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What is the funniest way to dump someone?
Send her black flowers via a delivery service with a breakup notice in the card. Or use
funeral condolence cards to mark the end of your relationship.
Too morbid. And too expensive.
Send out a Tweet about how you are dumping her. Make sure she’s copied on it, even
if you have to email it to her.
I don’t know if she’d understand Twitter, though she’s quite a little twit.
I’ve heard about sending a pizza box with “I’m breaking up with you” on the box.
You could, but how is she to know that isn’t a joke by a pizza parlor employee?
Put out a personal ad, publicizing the break up. Make sure to send her a copy of the ad
via email or snail mail.
She could still mistake it for a joke.
If you wanted to be mean, pretend that you are proposing but then slide in that you are
dumping her. For example, get on stage, say you have a major announcement, queue soft
music and then tell her.
That’s too public, being in front of my friends. Could I ask a friend to do it for
me?
Don’t ask your friends to break up for you. Though you could hire a service to call your
soon-to-be-ex to break up for you.
I’ll consider that a maybe. I guess there’s a market for everyone, and a business to fill
it.
Put the breakup notice in your email automatic reply and phone voice mail.
Can you hear me now? Too many people would hear that.
You could invite her to dinner, have a card brought over, and give it to her to say that
this is the end.
Too expensive.
Ask to sit down with her parents. Tell them that you have been thinking a lot and made
a decision, that she isn’t the right one for you.
Why do it that way?
Her parents think you are maturely saying you’ve realized she’s not The One, and
that you are telling them because she might not understand. When they tell her, it is
embarrassingly juvenile, while you look like the adult to them.