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HONEY, I'M HOME!
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
YES. WHATEVER YOU SAY.
WHAT'S NEW IN SCHOOL?
SURE, MOM.
I'LL GET TO IT.
WHAT'S NEW WITH YOU?
SHH! MOVE.
WELCOME BACK TO PANGAEA'S FUNNIEST HOME INJURIES.
[LAUGHTER]
HERE'S A FATHER AND SON PLAYING CATCH
TOO NEAR AN ACTIVE VOLCANO
AND GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE EXPRESSION, "GO DEEP."
GO DEEP! I CAN REACH YOU.
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
WH--AAH!
I HAD SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPEN TO ME TODAY.
ON VIDEO?
IN MY LIFE.
I WANT TO TALK AT DINNER.
WE DON'T SEE EACH OTHER ALL DAY.
WE OUGHT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER.
WE CAN TALK ANYTIME.
PANGAEA'S FUNNIEST HOME INJURIES
IS ONLY ON RIGHT NOW!
THEN YOU'LL WATCH WHATEVER'S ON NEXT.
THAT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SHOW--
WHAT SHOW?
PANGAEA'S SECOND FUNNIEST HOME INJURIES.
I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER.
WE DON'T SPEND TIME TOGETHER AS A FAMILY.
MA, YOU'RE THINKING TOO HARD.
RELAX. LOOK AT THE BRIGHT COLORS.
IT'S...NICE.
COME ON, HONEY, TURN THAT THING OFF!
♪ PANGAEA, PANGAEA, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU ♪
♪ GET HURT ♪
[GASP]
OOPS!
FINE.
YOU AND I WILL EAT DINNER TOGETHER
LIKE A CIVILIZED FAMILY.
WE INTERRUPT PANGAEA'S SECOND FUNNIEST HOME INJURIES
FOR THIS SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.
NOW, HERE'S DNN CORRESPONDENT, HOWARD HANDUPME.
A METEOR WATCH HAS BEEN PUT INTO EFFECT
THROUGHOUT THE PANGAEAN PANHANDLE.
SCIENTISTS HAVE PINPOINTED THIS PARTICULAR HOUSE
AS THE POINT OF PROBABLE IMPACT.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?
UH, DAD, UH...
WHAT?
I THINK THAT'S OUR HOUSE!
NAH!
YEAH, I THINK SO.
NA--
NAH?
NOT THE MAMA.
NAH.
YEAH, LOOK!
HA HA HA!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
HEY, FRAN, COME HERE, COME HERE!
LOOK AT THIS. I'M ON TV.
HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S THE EARL SHOW!
CH-CH-CH-CH.
CH-CH-CH-CH-CH.
♪ THERE ARE CHICKS ♪
♪ JUST RIGHT FOR SOME KISSIN' ♪
♪ AND I MEAN ♪
♪ TO KISS ME A FEW ♪
♪ AND THOSE CHICKS ♪
AAH!
♪ DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSIN' ♪
♪ I'VE GOT A LOT OF LIVIN' ♪
♪ TO DO ♪
AAH!
AGAIN!
WE'VE BEEN CANCELED.
WE NOW RETURN YOU
TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.
YAAA!
I'VE FINISHED MY PRELIMINARY CLAIM INSPECTION,
AND I WOULD APPRAISE THE DAMAGES SUSTAINED HERE--
DON'T TRY AND CHEAT ME!
YOU INSURANCE GUYS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ETHICS!
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY YOUR TELEVISION WAS WORTH?
$10,000.
GOOD THING I POPPED
FOR THAT EXTRA MEDIA COVERAGE, EH?
IN THAT LARGE, BOUND VOLUME WE SENT YOU, LABELED EXCLUSIONS,
YOU'LL FIND THAT A METEOR
IS ONLY A METEOR UNTIL IT ENTERS THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE
AT WHICH TIME IT BECOMES A METEORITE.
WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY MONEY?
NOT UNLESS YOUR HOUSE WAS IN SPACE
WHEN IT WAS STRUCK.
IT WAS--ASK ANYBODY!
I DON'T SEE THIS AS A LOSS AT ALL.
THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER.
I SEE THIS AS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE!
WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS BLESSING DISGUISED AS, FRAN?
MISERY? AWKWARDNESS?
OH, I KNOW!
