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[ Thudding, crashing ]
Hello?
Who's there?
Richard! I've been waiting for you!
Sanjay?
But...you're in jail.
No, no. That was all a mistake.
Everything's fine now.
And wonderful news! The money has come!
What money?
The money for the festival, just like I told you it would.
It just came! It's on your desk.
So, everything's gonna be all right?
Yes, yes. Look.
Is that all there is?
Put your head on the desk, Richard.
[ Clarinet plays ]
-[ Gasping ] -[ Alarm beeping ]
[ Piano plays intro to "Mackers" ]
♫ Call me superstitious or cowardly or weak ♫
♫ But I'll never play a character ♫
♫ Whose name one dare not speak ♫
♫ I'll play Hamlet in doublet and hose ♫
♫ Or either of the Dromios ♫
♫ But, sorry, I won't play Mackers ♫
♫ I'll play Richard III with a hump and a wig ♫
♫ Or Henry VIII, that selfish pig ♫
♫ But, sorry, I don't do Mackers ♫
♫ Every soul that plays this role ♫
♫ Risks injury or death ♫
♫ I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ♫
♫ Than ever do Mac-you-know-who ♫
♫ So give me King Lear, Cleopatra ♫
♫ Romeo, Juliet -- doesn't "mattra" ♫
♫ I'll play them all for free ♫
♫ But I'd be crackers to take on Mackers ♫
♫ You see, I'm skittish about the Scottish tragedy ♫
♫ Och, aye ♫
[ Cheers and applause ]
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment
[ Horn honking ]
***.
Hello?
Wake up, please. You're in my spot.
Park somewhere else.
No. I'm the executive director of this festival.
You're in my parking spot.
You run this place?
Well, myself and a few others.
Hey, hey, hey!
Can you get them to sign this?
Who?
The actors, "Macbeth."
You're here to see "Macbeth"?
Yeah, if I can get in.
I hear it's a hard ticket.
Where did you hear that?
Everywhere.
Sorry about crashing your zone.
I'll move the van.
-ANNA: How many tickets? -MARGARET: Four.
Four? No, Margaret. No.
You said there were tickets. I told them to come.
Not for tonight. It's opening.
You should have had them come to previews.
I did. They came.
They want to see it again.
-What did you say? -What?
Her friends came to previews, and they want to see it again.
To "Macbeth"?
Are they young people?
Pretty young. 22.
Young people want to see the show.
-Yes. -Young people.
There's nothing I can do, Margaret.
Tell your little friends I'm sorry.
This is ***!
[ Humming ]
A newer you.
-I'm Geoffrey Tennant. -You've cleaned up.
Yes, well, I have an advisor now, don't I?
I need, uh, Maria. Can you track her down for me?
Of course. Anything else? Have you had breakfast?
Yes, but it was inedible. I'm starving.
I'll send someone.
RICHARD: Anna, can you get me Geoffrey, please?
-Anna! -GEOFFREY: Richard?
Oh, Geoffrey, there are young people out there
gathering in the parking lot.
Should I have Nahum chase them away?
No, no, no! It's the answer to my prayers.
No. No. I don't want to speak too soon.
But, I mean, it's good.
-It's a good sign, right? -Sure.
-RICHARD: No. Geoffrey. -Hmm?
There are young people out there!
That's great, Richard.
-I have things to do. -Of course.
I'll see you later on.
-The cast is gathering at 7:15. -Without Ellen?
She has a final costume fitting.
I'm so not happy about this, Geoffrey.
It is the only way we're gonna get Henry
to give us the show that we want, and you know that.
I'm talking about Ellen.
Lying to her, plotting behind her back.
Oh, so, suddenly, you're a big, fat fan of Ellen's?
Is that why you let her use your cellphone all the time?
Is that why you run out and get her cookies and ***?
Is that why you fetch her dry-cleaning?
You're right.
I have no problem screwing Ellen.
-Let's do it. -Okay, good.
Now that we have solved your ethical dilemma,
there are some specific changes I would like to make,
some lighting cues, a few small design elements.
-A tree? -Yes, a tree.
A small tree, yes.
You didn't say anything about a tree.
