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Stop!
Stop him! Thief!
Please, help me!
Help!
It was a dark December night...
Dark...
... just like the cofee on the top of my table, next to the donuts.
I really like donuts!
It was cold...
(the night, not my cofee)
... the night was cold, just like my feet.
The rain in the city was saddening, just like, you know...
... rain...
... in the city.
And I distinctly remember that it was boring
just like my cheap police novel metaphors.
My name...
Seeker
Truth Seeker.
Detective.
Private eye.
Sleuth.
Part-time teddy bear hugger.
Yes... I was tough.
Toughness was my name.
No... it was Truth Seeker!
Nevermind...
Anyway, I'm tough.
But no amount of toughness would prepare me
for the client that was about to cross my cabinet door.
Come in!
Are you Truth Seeker?
I already told it 2 times in this film!
Who wants to know?
My name is Mr. Pagan.
I wish to report a robbery!
Very well...
What has been stolen?
Christmas!
What?!
What did you just say?
Someone has stolen Christmas from me! I want you to catch him!
OK...
Do you know who did it?
The robber's name is Mr. Christian.
He has been showing off with Christmas for 1.700 years.
But that is a cheap forgery!
Originally, the 25th of December was a pagan feast
which the christians stole from us!
Really?!
At that time, the feast's name was Sol Invictus.
It celebrated the rebirth of the sun-god after the winter's solstice.
But christians appropriated that date
for the birthday of their own god.
They said that Jesus was the light of the World (like the Sun)
ending the winter of our sins.
Seems like a reasonable analogy to me!
It doesn't matter!
They stole our feast day
in order to fool pagans into their religious cult.
Very well.
But couldn't both feasts just have happened to be on the same date?
The christian's plagiarism is undeniable!
There was another pagan feast in late December
called Saturnalia in honor of the god Saturn.
In Saturnalia
there were public religious ceremonies officiated by a priest
and also banquets and gift exchanges.
Does that sound familiar?
Indeed...
but do you have material proof that christans stole Christmas?
What about the Christmas tree?
What about it?
Christians have been using it for centuries...
but what's their excuse?
In Saturnalia
the romans already decorated trees.
the ancient pagan germanic peoples, on the other hand,
tied fruits and candles to evergreen tree branches
in honor of their god Odin.
That case needed a lot of pondering...
On the one hand, if the pagans truly had been robbed
they needed justice.
But, on the other hand, if I suceeded,
it would be the end of Christmas as we know it.
Pictures of crying little children flooded my mind.
I can turn you into a millionaire, if you do it.
Done!
On second thought...
pagan feasts are more lively anyway!
Why am I here?
I demand to know the charge!
I'm the one who asks questions!
I'm the one who demands to know!
You thief!
Thief?!
Yes, thief!
You've been caught red-handed with a stolen good:
Christmas!
What are you talking about?
Christmas is christian!
It always has been!
Then you deny that you stole Christmas from the pagans?
Of course!
So you deny that the pagans already celebrated the 25th of December?
And that they exchanged presents?
And that they decorated trees?
Well... no, I...
You used their feasts and symbols
to lure them into Christianity!
Con man!
No!
We used their feasts and symbols
to help catechize the new converts from paganism! That's all!
If Christmas is such a christian celebration
can you please tell me one (just one!) christmas symbol
that you didn't copycat from pagans?
Well, that is too easy!
The Nativity Scene!
What?!
In the XIII century...
S. Francis of Assisi wanted to help his fellow christians
to really understand the Power and Joy of God's coming into this world.
So he staged a Nativity Scene
with live people and animals depicting Jesus' birth.
He even received the Pope's blessing!
Soon...
those depictions spread across Christendom
in the form of painting, sculptures and other representations!
No, it is one of Christmas' undeniable symbols.
And it is entirely christian!
Also, the Nativity Scene may depict the Wise Men from the East
As the Gospel according to St. Mathew states
they came to worship Jesus
offering him gifts of gold, myrrh and frankincense.
Our christian tradition of gift giving comes from this biblical account.
In fact, in spanish countries
gift exchanges occur only in the 6ht of January
the Wise Men's feast day!
In fact, you are late!
Christmas has been stolen from christians themselves!
What?!
Some 80 years ago...
Jesus' role as Christmas' central figure of Christmas
has been gradually replaced
by someone who doesn't embody christians' ideals.
but rather materialism and egotism!
His name is Santa Claus!
Questions kept popping in my head
like baloons in a needle factory!
Was Santa Claus a criminal?
Was he a thief's thief?
Would I ever find Christmas?
It wasn't difficult to trace Santa Claus' agent!
His contact was at the nearest mall.
What was more dificult was to know where Santa Claus himself lived!
When I asked him that
he gazed at me like I was some kind of looney, and then replied:
The North Pole!
Everyone knows that!
Following my only lead...
soon I found myself in the coldest recesses of the North Pole itself!
And then I saw it!
Who could forget such a vision?
Who are you?
Ah! So you are a snow man!
Would've never guessed it!
I don't care if Timmy is stuck in a well!
Do you know where is Santa Claus' house?
What? You're the only one living here?
Then where is Santa Claus?
In the ancient city of Myra, which is today's Turkey?
But maybe he hid his stash in the vicinity!
After all, this is a very isolated place!