IT'S DISGUISED AS MIND-NUMBING BOREDOM!
LOOK, WE'RE NOT USED TO COMMUNICATING.
WE'VE LOST THE ART OF CONVERSATION.
EARL, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY.
I DON'T WANT TO.
AT LEAST ASK THE CHILDREN HOW SCHOOL WENT.
WHAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY, ROBBIE?
UH, MAY I BE EXCUSED?
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
DON'T YOU GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR!
NOBODY LEAVES UNTIL WE START TALKING LIKE A FAMILY.
OH, THIS IS VICIOUS!
FINE, CHARLENE, YOU START FIRST.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY.
O.K...WELL, I WENT TO SCHOOL.
NOTHING'S GOING ON THERE.
THERE WAS A... BOOK OR SOMETHING.
AND THEN I WENT TO THE MALL.
THIS IS GOOD. THEY HAD A BOOTH,
AND THEY ANALYZED MY SKIN.
AND IT TURNS OUT I HAVE COMBINATION SCALES!
SOME ARE OILY, AND SOME ARE DRY.
HERE'S WHERE IT GETS REALLY INTERESTING--
THEY BLENDED ME A CUSTOM-SCALE MOISTURIZER--
EMOLLIENT, LUSTERIZER CONDITIONER MOUSSE
WITH A P.H. BALANCE AND A SUN-PROTECTION FACTOR,
WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, MATCHES THE COMBINATION BODY SPLASH GEL,
AND CAME IN A FREE CARRYING CASE WITH A LOOFA!
ROBBIE! IMAGINE RUNNING INTO YOU HERE.
TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOU.
LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
GEE, MOM, I'M NOT THAT INTERESTING.
THE MORE YOU STRUGGLE,
THE MORE PAINFUL IT WILL BE.
O.K...THERE IS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT.
I WOULDN'T MIND HEARING WHAT THE FAMILY THINKS.
I'M CONFUSED ABOUT THE REALITY OF NATURE.
NO KIDDING?
LIKE IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST
AND NOBODY SEES OR HEARS IT,
DID IT ACTUALLY FALL?
OOH! NOW, THAT IS INTRIGUING!
WHO CAN BUILD ON THAT?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M GOING TO SEE IF THE TREE FELL.
IF YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE,
I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN!
THROW IN THE REST OF THE FAMILY, AND IT'S A DEAL!
FREE, WITH YOUR PAID SUBSCRIPTION
TO DINOSAUR SPORTS...
[RING RING]
THE ROCK IS RINGING!
WOW! IT'S A PHONE!
IT'S A ROCK! IT'S A ROK-FONE!
HA HA HA!
HELLO? YEAH?
HELLO, THE TV. I MISSED YOU.
DID YOU MISS ME?
TOUGH DAY WITHOUT THE TV, PALLY BOY?
YEAH. DID I MISS ANYTHING?
YOU KIDDING?
FIRST, ON OH, THOSE BECKLESONS,
ARNIE'S SON, MICKY, GOT PICKED ON BY A SCHOOL BULLY.
ARNIE HAD TO TEACH HIM A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT LIFE.
OOH. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
YEAH, WELL, THOSE GUYS.
THEY'RE BREAKING NEW GROUND EVERY WEEK.
GEEZ! WHAT ELSE DID I MISS?
WAIT. ON WE'RE NOT EVEN RELATED,
BUT SOMEHOW WE'RE ALL LIVING TOGETHER--
THAT'S A GREAT SHOW!
WHEN DELORES AND STAN GO OUT FOR THE EVENING,
TEENAGED BILLY THROWS A PARTY, AND TROUBLE ERUPTS.
DID IT TURN OUT ALL RIGHT?
EVERYONE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT LIFE.
AND I WAS WASTING THESE PRECIOUS HOURS WITH MY FAMILY.
I GOT TO GET A NEW TV!
HOW MUCH DOES ONE LIKE THAT COST NOW?
OH, 700 OR 800 BUCKS.
I COULD NEVER AFFORD THAT...
AND THOSE BECKLESONS WILL LEARN MORE
VALUABLE LESSONS ABOUT LIFE
AND I'LL GET LEFT BEHIND!
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO OWN
THIS GORGEOUS 90-INCH STEREOPHONIC,
SURROUND SOUND, REALLY, REALLY BIG TUBE TELEVISION?