Well, it came to me in the night.
Oh, God.
Well, you don't have to think about it.
Just do it. Just go to the booth.
I'll be there in a few minutes. We can run over the cues.
*** me, Geoffrey.
If that's what it takes.
Hi, Ellen!
Hi.
Hi.
Is something going on?
Well, yes. We're opening "Macbeth" tonight.
With Henry.
With Henry in the lead, yes.
Henry Breedlove.
Yes, Ellen.
I put him back, as I promised.
God! How hard is it for you to believe me?
I mean, what kind of relationship do we have?
-Okay. Sorry. -Well, thank you.
And, now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a very, very unpleasant task to attend to.
It's just part of my job, you know, artistic director.
Thank you, Geoffrey.
You're welcome, Ellen.
Hey. I'm sorry I kept you waiting.
Look at you, Geoffrey.
You look positively disease-free.
It's the hairdo.
So, I, uh -- I thought we should have a little talk.
I don't know why I bother with these.
They don't seem to do anything.
What are those, antidepressants?
-Yes. -Oh.
Yeah, I take them by the fistful, all different kinds.
Nothing works.
Oh, Anna tells me you asked lighting
for three more for Fresnels.
-Did you get them? -Yes.
Good, good.
Thing is, I don't -- I --
I don't think I can come to your opening, and it's not you.
It's the play.
It's so, um, full of life,
and -- and I can't feel anything.
So, did you say you got those Fresnels?
Yes, I did. Yes.
GEOFFREY: Good, good.
Are you happy, Darren?
Happy?
Uh, yes. I suppose I'm happy.
Well, there, see? That's why you can direct this play.
I couldn't take it on.
I mean, how can you direct "Romeo and Juliet"
if you are dead inside?
I mean, how? I ask you.
Well, I don't know. I think --
Well, you can't! That's how.
I mean, all you would do is mock it, you know?
Make some kind of dull, anti-romantic,
vaguely condescending, shallow *** commentary
on what that play actually is,
and I don't even understand this.
I mean, is it age that numbs you?
Because when I was younger, boy...
Oh, look, here. I found something the other day.
Look at this.
-What was this, 1980? -Oh.
"Godspell," yeah.
-[ Laughs ] -DARREN: Yeah.
And the thing is, we liked each other, didn't we?
Yes, well, I recall there was a brief period of camaraderie
in the early '80s, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
-Ah, look at you. -Yes.
You were a big goof. [ Laughs ]
You were happy then.
I was -- I was happy then.
Anyway, you break a leg, okay?
And I'm gonna do my *** level best
to make sure that you have those Fresnels!
Okay.
No! I don't even want it! You keep that!
I can't even stand to look at it!
I have a tech rehearsal.
I know! I know!
Sorry! Go ahead!
And break your legs!
Oh, Jesus!
How do you cry like that?
I think about my grandmother.
Very convincing.
Well, let's hope it works.
Otherwise, I have debased myself for nothing.
Breath mint?
Richard, you have to come down to the box office.
It's chaos.
There's a mob, and they're chanting.
They want tickets for opening.
They don't understand how openings work,
and they won't listen.
They've got headphones on.
Youth quake.
-What? -RICHARD: Youth quake.
It's what Sanjay said would happen.
It's a youth quake.
Please come down.
Some of them have guitars.
Soon, soon. I'll be there in a minute.
MARIA: Sorry, Darren.
Just give me a second here.
Geoffrey gave me a ton of last-minute changes to input.
Still playing catchup.
Yeah.
Okay.
Continue.
It was the nightingale and not the lark
that pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear.
Nightly, she sings on yon pomegranate-tree.
MARIA: Hold.
Anything?
More gray.
More gray.
Okay. Uh, we'll take out the yellows.
42 through 60, down 10%.
Continue.
It was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale.
Look, love!
What envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder east?
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Groans ]
MARIA: Hold.
Oh, God. This is a *** production.
Yeah.
And we have to run it for 12 weeks.
[ Laughs ] Ow.
Everybody is gonna be watching this *** production,
thinking, "Oh, my God.
Look at those poor *** stuck up there in those cages
in this ***, *** production."
