesn't
have to stop us
from getting pregnant.
And once we are,
we've got nine months
to get her out of the house.
Are you kidding?
If she found out there was a grandchild on the way,
she'd never leave.
And I don't
think I could take Mum
and morning sickness
at the same time.
Well, on the other hand,
a grandmother can be
a wonderful influence
on a child.
Alice...
you help Auntie Gert
find her cigarettes,
and you can have one.
(clinking glass)
I think now would be a good time
if anyone wants to stand up,
say a few words to Roz.
I know I'll miss her.
Which is why I'm proud to present her with...
this picture of the two of us
at the last company picnic.
Won't that baby look nice in a frame?
Yeah.
Enjoy.
I'm next.
"Sweetest Roz, you are my ship
when I'm at sea,
"my fairest rose, my fantasy.
"With each sunrise, my thanks I send
for you, my love,
my true best friend."
Aw, that's...
Puke!
That was beautiful, you son of a b.
Okay, every...
Sit down.
Sit down, Noel.
Sit down.
Okay, everybody,
Bulldog to the rescue.
Now...
I don't want to say Roz
has had a lot of sex,
but she's spent more time
on her back than King Tut.
Did you hear the story
about the guy at KACL
who didn'thave sex with Roz?
Me neither.
But, uh, seriously--
What's the difference between Roz and a dog in heat?
No, really, I'm asking.
You people suck!
It's not a roast, Bulldog.
It's not?
I paid a guy
at the Chuckle Factory
50 bucks to write jokes for me.
When's he getting here?
Okay, okay...
you want a speech?
Best of luck
in your new job, Roz.
If you're ever
need a sports guy,
I'm your man.
And I wouldn't have any problem with you being my boss.
After all,
I know what it feels like
to be underneath you,
am I right?
Watch what you say about her!
FRASIER:
Noel, Bulldog, come on!
Walk it off, Noel.
Walk it off. Go on.
Careful, gents
Really, the way you two
are always carrying on,
people are going
to start talking.
Hello, all.
Gil Chesterton here,
with a toast to Roz Doyle.
Hear, hear.
A wonderful co-worker
and a good friend.
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
Of course, I, too,
noticed Roz's sex appeal immediately
She had the same effect on all of us stallions
in the KACL corral.
She made us want to paw the ground
fetlocks glistening.
Smokey, Misty,
Storm! Away!
Okay, bar's closed.
Gil?... (whistles)
Uh, Julia, your turn.
Oh. Uh...
Well, I've only
known Roz a short time,
but I can see that
she's a valuable
member of this team.
And I'm sure
you'll be missed.
Good luck.
Well said, well said.
Uh...
(clears throat)
Roz...
I celebrate your new
adventure with you.
But I wouldn't be honest
if I didn't say
that this is a big loss for me.
You were there
on my very first day at KACL
and you took me under your wing.
It's crowded under there
(whispers):
I will kill you.
I don't think
I'll ever grow accustomed
to seeing somebody else
in your booth.
And certainly no one else
can ever take your place
in our hearts.
And while we welcome
new friends,
we are sad to say
good-bye to old ones.
Good luck, Roz
Hear, hear
Speech.
Come on, Roz.
Speech, speech!
(clears throat)
Thanks, you guys.
I just love you all
for doing this for me.
We really are like a family,
aren't we?
You know, this job at KPXY
is a really great,
great opportunity,
but it'll never be like this
Which is why
I'm changing my mind.
I can't leave KACL.
I'm staying.
Really?!
(cheering)
uh, we'd like to get two double lattes to go, please.
For an extra dollar,
I can add a nip of brandy.
Is that on the menu?
It's on the secret menu.
I'll pass, thank you.
You know, Frasier,
I feel so invigorated
to get back
to my old job.
Oh, Roz...
In fact, I'd really like to record
some promos tonight,
if you're available.
Oh, I can't.
I'm taking Julia
to the movies.
One of my favorites:
Noch Einen Stuhl.
Noch Einen Stuhl?
Yes. It's the story
of a 19th-century
Austrian family
as told from the point of view
of an old fireside armchair.
I'm sorry, I dozed off.
What were you saying?
I've got to get
an alternative newspaper
to check show times.
I'll be right back.
Here we are.
Oh...
(phone ringing)
Your phone's ringing.