YES!
YOU COULD, IF YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY
APPEAR AS CONTESTANTS ON FAMILY CHALLENGE!
HEY! I GOT A FAMILY.
OF COURSE, I'D HAVE TO SPLIT THE TV WITH THEM.
AW, WHAT THE HECK?
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS SAVE YOUR DOUBLE COUPONS
FOR THE MORE EXPENSIVE ITEMS.
IS THAT MY WONDERFUL FAMILY?
I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD DO MORE THINGS TOGETHER AS A FAMILY.
LIKE WHAT?
SOMETHING THAT WILL TEACH US TO NURTURE, SHARE,
AND IMPROVE OUR GENERAL KNOWLEDGE OF TRIVIA.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. NOTHING PLANNED, NO AGENDA.
OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD...
A GAME SHOW, THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.
WANT TO GO ON IT?
A TV GAME SHOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON, COME ON. IT'LL BE GREAT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, KIDS?
ALL IN FAVOR, SIT THERE MOTIONLESS.
IT'S UNANIMOUS, FRAN.
SEEN THIS ONE.
SEEN THIS ONE.
SEEN THIS ONE.
WE'VE BEEN ACCEPTED AS CONTESTANTS
ON THE FAMILY CHALLENGE,
WHICH LEAVES US 30 DAYS
TO ABSORB ALL THE WORLD'S KNOWLEDGE.
NOW, SOME OF US MIGHT NOT MAKE IT...
HOW CAN WE GET SO SMART SO FAST?
NO PROBLEM.
AS YOU CAN SEE,
I HAVE SEPARATED ALL KNOWN DINOSAUR WISDOM
INTO THREE CATEGORIES--
"ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, AND ROCKS."
WELL, WHAT ABOUT FIRE?
VEGETABLE.
WHAT ABOUT WATER?
WATER IS THE OPPOSITE OF FIRE,
WHICH WE HAVE PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED AS A VEGETABLE.
WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF VEGETABLE? FRUIT.
WATER IS A FRUIT.
FRUIT ISN'T A VEGETABLE.
IT HAS TO BE AN ANIMAL OR A ROCK.
WE KNOW IT'S NOT AN ANIMAL.
THEREFORE, FRUIT'S A ROCK.
DADDY, I ASKED YOU ABOUT WATER.
COULD WE HOLD ALL QUESTIONS UNTIL I'M THROUGH LECTURING?
NOT THE TV!
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
WHY NOT?
I'M USED TO BEING EMBARRASSED BY YOU GUYS ON A LOCAL LEVEL,
BUT BEING HUMILIATED NATIONALLY?
OH, CHARLENE, YOUR FATHER'S JUST TRYING TO ORGANIZE
A FAMILY ACTIVITY.
THAT'S RIGHT. WHEN YOU'RE OLDER,
PERHAPS YOU'LL REALIZE FAMILY IS ALL YOU HAVE
AND ALL YOU REALLY NEED.
I'VE COME TO BE ON THE GAME SHOW.
WHO NEEDS YOU?
GRANDMA ETHYL IS PART OF THE FAMILY.
SHE'S THE ANNOYING PART OF THE FAMILY, FRAN.
I GUESS YOU WON'T NEED HELP
WITH THE ANCIENT HISTORY QUESTIONS.
WHAT MAKES YOU THE ANCIENT HISTORY EXPERT?
I WAS THERE.
MOM, WELCOME TO THE TEAM.
HEH HEH.
YUTZ.
ASK ME ANOTHER ONE.
YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN ONE RIGHT.
I'M FINDING MY RHYTHM. ASK ME, ASK ME.
"WHAT CAN FISH DO UNDERWATER THAT DINOSAURS CAN'T?"
SING.
WRONG.
BREATHE.
WE CAN'T BREATHE UNDERWATER?
NOPE.
THAT STINKS. WHY DON'T WE KNOW THIS STUFF?
WHY AREN'T WE SMARTER?
WHY HAVEN'T WE REACHED OUR FULL POTENTIAL?
WHAT HAS HELD US BACK?
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOUR MILEAGE MAY DIFFER.
TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON, BOB.
HOW HOT WAS IT?
THIS CONCLUDES OUR BROADCAST DAY.