Well, at least something good came out of it.
Yeah.
Hey, come here for a second.
What?
Just come here.
Everyone will laugh.
I don't care what they think.
Crikey!
Now, there's something you don't see every day of the week.
I hate it.
I hate it all.
I want to change everything.
I want warm light.
I want those balls deflated and removed.
Did you hear that?
I'm not a zombie!
I have a soul! I can feel!
Take those cages off!
Take those ridiculous chess pieces off your heads!
[ Cheering ]
You're released!
We'll meet at 5:00 in the rehearsal hall,
and bring bathrobes.
We're going to do the Belkovsky exercise.
There you go.
Hey. Excuse me. Uh, do you guys have a moment?
Well, we do now.
Great.
Come in.
Thank you.
I didn't know who else to turn to.
What is it, lovie?
Look, this is very difficult for me.
Well, take your time.
For a long time now, I've been guarding a secret.
A what?
He's got a secret.
Told you, Ducky, I can spot them a mile off.
I want to audition for the musical.
What?
He wants to audition.
It's for the "Gilbert and Sullivan" is it, lovie?
RICHARD: Yeah.
I-I want to.
I mean, I've always wanted to sing in a musical,
and I thought that since you guys
were the more experienced members of the cast
that maybe you could help coach me.
What's he going on about?
I'll tell you later, Ducky. [ Laughs ]
I don't know how he hears the alarm in the morning.
Well, of course we'll help you, deary.
That's great.
CYRIL: Oh, lovely.
"Major General."
Always a good choice.
Yeah?
Okay. Well, let's go.
PATRICK: I did this once, like, four years ago.
SARAH: Yeah?
I thought it was just one of those weird theater stories.
Oh, it is one of those weird theater stories, but it's true.
-Check it out. -All right.
All right. I guess, bring on the Belkovsky.
Bring on the Belkovsky.
[ Laughs ]
CYRIL: I wonder about Benedict wanting to sing.
Well, he works with numbers all day.
I mean, he's not a machine.
He has a soul, presumably.
Presumably.
Here she comes.
-Stick together this time. -Right.
This has been a difficult process for me, personally,
and for you, as well, I imagine.
I think I was afraid of this play on some level,
and, so, I chose to mock it.
Forgive me, Sarah.
You'll understand when you're my age.
Everybody, smear some of this glow paint on your hands,
and then hold them up to the light to charge.
I zapped the sensuality out of this play,
and because we open tomorrow,
I feel it's important to do something drastic
in order to rediscover it,
hence the Belkovsky exercise.
I know it's controversial,
and if anyone wants to leave, you can do so now.
Good.
In a minute, I'm gonna turn off the lights.
When you hear the music start, drop your robes,
step forward, and have a good grope.
[ Laughter ]
-Are we ready? -Yes!
When you hear the music stop,
return to your marks, and put your robes back on.
I promise nobody will get caught in the light.
[ Laughter ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♫ ...whoa, whoa, whoa ♫
♫ Whoo, yeah ♫
♫ Yeah ♫
♫ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♫
♫ Whoa, yeah ♫
♫ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♫
♫ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♫
♫ Ooh, yeah ♫
♫ Ooooooh ♫
[ Laughter ]
Questions? Comments?
Again!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Congratulations, Richard.
It's all yours now.
I'm sorry?
I don't care if you're a minister.
No one gets in here without a ticket, padre.
Oh.
Oh!
Minister!
-[ Knock on door ] -Enter.
Break a leg.
I'll do my best.
Well, it's all anyone can expect, isn't it?
Hi.
I've set all the props.
We're ready to go.
Awesome.
Ellen was late again, of course. [ Laughs ]
She claims she didn't even know about the cast meeting.
You told her there was a cast meeting?
Geoffrey!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
What? What are you sorry about now?
Ellen knows...about the meeting!
I told her! I'm so sorry!
Oh, for the love of --
-Where are you going? -Where do you think I'm going?
I'm going to tell Henry what's going on.
I knew you were lying to me, you snake.
No, no, Ellen. I can't let you do that.
Geoffrey, let go of me!
No, it's for the good of the play.
The good of the play?!
