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Subtitle: www.pchq.fr
Based on the terrible books
from one of the shittiest author of all times.
Comes a movie adaptation for teenage girls
who aren't smart enough for the Hunger Games
You'll be on the edge of your seat as voice over describe everything.
I would miss my harebrained mother.
I used to spend two weeks here almost every summer,
My first day at a new school.
Kind of... Like a book actually.
My dad's Charlie.
This catatonic teenager,
will fall for the world gayest vampire.
A film that teaches young girls, that the only thing that matters
is fighting a man,
a hundred year old man,
- So, how long have you been like this? - Since 1918.
But don't worry, it's not ***,
because he looks seventeen.
Together,
They will have the romance of a life time.
expressed entirely in stares.
And even more stares.
A love challenged, but the fact that he might accidentally *** her to death.
This special effect,
and her inability
to poor ketchup.
A film that conditioned a generation of girls
to think that love is keeping tabs on each other
every waking moment.
- Did you follow me? - I feel very protective of you.
And even non-waking moments.
- I like watching you sleep. - Do you do that alot?
Just the past couple of month.
I know this looks creepy, but it's really romantic in the movie, I promise.
Starring Vanilla,
Shovel Face,
and Troy Polamalu.
Twilight, it's just a metaphor for abstinence. Seriously, look it up.