Oh, it's not mine, it's Frasier's.
(ringing continues)
Ew! It's Julia.
Who's that?
Oh, this witch who'’s trying to get her
hooks into Frasier.
I hate her.
I'll fix her.
Wh-Wh-What
are you doing?
(sultry):
♪♪ Hello. ♪♪
Oh, I'm sorry.
Frasier's in no position
to talk,
if you, uh, get my meaning.
Who is this, then?
Hold on.
Sweetheart, do you want to talk
to a Julia?
(giggling):
Oh, Frasier, put me down.
(both snickering)
Sorry, he's not here
after all. Bye, now.
There.
Problem solved.
You know, you probably ruined
their entire evening.
How can I thank you?
Only one showing of
Noch Einen Stuhltonight.
Got to
go by the box office
and pick up
the tickets.
Yes, I bet
they're going fast.
Hello!
Oh, sorry!
Wish we could join you guys.
I'm going to get tickets for Noch Einen Stuhl!
Cutting it a little close,
aren't you?
Hey, Mum.
When you've finished your shift, we'll drive you home.
Really?
Are you sure it wouldn't
give you more pleasure
to see me walk home
on my bloody stumps?
Well, it would,
but we're in a hurry.
We'll be here
when you're ready.
Oh, Niles...
Oh...
Just think, one day,
we'll have one of those.
Yes. Just
one awkward chore
to get out of the way.
Well, that's romantic.
I meant asking your mother
to move out.
We're not
asking her, Niles.
We're telling her.
I know. I know.
You have to be firm.
Yes.
This is a woman
who came for week
and stayed for
a year and a half.
Yes, I know.
I just think that...
It's not like she's
got no place to go.
She's got seven
other children!
I know
Plus, a home
and friends in England.
Many friends, yes.
I just... I...
I just don't know
how to break it to her.
Well, the sooner we do,
the sooner can start
our own family.
You're right.
Do you realize,
this time next year,
we could be sitting here
with our own baby?
Baby?
What's this, then?
We'll talk about it later.
I want to talk about it now.
What's going on?
Well, I was going
to wait until later,
but if you really
want to know, we...
Wait, wait,
Daphne, Daphne
... (clears throat)
Oh, well,
I'm glad you
I was beginning to think
there might be something wrong
with your equipment, Niles.
Oh, were you?
Well, here's more news:
You're out of the house,
so pack your bags
and find another sucker.
Uh, excuse me,
could I get
some service over here?
Keep your knickers on.
Don't move.
We're not done
hashing this through.
♪♪ Hello. ♪♪
(suspiciously)
: Hello.
♪♪ Hello. ♪♪
Say that again.
♪♪ Hello? ♪♪
Now say, "Frasier's in no position to talk,
if you get my meaning."
Now, it was all Roz's idea
I had no choice.
I'm not a well woman.
Hello, Roz.
Julia.
(shuts door)
I just talked to that waitress
over at Nervosa.
The one that answered
Frasier's phone.
She gave you up immediately.
(laughing):
Relax.
It was just a joke.
Okay.
So, what's going on?
Do you have some sort of problem
with me seeing Frasier?
Well, as long as
you're asking...
I think you're all wrong
for him.
That's not your call.
I think I know Frasier
a little better than you.
So?
So...
he deserves
someone better.
Someone who'll
appreciate him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Frasier's a good guy.
He's smart and sweet
and way too good for you.
Why don't you just leave
Nobody here
likes you, anyway.
Frasier seems to.
Well, he's an idiot.
Are you trying to save Frasier
from me
or are you trying to save him
for yourself?
Are you out of your mind?
You in love with him?
Go to hell, Julia.
That would explain why you
turned down that great job
That is not true.
Then stay out of my way.
Or what?
Do you want
to find out?
What, are you going
to hit me or something?
Don't think I won't.
Well, you're sure
taking your time.
Stay away from him.
Got it?
Get out of here!
Well, I guess
this is good-bye.
Um, I just
want you to know,
I love you both
very much,
and I'm, you know,
looking forward
to standing
on my own two feet again.
Uh...
Thank you for the ticket,
and the luggage
and the clothes
and the spending money.
(gasping)
I'm sorry.
This is just so sad.
Gertrude, are you sure you're okay--
Good-bye, Mum.