This is a horrible, horrible betrayal of an actor's trust
in his director!
Well, what about the rest of the cast?
Aren't you betraying their trust by telling him?
Aah! This has nothing to do with us!
You're using them!
Have a great show, Ellen!
-ELLEN: Geoffrey! -Nahum, key!
ELLEN: Geoffrey!
Don't let her out until we're well under way.
-Understood. -ELLEN: Nahum, you ***!
I think we're gonna be cool here.
No one can see us.
***.
Richard!
[ Cheers and applause ]
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
When the hurly-burly's done, when the battle's lost and won.
-Where the place? -Upon the heath.
There to meet with Macbeth.
What the ***'s going on, Geoffrey?
I made a few little changes.
It's a wall. This is where I enter.
Not unless you have a chain saw.
You're trying to humiliate me. Is that it?
Believe me, what I am trying to do
has very little to do with you.
-Ah. What if I refuse to go on? -Oh, come on.
You've played this part three times to great acclaim.
Surely, you can handle a few last-minute changes.
All right.
Where the *** have you got me?
Follow me.
Okay. You come off upstage left.
Exit up-right.
No, no. That's not possible.
There's a great honking flat there.
Now, just keep your eyes open. Keep your ears open.
You're gonna be fine.
-You are a *** prick! -You're on.
So fair and foul a day I have not seen.
Nahum, how could you?
I must confess, I love drama.
HENRY: Where are you taking me?
I cannot function like this.
This is -- This isn't theater.
This is improvisation.
Well, that's a kind of theater, isn't it?
-Very alive, very exciting. -*** off.
This supernatural soliciting cannot be ill, cannot be good.
MARIA: Gene, a reminder.
Have a robe waiting for Mr. Breedlove stage right
as discussed.
You ***.
Ellen, you have to get focused here.
This is your director speaking.
It's not Geoffrey. It's the director of this play.
You know what you have to do.
You --
This is some kind of perverted personal vendetta,
and I will not be a part of it.
Look at me. Look at me.
Between me and the ape pacing in the wings over there,
which one of us is actually thinking
about this play honestly?
Damn you.
-Ellen. -What?
The letter.
Do you think she will?
Oh, I hope to hell she does.
HENRY: My dearest love, Duncan comes here tonight.
And when goes hence?
Tomorrow, as he purposes.
Oh, never shall sun that morrow see!
Your face, my thane, is as a book
where men may read strange matters.
To beguile the time, look like the time.
Bear welcome in your eye, your hand, your tongue.
Look like the innocent flower...
Ellen!
-...but be the serpent under't. -I'm not prepared.
-[ Gasping ] -[ Wolf-whistle ]
He that's coming must be provided for,
and you shall put this night's great business into my dispatch,
which shall, to all our nights and days to come...
That was good.
I thought it was gratuitous.
-What? -The nudity.
I thought it was good.
I thought it was gratuitous.
-What? -The nudity.
I thought it was good.
Shut up!
Leave all the rest to me.
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Sorry!
[ Knock on door ]
MARIA: Ms. Fanshaw and Mr. Breedlove, places, please,
for act two, scene three.
ELLEN: Henry, can I have a word, please?
You see? You see what you've done?
-He's not coming out! -He's coming out.
ELLEN: I wouldn't.
-He will. -He won't!
Go to your mark! Go!
MARIA: Ms. Fanshaw and Mr. Breedlove, places, please, now!
All right, you *** lunatic!
What brilliant entrance do you have in store for me now, huh?
Popping out of some *** wedding cake?!
GEOFFREY: Stage right.
HENRY: ***!
Here had we now our country's honor.
Richard!
HENRY: Were the graced person of our Banquo present...
How's it going?
He's furious with me.
Well, they're both furious with me.
-What are you doing? -I'm going on.
-What? -As the ghost.
Are you insane? You can't go out there.
Once more onto the bridge.
The table is full.
Here is a place reserved, sir.
-Where? -Here, my good lord.
What is't that moves you so?
HENRY: Which of you have done this?
FRANK: What, my lord?
HENRY: Thou canst not say I did it.
Never shake thy gory locks at me!
NAHUM: Good choice.
An empty chair is better.
