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Ooh, meaningful eye contact
with Beau Brody.
- God, he's so cute.
- He is a God
but that was hardly meaningful.
It wasn't even a two-second hold.
Well, maybe he's just shy.
Ooh,
what if he asks you to fall fling?
Dawn, Beau Brody is the captain
of the soccer team.
A guy that far from the food chain
would never ask me.
I wear a penguin hat.
Okay, don't look,
but he is looking over here again.
Okay, don't look! Ooh,
what if Beau is asking Joey Donner
if he and Chastity want to double date
with you and Beau?
God, you two would make
the cutest couple.
Hey, five-head.
That was my swimwear walk.
I don't think it works with jeans.
- No, it does.
- Thanks.
So, listen
you want to go to fall fling
with my friend Beau over there?
- Why? Does he want to go with me?
- Yeah, but he wants me to ask you.
He says he gets shy
around pretty girls.
Shut up.
He said that out loud?
I told you.
I swear to God,
sometimes I think I'm psychic.
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
- No.
No way.
- Please.
This is momentous.
This is a milestone moment
in my young life.
My chance to finally have my first date,
and not just any date
but a date to the most important dance
of the fall with the cutest boy at school.
I thought you said
Joey Donner was the cutest.
Who's not taken.
I've had a crush
on Beau Brody all week long.
Ooh.
Have you picked out invitations?
Kat, I'm begging you.
I think Beau
and I could be soul mates
like you and Patrick Verona.
Wow.
You realize
this isn't sweet valley high, right?
You leave me no choice.
- Patrick?
- Don't you dare.
Please take my sister
to fall fling.
Excuse her.
She was dropped
on her head as an infant.
Now she has these episodes.
Let's get you medicated.
Look, deep, deep down beneath
my sister's crusty exoskeleton
- she has a soft spot for you.
- I'm going to kill you in your sleep.
I'm sorry, but I'm desperate.
My father is a freak who won't
let me date until she does
so will you please
take her to the dance?
You can consider it a charitable contribution
to the free Bianca Stratford foundation.
Okay, I'll do it.
- What?
- What?
I'll take her to that dance.
Even if you are serious,
what makes you think I'd go?
Don't ask questions.
Just say yes.
I am serious.
I'd like to see
how you look in a dress.
I'll pick you up at 7:00.
- We both have dates to the dance.
- Sleep with one eye open.
::: Timecodes - gius :::
I'm bummed.
Chastity and I aren't going to the
dance 'cause she's getting her gums scraped.
Uh-huh.
So tell me more about Bianca.
Oh, she's really cool.
She's great at chemistry,
and she's got this really great face.
It's- it's symmetrical but not too symmetrical
'cause that could get boring.
Right.
So she bought all that stuff
about me being shy around pretty girls?
Why wouldn't she buy it?
It's true, right?
Dude, I'm the David Beckham
of Padua High.
I don't need to be shy, but girls dig it.
It's nonthreatening.
Not cool, Beau.
Because of you, I lied to her.
- Hey, man, I'm sorry--
- She's a nice girl.
You better treat her right
or-- or I'll treat you wrong.
Jeez.
Touchy, touchy.
Yeah, she can't be that sweet.
After all, she did sleep with Mr.
Ross.
I plan on treating her right.
You're talking to Beau.
Ah, thanks for getting back to me.
Can I book a room
for Saturday night?
Two people.
No, no, no, no.
One bed.
I mean, what do you really know
about this Beau guy?
He's cute, and he has
the best smile, and
if I tell you something, do you swear
to never repeat it to anyone?
Sure.
This is going to be
my first date ever.
- This is your first date?
- Shh.
Not so loud.
I don't want anybody
to think I'm Amish.
But, Bianca, your first date
should be special
with someone who cares
about you and respects you.
How much more special can you get
than to go with the super-hot captain
- of the soccer team?
- But are- are his intentions honorable?
We're going to a high school dance,
not colonial Williamsburg.
I don't know.
I just have
a bad feeling about him.
I know.
Why don't you cancel,
and we can go together?
Oh, you don't have a date.
Well, that's okay.
You can go with another friend--
Someone like, um, Benji!
Hey.
Bye, Cameron.
It's not see-through.
That's good.
Three inches above the knee.
Denied.
But, daddy, this is the sixth dress
you've rejected.
Why don't you wear that nice one
you wore to last year's school play?
It was my costume.
I was playing Helen Keller.
It was very flattering.
Even she could have seen that.
Hi, daddy.
Kat, I'll need to approve
your outfit as well.
- I'm going in this.
- Approved.
You can't wear that to the dance.
Patrick said he wants to see you in a dress.
- So I should give my date everything he wants.
- Give your date nothing he wants.
Come with me.
I'll get you fixed up.
- I don't need your help.
