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Before I leave I wanted to work with all of you on eradicating something I hate from the
world and it’s the overuse of fake quotation marks. Those of you who do this know who you
are. This stuff. Hey tonight we’re going to a comedy show!
I hate that. Why is that the only form of punctuation that anybody ever acts out? You
never see anybody act out parentheses when they go off on a tangent. That never happens.
You never see anybody act out a colon. No one’s ever like “Man, I gotta go to the
store. I gotta pick up (pause) eggs, butter, US Weekly, blank VHS tapes.” You never see
that. And you never see anybody act out a semicolon.
That’s mainly because nobody knows how to use a semicolon. See? That was a tangent about
a semicolon, so I put it in parentheses You’ve been “a great crowd.”
My name’s Mikey Gleason, have a wonderful night.