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The Japanese are my friends they've been good to me
Lending me a cloak of invisibility Sony boffins made it from plastic and hard
drive To help me keep one step ahead of MI5
I used it last night at the X Factor final It was hot inside as you'd guess with vinyl
Seated twixt Cheryl and Simon I couldn't tell Which of them was plastered in the fragrance
from hell
I noticed Louis had something in a bottle To ease all those stresses and strains epiglottal
Danni spat blood over a real eyeball red'ner A card criticising her hair from Dame Edna
It was an accident when I touched Simon's knee
He thought it was Cheryl with evident glee In fact the smile on his face grew wider than
wide So that you could hide the laughing policeman
inside One time he turned to Cheryl and said in hushed
tone To the nonplussed pop star - you've made that
knee your own By now my sweat had formed a large pool on
the floor So I got up gingerly but slid out the door