- You're right.
What you need
is a team of professional stylists,
but I'm what you got.
Patrick is going to love me.
- Bianca, that dress is still too short!
- I'll slouch!
Here we go.
- Uh-uh.
This is scary.
- Don't blink.
Trust me, this dress will not
look good with an eye patch.
Why do women do this?
Do men say, "Oh, gosh, you know,
she'd be perfect
if only she had black crap
all over her eyelashes"?
I finally get to make you over,
and you're sucking all the joy out of it.
Sorry.
Wow.
I've been tuning
you out for so long
I never realized
you're actually pretty.
Oh, my God,
I look like a princess.
This is my first date, and I'm so excited,
I think I might pee in my pants.
Please don't.
These shoes are open toe
and unlike you, I actually have
realistic expectations.
- These things are never fun.
- How would you know?
You've never been to one.
It's Patrick.
He's here.
Wait till he sees you looking like that.
He is going to die.
Not if I die first.
- I should go save him from dad.
- No, wait.
You have to wait for your descent.
- What are you talking about?
- Your descent down the stairs.
There's one in every great movie,
like she's all that, the classic film
about the pretty-ugly girl
who becomes pretty.
Coincidence?
I think not.
You realize you're not actually
living in a teen movie, right?
Be sure to go so slowly
it looks like you're moving
in slow motion.
That will give him time to realize
he's falling in love.
Seriously, read a newspaper.
Wait.
Take this lip gloss just in case
he gets past your defenses.
This is the baby crowning.
Oh, this is what placenta looks like.
Here's the father cutting the cord.
Of course, that's only symbolic
because he's responsible
for that baby for the rest of his life.
Got it.
Sex makes babies.
Are you done
with your inquisition, dad?
We have a stupid
teen clich� to be at.
I was just showing your friend
with the disturbingly deep voice
who looks much older than 17
what could happen if he's not careful
and by "careful," I don't mean, use a ***.
I mean, keep it in your pants.
Dad, I'll be home by curfew.
I'm so sorry.
His tourette's is acting up.
Okay, he just really cares about you.
Plus it's funny how fast he turns red.
It is, isn't it?
We taking my bike?
Please tell me he's talking
about his 10-speed.
We're taking my car.
Don't worry.
I have my stun gun.
Kat.
- Seat belts?
- Yes.
* Don't you
don't you wanna, wanna *
* Don't you *
* Don't you wanna
see me flaunt what I've got *
* Don't you
don't you wanna, wanna *
* Don't you *
* Don't you wanna
see me flaunt what I've got *
* Baby *
* Come a little closer *
* Come and get to know me *
* And what I've got *
Cameron, he stood me up.
* Would you come and save me? *
* Would you come and be with me *
* And see what I've got *
I didn't get to show off
this dress.
I didn't get to slow dance.
I didn't get my first kiss.
Beau is such a jerk!
He's king of the jerks.
He rules jerklandia.
Well, just because he ruined your date
doesn't mean he should ruin your evening.
He also ruined my Monday,
when I have to face everyone at school.
Bianca, this is crazy.
Let's go to the dance.
But this pity party's
just getting started.
The deejay's going to spin
some serious Kelly Clarkson.
Fine.
Your loss.
But if we don't go to the dance,
you'll never get to see my sick moves.
- You have sick moves?
- Are you kidding?
I'm the conductor
of the hot tamale train.
I'm sorry, Cameron,
I just
don't think I could do it.
If we go to the dance
all they'll be talking about Monday
is how beautiful you are.
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
* Turn it up and let loose *
Wow.
And I thought
school was bad in the daytime.
What do you think will happen first,
a conga line or the electric slide?
Pretty sure I feel
the "macarena"coming on.
No "macarena".
Darn.
Well, that's all right.
This is just as awkward.
I'd hardly call this dancing.
These kids are just dry-*** to music.
In that case, care to dance?
No way.
Oh, I see.
You can't dance.
- Oh, I can dance.
- Yeah? Prove it.
* That you can care
for someone so *
* You hold on tight
just to let go *
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll try to let you lead.
Oh, this I got to see.
* Just let me be *
* To walk alone
on empty streets *
Wow, I can almost forget
I ate lunch here yesterday.
- There will be other first dates.
- You're right.
Thanks for being so sweet.
I love this song.
Do you want to dance?
Thank God you're here.
I'm kind of on the fence about Eric.
Do you think eyeliner
is sexy or just weird?
Yeah, I think so, too.
Uh, so where's Beau?
- He stood me up.
- Oh, my God, we hate him.
- Tell me everything.
- No, wait
- Hey, string bean.
- Hey, Benji.
* I found out
that nothing could please *
Wow.
I think this is the longest
I've ever seen you quiet.
Ah, and there goes
a nice moment.