Yeah, I thought so.
Hey, there's a tree there.
***, Geoffrey.
Okay.
You're gonna have to play the fight 6 feet downstage.
Kill 'em.
Jerry, Young-ish Siward
is usually slaughtered in "Macbeth."
It's supposed to be hard and brutal.
Macbeth feels invincible. He feels immortal.
Yeah, of course.
But he's not. He's just a guy.
So, tonight, don't die so easy, okay?
-Okay. -Okay.
They have tied me to a stake.
-They... -He's lost his line.
...have tied me to a stake.
They have tied me to a stake!
"I cannot fly..."
I cannot fly.
I must fight the course.
What's he that is not born of woman?
Such a one I am to fear or none!
JERRY: What is thy name?
Thou'lt be afeard to hear it!
No, though thou call'st thyself a hotter name
than any is in hell.
My name is Macbeth!
The devil himself
could not pronounce a title more hateful to mine ear.
No, nor more fearful.
Thou liest, abhorred tyrant.
With my sword I'll prove the lie thou speak'st.
Good boy. That livened it up.
But swords I smile at,
weapons --
[ Gasping ]
Oh, boy.
What the --
[ Grunting ]
Jerry!
HENRY: Thou wast born of woman!
Okay. That was maybe a little "Friday the 13th."
-Lose it next time? -Probably best.
-Yeah. -John.
I spent $125,000 on that thrust.
Henry has not set foot on it once.
Get him out there.
You got it.
[ Explosions ]
Turn! Turn!
Of all men else I have avoided thee, but get thee back!
My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already.
I have no words.
My voice is in my sword.
Thou bloodier villain than terms can give thee out!
Aaaah!
We have them.
Yeah. Yeah, we do.
JOHN: Hail, King, for so thou art.
Behold, where stands the usurper's cursed head.
The time is free.
I see thee compass'd with thy kingdom's pearl,
that speak my salutation in their minds,
whose voices I desire aloud with mine!
Hail, King of Scotland!
ALL: Hail, King of Scotland!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Henry, that was excellent!
You are a complete *** ***, Geoffrey Tennant!
I'm Henry Breedlove!
I'm a great actor.
I do not need this ***!
I don't want to feel that kind of terror ever again.
GEOFFREY: But you know what?
It worked for you.
Just listen.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, Ellen, that was just --
Oh! Oh!
You actually stripped me naked on the stage.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so, so sorry.
ANNA: You returned your tickets, and we sold them.
But now I need them back.
I'm sorry, Mr. Gilchrist,
but we couldn't accommodate your school group on any day.
Most of our shows are down to a few seats.
You couldn't give seats away two months ago,
but now you're the big, hot ticket.
You're turning people away.
Oh, you're enjoying this, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Well, at least give me a pair for myself and my wife.
Two seats together?
Don't have to be.
[ Piano music plays ]
RICHARD: ♫ I am the very model of a modern Major General ♫
I can't hear a thing. How's his vibrato?
Forced but steady.
Head up. Here comes the E-flat.
Oh. [ Laughs ] He hit it.
Oh, good man!
Ooh, I'm getting quite teary.
It's like watching the son we'll never have.
Well, it's inspiring, really.
Horrible man like that changing himself, living a dream.
♫ ...though I'm plucky and adventury ♫
♫ Has only brought me down to the beginning of the century ♫
♫ But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral ♫
♫ I am the very model of a modern Major General ♫
That was wonderful.
Really, Richard, that was wonderful.
Thanks.
I had no idea you could sing
or had any desire to sing or perform.
All right.
Well, I'll wait to hear from you,
and, please, no special treatment.
-Of course not. -Okay. All right.
Can't wait to see you dance.
Excuse me?
It's slide, turn, kick.
Slide, turn, kick.
Step, twist, present.
Arms and jump. Got it?
-Step, twist, and jump. -It's easy.
And five, six, seven, eight.
[ Piano music plays ]
[ Thumping ]
Who does he remind me of?
My cousin Charlie, the one with palsy.
Oh, that's right. Poor ***.
You're not gonna say anything?
You called the meeting.
It's not a meeting. It's a chat.