YOU THINK IT COULD BE TELEVISION?
OH, FRAN, WHAT IF YOU'RE RIGHT?
WE'VE DONE NOTHING BUT WATCH TELEVISION OUR WHOLE LIVES.
AND NOW WE KNOW NOTHING.
NOW WE'RE SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES.
NOW WE'RE MISSING THE WINKIE THE MOOSE SHOW.
THEY SAID IF YOU ONLY SEE ONE THIS SEASON,
TONIGHT'S THE ONE.
WE CAN CHANGE WHAT WE'VE BECOME, STARTING NOW.
WHEN YOU FIRST MENTIONED US GOING ON A GAME SHOW,
I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE.
MOTIVE?
YOU THOUGHT THAT?
HA HA. WELL...
YES, BUT NOW I SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS.
IT'S OUR CHANCE TO LEARN TOGETHER
AND GROW CLOSER AS A FAMILY.
OH, I KNOW.
CUMULUS.
YES!
HA HA.
WHOO-HOO!
YAY!
ALL RIGHT, HERE IS THE CONCEPT OF GRAVITY.
NOW WATCH CLOSELY.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
[LAUGHING]
I NEVER REALIZED HOW LOVELY IT COULD BE,
SITTING HERE WITH MY FAMILY,
SHARING THESE LOVELY PEARLS.
NOW IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN
TO PLAY THE WORLD'S FIRST AND MOST POPULAR GAME SHOW,
THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.
YAY!
HERE'S MR. FAMILY CHALLENGE HIMSELF, BUDDY GLIMMER.
YAY!
HEY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. HA HA.
NOW LET'S MEET OUT FAMILIES.
FIRST, OUR CHALLENGERS.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE SINCLAIRS.
WHOO!
HI, EVERYONE.
HI, BUDDY. I'M EARL.
LADIES, LADIES. JUST LIKE TO MEET THE LADIES.
AND THIS DELIGHTFUL LOVELY IS?
OH, CHARLENE SINCLAIR.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
WHO'S THIS VISION OF LOVELINESS?
WELL, I'M FRAN SINCLAIR,
HOMEMAKER AND PROUD MOTHER OF THREE.
AH!
FRAN! HA HA! YES!
GIVE ME A BIG WET ONE.
[KISSING NOISES]
AND LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR RETURNING CHAMPIONS,
THE NIELSON FAMILY!
SO, NIELSONS, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO SINCE LAST TIME?
JUST SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE
WATCHING TELEVISION, I GUESS, HUH?
TELEVISION'S OUR LIFE.
[LAUGHING]
ANY FAVORITE SHOWS?
JUST ABOUT EVERY ONE OF THEM, BUDDY. HA HA HA.
WELL, INTRODUCE US TO YOUR FAMILY, WOULD YOU?
SURE. THIS IS MY WIFE GLADYS.
SHE HANDLES THE REMOTE.
MY SON, HE BRINGS ME CHIPS.
WHAT'S HIS NAME, DEAR?
CHIP.
MY DAUGHTER SALLY ON THE END.
HA HA HA.
FRAN, I FORGOT HOW MUCH I ENJOYED TV.
I HAVEN'T SEEN TELEVISION IN A MONTH NOW.
IT DOESN'T SEEM IMPORTANT ANYMORE.
AND HERE ARE TODAY'S CATEGORIES.
"TV LAST WEEK,
"TV LAST NIGHT,
"TV,
"TV,
"TV POTPOURRI,
AND "FAMILIES."
OH.
"ON TV."
OHH.
WHAT AN UNPLEASANT COINCIDENCE.
CHAMPIONS, SELECT.
"TV LAST NIGHT," BUDDY.
ON LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE OF WHERE'S MY TROUSERS?,
WHAT DID BERNIE FIND HANGING IN HIS CLOSET?
[BUZZ]
AH, SINCLAIRS.
HUH?
I'LL TAKE THE CURTAIN, BOB.
NO, NO, NO, SWEETHEART.
DAD, WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT.
YEAH, WE USED TO WATCH TV.
OK. UM, UM...
I...IT'S HANGING IN HIS CLOSET.
UH, THEN IT WOULD HAVE TO BE...
AN ISOSCELES TRIANGLE!
YAY!
AHH...
AHH...
YAY!