Have a nice trip.
Say hello to everyone
in Manchester for me.
Right, then.
Good-bye, Niles.
Good-bye.
I know you'll be
a wonderful father
to my grandchild.
I hope you'’ll find time
to send me a picture.
Well, can't we
all just talk...
We have your address.
I'm off.
Bye.
(sighs)
Oh, Daphne, you were wonderful
I don't know
how you did it
(sobbing)
Hold me, Niles.
(sobbing)
Hang on. Hang on.
Gertrude!
(sobbing):
Yes?
Come here, come here.
Uh...
Would you be willing
to stay in Seattle
if-if, say, you had
your own apartment?
Oh, Niles...
Do you really mean that?
I mean, I don't want
to intrude.
Well, of course I mean it.
And-And-And we'd
even help with the rent.
Define "help."
We'll talk.
Well, then, it's settled
I'll just go tell the taxi I'm not going.
No, no, no, you're going
Just tell them to take you
to the Four Seasons.
I'll go ahead and call
and book you a room.
You've made me so happy,
I think I'm going to cry.
Oh, come here...
(Niles laughing)
Niles, I...
I don't know
how to thank you.
I do.
Hey, Martin.
Hi, Roz.
Come in.
Is Frasier here?
I really need
to talk to him
No, he went out
for dinner.
Oh, let me guess: Julia.
Wow. Not a fan, huh?
I can't stand her,
actually.
(chuckling):
Really!
Well, I just met her
this evening,
but she seemed nice to me.
Well, that's because
she's got you snowed.
She's a mean, snooty tight-***
who thinks she's better
than everybody else,
and Frasier's making
a giant mistake,
and somebody's got to do
something about it.
Well, good luck.
When Frasier's heart takes over, his brain shuts down.
That's why we have to do
something now,
before this relationship
gets any closer.
Will you help me?
Well, Roz, if you feel
that strongly about it
sure, I'll back you up.
(door opening)
Oh, hi, guys.
MARTIN: Hi.
Hi
Hi, Roz.
Hello, Roz.
Nice to see you.
Julia.
Martin, I've brought you
some cake from the restaurant.
Restaurant cake!
Steady...
It's chocolate-- why don't I
cut you a slice
and pour you some milk.
New plan.
I'll distract her
while you talk to Frasier.
What's going on, Roz?
I didn't expect
to see you tonight.
Well, um,
I have something
really important
to talk to you about,
and I really need you
to listen to me.
Well, absolutely.
That's what I do.
I really, really,
really think
you should
stop seeing Julia.
Look, I know you two
have your difficulties
No, it's not that.
She's all wrong for you.
I think I see what's going on here.
You and I have a
close relationship
A new woman comes
to the radio station,
she and I form a
close relationship
and you feel threatened.
No. She's evil.
It's not your fault.
You can't see it because
she puts on an act around you.
Did it ever occur to you
that maybe
she's putting on an act
for everybody else,
and maybe I see her
as she really is?
Oh, she's got you
totally brainwashed!
Roz, you have no right
to come over here
and run her down to me.
It's really
none of your business.
This is my business.
And why?
Because...
we're friends.
I can't believe you're turning on me like this!
I gave up a job
that was ten times better
to stay on your show!
Yes, and frankly, I
don't understand that!
Why, exactly,
did you turn down that job?
Out of loyalty to you!
Loyalty to me! Are you sure?
Are you sure it wasn't just fear?
Are you sure you're not just using me as an excuse
not to grow and move on?
Who wants restaurant cake?
You're going to have
to choose, Frasier.
You will not put me
in this position, Roz.
We will discuss it later.
No! Tell me!
It's her or me!
Tell me now,
or I swear to God,
I will walk out of here
and I will not come back!
Thank you, Julia.
I think I will have some cake.
(weakly):
Fine.
(door closes)
And this will be
your office, Ms. Doyle
Make yourself at home.
Thank you, Mr. Wiswell
Uh, there's no chance
you'll change your mind again, is there?
No. KACL is ancient history.
Good.
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-callin'’’
♪♪
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
♪
Mercy!
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe, but
I got you pegged! ♪♪
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha
!
♪♪ But I don'’’t k
now what to do ♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salads ♪♪
♪♪ And scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They're callin' again ♪♪
Good night!