Oh, how nice.
What will we chat about, the weather?
Mm.
How about the slap?
You know why I slapped you.
So, I can expect to be slapped
every time I give you direction you don't agree with?
No, sir!
I will continue to toe the line, sir!
Are you going to the "Romeo and Juliet" opening?
Oh, a new tactic.
No, it's not a tactic.
Why would you ask me that?
Oh, I don't know. We were in it once.
That was a billion years ago, Geoffrey.
A billion years ago.
Yes, it was, wasn't it?
Are we done chatting?
Sure.
Should I leave, then?
Unless you enjoy awkward silences,
yes, you should leave now.
-RICHARD: Hi. -Hi.
RICHARD: I suppose you heard.
-No, about what? -My audition.
Oh, yeah. How'd it go?
It went really badly.
Yeah, everybody heard.
I don't understand. How do actors do it?
How do they deal with the rejection?
They drink.
Sounds good.
-Your office? -Sure.
GEOFFREY: Eh, he was pretty upset,
and then he cheered up considerably
when I told him the average actor in Canada
only makes $11,000 a year.
OLIVER: It takes a lot more than talent to become an actor.
A lack of ambition is absolutely essential.
[ Laughs ]
You haven't said anything about my performance.
Oh, um...
I know. I'm rusty.
It's been years.
I overplayed it, didn't I?
No, no. You were great, really.
Still, I think a little less gory-lock shaking tomorrow.
Yes. That's a good idea.
Leave them wanting more.
Soup's up.
What?
This is my life.
I live in a storage room.
I eat soup with a dead man.
It could be worse.
How?
You could be the dead man.
Did you ever think of that?
Eat your soup.
This is insane, Oliver.
This is more insane than even I am comfortable with.
What are you saying?
Are you breaking up with me?
We're not together.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
We just collaborated on that play.
Yes, we did. I owed you.
A collaboration is a very intimate thing.
Yes, it is.
And now it's over.
Right?
Where are you going?
I have to introduce "Romeo and Juliet."
Well, are you coming back?
GEOFFREY: I don't know.
Maybe. I hope not.
Not if I can help it.
Thank you, Oliver.
You're welcome.
Oh, ***.
[ Clears throat ]
Uh, good evening.
It is, I am told, a tradition here
that on the final night of opening week,
a token of thanks be presented
to, uh, our season's major sponsor.
So, I would like to invite Mr. Barnaby Henderson
to come up onstage
and accept this framed photograph
signed by the entire "Romeo and Juliet" company.
-Mr. Henderson. -[ Applause ]
BARNABY: Thank you so much.
I-I just have a few words.
Oh.
I'm very pleased to accept this gift
on behalf of Braymore Industries,
a diversified technology company
providing innovative and practical business solutions
for over 30 years.
[ Applause ]
On a -- On a personal note,
I'd just like to say how especially moved I am
to be here tonight.
"Romeo and Juliet" is one of the greatest love stories ever told
and one that has special meaning for my wife, Carol, and me.
See, we've been married 37 years,
and in all that time,
I don't think we've ever missed a production of this play
that we could get to.
Carol can't be here tonight.
She's in the hospital recovering from heart surgery.
She's going to be all right, the doctors tell me,
but, you know, when I think of all the times
that we nearly gave up on each other,
I get kind of shaky.
I wasn't much of a husband there for a while.
I'll tell you that for free.
But an experience like this,
it teaches you something about the power of love.
It certainly does.
Well...
enjoy.
[ Applause ]
MAN: Two households, both alike in dignity,
in fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
from ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
and the place death, considering who thou art,
if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
With love's light wings did I over-perch these walls.
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
and what love can do, that dares love attempt.
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.
If they do see thee, they will *** thee.
Alack, there lies more peril
in thine eye than 20 of their swords.
-I hate this play. -Yeah.
I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes!
And but thou love me, let them find me here.
My life were better ended by their hate,
than death prolonged, wanting of thy love.
ELLEN: You watch and you feel miserable
because you don't have that kind of passion in your life.
Nobody does.
It's a fantasy.
It's irresponsible.
Yeah.
...as far as that vast ocean washed with the farthest sea...