Do you know where I can find a Christmas Tree?
So, the Snow Man told me, so eloquently...
that many centuries ago, his snow had fallen in Germany
where he saw the birth of the Christmas Tree!
In the Middle Ages
people celebrated significative liturgical dates with plays
where the biblical histories were dramatized after Mass.
Also...
People celebrated Adam and Eve's feast day on December 24th.
This was meant to foreshadow Christmas
since it was Adam and Eve's sin that made Redemption
(and Encarnation) necessary.
So, people would comemorate this date
with a play telling Adam and Eve's story.
But, for the play to be successfull,
they needed a prop to represent
the Tree of Knowledge, from which forbidden fruit Adam and Eve ate.
Unfourtunately, fruit trees were rare and precious
during the cold german winters.
So, what should they do?
So, they started to decorate fir trees with apples.
And that's where Christmas Trees come from!
From a prop of a christan play on Christmas Eve!
And so, to the city of Myra I went...
... decided to never flinch...
... whatever it would take...
... I would catch this Christmas Grinch!
Why am I rhyming?
Hey! Someone's coming!
Good morning!
Has any of you ladies seen Santa Claus?
No. Sorry.
Never heard of him!
He is a merry old guy with white beard and red clothes.
Ah yes!
Many years ago, we didn't have a dowry
so we couldn't convince anyone to marry us.
But that nice old man managed to raise 3 bags of gold
and tossed them down our house's chimneys.
It was quite fun because the gold fell on our slippers
that were there to dry.
He didn't want to be noticed, but I saw him as he got down from our rooftops
and perfectly fits your description!
Later...
I found a little boy who gave me more inteligence about that character.
Ah yes!
May years ago, a butcher kidnapped some children
and slayed them down into tiny pieces!
But that nice old man appeared
and he prayed
and the children were brought back to life completely unharmed.
Since them, he is the protector of children, everywhere!
Unfourtunately, all my info was useless!
I could now see how Santa Claus was related to children and gifts
but I didn't find the man himself.
So, I returned home, to throw the towel.
A milk shake, please! Stirred, not shaken!
I was really frustrated!
But, unexpectedly, the answer would, in moments, just hit me.
Where am I?
What?!
Santa Claus?!
Merry Christmas, Truth Seeker!
I have been looking everywhere for you!
If you wanted to see me...
all you had to do was pray!
Pray... to Santa Claus?!
No. To God.
But I could intercede for you
If you called me by my real name:
Nicholas!
St. Nicholas!
St. Nicholas?
Indeed!
I was a IV century catholic bishop from the city of Myra.
Didn't the red clothes give it away?
So, you are really a christian?
Darn tooting!
And a very tough one!
Fought for orthodoxy in the First Council of Nicaea.
So, why did you steal Christmas from your fellow christians?
I didn't!
All I wanted to do
was to make people understand, in the light of christmas' spirit, the joy of giving.
But my image was hijacked from me and used for nefarious purposes!
Which purposes?
Instead of Christ they worshiped consumerism!
Instead of giving they focused on receiving!
I thought that by my actions, people would start to imitate me
and, by doing so, achieving holliness!
But it didn't work that way!
And now, some christians are so annoyed that they want to ban me from Christmas!
But the problem is not that there is too much Santa Claus in Christmas!
The problem is that there are so few santas!
So few trying to live up to my example!
I will help to clear up your name!
But I need to know who is behind all this!
Thank you!
The culprit is in fact...
Finally, it all made sense!
Now, it was time to end this charade!
And I would end it with style
just like Sherlock or Poirot!
That is, by gathering all the suspects in a luxurious mansion
where I would reveal the culprit!
I see that you arrested Mr. Christian! Good job!
Not so fast!
I want to reveal how the thief stole Christmas!
Oh, alright! But make it quick!
Firstly, Christmas is a christian celebration!
It's name derives from Christ Mass!
Also, all the allegedly stolen christmas symbols
have a christian origin.
So, I investigated a little further...
... and found out...
that the real Mr. Pagan has been dead for over 1.500 years!
You're an impostor!
Well, I... (interferences)...
No need to hide it!
That fake robotic voice gave you away!
You're in fact KulturWars, the super-villain!
Oh darn! You found out!
You tried to get rid of Christmas by voiding it of it's meaning!
So you relativized it with a bunch of pagan feasts!
You even sold St. Nick's image!
You don't understand!
All those people wishing me "Merry Christmas"!
How could they be so mean to me?
I had to put a stop to it!
So I investigated how the 25th of December came to be established
as the Christmas' date.
We must remember that the early christians
had a jewish mindset.
and jews believed in the "integral age" of their prophets
that is, that they died on the same dates as their conceptions.
Jesus Christ was crucified on the jewish Passover
on the 14th day of the jewish month of Nisan
which corresponds to the 25th of March.
So, Jesus was conceived on the 25th of March!
Nine months of pregnancy later, we have the 25th of December as the birthday!
So, this date was very important to early christians!
It had nothing to do with pagan feasts!
Nor could it be,
since those christians prefered martyrdom to paganism!
That was incredible, Truth Seeker!
It was actually quite elementary, my dear Mr. Christian!
Christmas will live on, as it should!
Oh no!
And what is this music?
Christmas is still here!
Darn!
But you will never get me!
You got me!