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
AND THAT ENDS ROUND TWO,
WITH THE NIELSONS LEADING AT 3,460
AND THE SINCLAIRS...5.
WELL, EARL SINCLAIR, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE LOST
THAT BEAUTIFUL GRAND PRIZE
90-INCH COLOR TELEVISION SET.
TELEVISION SET?
IS THAT WHY YOU WANTED TO BE ON THIS SHOW?
IS THAT WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND ALL ALONG?
NO, NO, NO! NO!
YES! BUT ONLY AT FIRST.
THAT WAS BEFORE WE SPENT THOSE WEEKS
LEARNING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY. I LOVED THAT.
I WOULD NEVER TRADE THAT FOR SOME TV SET.
THAT'S EASY TO SAY SINCE WE'RE NOT WINNING IT.
IF HE OFFERED ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN THAT SET NOW,
I WOULDN'T TAKE IT.
WELL, SINCLAIRS, YOU'VE GOT ONE MORE CHANCE
TO WIN THIS 90-INCH SURROUND SOUND,
REALLY, REALLY BIG TUBE TELEVISION
IN OUR SUDDEN-DEATH ROUND.
AND SINCE YOU'RE BEHIND, SINCLAIRS,
WAY BEHIND,
IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
YOU CAN EITHER TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE
WITH ONE MORE TV QUESTION
YOU HAVE ALMOST NO CHANCE OF GETTING RIGHT,
OR...SQUARE OFF
FOR AN EXCITING WINNER-TAKE-ALL
FIGHT TO THE DEATH WITH MR. NIELSON
IN OUR PATENTED CAGE OF DOOM.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE, EARL SINCLAIR.
IN OUR SUDDEN-DEATH ROUND.
AH.
EARL, WHAT WILL IT BE?
KILL HIM.
EAT HIS HEAD, FAT BOY.
WE'LL BET IT ALL, BOB.
WELL, EARL SINCLAIR, WHAT WILL IT BE?
THE CAGE OR THE QUESTION?
UH...
I'LL TAKE THE QUESTION, BUDDY.
YOU WILL?
WHAT?
WHAT?
MAYBE I DIDN'T EXPLAIN.
I UNDERSTOOD. JUST ASK.
BRING IT UP.
"TUESDAY NIGHT WAS A SPECIAL NIGHT
"OF OH, THOSE BECKLESONS.
FOR THE TV AND THE GAME,
WHAT VALUABLE LESSON DID BENJI BECKLESON LEARN ABOUT LIFE?
UH...
HUH?
OH, DADDY.
WELL, BUDDY...
HE LEARNED THAT TELEVISION SHOWS COME AND GO
AND THAT SOMETIMES YOU FEEL ATTACHED
TO THE CHARACTERS ON TV,
BUT WHAT LIFE REALLY COMES DOWN TO ISN'T TV.
IT'S THE LOVE BETWEEN YOUR FAMILY--
[WHISTLE]
BOY, YOU'RE WAY OFF!
HE LEARNED NEVER TO GIVE THE LOWEST SPECIES
THE FATHER'S CAR KEYS.
WELL, THAT'S VALUABLE, TOO.
AND THE NIELSONS ARE OUR WINNERS AGAIN!
OH, YEAH!
YAY!
WE ALWAYS LIKE TO SAY ON THE FAMILY CHALLENGE
THAT THERE ARE NO LOSERS,
BUT FACE IT, YOU STINK!
WE MAY STINK, BUT WE STINK AS A FAMILY.
BUT NOBODY LEAVES THE FAMILY CHALLENGE EMPTY-HANDED.
EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T WIN OUR GRAND PRIZE 90-INCH TV,
YOU GO HOME WITH THIS LOVELY 13-INCH PORTABLE SET.
WHOO!
AND, ROBBIE, I SAW YOUR TEACHER AT THE SUPERMARKET.
HE SAID IT WAS FUN
SEEING YOU ON TELEVISION LAST NIGHT.
SAID YOU'VE BEEN DOING MUCH BETTER IN SCHOOL LATELY.
BY THE WAY, CHARLENE, EVERYBODY I RUN INTO
TELLS ME HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU LOOKED.
SOME DINOSAURS ARE JUST NATURALLY PHOTOGENIC.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
BLAH BLAH?
BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
[SIGHS]