All right! Yeah!
Whoo!
- Yeah, I can't do this.
- Me either.
You want to get some punch?
- Did you really just say that?
- Yeah, I did.
Okay.
Time for my sick moves.
You ready?
Oh-oh-oh, yeah.
This is called the roller coaster.
That is sick.
Or perhaps you prefer
to dance with an Egyptian.
I'll be your Cleopatra.
*Hey I've got the frequency
to turn you on *
- Why you got to be like that, baby?
- Don't call me baby.
I don't like it.
You are my baby,
and I need babies to get strong.
Babies are smarter than me.
Want to make out?
So, listen, I never thanked you
for the other night
during the fire.
Yeah, that kiss
was pretty good, right?
No.
For rescuing
my mom's records.
Maybe you weren't raised
by wolves.
- Was that almost a compliment?
- Almost.
* I've got the frequency
to turn you on *
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
- And go where?
- Anywhere.
The beach.
That's exactly what this dress
is missing-- Tenth.
I'll give you a piggyback ride.
Oh, don't be scared.
I'm not
going to try and kiss you again
not even if you beg me.
Don't hold your breath.
Meet me downstairs.
I've got to take a leak.
Good to know.
- By the way, I was right.
- About what?
About how good
you'd look in a dress.
* I've got the frequency
to turn you on, hey *
* Something you done
to keep it on, hey *
* Hey *
Step, step, step, cha!
Step, step, step, cha!
This is so cheesy
and so much fun.
* If we could live
in this moment *
* Then you would know *
* That every line I ever said
was meant to grow *
* I traded all of my chances *
* And now I see *
- Up close, you're really tall.
- Yup.
- Up close, your hair smells nice.
- Really?
It's this new shampoo.
It has jojoba oil in it.
Oh, wow.
Cameron, thanks for making me come.
You saved my night.
I'm always here for you.
* After all this time *
* Now that I *
* Have finally found me *
Bianca, there you are.
I am so sorry.
* Now the sun is shin *
You'll never guess
what happened.
Look, I know you're mad.
This is me annoyed.
You don't want to see me mad.
I would have been there at 7:00, but some
stupid kids let the air out of all my tires.
- You could have called.
- I can't find my phone.
- I've looked everywhere.
- You couldn't find another phone?
I didn't have her number,
not like it's any of your business.
Don't you dare
talk to him like that.
While you were out thinking up
lame excuses, he was there for me.
- That's my phone.
- I think it's echoing off the walls.
- It could be anywhere.
- No, it's close.
- Just
- Cameron.
Dude, you stole my phone?
Why would I do that?
I already have a phone, Beau.
It must've fallen in there.
Wait here.
Cameron, what's going on?
I overheard him talking
in the locker room.
He was planning on taking you
to a hotel room.
So you deflate his tires
and steal his phone?
Sounds a little crazy
when you say it like that
- but I did it to protect you, Bianca.
- Protect me?
You ruined my first date, and I can
never have a first date again.
No, listen.
You can't trust him.
Can't trust him? I can't trust you.
I thought we were friends.
- We are friends, but I have--
- Just stay out of my life, Cameron.
Let's go.
Bianca!
Whoa-ho!
I'm so trashed, for a second
I thought you were Patrick Verona.
It's me, Keith.
Nice try.
You wouldn't come to a dance
unless you're a narc.
Is this a bust?
I'm not a narc.
I'm here on a date.
Do you mind?
No, actually, I'm glad you're here.
I feel way less lame now.
You want some? It's medical.
I have early stage glaucoma.
I told you
I smelled something illegal.
* It's getting much too easy
to resist you *
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
* And when you're gone,
it's hard to listen *
* All the tears I ever cried *
* All the lies you'd love to try *
* Everything's been said and done *
* You're out again
I hope you're having fun *
* Baby *
* 'Cause I ain't having none *
* Not gonna be
your plaything anymore *
- So, where do you want to go?
- I don't care.
Just drive.
I do have that hotel room.
- Take me home.
- Okay.
- Are you up?
- Yeah.
I had the worst first date ever.
Boys are vicious, cruel creatures.
Remember that the next time
you watch she's all that.
- Why aren't you with Patrick?
- Who knows?
You'd have to ask him.
I saw you guys dancing with my own
two eyes unless I need glasses.
No, I could get sexy,
smart ones like Tina Fey.
- Are we seriously talking about eyewear?
- I'm sorry.
Not important.
Let's talk about Patrick.
What happened?
I don't want to talk about it.
Got it.
I can tell you about my disaster
of an evening.
I don't want you to talk either.
Fine.
You know, dad warns us every day
about getting pregnant.
You're lucky.
He warns me twice a day.
Yeah, well, he never mentions
all the other ways a guy can screw you.
Amen, sister.