You know what I think?
I think it's painfully accurate.
Two idiots meet. They fall in love.
They're happy briefly.
Then all hell breaks loose.
Happens all the time.
SARAH: ...the inconstant moon,
that monthly changes in her circled orb,
lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
What shall I swear by?
That old man. My God.
Mr. Henderson?
That hurt.
I could have got through this quite nicely
without Mr. Henderson.
I'm so *** miserable, Geoffrey.
I know. Me too.
Am I a loser?
Mm-hmm, yeah. You are. So am I.
We're both big, fat losers.
You're my only friend. Isn't that pathetic?
Yeah, that is pathetic.
...as the sea, my love as deep.
The more I give to thee, the more I have.
For both are infinite.
I owe $27,867.53 in back taxes.
Let's watch the show.
♫ Free as a bloody vagabond ♫
Down, down. Vagabond.
Like onstage, you're always going up.
Get down. Vagabond.
It's a bit of a goose.
Reminds me of the old times.
My God, remember our "Godspell"?
No, no, no. I knew where my entrances were.
I saw your entrances. [ Laughs ]
Well, you tell me. Okay.
Did someone throw cold water at you or what?
You're over-dramatizing the situation.
Or three. Three's good.
Mr. Archer.
-That's for you, sir. -Hey!
ARCHER: Did a hell of a job.
-Thank you. -A hell of a job.
I got lucky.
That's ***, okay?
You took a risk, a hell of a *** risk,
and you could have been eating *** right now,
but instead, you're basking in glory.
Am I right?
How does it feel?
Feels pretty sweet.
[ Laughs ]
-Can I say something? -What?
Can I say something personally, off the record?
Sure.
This festival needs an artistic director
with a strong business background,
more business savvy than theater savvy.
True.
Why hire a crazy artist to hire other crazy *** artists?
You're right.
-ARCHER: Am I right? -Yeah.
So, how would you like the job?
Sorry, sorry.
Can you...
Towel?
SLOAN: Ellen.
Hi!
I'm, uh, crashing the party.
Is that cool?
Yeah, sure.
Uh, me and my girlfriend. Tuesday.
That's her over there.
She seems nice.
So, um, how are you two?
-Good. -Good.
I thought for sure you'd be married by now.
Well, we broke up pretty quickly, actually.
What the ***?
You broke up?
You broke up with me so you could be together.
Well, it's complicated, Sloan.
No, it isn't. You guys love each other, right?
We did.
That doesn't go away.
Oh, yeah. It can.
It's different when you're older.
-That's ***! -GEOFFREY: No, Sloan.
Honestly, we're just -- We're a couple of losers.
-That's all. -We're miserable, both of us.
-Happily. -Really.
You guys are so obviously meant to be together.
So obvious, it pisses me off, all right?
What the ***?
Just deal with it!
You *** broke my heart, Ellen, all right?
But I knew you were right.
I mean, come on.
Wow.
Out of the mouths of babes.
Oh, Geoffrey.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Take me home.
[ Piano plays intro to "Call the Understudy" ]
♫ Call the understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ I'm drinking with my buddy, I'm getting good and tight ♫
♫ Before they raise the curtain, I'll be higher than a kite ♫
♫ So, call my understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ Tell the cast and crew to break a leg ♫
♫ Break a leg ♫
♫ Roll me out another bloody keg ♫
♫ Bloody keg ♫
♫ I need to ease the pain that life can bring ♫
♫ And liquor is what will hit the spot ♫
♫ The play is not the thing ♫
♫ So, call my understudy, I think it only right ♫
♫ My diction will be muddy, I'll never find my light ♫
♫ Before the intermission, I'll be *** on a sprite ♫
♫ So, call my understudy ♫
-♫ I can't go on ♫ -♫ He can't go on ♫
-♫ I won't go on ♫ -♫ He shan't go on ♫
♫ I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ That's right ♫
[ Applause ]
More are men's ends marked than their lives before.
The setting sun,
and music at the close,
as the last taste of sweets, is sweetest last,
writ in remembrance more than things lost past.
I'm gonna see if David left the tabs open.
Get one for me, would you?
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment